What If Games

I did not sleep well last night.  A little stressed over my math class and the test looming before me across the next two weeks.  A little stressed over what God has asked of me, for I see only personal disaster - and yet if I am to serve God, then I must, at any price go forward.  Of course, it takes very little stress to set off my heart again, so yet another small event to round out the week.  What is that? I had to look, number 155.  I might be going for a worlds record here, a heart attack a day now, everyday since July 12th.  Sigh.

And what of personal disaster?  As I lay awake in continued pain for the past five hours, I thought of what God has said He would cause to come about, and then the - What If Games began.

You know, my daughter could return much as she left, a little touch up and we would be back to where we were when she ran.  But, I am not that naive - her mother has had her now twice as long as I had to originally show her truth, so her belief set will have been crushed.

No, she is going to be more damaged, plus more poisoned by her mother and those whom surround her.  Yeah, I am going to get what I faced a year ago, again, in spades.

But, it might be even worse.  I could get back more damaged, more poisoned - and it breaks my heart to think more broken.  The brokenness that forces one to reach out to even those whom we have harmed and rejected, because the need is that great.  And I worry about this one.  Because God had said events were determinative, the situation had been permissive in what He had originally told me.  What should have been six years from now and easier to handle, could now be a royal pain, when so much has not first occurred.  Everything gets magnified - trauma, the warfare, everything ends up condensed and I have to wade through that pond undamaged?  Not very likely.

And what if ..... ?

Yeah, so many possibilities, so much pain, all because of the betrayal by her mother .....  None of this ever had to happen, but in our warped culture and in the absence of the masses in this country actually believing in a living God - this is the kind of disaster which happens even within the "church".

And so my brain began running through all of the possibilities, all of the scenarios, everything I know of my daughter - and from a man's perspective, only disaster was to be found each and everytime.  Yeah, I know second guessing God is a waste of time, but I worry for the future and what God has been quietly working in the background and not bothering to tell me about.  Yeah.  Unnerving.

But, also I know my daughter, even to this day.  Though through a veil of tears, she can choose right over wrong, even when all are telling her right is what she is doing but it is wrong and she knows this.  And she has chosen wrong time and time again, because I have seen the choices and how she turned further and further - and yet her heart has not.

Please continue in prayer to turn this daughter back home, where she belongs and let the healing begin anew.....