I will train my spiritual ears to hear Your voice.
John 10:3,16,27
Listening is about loving.
I will treasure your Word for transformation, not information.
It is the question of heart vs head.
God is speaking to you always! (Romans 12:2)
I will honor Jesus.
God is where the rubber meets the road, not philosophy.....
I will turn Your words into my actions.
Live by the Word of God.
Scripture is personal, not private in nature.
Speak and I will listen!
You will be my shepherd.
John 10:3,4,14
We are His sheep!
If you closely examine your life, apart from culture, to know exactly whom your shepherd is.....
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Like A Shepherd, Lead Us
Read John 10 and Ezekiel 34:11-16
Let God go first.
The good shepherd leads his sheep, not follows them.
The good shepherd knows where the dangers can be found.
The good shepherd knows where the good pastures are.
Know that the enemy must go through the shepherd first!
Take us in and lead us out.
Come in by faith, into His salvation and fellowship.
Go out in service.
Jesus is the door, no one goes in except through Him.
You must go in before you can ever go out! (see Psalms 121:8)
In following, we find freedom.
Abandon yourself all who enter - and gain life.
He will prove himself and save us. (Hosea 2:14-15)
Trouble to become our hope.
Freedom is found in living in Jesus, not the world's LIBERTY.
(I prepared this over a month ago and am just now getting around to posting it. In finally doing so, I am struck at how telling this text is to a situation I am aware of and should it be read, that they would consider the picture of sheep, shepherd and their current life. I am so startled by the comparison I want to call and hop and down and explain. But, I guess that will be God's job......)
Let God go first.
The good shepherd leads his sheep, not follows them.
The good shepherd knows where the dangers can be found.
The good shepherd knows where the good pastures are.
Know that the enemy must go through the shepherd first!
Take us in and lead us out.
Come in by faith, into His salvation and fellowship.
Go out in service.
Jesus is the door, no one goes in except through Him.
You must go in before you can ever go out! (see Psalms 121:8)
In following, we find freedom.
Abandon yourself all who enter - and gain life.
He will prove himself and save us. (Hosea 2:14-15)
Trouble to become our hope.
Freedom is found in living in Jesus, not the world's LIBERTY.
(I prepared this over a month ago and am just now getting around to posting it. In finally doing so, I am struck at how telling this text is to a situation I am aware of and should it be read, that they would consider the picture of sheep, shepherd and their current life. I am so startled by the comparison I want to call and hop and down and explain. But, I guess that will be God's job......)
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Status
Nice morning for a breather and just to catch my friends and prayer warriors up out there on how all is going.
Physically, things are going as well as I can expect. My back though weak, is still hanging in there - week three out of my back brace! Just have to be careful constantly! Kidneys and liver are still not functioning completely, but enough so that I am not on machines....
Mentally, I am struggling through math. It is not pleasant and the kids run when I have to do homework or take an online test. Yeah, it is not pleasant. And it is really not too helpful having people say things like, "oh that is so easy (i thought you were smarter than that!)". Just love those backhanded helpers.
Emotionally, I am on top of the world, my daughter can finally identify with me. We are talking major miracle here! Still no idea where all of this is going to lead - other than to healing, eventually. I have often thought at how I would have approached this oh so differently, but then again, I am not God and He does ultimately know what she needs in order to heal. For example, if a person has an extremely hard time with the concept of "father", don't you think God assigning the role of uncle or grandfather would have been oh so much better for me? But, no, I am to be her father. Yeah, I see the correlation between father and our interaction with God, but it is like waving a red flag at a bull all of the time.
Spiritually, I am damaged goods. I am exhausted. I do not like fighting, I do not like making people mad at me. I am more of a "please can we not be emotional?" kind of person. But, of course that is not my life for the past 90 days. In ignorance I step on toes, mine get mashed, I have cried more tears this past three months than I have in probably two decades! And I was really down over the weekend. But, daughter's mother texted me the quotation "not by might, nor by power...". Look up the passage. And interestingly, Gaelic Girl called to share the exact same verse yesterday!
Poor Zerubbabel. I have always thought of him that he really got the short end of the stick in his obedience to God. Trying to herd cats is really not fun, not wishing to infer that the Hebrew remnant were cats but that they were just about as hard to manage! And yet that is the whole point of his testimony scattered through the Old Testament books.
