Selfishness?

Sunday I was asked to be one of the prayers up front in church.  After church there are usually four to six of us whom get volunteered to be up front for people to come to with prayer requests.  I figure that is something I can do, given the state of my own body and finances.  Yeah pathetic...

It was a normal Sunday, people's usual lists of "I wants" and "God is not giving me, so will you pray for me over this?", American Theology, home of the narcissus.  Yes, there are occasionally those whom come forward with life threatening situations (like cancer), life altering situations (like impending jail time), weird stuff (like being deported for asking to get married while on a student visa) and then things that make you thoughtful.  And if you are led to pray for any of these examples I can supply names to go along with the real problems....

This year has had some interestingly thoughtful stuff.  Like a man whom came forward for prayer for his wife, whom got the sinus thing going around, she went on a course of antibiotics and now can not swallow.  That was months ago and I have continued to b in prayer for  her.  A few weeks ago, she swallowed a tiny piece of hamburger for the first time in months!  Victory, but still, who ever heard of something like this?!?!?  And no, she is far from healed.

For me, I have been praying for God to tell me what to do.  Honestly, I have no clue what to do about my family and their expressed rage over my daughter.  Of course, her post departure antics have only made the situation worse - because I am resolute to stand and wait in prayer, rather than join the chorus in condemnation.  And standing alone can be a very tiring and confusing place.

Towards the end of the prayer time, a guy came into the church - he had not been at the church service, first headed one way, altered course, came up to me and then said, "I guess I need to talk with you..."

The short of it: God told him to do something, his family was violently opposed to it, he finds himself like me on the outside now, because he did what was required.  Talk about deja vous!

We prayed and I asked him to lunch but he said he had been on his way to Portland and just had to stop in for prayer.  So I pondered this.....

Someone whom does not come to our church, happens by, needing prayer for the very same situation I find myself in, and then comes to me for prayer.  Odds are not very good here, so God thing or Satan thing?  You know me, I will over analyze this for a week before even mentioning this here.  Then analyze it some more....

Of Satan:

• Nothing to suggest he is a Christian
• Is he under false conviction?
• Did he err in what he was told to do?
• Was he ever really told to do something?
• Was his family listening to Satan in their attacks?

Of God:

• Nothing to suggest he did anything wrong
• Did God really tell him what to do?
• Is the Holy Spirit convicting him?
• Did he faithfully execute his duty?
• Why does he now feel misled?

So many questions!  But the biggest one, was why could I discern nothing of this man?  So, God/Holy Spirit was blocking me from something.  But what?  Why?  I could know all of the answers if I suddenly had not found myself stripped of something so important .....  (It was fully functional again minutes after he left!)

Which led me to the thought that perhaps he was an angel sent to tell me I failed in my responsibilities - however .....

Where in the Bible (not American Theology!) does one vet what they are told to do by God through their family, for their permission?!  Heavens!  Jesus would never have been born were that true!  No apostle would exist - they needed to fish to make a buck, not wander around listening to some random teacher!  And that whole blinding light thing Saul?  You are just plain wrong!  There is nothing in the Torah to support what you are thinking man!  You get the point, God is rarely convenient in His requirement of us, nor His timing.

So, as was attempted upon me, is he being hit with false guilt? 

But how does doing what God asks equate to selfishness?  This one I have had a harder time with.  I have struggled with the idea that somehow I am selfish because I choose to do as told, rather than drag the family unwillingly along.  Maybe I am missing something here, but I do not get this point of his.  If I did what I wanted to, against my family's wishes, I could see his point.  But, I did what God wanted me to do, not what I wanted in the least!

It seems that really he is using selfishness as a contradiction.  His family were the selfish ones for refusing to be there for him in what ever God's undertaking for him was.  God does not demand the majority, he goes for individuals.  If this man was faithful, God will use him again and give his family another chance to join along - as happened to me via my niece.  And he will be blessed, but probably not them.

Then he was rushing off to continue his trip to Portland.

As for me I have prayed and thought on this all week long.  I do not feel condemned or misled or that I have been selfish in the least.  I tried to have my family along throughout last year, but they actively chose to run the other way and display hatred towards the hurting.

 So, although such a very weird occurrence, I will have to write this one off as a Satan attempt to lead me sideways moments, to show God wrong, to make me question His motives, His actions, His desires and place them under the approval of man.  My God does not work this way, pure and simple.....  Satan however does.

And this is all so very intriguing to me!  So many questions left unanswered.  So much to relive and try to push away yet again.