Oh My Aching Head

Not a great week!

I managed to damage my new friend.  It was not intentional, just a comment, made with the best of intentions.  Yeah, as they said, the road to hell is paved with the best of intentions....  Or is that just a German one?  Anyway the emotion took a beating to the point I had to revert back behind Kris' wall - allowing the clown to reappear.  Everyone except me was quite delighted to see the old Kris back.  I literally felt a piece of me die.

But, my new friend, kept their faith in me and we were able to uncross communications and restore our friendship - I hope with an even stronger basis.  Also appearing in my life yesterday were Dutchman and Swedish Rocket Scientist.  Apparently I needed all of my friends to make it through yesterday.  God does work wonders.

Body is slowly healing from having eaten a telephone pole last week.  Car however, well it will take a while to either repair or replace that one.  sigh.....

Well, I have an antique show to prepare for - so best get with it!.

God At Work

Thinking on John 16:8-15, Ephesians 1:13-14.

The Holy Spirit convicts the world.

We need to start listening to the truth, not the lies of this age.

He convicts all of their sin, believer and non-believer.  Each can harden their heart so they can not listen any longer.

You have to learn to see yourself as God sees you.  To the libertine, see your sin and know you are to be judged.  To the aesthetic, see you sin and know His love.

The Holy Spirit calls us to righteousness.

The Holy Spirit calls us to holiness.

The Holy Spirit Guides the believer.

Learn to listen and follow His lead!

The Holy Spirit is here to guide you in truth, not all knowledge.

All knowledge belongs to God, but He shares when it is in His benefit to do so.

Use God's empowerment to lead you into a life of ministry.

The Holy Spirit glorifies Jesus and the Lord.

Let Him in your life.

Allow Him to glorify Jesus through your life.

Your Help Is Here

Thinking on John 16:5-8.

Realize that the Holy Spirit is to your advantage.

Jesus promised to send the Spirit, to be with the believers after His departure.

Of course His followers were a little unsure as to what was meant, since who or what is that Spirit thing He was referring to?

And, they had a point.  You will not find anything in the Bible called the Holy Spirit in the "Old" Testament.  Instead you have the Breath, Wind, Ghost, Hand, Comfort, etc.  The concept of the Holy Spirit was not well defined to them.

But, Jesus did make the point, if He did not leave, the Spirit would not come.

Jesus saw what the Apostles could not, there would be great advantage to them, in having the Holy Spirit.

Recognize the Holy Spirit is living in you now!

The Holy Spirit has a mind of its own.  Romans

The Holy Spirit speaks.  Acts 13:2

The Holy Spirit has a will.  1 Corinthians 12:11

The Holy Spirit commands us.  Acts 8:28

The Holy Spirit has emotion.  Ephesians 4:30

Relax, the Holy Spirit does all of the work!

To those whom cling to the "God helps those, whom help themselves" crowd.  Sorry, but God does not work this way, nor does the Holy Spirit.  Yes, there is a point at which you must act - at the Spirit's prodding, but when done on your own - you will only make a mess and give other Christians black eyes!

The Holy Spirt, a part of God, seperate from God, here to empower you in performing God's task He has set for you.....

Still Recovering

It was a busy day yesterday, I tried to rout the drains myself and with my damaged body form the auto accident - it did not go well.  I pretty much loss of use to my left side, reminding me greatly of my father after one of his strokes.  sigh.

So, I was chatting with Dear Friend on FaceBook when I lost all control.  Probably pretty weird to be having a conversation and then they are gone for 10 hours with no explanation.  Weird how the body works.

It appears that my car is going to be totalled by the insurance company, that telephone pole just did too much damage.  But, I am thankful for the Lincoln because it took a beating between the other car and the pole.  So now in the market for another car.  sigh.

Well, the day calls.  I need to get ready for the professional drain router to show up and do it right!  Then tonight my new friend and I are going to the Seattle Art Museum, ought to be fun to see what those whack-O's are up to!

So saving my left arm and stopping typing now.

ciao!