Zerubbabel was not given an envious task, it was probably 10,000 times tougher than mine, and yet equally as unmanageable. Had he of done his duty by his own might or will, nothing would have been accomplished in the rebuild of Jerusalem. ".....but by my Spirit says the Lord of Hosts.....", yeah. Think on that. The remnant were harried by their less than friendly neighbors whom would pop over to raid, kill, steal and burn the progress of the rebuild. It was only through the workings of the Holy Spirit anything was accomplished at all!
And as it is with New Daughter. There is nothing I can do, in and of myself, to help her heal or even to show her where to go. It is only through the Spirit's usage of this (I am learning) fragile shell of a man. I know she does not see the miracles in her life taking place. I know she counts me for nothing. But, I also know the constant chipping is beginning to reveal my daughter.
Everyday, I fear she is going to bolt. This is not easy on her, heavens! would not be so on any of us! So, I can appreciate the resilience she shows every day at starting again, never knowing where the day will go, never knowing if she is actually going to have to kill me or not! :^) Yet, the world has plenty of devices to distract her and so the progress is painfully slow. And I continue to be amazed at how many of those distractions can come from christian resources - to continue to separate her from what it is she needs to be doing with me. American Cultural Christianity, the ADHD christians on the block..... Sigh. I would rather sit down with her 24x7 and just hammer everything out - and yet we advance, then run, then advance and run, then blow a gasket, advance, and repeat as needed.
Someday, maybe she will let me post a picture of her again, father and daughter..... We are a long ways from that day, but that does not change the pride I have in her nor the love to call her my daughter.
Keep up those prayers.
Physically, things are going as well as I can expect. My back though weak, is still hanging in there - week three out of my back brace! Just have to be careful constantly! Kidneys and liver are still not functioning completely, but enough so that I am not on machines....
Mentally, I am struggling through math. It is not pleasant and the kids run when I have to do homework or take an online test. Yeah, it is not pleasant. And it is really not too helpful having people say things like, "oh that is so easy (i thought you were smarter than that!)". Just love those backhanded helpers.
Emotionally, I am on top of the world, my daughter can finally identify with me. We are talking major miracle here! Still no idea where all of this is going to lead - other than to healing, eventually. I have often thought at how I would have approached this oh so differently, but then again, I am not God and He does ultimately know what she needs in order to heal. For example, if a person has an extremely hard time with the concept of "father", don't you think God assigning the role of uncle or grandfather would have been oh so much better for me? But, no, I am to be her father. Yeah, I see the correlation between father and our interaction with God, but it is like waving a red flag at a bull all of the time.
Spiritually, I am damaged goods. I am exhausted. I do not like fighting, I do not like making people mad at me. I am more of a "please can we not be emotional?" kind of person. But, of course that is not my life for the past 90 days. In ignorance I step on toes, mine get mashed, I have cried more tears this past three months than I have in probably two decades! And I was really down over the weekend. But, daughter's mother texted me the quotation "not by might, nor by power...". Look up the passage. And interestingly, Gaelic Girl called to share the exact same verse yesterday!
Poor Zerubbabel. I have always thought of him that he really got the short end of the stick in his obedience to God. Trying to herd cats is really not fun, not wishing to infer that the Hebrew remnant were cats but that they were just about as hard to manage! And yet that is the whole point of his testimony scattered through the Old Testament books.
Zerubbabel was not given an envious task, it was probably 10,000 times tougher than mine, and yet equally as unmanageable. Had he of done his duty by his own might or will, nothing would have been accomplished in the rebuild of Jerusalem. ".....but by my Spirit says the Lord of Hosts.....", yeah. Think on that. The remnant were harried by their less than friendly neighbors whom would pop over to raid, kill, steal and burn the progress of the rebuild. It was only through the workings of the Holy Spirit anything was accomplished at all!
And as it is with New Daughter. There is nothing I can do, in and of myself, to help her heal or even to show her where to go. It is only through the Spirit's usage of this (I am learning) fragile shell of a man. I know she does not see the miracles in her life taking place. I know she counts me for nothing. But, I also know the constant chipping is beginning to reveal my daughter.
