My body wages war against my being. Blood pressure now at stroke levels for over a week - and yet somehow God holds me together. The heart attack last Monday and continuing pain throughout my chest, arms, back and neck. There is no end to this it seems. I can not help but think that just five painless minutes of Yesfir's time and this could be ended - to know why..... to know what happened ..... to know how she could betray me.
But, God literally is holding me together and I understand this. He has brought some interesting men into my life this past week as well. Men I have known for years and yet never "clicked" with. I do not even have to say a word, they call, they come up to me and pray with me. There is no sign hanging on me, "Screwed over male, Needs prayer". And yet it happens.
As I lay in ER, with the nurse ever trying to install four IVs in me, I could not help but think of Jesus on his last night, his night of betrayal. When his friends betrayed Him, when his friends deserted Him, when He was left very much alone....
The pain of betray is very real. To know that one/ones you have loved and trusted have abandoned you. To know they were not your enemy and yet are they now?
Betrayal just does not happen. There is a pattern to it, desertions, fits of anger, there are signs it is coming. But, when you are clouded by the eyes of love, you never see it coming. So much precedes the betrayal that it should not be a surprise when it finally happens - yet it does.
And, if you love, you have the power of pardon. You can forgive, without being played a sucker.
Jesus was able to forgive his followers for their desertion. The one whom could not seek his forgiveness, He was never able to forgive.
Yes, I can forgive ..... because I too have been forgiven.
Please do not let this situation stand between us, it will be to both of our destructions.
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