2012

So, 2012, the worse year of my life.  And mind you, 1975 was so horrible that I still have nightmares over it....

Negatives
I came into the year under a death sentence.  100% kidney and liver failure.  No possibility of life.

I hesitated to do what God had asked, to be a real father to my new daughter.

I strained my spinal cord, 9 weeks in a back brace.

I set fire to middle finger on my right hand, 4th degree burns, and then gangrene set in.

I slipped on my carpet: compound fractures to my left foot, broken ankle on the right - three times!

Four foot surgeries.

My daughter, I literally lived for, told me to go to hell.

I failed God I decided that instant, suffered a minor, to be followed by a massive heart attack.  I expected death from God.  I had failed my God but I knew not how.  I had never failed Him before.

This was followed by 156 minor heart attacks.

My 34 year friendship with Gaelic Girl was terminated in a demonstration of hate I still do not understand.  She barely tolerates me when she is here now.

I became an object of gossip and slander, at the lips of my daughter, in my church.  She is now mocked for this which pains me even more.

I went through multiple pastoral reviews to prove me guilty of anything.  I had to bare my soul to men I am not comfortable with at all, and trust God.....

Positives
My body is healing.  One more foot surgery to go and then an ankle surgery.  NO heart damage what so ever!  Total miracle!


Kidneys and liver are just fine.  Both miracles.  Doctors are really confused over this!

The finger, following prayer, healed beautifully.  Another miracle.

My daughter, with a mighty huge help from God, successfully became my daughter.  And, though she has turned on me for now, still owns a piece of my heart and I await her return.

My daughter came to salvation, or it seemed.  I am still confused on this one.  Could it have been emotional only?  I need her here to find out for sure, but God's pressing this issue makes me believe she still does not understand.

God was not mad at me, I was innocent before Him and the pastors, only guilty of being a successful father - but a fool in their eyes for trying to break her worldview.....

My best friend from high school, dropped his daughter off, out of the clear blue.  Within days of all of my daughter's dramas.  As it was to turn out, she has been a mighty blessing.

My friend's daughter came to discover the real God as well, and is slowing growing, feeling her way along, testing, probing, seeing what is still real and what had always been a lie of the world.  She has unexpectedly become family and now owns a piece of my heart as well.  I expect she will reappear here from time to time as our adventures cross and recross.

Through the year's trials I learned about the dichotomy in this culture concerning god and God.  My teaching in church now changes this year to reflect opposition against the politically correct fuzzy teddy bear god of this culture.  Satan may have thought he had me on the ropes this year but 2013 is when my kids will be learning about the real God.

And God gave me an emotion.  You have no idea the impact of this on me, the importance upon me, nor the joy it is capable of giving.  I never understood how I should have envied you, even to understand your pain.....



Thank you God for the worse year of my life.
Thank you God for the best year of my life.
Thank you God for you have shown whom you are and I await the new year with fear, hope and the knowledge that if I can keep my eyes on you, it will somehow still all work out to your glory......

Thank you.