The Drawn Out End

Sunday, I sat through what may well have been the worse sermon every given, from any pulpit, ever, in the history of Christendom.  The guest speaker completely lost it and ended up telling us about how to do a brake job on a car.  My daughters both asked what on earth he was talking about, once it was over!  I felt sorry for him.  I am guessing he just had not prepared very well, and well, it showed.

It is Sunday of this week, I know in my heart that I have to have a talk with Gaelic Girl, a talk I really never expected to ever have.  But, as you saw yesterday, I never had to have that talk, GG did.  So pressure off me in one regard - my conscience is clear, sorrow in all others however.  From where I was on Sunday morning though, I was seeing I had to do something I am completely opposed to and unsure how I could do this without  God - and I had no idea how to ask Him to help me terminate an almost lifelong friendship.  This was so close to evil, but it had to be done.  And in my entire life, I have only terminated a friendship once!  It is that traumatic to me!

Hebrews 4:14 - 16

I was stuck in my mind, how do I approach God and ask the unspeakable?  I need God's intervention; I have no clue what to do or say.  I need before God to be blameless for whatever happens, but what I knew I had to do this, and I was left with great disappointment for myself.  And as the poor speaker rambled on over the differences between pads and shoes - I thought on this well timed passage.  If I could not approach God, certainly Jesus would on my behalf, He might have already done so.  I thought more on this.  I needed knowledge, I needed wisdom, I needed intervention.

And in the back of my mind, this over powering impression from December 2011, that April 1, 2014 marked something having to do with Gaelic Girl.  I even still have a copy of note I had sent to Lucinda where I told her that if is all was true, then by April 2014 would see the removal of GG from my life.  I always assumed this to mean her death, because I had seen she was gone.  I never could have believed back in 2011, that she would walk away / abandon / tell me to leave.  Because I trusted her completely back then.  Yeah, well all things change I guess.  Even on Friday, I was still sure she was going to be removed by death, because even as weird as she has become, her mental illness makes it only more reasonable she would do something stupid.  And stupid is not discouraged in America.  And death is easier to  handle than a confrontation.  Yeah, I know I am a mess.

In the context of Judaism, the High Priest was the one whom could once a year go into the Holy of Holies and present the sacrifice before God's presence.  I remember as a teenager, my Rabbi telling me about how they used to tie a rope around the High Priests leg so that if he died in the presence of God, due to sin, the rabbis could drag him back out by rope and find someone with fewer problems to approach God on behalf of the Jewish nation.

And Jesus was sin free, nothing keeps him from approaching God.  While the High Priests on Earth lived fairly secluded lives, Jesus lived amongst us - saw, felt, did as we all do, save for being innocent in the end (unlike us!).

Therefore the High Priest, whom with fear and trembling would approach God on hand and knee in the Holy of Holies - Jesus is completely approachable, just as God is to Him.

Hmmmm, our intermediary to God, someone whom understands me as a human, because He has been there.  Someone whom understands God, because He is a part of Him.  He can explain what I can not.  He can work this evil swirling around me, to good - albeit His good.

I turned GG and her problems over to God in 2010 because it is beyond my abilities to address, much less respond to.  I grew up in a home where mental illness was a way of life.  I understand it.  But, I no more have the ability to do anything about the dysfunction in my parents home, than I am to address it in this home.

As it turned out, it was painful for me to endure GG's attack but God did work it out, at least from the standpoint of my conscience.  

Slowly, all of the children will have to come to understand that the idea of GG and me being used in the same sentence, much less around one another, is no longer valid.  For me I have no problem for the children's sake of being around GG at family events, but I know GG will.  She will posture herself as the victim of my insanity.  She is big on justifying everything to herself and others.  Appearance as a victim has always been important to her.  Whatever.

So this morning, I feel like I am on the other side of this trauma.  Oh yeah, it will make most of this year to get past what must be done, but it is doable.  I have no doubt there will be many more displays of mental illness and character assassinations, but it is over now inside of me.

Of course, nothing is timed so well as when you actually are in desperate need - and  you suddenly find the absence of those whom you were counting on to help you get through this.  It is so pronounced that I could have called this post, The Vanishing ...