Happily Flattened

Ah, the joys of muscle relaxants ..... Seems yesterday's auto accident left me with a bruised collar bone, both knees, left shoulder, sprained neck and back.  Sigh ..... And I had been getting myself off of meds at night.  Oh well.

I took my friend, of two months, to lunch yesterday.  I needed to know that there was someone whom actually cared about me, not the car, not the money, not to make them a meal, or work on plumbing, etc.  I needed, for me .....

Do you know how rare that is?  Like perhaps the first time in my adult life, well and with a newborn emotion, I guess that is reasonable.  And my friend, I knew would be the only one whom could help with the turmoil throughout my being.

I needed someone whom wanted to talk with me, literally someone to tell me that it would all work out, and had they of told me to pack for that long walk I would have.  I have no fear of a future begun at zero and with a friend at my side, well that is more than many have.  I only see chaos and destruction around me here, more and more I recognize all that I have known to have just been a series of takers and users - sucking me dry of everything there was and now embittered there is nothing left - save for my blood.  I think myself mad when all around me are calling evil - good and good - evil.  Deeds no longer matter, the appearance does, and that is relative to them and their decisions, reality plays no part any longer.

And yet, God is still answering my prayers, He is still leading me towards a path I have no clue as to how to not to fail myself as I step forward.  It contradicts even whom I have been.  And evil will be thought of me and I have no understanding as to how this accomplishes something!  Why not just walk away now?  Indeed.

So, my friend turned me on to Portlandia.  Are you familiar with this?  OMG it is hilarious!  It perked my spirits right up because they so easily portray those in Portland, Oregon but also take it to the next absurd level!  This clip is of a song number, not the comedy sketches, but it is so Portlandian that you will have to laugh!

http://youtu.be/1mWRAhy1dcw


When you see the heavily tattooed red-haired dude, just know that I spent Monday with him and his charming wife, actually in Portlandia at a birthday party for one of "my" boys from back in 1977!  Of course, he has lost the beard now but yeah, I recognized him right off!  And I had to laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.  Two hours of this have really raised my spirits.

And so, my Dear Friend, your first official recognition in Bloglandia.  And my impish nature likes not saying anymore about you - other than you make me laugh.

Accident

You know, with 1 major and 156 minor heart attacks to my credit last year, you would think that my life should be as stress free as possible.  But, it seems that Satan uses every tool at his disposal to take whacks at me.

Today it was an auto accident.  Major for the lady I hit because it killed her car, permanently.  Minor because my car was only lightly hurt, given that the car also took out a light pole.  God was protecting me.

It had been a good day.  I was on my way home from school, less than a mile away, when that lady pulled a U-turn off of a shoulder and left me with so little reaction time I could not even leave a skid mark!  Major because Gaelic Girl lit into me like there was no tomorrow.  Well, it was her car, but hardly my fault.

But, it brought to  a head, exactly what I had finished praying only seconds before I turned on to that road: what is God going to do about healing the relationship between GG and me - or - what is He going to do to kill it?  Let me just say that the ball certainly got pushed in a poor direction from my viewpoint (at this time).  It was not the car, it was not that I was not critically injured, which I think she hoped for, but it was the money this represented.  The car is insured, so that is not it, but she just exploded over how there is no money any more.

I had to remind her that everything has gone up in price by about 30% while our earning potential is flat.  Well, except for when she is in Texas, as all of her expenses are then covered.  Lots of anger directed at me.

And that lone emotion, you remember - the one whom is untouchable so far?  Took the hit.  I thought I was going to have another heart attack.  But, I stood for what God has done in my life across the past year (without her permission!) and what decisions it looks like I will be making in the near future.

Her parting shot to me was if I left this church, which she likes, then it is over.  And Germans just love ultimatums.....

So, her lack of concern for my injuries was noted, the ultimatum noted, etc for the past three years.  But, I am after-all a sociopath, so all of this is just data and I have not completed gathering sufficient to take to her therapist or to take that first step upon that roadway to a place far away.

