HOLY HUMOR

A father was approached by his small son who told him proudly, "I know what  the Bible means!"

His father smiled and  replied, "What do you mean, you 'know' what the Bible means?

The son replied, "I do know!"

"Okay," said his father. "What does the Bible mean?"

"That is easy, Daddy..." the young boy replied excitedly," It stands for 'Basic Information Before Leaving Earth.'

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There was a very  gracious lady who was mailing an old family Bible  to her brother in another part of the  country.

"Is there anything breakable in here?"  asked the Postal clerk.

"Only the Ten  Commandments.", answered the Lady.

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"Somebody has said there are only two kinds of people in the world. There are those who wake up in the morning and  say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who  wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's  morning."

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A minister parked  his car in a no-parking zone because he was short of time and couldn't find a  space with a meter.

Then he put a note under  the windshield wiper that read:
        "I have circled  the block 10 times. If I don't park here,
        I'll  miss my appointment. Forgive us our
        Trespasses."

When he returned, he found a citation from a police officer along with this  note "I've circled this block for 10 years. If I don't give you a ticket I'll lose my job. Lead us not into
Temptation."

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There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday and announced to his congregation: "I have good news  and bad news.  The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your Pockets."

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While driving in Pennsylvania , a family  caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because  attached to the back of the carriage was a hand  printed sign...

"Energy efficient vehicle: Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step in exhaust."

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A Sunday School  teacher began her lesson with a question,
"Boys  and girls, what do we know About God?"

A hand shot up in the air. "He is an artist!"

"Really?  How do you know?", the teacher asked.

"You know – ‘Our Father, who does art in Heaven...’ “

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A  minister waited in line to have his car filled  with gas just before a long holiday weekend.  The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars  ahead of him. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.  "Reverend," said the  young man, "I'm so sorry about the delay . It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get  ready for a long trip."

The minister chuckled,  "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

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People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

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Sunday, after church, a mother asked her very young daughter what the lesson was about.

The daughter answered, "Don't be scared, you'll get your quilt."

Needless to say, the mother was perplexed.  Later in the day, the Pastor stopped by for tea and the mother asked him what that morning's Sunday school  lesson was about.

He said "Be not afraid, thy comforter is Coming."

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