Everyday, I fear she is going to bolt. This is not easy on her, heavens! would not be so on any of us! So, I can appreciate the resilience she shows every day at starting again, never knowing where the day will go, never knowing if she is actually going to have to kill me or not! :^) Yet, the world has plenty of devices to distract her and so the progress is painfully slow. And I continue to be amazed at how many of those distractions can come from christian resources - to continue to separate her from what it is she needs to be doing with me. American Cultural Christianity, the ADHD christians on the block..... Sigh. I would rather sit down with her 24x7 and just hammer everything out - and yet we advance, then run, then advance and run, then blow a gasket, advance, and repeat as needed.
Someday, maybe she will let me post a picture of her again, father and daughter..... We are a long ways from that day, but that does not change the pride I have in her nor the love to call her my daughter.
Keep up those prayers.
Monday, February 20, 2012
God Knows You and Still Loves You
God knows you personally. John 10:4,5,10,14,15
He knows your name.
He knows your heart.
He knows your character.
God knows. You definitely know. With discernment, someone in your life may well know!
I know you completely.
...hair of your head....Luke 12:7
...words...Psalms 139:4
...thoughts...psalms 139:2
...prayers...Matthew 6:8
...secrets...Matthew 6:4
...tears...Psalms 56:8
...everything!...Luke 12:2
I know you compassionately.
Knows us and still loves us.
God knows everything.
We can take comfort in His knowledge, that He knows and still loves us none the less.....
He knows your name.
He knows your heart.
He knows your character.
God knows. You definitely know. With discernment, someone in your life may well know!
I know you completely.
...hair of your head....Luke 12:7
...words...Psalms 139:4
...thoughts...psalms 139:2
...prayers...Matthew 6:8
...secrets...Matthew 6:4
...tears...Psalms 56:8
...everything!...Luke 12:2
I know you compassionately.
Knows us and still loves us.
God knows everything.
We can take comfort in His knowledge, that He knows and still loves us none the less.....
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
An Afront To Religion
"Marriage" is a Judeo, Christian, Islamic term of real meaning for thousands of years - about 3,800 if you want to roll the clock back to Abraham! Washington's legislature has deemed themselves powerful enough to finally overcome word definitions and redefine language to suit their corrupt desires. Yeah.
No, I am not going to go off on the whole Romans 1 condemnation of all elicit sexual acts, that would be repeating myself. But I will say that government is well within its rights to declare what the definition of a civil union is - but they do not have the power to redefine marriage.
Sorry, marriage is a God ordained act, not "owned" by man, and introducing sin into the equation will not set well.
Expect God to hand Washington State, or at least its individual representatives over for correction...... God never smiles on sin and can be brutal in His corrections.
Sorry Christine Gregoire, whether you daughter is gay or not, you lack the authority of God. You get in His face - He is guaranteed to get in yours.....
Monday, February 13, 2012
Risky Gamble
So I was asked to be one of the prayer team yesterday morning. And I thought to myself, "Cool, because I see a couple whom are in need of much prayer and they are sitting right up front, right where I will be standing when the call is made....."
So, they are happy to see me and I indicate they need to come up and pray with me. Suddenly, she will no longer look at me and bursts into tears. Her husband, already with a sick calf appearance (as well he should!), wants to but knows it ain't going to happen. They rush off and out the door. Yeah, their marriage is on the rocks. They need prayer, they need healing, but pride and anger from the misses - with a bit of Latino bravado on his part, is hindering that from occurring. She knows better, he is just hurting and wanting to do the right thing but can not convince her he can change. Be in prayer for the Sanchezs, they are very young and without Godly direction are headed straight for divorce court. Of course, their son is the one whom will really suffer..... Lord how I hate divorce!
By the very end of the prayer time, I had many come for various reasons, which was very odd, then a young woman came forward. I remember her from last summer's VBS, enough to know her name and wonder why she never came to Sunday School. And her prayer is God's direction in her life. Awesome! She wants to go work at a youth camp over the summer, but her father is against this and her mother is no longer talking to her. First thought, ah, they want her in college and they see she wants to play. Not so untypical youth conflict.....
The more we talked, the angrier I became. Honestly, I just wanted to lay her out on my knee and give all the life counsel she has coming. Yeah, it was that bad. So, I am chocking back my utter shock at the story she is telling me, trying to force a God perspective on myself, when what she really needs a brick upside the head!
