Seeking His Will

How my heart weeps and mourns.  She does not understand, all she can hear is the voice of her own accusations.  Logic no longer prevails, everything is out of context, anger over rides everything.  The wrath of a ginger has befallen me. It has been one tirade after another all weekend long. Just as soon as everyone is gone, she attacks.  Honestly, I would rather have my skull split open with an axe than to go through the abuse being dished out.

Apparently, I am doing the right thing, only just doing everything wrong.  When I attempt to explain - I am mocked.  When I attempt defense - I am choosing a side that is not valid.  When I attempt to be gentle - I am being hateful.  When I refuse to back down - well that is the whole point, isn't it.

If I am to remain faithful to my God, I have a 40 year old vow I must keep.  If I am to remain faithful to my God, I must serve as I am told.  Even Gaelic Girl can agree that I am correct in this.  But, when I am willing to take a stand against those whom would attack my daughter, even if it is the entire family united against her, then I am just plain wrong, blinded, bewitched.

How could my family have so turned to evil - when miracles are literally occurring under this roof, weekly?  How can the changes in her life be so blinded from their view?  How ..... ?

So through the whole of the weekend my family has refused to be in the same room with daughter, and not me if daughter is anywhere near.  And this is my fault.  Their choice now becomes my choice and blame is placed on me for their refusal to any longer live as a family.

Sigh.....

So on Thursday I have a meeting set up with the pastor.  I have no idea what I am to say.  Would he understand that a man has been called to turn a young woman back to God?  Would he understand what it means to be given God's understanding of her?  Would he understand the horror with which one sees another's sin and heart?  Would he understand the damage done to a female when she does not have a father?  Would he understand the adoption process and bonding?  Can the term regression even have any meaning to him?  In my heart I know this is futility, yet I must seek council, but to what end?  .....

Yes, Kris is frustrated and Kris is hurting, and Kris feels betrayed and a host of other painful emotions - and Kris fears abandonment by those he loves.  Yet, I am strong because I know God has by back, I know He has equipped me to face the enemy - but the enemy has assumed the guise of my own family!

And I have a daughter's well being to consider.

Even though I am diabetic, I am going to be fasting tomorrow.  I must have clarity.  I must have spiritual strength.  I must be able to face the accuser, without damaging my family further.

Please be in prayer with me on Monday.  Success will be found, as long I can stand blameless before God in this matter.