And I am reminded of November 2011, when God asked me if I would do anything for Him - and I said yes.  And He asked me if I was willing to lose everything for Him - and I said yes again.  And God so blessed me across that prior year!  And it is costing me everything.....

But, I have now known Love and I have seen Love - and I captured those memories in verse to always remember.  And I have one that I can trust, my equal it seems, or a kindred spirit.  And I have one long term friend active in my life.

I may be losing everything, but I am growing into a very rich man.

Putting Feet To Your Faith

John 4:46-54 and Luke 2:8-20.

Sometimes you need to hear the Word, from the person who has the authority to give it!
In verse 50, he believed!

Faith produces Fruit: he came, he went on his way.

"These all died in Faith, not having received the things promised, but having Seen them and Greeted them from afar.  (Hebrews 11:13)

So, what does you putting faith to your feet look like?

Do you ever write off the work of God you could be doing, due to doubt?
We are talking the probability here of you experiencing miracles!
Do you credit coincidence, or God's leading?
Do you need medication,. or God's healing?
Is it the power of your will, or God's intervention?

Big point here, Do not explain away God's work!
Celebrate the work of God in your life!

Live wholly for the Lord. Do not make idols of what you can see but worship the maker of all, with your life.  Be a living testimony to all you know.
And remember that it is His righteousness, His sacrifice, His work - and not of you at all.  But, let him be reflected in all that you do.

Jesus, Come To Me!

Thinking on John 4:46-54

Last year was the worst year of my life, complete and utter chaos and yet, I was doing as I was instructed - albeit, as best I could.  I was in crisis.

For me, lessons and the growth of faith seems to be tied to times like that.  When I am at my end, when there is nothing more I can do, when I am bested by hopelessness - that is when God seems to be ready to use me.  Or, is it that I am ready to listen?

When we can not control, manage and/or manipulate life, God begins to work.  We are ready, because we now need Him and His help!

We are then ready to stop talking - and start to listen.
We are then ready to stop running - and time to fall to our knees (figuratively for me!).
We are ready to stop telling God how to do His job - we allow Him freedom to work.
We have become humble.

Does pride and/or pretense keep you from begging Jesus to intervene in your life, your home, your work, any aspect of your life?

Can you see how your anxiety is a gift from God instead of a curse?  It just may be the mess that leads you to the intervention you need by God.  The real idea here is that we need to call on Him to come, to be our Lord, to be our Savior, in all parts of our life.

@ 58 + 1 Day

This has been such a delightful week!

Sunday, the miracle of two answered prayers, which gives me hope that by standing firm - something is going to happen!  Not necessarily on those subjects, but perhaps by way of witness to others or even myself.

Monday, I got a load off of my chest and still waiting to see what will come of that.  I know the pastor got his "You Suck!" message, but no reply.  There has been no comment from anyone!  Interesting.  I told brother Timothy that if he hears that I have gone insane, I hadn't - I am just being wiser and ridding my life of the baggage that has dragged me down across the past year!

Since it was my birthday, youngest daughter took me to lunch at a little Irish pub here in town.  It was extremely funny because she is blond, was classical blond at lunch, and honestly had the pub roaring with her antics!  It is like there would be no normal action, thought or words for her at lunch.  I was crying I was laughing so hard!

The family, minus son, all gathered for dinner, plus Niece and the three grandchildren.  Crazy times, once the kids were fed and some sugar in them!  And they were off like spinning tops.....

The day was saddened as I was to hear that Swedish Rocket Scientist, Retired, 's aunt had a stroke in the morning.  She is almost 100 and SRS,R is the next oldest in his family.  Yeah, he is freaked about that one, so he cancelled his trip to Antarctica, leaving on Friday to go and join his aunt as she begins recovery.  I told him that was the honorable choice and the one that really matters.  If you would like to pray for Ellelyn's salvation, now would be a good time!

And today, Niece took me out to lunch and told me I needed to have a Birthday Week!, maybe even a birthday Month!  Wow, I like how she thinks!  And considering that I had no birthday last year, it makes it sound all the better!