So, not 16, as I might have thought - try 30! Has fought her parents over getting an education since she was a teenager! Refuses, no - is insulted by her father's counsel, that work and an education are important. In conflict with her mother and other siblings over her lifestyle to the point that there is no longer any meaningful conversation. And now wants to go be a missionary because she knows that "god" has created her to be one! I made god to be little letters because her god is egotism, sloth and rebellion. Yeah, quite the conversation.
I see only sin as being in control of her life. Yeah, so many in today's 20-something culture have no clue as to how God really feels over this woman's behavior. It is sin and rebellion carried the death sentence in Israel. Yeah. So my prayer for this woman? God needs to give her a wake call! Life is out there and waiting for her but there is no service to God based on sin..... And if she wants to be of service to the God I know, she needs to humble herself to her father, seek forgiveness of her mother and siblings, then address where she is in life - you know, an education and a real job! Then maybe God will have something to work with in her - if missions really is on His mind.....
Yeah, a risky gamble that no one will read this from the church, then again maybe it would be good for her to understand that there is much about life not being told her because she is not listening to anyone except herself. The Pride of Life is a terrible sin to fall into because we are so utterly blinded by ourselves to be able see it!
And since you are hopefully already marking down to pray for the young couple and this mis-led woman, continue in prayer for New Daughter, as we continue to work towards the beginning of the healing process for her, you might even want to keep me in those prayers too. The miracles I have seen across the past 90 days are incredible, as has been the resistance and the opposition's work against her healing. Honestly, today could be the day healing begins - she is so close, but can she accept this remains the question.
So, they are happy to see me and I indicate they need to come up and pray with me. Suddenly, she will no longer look at me and bursts into tears. Her husband, already with a sick calf appearance (as well he should!), wants to but knows it ain't going to happen. They rush off and out the door. Yeah, their marriage is on the rocks. They need prayer, they need healing, but pride and anger from the misses - with a bit of Latino bravado on his part, is hindering that from occurring. She knows better, he is just hurting and wanting to do the right thing but can not convince her he can change. Be in prayer for the Sanchezs, they are very young and without Godly direction are headed straight for divorce court. Of course, their son is the one whom will really suffer..... Lord how I hate divorce!
By the very end of the prayer time, I had many come for various reasons, which was very odd, then a young woman came forward. I remember her from last summer's VBS, enough to know her name and wonder why she never came to Sunday School. And her prayer is God's direction in her life. Awesome! She wants to go work at a youth camp over the summer, but her father is against this and her mother is no longer talking to her. First thought, ah, they want her in college and they see she wants to play. Not so untypical youth conflict.....
The more we talked, the angrier I became. Honestly, I just wanted to lay her out on my knee and give all the life counsel she has coming. Yeah, it was that bad. So, I am chocking back my utter shock at the story she is telling me, trying to force a God perspective on myself, when what she really needs a brick upside the head!
So, not 16, as I might have thought - try 30! Has fought her parents over getting an education since she was a teenager! Refuses, no - is insulted by her father's counsel, that work and an education are important. In conflict with her mother and other siblings over her lifestyle to the point that there is no longer any meaningful conversation. And now wants to go be a missionary because she knows that "god" has created her to be one! I made god to be little letters because her god is egotism, sloth and rebellion. Yeah, quite the conversation.
I see only sin as being in control of her life. Yeah, so many in today's 20-something culture have no clue as to how God really feels over this woman's behavior. It is sin and rebellion carried the death sentence in Israel. Yeah. So my prayer for this woman? God needs to give her a wake call! Life is out there and waiting for her but there is no service to God based on sin..... And if she wants to be of service to the God I know, she needs to humble herself to her father, seek forgiveness of her mother and siblings, then address where she is in life - you know, an education and a real job! Then maybe God will have something to work with in her - if missions really is on His mind.....
Yeah, a risky gamble that no one will read this from the church, then again maybe it would be good for her to understand that there is much about life not being told her because she is not listening to anyone except herself. The Pride of Life is a terrible sin to fall into because we are so utterly blinded by ourselves to be able see it!
