Frustration, Ha!

And I thought I was frustrated before, yesterday was a really horrible day for frustration!  Yeah, I was in, "Why me?" mode.  And I was being very verbal with daughter over my frustrations, the worse of them being - why must I be put in a position where I am having to choose a side no one else will back, I am to sacrifice everything?  It is just not fair. (wah, wah, wah!)

I have been growing increasingly irratated with my courses at college.  They are about as useless as anything I have encountered in life.  I finally blew on Sunday night when one of my tests was arguing that solid fuel rockets are not bombs.  Really?  And Jack Parsons' home, which was leveled by a solid fuel rocket in 1954, was not a bomb explosion?  They did not even find enough of Parsons to really have much of a burial.  Oh, yeah, he was the inventor of the solid fuel rocket.

So I am meeting with the professor of this class so he can explain to me the relevance of tests for which the correct answer is that SFR are not bombs.  Somehow this helps me how to hold this viewpoint.........?

Frustrated in school, frustrated with  my family's stance on the Yesfir issue, frustrated with Yesfir herself, etc .  Yeah a very nice pity party for one.  So there I am sitting in my computer networking class, day nine, nothing is working on my server, the manuals are useless for debugging the problem - even the teacher is challenged trying to figure out what has gone wrong and then the text messages start to roll in!

Yesfir's mother has decided I need perked up and is sending me a series of text messages telling me to "buck up".  Very sweet of her and probably what I needed, but they only made me more frustrated.  How can I buck up , when NOTHING is as it should be?

So I am driving home and I thought, I will distract myself with the radio and clicked on what ever Christian station it was set to.  Some guy was talking about the, Chariots of Fire, guy - Little if I am remembering correctly.  Of great, another sermon on what passes for faith in this God-less culture!  Don't get me wrong, I know the guy died for his faith in China following the Paris Olympics.  Good for him.  That helps me how?

Just so I would not miss the point, the voices says, ".....and you will never be able to serve God unless you are willing to sacrifice everything you have to accomplish God's goals ....."  Was that voice a part of the program message?  Or was it God?

I had to pull over and call Yesfir's mother and tell her what just happened.  We both got to laughing so hard!

Yeah, here was Kris, only hours earlier complaining that the future I saw for Yesfir, required everything I had.  Family, friends, knowledge, faith, whatever finances I have - for what looks mighty bleak on the horizon.  And I am angry, I am selfish, I am confused, I am frustrated.

And now here is Kris, understanding that God is demanding my all, everything, because nobody else will.  Yeah, how messed up is that.....

Kris is now not frustrated.  I have to find a way to pass classes of meaningless value.  I have to find a way to support Yesfir and her discipleship.  I have to know that my family and life long friends will not be standing with me, or if they do it will not be any easier for them either. 

By the world's standard, I am soon to play the fool .....