So much more I would like to say, but that has been said to those whom it applies to.  :)

My spirit is content, mentally I am happy, physically I may have re-broken my left foot, emotionally I am floating on gossamer wings...... 

Happy Birthday to Me

Yes, it is that time of year - again.....

So, Kris is still alive.
Kris is still being a pain in people's backsides.
Kris is still standing quite alone in almost all issues of his life.

Yup, i can feel curmudgeon-hood coming on.
Perhaps I shall wax philosophical tomorrow......
:)

Looking forward to a day spent cleaning, making dinner and then seeing the family tonight.

Have a great day.

Sort of Freaky

So, my hands were feeling a bit odd last week, it was far from my most major concern since it was a week for the books!

In any event three times last week I had my right index finger lock up on me.  Too weird.  So, had to ask around if anyone had any experience with this and was told that both tendon problems and calcium cause this.

Well, yeah, I do have tendon problems - they are too loose, hence I am double jointed all over the body.  So I could guess that was not the problem.

I do take calcium and D3, calcium is supposed to help with cancer fighting (and I have had cancer 5 times after all!) and D3 because I live in the northern climes.  So, I cut back to one and no weird hand feelings for days and then another lock up.  So I cut back to none and no weird tingling or lock ups repeated.  Very weird if you ask me!

But, it makes you think about how small the balance is within our bodies.  How just traces of something one way or another can have some very odd or damaging effects upon ourselves or others.

I wonder when we will find out how all of these recent shootings have been traced to a common anti-depressant or similar?

Makes ya wonder.....

Recovery

So, I have spent the whole of this week recovering from an unexpected attack by my daughter.  It has taken me much time in prayer and yelling at God to get past what she tried to do and get over my own pastor's willingness to believe her tale.  It was a good tale, she just left a whole lot of detail out to make things look evil.  Amazing.

What to do?

Well, daughter have been out of communication with me since June 28th, so I am not exactly so sure what anyone is wrapped around the axle about with me, because I just pray in faith for my daughter's return, as I have since June 24th when God told me what was to happen.  But, it seems, that is wrong if that is not what she wants.  Sorry, I do what God tells me to do, not what my pastor or the eldership board, daughter or her mother believes is right.  Go talk to God if you have a problem with how I pray!  Gees!

So across this year I will be slowly disappearing from this church.  Doing less and less, until I reach the point where I can quietly never return and no one will even notice, save for the youth whom are no longer feed at that church the spiritual meat they need.  It is unfortunately their loss, not mine.  God will provide for me: fellowship, a new church home, shelter, food, etc - when the time is right.  So if you live in the Seattle area, I expect a there to be a homeless Swiss roaming around come July...  LOL!  Actually, if it came to that, I will start walking to where I need to be in  4 years, just might take that long to walk there!  LOL!

I continue to sell off all I own, I know now this is no longer my home.  I suppose that could break my heart, if I had one, but it is just a statement.  Okay, okay, yes, I do have single emotion but it heavily protected by God, at least for the time being as I am learning about it.  It has learned of love, pain. loss and sorrow.  It has gone from raw wild abandon to death, returning as mature and calm with an inner glow I can not explain but keeps me sane when all is falling apart around me.  That inner glow ..... someday, i will tell you about it, but not yet, I want to know more about it.

Last night I thought on how angry I was when my father brought  me to this country.  Yet my presence here is out of choice this time.  Given what the past four years have been like I have to wonder if I was right.  Or if God is in a recalculate mode, because I missed a freeway sign somewhere along the way.  I don't think you could write a soap opera as weird as my life and have anyone believe it.....

Contrasts

Contrasting views can be interesting.  Take this past weekend for example.  My estranged daughter decided to call the senior pastor and file some new charges with him across several conversations.  So I was sort of caught me off guard and did not even know the what they were until I walked into the room.  I have gone through reviews now four times and been found guilty of having become her father, an unforgivable act to her mother, if I had to guess whom Satan used to begin this disaster.  And I should point out that I have had no contact with daughter since June 28th, she continues to attack long after she has left my life.....  And for the record, what she claimed was actually not said, and the breakage she experienced is exactly what she should have encountered in order to show the fallacy of her worldview.  So wrong memory, correct reaction God needed, but she bypassed the cure for man's wisdom.  I grieve for her mother, she is much loved and is so guilty here.

