Under Pressure

So, just a warning, Kris is going to blow.  Like a pressure cooker running out of water, I can see the explosion coming.  The problem?  I am not so sure that it is not in God's determinative will this explosion happen......

Yeah, I find myself trapped, two members warring within myself.  On the one hand my natural love and devotion for my family - compromised by the hatred and rejection they have shoveled my way for six months now.  The other is my obedience to God - rewarded by the love of a very sweet young lady, whom is also being damaged by my family.  The natural man would love the one and throw away the other.  I have been trying to hold on to both, to turn my family to see that my daughter is not a threat but one of the only positive aspects of this sick family!

They do not get it.  I talked with two of the daughters this afternoon.  They were uncomfortable.  They recognize that they are part of the problem but they strongly feel that no one else should be brought into the family.  No amount of "proof" that this is of God, rates much more than a - "Well it is nice she is getting her act together now, when is she leaving...."  She is family, she is not going anywhere!  My German heels are one with the Earth.

As I worked on my Sunday School lesson, borrowing a piece from long ago, I had to reword large sections concerning God's will and how He works.  Yeah, I have learned painfully that God is sovereign and He will use whom He will use and how He chooses to work.  If He deems you are needed to do something and it is going to cost you everything, in respect to this life, guess what He is free to do?  This in contrast to my old understanding that there were some situations which were sacrosanct.  He would not strip you of your family in His service, He would honor your commitments, He would work within the box you place Him.....

It is stunning to see God at work.  To see the miracles, often daily.  To know and witness gifts in use.  To suddenly understand the concepts of time, humility, service and love.   To have every understanding and perception challenged and found wanting.  To knowingly stare directly into your future and not fear, because God is there.  To witness the closure of my past life, knowing that God has kept me alive for this time, to witness the birth of a new life and not know where any of it is going to go.....  To access a faith I never knew existed.

To the God of the universe, I yield.
Long ago, I gave myself to you, to be a servant, not understanding.
But, I am learning.
There still is no cost I will not bear.
I am yours to command.....