The Blessings of Service

As I was driving home last night, God got me thinking about what composed the last few months and the wonders I experienced. Of course, daughter discounts all of this now, even though she witnessed all and knows all. That is why I can not understand her current behavior in light of what she knows versus what she says she wants.....

I guess the real surprise was God asking me to do something. Yeah, I live my life to be of service to Him, but nothing really meaningful ever really seems to come about. Lots of little silent things but never something big like - pursue and change a life! I did not expect much in the way of success. But I am game for most any task. And given I had already been given my walking paper from life by numerous doctors, 30 to 90 days max and that would have been with a miracle as it was. If God wants one more assignment out of me, cool - not a problem. And He used me as I have never seen Him do before.

Nine months later, I am still alive, though my life is now dead - the personal cost of service stripped me of almost everything. Which is fine, I would do it all again, having seen what I have and knowing my daughter is now within the realm of God and not dead to sin as she was.

And God performed so many miracles. When they began, i realized instantly God really was calling her and provided so much evidence she never would be able to discount it was not God behind this effort. Of course, from my perspective the greatest and the most tragic was - God gave a genetic sociopath an emotion. Since only maybe .0025% of the population can understand what the absence of emotion really means in your life - I was devastated by what happened to me. It brought joy, it brought pain, it was the death of me as I knew myself. Yeah, things like this do not happen. And so daughter's betrayal could only hurt me if I had an emotion - and since I now did, a three week old emotion took the hit. For now, little is left of it. I know that I have no ability to recall it, I know God does. I know that it is of God and bears His mark for my daughter. It is like it was programmed to only react to her. So weird.

I prayed over a friend with an arm set for amputation, after months of not healing and it did have to come off - it was rotting! God granted that prayer and healed that arm. No, it is not yet 100% but that swollen arm began shrinking immediately and she moved a finger for the first time in months that morning. Doctors are clueless, but daughter was there and she and I know God worked a miracle that morning.

There were other healings: for daughter, a swollen and twisted ankle healed instantly and I have to admit I was a little freaked watching that swelling melt away like butter. Numerous healings, so many for me that she was constantly commenting on how this just did not make sense. Yeah, I get injured a lot, so God heals once prayed for - others - well, I get to enjoy their healing to the fullness of time, sigh. Miracle ones - third degree burns vanish, gangrene healed, a six inch hernia - poof! gone! And there were so many daily that time does not permit all I could share.

The healings were impressive but it was the thousands of small things, everyday that God overcame, through prayer that really was noticed. However, the ones I really sought - never happened - acceptance of daughter by my family and Gaelic Girl - water and oil all of them. Though it was a miracle in itself that we even had opportunities for each other so she could grow.

Then there were changes within me which completely modified me. None of them I understand, all of them worry me. The emotion was only the most mysterious, I am still a little frightened by what the others mean.

Daughter was extremely damaged, I knew this about her since she was a child of 8, but I could not understand where this damage leads and what it does to a person internally. Because of daughter I now do understand and unfortunately I can now "spot" those whom share her brokenness. No, I have no calling to intervene in another life, as I did with her. I am not sure if that is right or wrong, but I do know that God has ordered me to wait upon Him and what He is going to do with daughter. And that is fine, but she sure is not going to think so.....

Well, I wear down easily and so must now rest....