First pastor: agrees, I am her father, I succeeded, this is all stupid.

Second pastor: agrees, I am her father, I was stupid to take on her worldview though, I am innocent.

Elder chair: whom knows me extremely well, is appalled the meeting was even held.

Me: I stand firm: I am her father, I continue to pray for  her return, I did nothing any of them have not done with their own daughters.  I will welcome her back into my home at anytime, no matter the consequences.  Catch the bold lettering here.....

And the consensus?  Kris is not guilty, so therefore Kris must be removed from ministry.  Yeah, even in not believing her deceit I am guilty because of the complaint.  Sigh.  Man's wisdom, not God's I fear.  Were I to have said she was not welcome back there would have been no problem - but I am modelling perfect love here not man's logic, therefore Kris has a problem.

Contrast this with a part of the text conversation I with my Niece right after this happened:

Niece:  I do not mean this harshly but sounds like she has an unhealthy obsession with you or destroying your rep.  I know it's spiritual but scary.  Truth will deliver you.
I send you hugs.  Its so ridiculous  to think you're the person she says.  Your character testifies that you are Godly and love God. .....

Hmmmmm, here in essence is the same woman as daughter, she lived with me for over twice as long as daughter did, is no more related to me than daughter, went through exactly the same situations and discussions as daughter did - and yet came out with exactly the opposite conclusions.  Interesting huh?

And she only met the Real God a little over a month ago!

Honestly, think on this:  Men whom have known me off and on for decades verses someone for only a few months.  Niece actually knows me, these men I thought did.
Niece sees truth, these men should be able to - they are this church's leadership!
And for daughter's mother, she has known me for a decade and a half and smears my name because it is easier than "loosing" her daughter, which never would have happened, but I think that was the fear and what motivated this.

I will not be the obvious reaction here, because I will stand, I will suffer for God's sake in this nightmare.  And  my daughter will suffer for it as well, until she ends this rebellion and returns with a contrite heart.  And my dear sister, her mother, will suffer as well, for she knew the truth and could have seen her daughter set free.  But, now she will bear a cross that never had to have been borne by her or her daughter.

So lesson to be learned here:

You can do God's will and get shafted for it.
People and their futures can be destroyed, when they are offered lies and not truth.
Your reaction during times of trial - is quite probably what will define what makes you different from the world.
Take joy in seeing God's hand at work, even if not understood at the time.
And be so very careful with how you protect your witness.
I trusted poorly it seems.
Innocence does not equal innocent in this worldly church of this age.

So what now?  I continue to pray daughter's rebellion to end.

Being A Witness

Reading in John 15:18-27, 16:1-4, Romans Chapters 1, 2, 3, 12

As a Christian, the world is not exactly going to be excited about your life or your witness.  So, how should you respond to a hostile world?

First off, do not be combative about your beliefs with others, respect their opinions and pray them out of it!
Nor, be complacent.  If you care enough about them to witness to them, then be honest enough to share your life with them!

Do be committed to telling them the truth you have experienced and in prayer for them to receive it.
And COMMUNICATE!  Use ordinate words they can understand.  No theory, no philosophy, just God's simple Gospel.

Dare to be different.
Live your Christianity, do not attempt to straddle the world and Christianity, they are not compatible!  ( I digress to tell you of my friend Bruce whom found himself with one foot on a dock and the other on an unmoored boat.  Yeah, he got mighty wet!  But, that is just an example of how attempting to make two stands at once does not work.)

We are to please God, not man, in all that we do.  If the world is happy with us, just know that your Christian witness has a problem.

