A Heck of a Year

Yeah, 2013 was a heck of a year.

It opened up with another attack from virtual forth daughter, again directed through the church.  It was the attack which was to show that Dutchman had been right along, her mother had poisoned her mind (if you think not dear, you really ought to talk with me one of these days so you can find out just how well we both were played!).  Surprising to me was that the Elders sided with her story rather than have her on the line and get the full story from the both of us as way of a discussion.  They would have learned I had been right in the 2012 that this was not her or her words, they were her mothers.  In the long run it does not matter much because I can face God cleanly, at least as far as she is concerned.

I was forced out of my new college pursuits since a lady did a U turn in front of me and forced me into a telephone pole, busting up my right knee.  It was good.  I had learned only weeks earlier that most of the work done in my new pursuit of life was in the realm of child pornography - and honestly I have no sympathy upon those whose lifestyle is based on this.  Yeah, I would love to see them brought to justice, or dead, but I do not need to be an expert witness having to track their imagines through the internet!  I wanted to do banking fraud or international wire transfer investigations - not deal in the lowest of sin (in my mind!)...

Life was just as hard as 2012 had been.  Gaelic Girl continued her attacks eventually contributing to another big heart attack.  Two stents in one artery, two arteries still blocked and no way to stent them due to the curvature of the vessels.  Sigh, which has now led to an additional 183 attacks!  Yeah, almost daily and I have given up even going into the hospital for them anylonger.  My heart is failing, I know it, the doctors know it and there is nothing which can be done until I recover from April.  If God wants to call me home, get it over and do it God!

Yet as I lay in CCU at the hospital, in my mind I formulated Kris' goodbye.  I would travel to Denver to see my friend from high school (and share with him about the new me), then my one ex-step-mother I kept through all these years - last good byes, then on to Arizona to see my old mining partner and the same there.  Then Kris would just quietly disappear.  Nothing left for me anywhere, nothing left in Switzerland save one aunt, so I planned on walking south - until I found where I needed to be or died beside the road somewhere.  Neither really mattered, it was all over for me.

Only three things interrupted my perfect plan - I was not going to recover from that heart attack and surgery, my friend came down with cancer and I never could talk with him and then ...

I was to discover a real new friend, never expected.  There is such a thing as a kindred spirit or a soul mate, something I always scoffed at in years gone by.  Whom could have thought?  And if any desire exists within me for life, it is because God has me intrigued with my new friend.  Why bring an "equal" into my life?  So late in life?  And since all things are not equal, what is He up to?  It intrigues me no end and makes me wonder.  Obviously He knows the future, He knows our needs, He is up to something and seems not willing to let me in on the secret!  And if Kris is to figure this out, then Kris must cool his jets, coast and see what is what ...  Conversely, it might not be about or for me at all, it could all be about them and their needs.  So, I try to tread water and observe ...

But, the biggest was that God was to change - at first slowly - my nature.  Emotion was to become real.  Not like a ton of bricks as I had been hit with in May 2012, for three weeks, but as a mellow and aged thing.  Sure I am still like an early teen emotionally (in an old man's body!) but it has been one of the most incredible things I have ever encountered.  Yeah, meaningless to you because you are normal - I never was...

I started writing a book, five times now!  But, it is getting better with each rewrite.  And each time I bog down on the chapter of the violence which is central to the book - it appalls me.  Yeah, darn new nature!  I have to get back to that and push through it though!  Sigh ...

I painted my first piece in three years, a picture of a little church for my Christmas cards this year.  Also first Christmas cards in three years!  LOL.  But, unlike early painting attempts - this was done in one take - no anxiety or anger.  It flowed and I sort of liked the results, well, they have grown on me.  So I expect to do much more painting in 2014, hopefully at least one a week, or 52 for the year!  That is the goal.

And believe it or not, that is all there is to my year.  Most of it spent in heart recovery unable to do much at all except prayer for those on my heart and wonder .....