Recovery

So, I have spent the whole of this week recovering from an unexpected attack by my daughter.  It has taken me much time in prayer and yelling at God to get past what she tried to do and get over my own pastor's willingness to believe her tale.  It was a good tale, she just left a whole lot of detail out to make things look evil.  Amazing.

What to do?

Well, daughter have been out of communication with me since June 28th, so I am not exactly so sure what anyone is wrapped around the axle about with me, because I just pray in faith for my daughter's return, as I have since June 24th when God told me what was to happen.  But, it seems, that is wrong if that is not what she wants.  Sorry, I do what God tells me to do, not what my pastor or the eldership board, daughter or her mother believes is right.  Go talk to God if you have a problem with how I pray!  Gees!

So across this year I will be slowly disappearing from this church.  Doing less and less, until I reach the point where I can quietly never return and no one will even notice, save for the youth whom are no longer feed at that church the spiritual meat they need.  It is unfortunately their loss, not mine.  God will provide for me: fellowship, a new church home, shelter, food, etc - when the time is right.  So if you live in the Seattle area, I expect a there to be a homeless Swiss roaming around come July...  LOL!  Actually, if it came to that, I will start walking to where I need to be in  4 years, just might take that long to walk there!  LOL!

I continue to sell off all I own, I know now this is no longer my home.  I suppose that could break my heart, if I had one, but it is just a statement.  Okay, okay, yes, I do have single emotion but it heavily protected by God, at least for the time being as I am learning about it.  It has learned of love, pain. loss and sorrow.  It has gone from raw wild abandon to death, returning as mature and calm with an inner glow I can not explain but keeps me sane when all is falling apart around me.  That inner glow ..... someday, i will tell you about it, but not yet, I want to know more about it.

Last night I thought on how angry I was when my father brought  me to this country.  Yet my presence here is out of choice this time.  Given what the past four years have been like I have to wonder if I was right.  Or if God is in a recalculate mode, because I missed a freeway sign somewhere along the way.  I don't think you could write a soap opera as weird as my life and have anyone believe it.....