In Romans chapters 1, 2, 3 and 12 Paul lays out how difficult it is to please both God and culture at the same time.  We all want to be liked, accepted, loved, and be popular.  But, the basis for those things is often the very things which will drag us away from God and unfortunately into sin.

God loves you.  (PERIOD)  And that very same God wants you to choose, His love or the world's "love".  Sorry you actively have to make the choice.  No choice is still not going to lead to His love.

Communicate Christ.
Just accept the fact that you are going to be judged by all those around you, Christian and non-Christian alike.

The world's desire is not to see us succeed, it is to see us give up, back up, surrender.

But, we are not in this for the fight, we are to be courageous in telling God's truth about God, Jesus and ourself.

We are supposed to communicate and not attack others.  People whom are attacked become defensive and do not listen well.

Be sure to stand on the basics of our faith:  Virgin Birth, Cross, Resurrection!

No matter their response, keep communicating Christ and being in prayer for them!

Stay on Track!
John 16:1-4 gives us the expected results of our witness to the world:
- we will be killed
- we will be thrown from the Synagogs

And we must:
- keep from falling asleep
- keep from stumbling

Be faithful through all trials and temptations for the world desires to make you a scandal.....

Being a Lover

No surprise to you, my readers whom are Christians, that we are to be lovers surrounded by a world full of haters.

John 15:18-25

Don't expect the world to love you.
Well for that matter, they did not love Jesus when He was here and they sure did not appreciate that whole resurrection He pulled three days after successfully planting him!  So, if they hate Him, you are guaranteed the world is going to hate you.  You don't see this in your life?"  Well, maybe you are a little too much in the world then?

Slap a Christian bumper sticker on your car, wear a Christian tee shirt in public (my favorite!) and just be prepared to encounter hate in return.  At the very least some very odd looks.  Yeah, I get a the occasional nice comment concerning my shirts but usually it is stares or avert looks or outright aggression......

"You are a Christian?", confusion fills their eyes.  Yeah, the world has been taught that we are superstitious, naive, bigots, closed minded, of low intellect.  Really?  The exact opposite is what is really true!  If you are a Christian, living a Christian life, you will be the exact opposite of all of these items, except perhaps for the intellect part.  But, I have known many very smart Christians - they just do not blow their own horns as much as the world blows the horns of those opposed to us.

Conversely, I have known some mighty dense Christians, but that does not take away from their Christianity - they were still living their faith, witnessing and ministering - just not involved in philosophical debates with anyone, nor coming up with better ways to kill each other.  God can use both the intellect and the faith a person has, to the extent they have.  Awesome!

Don't take their attacks personal!
Remember, you are not the real target, Jesus is.
All people hate what is not like them.
You can not help what  you represent as a Christian, anymore than they do as a non-believers.
Realize that they just do not understand, nor perhaps even know, the Gospel yet.

When persecution comes:
Know that you are in good company!  The history of the Christian Church is literally based upon the blood of the martyrs and saints through the ages.  Even into our own 21st century, Christians continue to be persecuted and executed for their belief in a God and the Son whose death brought you life.....

Musical Saturday Morning

Whoa!  It is a first Saturday again and time for another 1980's video wonder!  I had selected one for today that was surprising blocked this week on all US ISP's - which makes me just a little suspicious ..... if I can still reach it via my Swiss ISP but not the US ISP and the video is a bit of a political statement from 1985 ..... hmmmmm.  Suspicious.

So, new choice!  From 1982, from the icy white north, we have Men Without Hats, at least in summer .....

http://youtu.be/T7hHx7gdN68

Not sure if this will embed or not, but we can only try.

The Backwards God

Have you ever noticed at how somethings in the Bible are just sort of backwards from how they should have been?

Thinking on John 12:20-26

So, there is this baby, whom is born in Bethlehem.  Who was there?  Yeah, shepherds.  So, whom were the shepherds?  Well, if you were thinking of men whom could testify in court as to the birth, you would be wrong.  Shepherds were the children of the flock owner.  Probably 10 and under in age.  So, you would think God would have witnesses of good character, but He provided those whose testimony was worthless.  Hmnmmm.