And since you are hopefully already marking down to pray for the young couple and this mis-led woman, continue in prayer for New Daughter, as we continue to work towards the beginning of the healing process for her, you might even want to keep me in those prayers too. The miracles I have seen across the past 90 days are incredible, as has been the resistance and the opposition's work against her healing. Honestly, today could be the day healing begins - she is so close, but can she accept this remains the question.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Sunday's Lunch
So what did Oldest Daughter say on Sunday to kick in all of my defense mechanisms? Well, I wasn't going to say anything until I had a chance to talk with New Daughter - I needed her perspective on what happened.
One of the waitresses I have gotten to know rather well - calm down now, she is Oldest Daughter's age! And she knows the family and I hear from her when and whom Son shows up with, which appears to be often. And she knows the daughters well.
So, there we sat, I by ND and OD with her two kids on the other side. She comes up to the table and first thing out of her mouth is - "Who is this?"
Of course, I answer, "My New Daughter..." But before I could even finish the sentence, OD opens up with "No she isn't. I'm a daughter..." But, before she can finish a sentence, ND opens up with, "I am, uhm..." Then the waitress is looking sternly at me with a, "So she is your daughter..."
Then the coupe d'grace, "Where is that lady that comes in with you..." (Gaelic Girl) But now there is utter confusion at the table with everyone trying to dig this one out.....
And, Kris' defense mechanisms all slammed shut and Kris was completely gone and the clown emerges. Even when I was young I had learned that humor and clowning would deflect people from finding or knowing the real Kris. You can try to harm the clown but you will never get to me. And let us admit that Groucho Marx was a genius and his routines are timeless.
So today, I have calmed down. I sent OD a nice message telling her that she had managed to get to me, not good. She had hurt ND, not acceptable. And all along I have kept her in the loop on how God is using me to work a minor miracle in ND's life. She knows that I am doing this because God said to be this woman's father and I have been trying to do as commanded. I have complete and utter peace that what I am doing is exactly on track - and if answered prayer is an indicator, then God is approving.
OD has not replied and I do not know whether or not she will. But, I do know that I have tried to address this with her as an adult and with respect for her, ND and myself. Will this be the end? I sure hope so.
Because, as I told ND, I am going nowhere and neither is she. God has some work to do - and He generally gets His way.....
One of the waitresses I have gotten to know rather well - calm down now, she is Oldest Daughter's age! And she knows the family and I hear from her when and whom Son shows up with, which appears to be often. And she knows the daughters well.
So, there we sat, I by ND and OD with her two kids on the other side. She comes up to the table and first thing out of her mouth is - "Who is this?"
Of course, I answer, "My New Daughter..." But before I could even finish the sentence, OD opens up with "No she isn't. I'm a daughter..." But, before she can finish a sentence, ND opens up with, "I am, uhm..." Then the waitress is looking sternly at me with a, "So she is your daughter..."
Then the coupe d'grace, "Where is that lady that comes in with you..." (Gaelic Girl) But now there is utter confusion at the table with everyone trying to dig this one out.....
And, Kris' defense mechanisms all slammed shut and Kris was completely gone and the clown emerges. Even when I was young I had learned that humor and clowning would deflect people from finding or knowing the real Kris. You can try to harm the clown but you will never get to me. And let us admit that Groucho Marx was a genius and his routines are timeless.
So today, I have calmed down. I sent OD a nice message telling her that she had managed to get to me, not good. She had hurt ND, not acceptable. And all along I have kept her in the loop on how God is using me to work a minor miracle in ND's life. She knows that I am doing this because God said to be this woman's father and I have been trying to do as commanded. I have complete and utter peace that what I am doing is exactly on track - and if answered prayer is an indicator, then God is approving.
OD has not replied and I do not know whether or not she will. But, I do know that I have tried to address this with her as an adult and with respect for her, ND and myself. Will this be the end? I sure hope so.
Because, as I told ND, I am going nowhere and neither is she. God has some work to do - and He generally gets His way.....
The Nature of Acceptance
Do you like music? I think a great many people do. I am not one of them.
Oh yeah, when I was young I loved to sing, even won a few awards in my high school days for solo and barber shop quartet performances. My high school girl friend was extremely talented - vocally and musically. Music seemed to fill my life. What happened? The awards.
