Set It Free

It must have been 1972 when I first heard the quotation:
"If you love someone,
Set them free.
If they will return,
It was meant to be."

Well, that expression lasted less than a nanosecond in my mind and I replied to Karen Carroll, the young lady whom had quoted these lines:
"And if they don't return,
Hunt them down and kill them."

Everyone roared with laughter and those words actually became a bit of tag identifying me in high school and even pops up ever so often now days too.  (and to think that reply is now all over the internet!  wow! i am quoted!)

Of course, there are lots of variations on this the original theme: Someone, Some thing, Your dog, etc.  The idea being that we are not supposed to possess, we are to share experiences and existences.

Across last week, I was given pause to think about this, for real, not just as the joke it has always been in my mind.  There is probably much in life I need to let go of: people, places, things.  People are the hardest.  There are so few I trust and can call friend.  I cherish each of them in my life.  I wondered if I smother them or is it really a problem of co-dependence?  I realize society thinks co-dependence is bad, but it has always worked for me.  And though I fear it, letting go might be the best for some of them.

But, seriously I have fought over the question of backing off of my relationships, letting others seek me out, instead of my always initiating conversations and visits, planning the vacations together, the parties, etc.  Maybe Kris needs to just back off and see whom wants to be around me and let them pace the relationship.

It made me physically ill.  I spent most of Saturday one button away from dialing 911 for the majority of the day.  Yeah, just a little stress there.  And I realized that walking to Argentina would be so much more productive than fretting at home, having another heart attack and possibly in the end improving a little!

And so in prayer, I took my friend and turned them back over to God, emphasizing that my desire is for them to have the best in their life, not necessarily me, and I killed my heart and the pain it brought.  Well, not for too long for Swedish Rocket Scientist, now retired called me almost instantly and told me we need to get together this week.  Interesting .....

And a text from my friend telling me to stay their friend for I am needed.  Very interesting again.

There appears to be some hope for me yet.

Yeah, Kris uncomfortably insecure?  Unheard of!  And, this is the result of the new me, now eight months old and going crazy - beginning to understand life, the universe and everything - else .....  It sucks.