We live in a pagan culture anymore.  God is a four letter word at the most.  But, you would expect to encounter at least a few whom are genuinely seeking to know this God, only that is the very rare person.  No, you get the curious, not the seeking.  Well, if they are seeking, they do not know it until after they see what makes you tick.....

Want to witness and plant seeds for God's harvest? 
Well, then be praying for God to give you people to witness to.  Only problem is that your witness is going to be your life, not a story of how you found salvation.  Yeah, you are being watched and how you are living your life is what is communicating to everyone around you - what makes you different and how real is this God guy in your life.  Hmmmmmm.

Of course, in order to witness, you have to be able to care for others genuinely!  Just living your life is not enough.

So, desire to witness, be genuine with people, show your life - even the warts, and then you will be able to share the WORD.

Show your LIFE through your DEATH!
As human being you can live quite the life.  My father certainly did!  But, he lived and died as an atheist.  In my book, comparing just my experiences with his, he never lived at all.  You have to die to yourself and to the calling of fleshly desires before you will ever be able to live!  No this is not a call for asceticism.  But by your living your life in truth before others, demonstrates your death not only to ourself but to others as well, as our form of witness to the truth which is in us.

Think about your conversations.  Is your favorite conversation about you?  Do you like to talk about you?  Are your prayers just a never ending shopping list of whats and desires?  Then go back one paragraph and re-read.....

Lead others by following Him!
In verse 25, you have to follow, serve, be obedient.  You have to be where Jesus is!
I had a discussion on this several years ago with another Christian and he commented on how we can not all be "professional Christians".  Really? 

There is only one kind of Christian and no, they are not professionals, they are very, very real.....

When God Calls On You

So, Christmas Season is over but why not still look at the story of Mary (Miriam)?

Luke 1:26-38

God starts off by telling this 12-14 year old girl, "I love you". 
She recognized God's plan, she was open to His leading, she said "Yes", she could just as easily have said, "No!"  I have to admit before I became a Christian I always thought this text to be very odd.  Were I an early adolescent girl, knowing the small town stigma of pregnancy and the scandal - the answer has to be "No!"  Why?  Because God does not work this way, right?

Yet, this girl said yes.  And I would think on this.

One day God brought into my life, a girl by the name of Miriam, believe it or not!  We became quite good friends and so I played with this idea with her.  And her response?  She would absolutely mother the Messiah, should she be so blessed by God.  Her words, not mine!  She was Ultra Orthodox and all of the females had been raised to know that one day, one of them would bear the Messiah, if they were good enough.....  Really?  Wow!

And so here is Jesus' mother, but a girl and saying yes, I will carry this child - the same as my friend Miriam, almost 2000 years later.  Wow!  It gave me quite a view into the mindset of the devote Jew.  Her father went on to become quite a good friend of mine and I was to learn quite a bit about the real devoted Jew.

"I have plans for you", continues the angel telling of God's announcement to Mary.
Plans included His love for her, a sizable task for her involving His path for her life, His care for her, His support for her.

"I am waiting for you to respond"
Even if you can not understand what God is up to, even if you can not see the purpose for what He is doing, He will you use you if you tell Him you are willing to be used and directed by His Will.

Lesson to be learned here? 
When God calls on you, you would do well to listen to what He has to say, choose to participate in His plan and not panic at the details.....

God Teaching Me

So, I guess here is where I need to refer you back to the posting of the 26th, because this comes as a follow up.....

Make no mistake, from the 23rd through the 27th, I have been in agony.  That lone emotion tearing and shredding my soul.  That lone emotion driving me to my knees in pain and prayer - I was desperate to kill it.  I was desperate enough to run, not from the face of God, but from those whom would be damaged by it.  Yeah, I know the damage coming in any event, but let it be God's leading and not my own insanity.

Then on the 28th things changed and God held me as though in a cocoon of protection against what He had created inside of me.....

So what happened on Saturday you ask??

I helped my Niece move up to Everett and out on to her own.

And what happened?