Seems that people start treating you differently when you start winning awards. I found myself being "forced" into musicals being done in the Denver area. Musicals I did not want to do, messages I did not believe in, plastic people I had no respect for. And I was still the dead person on the inside back then - just trying to hold things together until I could leave for Alaska, where I hoped people could just leave me alone.
So, I graduated from high school, with all intents of heading for Alaska but only made it as far as Washington State. And no one knew me. I could be anyone. I could just be me - the dead on the inside kid. No one would ever want something from me again. Yeah, my uncle would insist that I go to church on Sunday morning where I could quietly sing in the back of the church, amongst the make a joyful noise crowd.....
(Rabbit Trail Alert: Did I ever mention that is how I met Swedish Rocket Scientist? Yeah, he uhm, really could not sing. And I could mimic his problem real easily. No one wanted to hear either of us sing. It was refreshing - isolated to the rear of the church and left alone. But, there was one problem, God was working on the insides of both us on that rear row and one Sunday we both - separately - made the same decision to change our lives permanently.)
Through the years since I have continued to not sing. Why? Because I have seen how the world responds - you are special, you suddenly have value, no once cares about the dying guy on the inside. And that has always been a problem with me.
If you hated me yesterday, then why should I care that you now value me? Be that due to a talent, like singing; or because I can out shoot your grandmother; or because I am titled (when in Europe); or have or don't have money; or the worse one ever - because I became a father by adopting four Russian orphans!
You have no idea how appalled I was when people suddenly wanted to "know" me because I was now socially acceptable, because I had an instant family (potty trained and all!). I was in that church for 14 years with NO one ever even wanting to even go Dutch out for lunch even, much less wish a good morning. But then I was childless and unacceptable apparently..... i had over SIXTY invites for lunch after church that first Sunday back. I changed churches the next Sunday.
I realize that acceptance, in our plastic society, is a problem. It is not unique to find people whom have never been wished anything by anyone in our churches. So, as lice migrate from one dead body to another, in search of life and warmth - we can see the migration of bodies from one church to the next. And yet, can you imagine Paul or Peter's reaction to entering one of our churches and observing the clics and the lonely ones in a crowd and the hurting crowd on the back row just wanting to be left alone and yet so in need? Time to dig out the whips I would imagine.....
Yeah, something I have been thinking on for a very long time. Something that has to change. Something I have little personal time for on Sunday mornings. And yet, we are a family, a communal body of believers, with a vested interest in one another. But, that sure is not what is demonstrated.
Everyone wants and needs to be valued and if not accepted - then at least validated that they exist. Even the dead ones in the rear, though they would never realize this.
Unfortunately, no one is going to validate you, no one is going to accept you, no one is going to want to know you. So that means you have to be the first. Yeah, I know, why do I always have to be the first?!?!? Because no one else will take that first step, until you do. But even at that, I have been at two churches in my life where I made a point of inviting someone every week over for dinner or out to lunch - no one ever accepted - nor did they reciprocate the invitation. Imagine churches where the message is - We Do Not Want To Know You. Hey I can take a hint, especially with a 100% failure rate.
And here, at this church? Yeah, it is interesting. Some people do respond. Ones I would never have guessed at. Is it a God thing? Do not know. But, a few do join me for a lunch or dinner occasionally. Interestingly, it is younger families, people I have nothing in common with, various cultures, various situations. I think I am being seen as a pseudo-grandfather/father/uncle. Or is it that I have become the Av Beth Din amongst the "out crowd" (nope you have to figure that one out yourself!)? Were that even subconsciously true, then it would be a God thing, hmmmmm.....
Try to engage someone you do not know next Sunday morning in a short conversation. It might mean the world to them and you might discover a new friend.....
Oh yeah, when I was young I loved to sing, even won a few awards in my high school days for solo and barber shop quartet performances. My high school girl friend was extremely talented - vocally and musically. Music seemed to fill my life. What happened? The awards.
Seems that people start treating you differently when you start winning awards. I found myself being "forced" into musicals being done in the Denver area. Musicals I did not want to do, messages I did not believe in, plastic people I had no respect for. And I was still the dead person on the inside back then - just trying to hold things together until I could leave for Alaska, where I hoped people could just leave me alone.
