God Teaching Me

So, I guess here is where I need to refer you back to the posting of the 26th, because this comes as a follow up.....

Make no mistake, from the 23rd through the 27th, I have been in agony.  That lone emotion tearing and shredding my soul.  That lone emotion driving me to my knees in pain and prayer - I was desperate to kill it.  I was desperate enough to run, not from the face of God, but from those whom would be damaged by it.  Yeah, I know the damage coming in any event, but let it be God's leading and not my own insanity.

Then on the 28th things changed and God held me as though in a cocoon of protection against what He had created inside of me.....

So what happened on Saturday you ask??

I helped my Niece move up to Everett and out on to her own.

And what happened?

Somehow God flipped a switch in my heart and suddenly all was tamed.  I could understand that feeling, I could see its purpose when applied to someone with no emotion.  And He told me why.

 I had to go through those three insane weeks in May, because it was a test not only for me but for Daughter, would we stand or would we run?  I stood, fighting for my life, because I trusted God.  Daughter ran, not because of the emotion but because she could not understand and could not trust.  I can't blame her but I do curse her brokenness that intervened in her healing.  Maybe her mother too, but I will wait until she decides to keep all of her promises to me to decide.....

And today, I sit here.  A little stressed because I do not know between breathes whether or not it will suddenly explode on me or not.  But, it has not.  Worried, because I expect my Daughter to show up one of these days and she will still not trust and I will have to start over with her.  Troubled, because God did explain in great detail the why and I understand but can not possibly foresee what He tells me.

And now, since so many from my Church read this, I must quiet close, never revealing to you what God did tell me ~ about a future Kris and how God intends to use him, and yes, the single emotion is decidedly needed.....


:)