Somehow God flipped a switch in my heart and suddenly all was tamed.  I could understand that feeling, I could see its purpose when applied to someone with no emotion.  And He told me why.

 I had to go through those three insane weeks in May, because it was a test not only for me but for Daughter, would we stand or would we run?  I stood, fighting for my life, because I trusted God.  Daughter ran, not because of the emotion but because she could not understand and could not trust.  I can't blame her but I do curse her brokenness that intervened in her healing.  Maybe her mother too, but I will wait until she decides to keep all of her promises to me to decide.....

And today, I sit here.  A little stressed because I do not know between breathes whether or not it will suddenly explode on me or not.  But, it has not.  Worried, because I expect my Daughter to show up one of these days and she will still not trust and I will have to start over with her.  Troubled, because God did explain in great detail the why and I understand but can not possibly foresee what He tells me.

And now, since so many from my Church read this, I must quiet close, never revealing to you what God did tell me ~ about a future Kris and how God intends to use him, and yes, the single emotion is decidedly needed.....


:)

2012

So, 2012, the worse year of my life.  And mind you, 1975 was so horrible that I still have nightmares over it....

Negatives
I came into the year under a death sentence.  100% kidney and liver failure.  No possibility of life.

I hesitated to do what God had asked, to be a real father to my new daughter.

I strained my spinal cord, 9 weeks in a back brace.

I set fire to middle finger on my right hand, 4th degree burns, and then gangrene set in.

I slipped on my carpet: compound fractures to my left foot, broken ankle on the right - three times!

Four foot surgeries.

My daughter, I literally lived for, told me to go to hell.

I failed God I decided that instant, suffered a minor, to be followed by a massive heart attack.  I expected death from God.  I had failed my God but I knew not how.  I had never failed Him before.

This was followed by 156 minor heart attacks.

My 34 year friendship with Gaelic Girl was terminated in a demonstration of hate I still do not understand.  She barely tolerates me when she is here now.

I became an object of gossip and slander, at the lips of my daughter, in my church.  She is now mocked for this which pains me even more.

I went through multiple pastoral reviews to prove me guilty of anything.  I had to bare my soul to men I am not comfortable with at all, and trust God.....

Positives
My body is healing.  One more foot surgery to go and then an ankle surgery.  NO heart damage what so ever!  Total miracle!


Kidneys and liver are just fine.  Both miracles.  Doctors are really confused over this!

The finger, following prayer, healed beautifully.  Another miracle.

My daughter, with a mighty huge help from God, successfully became my daughter.  And, though she has turned on me for now, still owns a piece of my heart and I await her return.

My daughter came to salvation, or it seemed.  I am still confused on this one.  Could it have been emotional only?  I need her here to find out for sure, but God's pressing this issue makes me believe she still does not understand.

God was not mad at me, I was innocent before Him and the pastors, only guilty of being a successful father - but a fool in their eyes for trying to break her worldview.....

My best friend from high school, dropped his daughter off, out of the clear blue.  Within days of all of my daughter's dramas.  As it was to turn out, she has been a mighty blessing.

My friend's daughter came to discover the real God as well, and is slowing growing, feeling her way along, testing, probing, seeing what is still real and what had always been a lie of the world.  She has unexpectedly become family and now owns a piece of my heart as well.  I expect she will reappear here from time to time as our adventures cross and recross.

Through the year's trials I learned about the dichotomy in this culture concerning god and God.  My teaching in church now changes this year to reflect opposition against the politically correct fuzzy teddy bear god of this culture.  Satan may have thought he had me on the ropes this year but 2013 is when my kids will be learning about the real God.

And God gave me an emotion.  You have no idea the impact of this on me, the importance upon me, nor the joy it is capable of giving.  I never understood how I should have envied you, even to understand your pain.....



Thank you God for the worse year of my life.
Thank you God for the best year of my life.
Thank you God for you have shown whom you are and I await the new year with fear, hope and the knowledge that if I can keep my eyes on you, it will somehow still all work out to your glory......

Thank you.