So, I graduated from high school, with all intents of heading for Alaska but only made it as far as Washington State. And no one knew me. I could be anyone. I could just be me - the dead on the inside kid. No one would ever want something from me again. Yeah, my uncle would insist that I go to church on Sunday morning where I could quietly sing in the back of the church, amongst the make a joyful noise crowd.....
(Rabbit Trail Alert: Did I ever mention that is how I met Swedish Rocket Scientist? Yeah, he uhm, really could not sing. And I could mimic his problem real easily. No one wanted to hear either of us sing. It was refreshing - isolated to the rear of the church and left alone. But, there was one problem, God was working on the insides of both us on that rear row and one Sunday we both - separately - made the same decision to change our lives permanently.)
Through the years since I have continued to not sing. Why? Because I have seen how the world responds - you are special, you suddenly have value, no once cares about the dying guy on the inside. And that has always been a problem with me.
If you hated me yesterday, then why should I care that you now value me? Be that due to a talent, like singing; or because I can out shoot your grandmother; or because I am titled (when in Europe); or have or don't have money; or the worse one ever - because I became a father by adopting four Russian orphans!
You have no idea how appalled I was when people suddenly wanted to "know" me because I was now socially acceptable, because I had an instant family (potty trained and all!). I was in that church for 14 years with NO one ever even wanting to even go Dutch out for lunch even, much less wish a good morning. But then I was childless and unacceptable apparently..... i had over SIXTY invites for lunch after church that first Sunday back. I changed churches the next Sunday.
I realize that acceptance, in our plastic society, is a problem. It is not unique to find people whom have never been wished anything by anyone in our churches. So, as lice migrate from one dead body to another, in search of life and warmth - we can see the migration of bodies from one church to the next. And yet, can you imagine Paul or Peter's reaction to entering one of our churches and observing the clics and the lonely ones in a crowd and the hurting crowd on the back row just wanting to be left alone and yet so in need? Time to dig out the whips I would imagine.....
Yeah, something I have been thinking on for a very long time. Something that has to change. Something I have little personal time for on Sunday mornings. And yet, we are a family, a communal body of believers, with a vested interest in one another. But, that sure is not what is demonstrated.
Everyone wants and needs to be valued and if not accepted - then at least validated that they exist. Even the dead ones in the rear, though they would never realize this.
Unfortunately, no one is going to validate you, no one is going to accept you, no one is going to want to know you. So that means you have to be the first. Yeah, I know, why do I always have to be the first?!?!? Because no one else will take that first step, until you do. But even at that, I have been at two churches in my life where I made a point of inviting someone every week over for dinner or out to lunch - no one ever accepted - nor did they reciprocate the invitation. Imagine churches where the message is - We Do Not Want To Know You. Hey I can take a hint, especially with a 100% failure rate.
And here, at this church? Yeah, it is interesting. Some people do respond. Ones I would never have guessed at. Is it a God thing? Do not know. But, a few do join me for a lunch or dinner occasionally. Interestingly, it is younger families, people I have nothing in common with, various cultures, various situations. I think I am being seen as a pseudo-grandfather/father/uncle. Or is it that I have become the Av Beth Din amongst the "out crowd" (nope you have to figure that one out yourself!)? Were that even subconsciously true, then it would be a God thing, hmmmmm.....
Try to engage someone you do not know next Sunday morning in a short conversation. It might mean the world to them and you might discover a new friend.....
Saturday, February 4, 2012
Musical Saturday Morning
Last week I had a chance to have lunch with New Daughter and as we sat waiting for some food, this song is playing and I find myself singing its words to ND. I doubt she could hear me, but she probably caught the lip sync if nothing else. Then the song hit its refrain and I found myself rather embarrassed. Parts of the song are very true as to how I feel about ND, but the refrain places me in uncomfortable territory. Probably most any other woman I could sing the whole song to and no one would even bat a lash, including me. But, then again this is ND and my desire is to model a man like no other she has ever known in her life. So, "melt" became "love" and that works out ok, because I do love her, she is decidedly my daughter.
Now this version of the video is the official remake by the band. It is the one that not only does work (the original version has problems on Youtube) but is also does not make you needing a tetanus shot after watching....
Now this version of the video is the official remake by the band. It is the one that not only does work (the original version has problems on Youtube) but is also does not make you needing a tetanus shot after watching....
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