Humor

Spouse Hunting Lessons Learned

 (Remembering this is a series based on letters to and from my nephew, and probably the last in this series, you should start at the first post and read back to this point for it to make total sense.)

Don’t go looking for someone.  God will bring them your way if you will wait for Him to do so.  Fill you time with family, friends and the Word.  Be faithful and make yourself the Christian you should be – for that other person.

Prayer and an unwillingness to compromise your beliefs to make someone fit into what you are waiting for is what you must be dedicated to.  Of course, this also means that you have not created a qualification list other than this: ‘Dedicated Christian’, ‘Evidence of God’s Will in leading them to you’.  If you are praying for that cavity free, blonde super model – God probably will desert you to that disaster and you will never know what God really wanted for you.  “In His Will, not mine, Lord.”

For sake of argument, let us say you think you have found what you are looking for.  Now what?

Take an honest look at yourself.  What are your finances like?  Solid education, job and/or career?  Have you managed to leave all of your ‘baggage’ behind you, before you contemplate going forward?  How transparent can you be with another?  How truly mature are you in your understanding of the Lord and His desires?  What is your prayer and study life really like?  The hard question comes now: what was your role model like?  How will you pattern self as a parent?  And, as a spouse?  These are really hard questions you need to answer honestly and work through first.

And where are they in their growth process as you outlined for yourself above?  Where have their emotional needs been damaged and/or under nourished?  Can you mitigate around any problems they are going to be bringing into the marriage?  Each of these are points for you to address with one another openly, honestly and lovingly.  If you can not identify these areas, much less work through them – you will have a disaster on your hands later in your lives together.

Be cautious, but do not alienate the other before you understand whether this is of God or not.  Love, infatuation and raging hormones – all look alike to the examiner.  But, none of them are.  Your basis for marriage must be best-friendship, commitment to one another and love for the Lord.  Whatever you feel now, will slowly age and fade.  That is why so many divorces occur around year three!  If you are not best friends, you will have no basis for your marriage left, very shortly.  Without commitment before marriage, you will not have it later either.  Without your love for the Lord, you have no one to lead you through your marriage – and you need to remember you will only be number 2 in their life, yah, you come right behind God….and that can be a problem situation if you are not in tune with God yourself!

Ok, so you have that indefinable quality to your relationship.  You are friends, you are a “team”, you have seen each other in action across time with each other’s friends and you have also seen where their commitment to the Lord is.  There are no missing areas and no fudging either!  You have peace in your spirit concerning them. 

If you are male – this is a special section just for you!  You get to play the man.  Sorry, this is going to really suck.

You need to have a talk with her father.  You have to be upfront with him.  He needs to know when you are taking his daughter out, where you are taking her, when you have returned her, what you did and what your intentions are.  Even if she is no longer at home and lives with friends or in a dorm – it is still your testimony to this man you are doing your best to be honorable towards him and his daughter.

On the intentions part, you would now be at the point called “courting”.  Where you are wanting to get to know her as a candidate for marriage – and that knowledge includes your becoming somewhat active with her family.  It is important he understands you are not in a rush and expect to take things really slow (like get an education first!  And for her as well!).

If you have not been conducting yourself in this manner, well it is time to start.  You need to comfort this father with the knowledge you are not a predator, your mature behavior with him and by extension to his daughter are what will win him.

If he is not a Christian, expect him to not be accepting of you, he ‘knows’ you only have one thing on your mind…., but it is important his concerns be addressed.  If he gives you a 7:00pm curfew – then you have her home everyday at 6:59, at the latest, no argument!  If he says, “No way will you ‘court’ my daughter.” – then stick with group dating through Church events, fellowship events, whatever, and quietly disappear from his view while his daughter works on him.  (Darn daughters!)  He will not last long against the onslaught of his daughter and eventually his wife as well.  (Darn wives!)

The important thing here is that you are witnessing to him as a Christian, as well as, a prospective suitor of his daughter.  You have to be completely transparent, completely strong against whatever attack you will come under.  Yes, I do expect you to face a miserable time in winning her hand and her parents as well….

Eventually, or maybe even now, she will be living on her own or with friends.  Your duty is still to her father, as long as he will work with you.  But you also must be strong against temptation.  Late hours and frequency of seeing each other can play havoc with the best of intentions.  It is your responsibility to control yourself and the situations you get yourself into!  Remember she is not your wife and may well be the wife of a brother in Christ unknown to either of you – “Do Not Defraud Your Brother”.

Don’t be in a hurry, take your time and be a gentleman at all times!  Remember you goal is to create in her your best friend and visa-versa.  Expect this process to run 3 years!

For now, I would recommend investing in the Boundries series of books.  Go through them together, as a couple, there are some pretty good ideas and some so-so ones.  But, over all, great stuff to pattern your life on now and later.

Hare Culling Program Injuries Reported

High in the hills surrounding the Romande wheat fields, the Swiss military has begun their culling program of the wild hare population, due to continued crop damage.  Initially, the program went well until the troops moved into a remote alpine valley on the night of December 5^th.  Of the 23 soldiers working the valley, 19 were injured with 12 requiring field medical attention.  Three have since been moved to Geneva’s trauma center.

In what must have been an example of life imitating art, an army spokesman has placed blame for the injuries on “…what is appearing to be a new species of rabbit … certainly unlike any encountered before.  The injuries appear to have been all bite related.” 

The spokesman was quoted as saying, “This new rabbit appears to be territorial in nature and quite unlike normal rabbits in aggressiveness.”

When questioned concerning the condition of the soldiers, the spokesman stated, “Rabbits are not carnivorous, therefore no soldiers were eaten.  However, many soldiers suffered numerous bites to their lower legs and arms.  Three of the snipers were severally injured due to their prone positions at the time of the attacks.”

This news of course has been met with a great deal of humor as well as scoffing in the opinion pages and on SuisseCom (our internet provider). 

By this morning, however, one of these rabbits had been caught alive – apparently having bitten into a morphine pack in a medic’s bag.  Well, better that than the medic’s hiney, if you ask me!

So far the rabbit, outside of its striped coat, the hair appears to be something akin to an otters in that it has an extraordinarily thick coat, which is somewhat waterproof and slight webbing to the rear feet, allowing for this breed to swim short distances across alpine streams.  Also unlike rabbits, these do use some form of verbal communication – making little grunts and clicking noises.  All rabbits make squealing sounds so that is not unique to them.

This is so cool!  I am excitedly looking forward to learning more about these and I definitively have got to get me one!  “Hey kids, anyone want to take the rabbit for a walk?”

Heh, heh, heh, heh………

The Arranged Marriage

What teenage boy does not have at least one girl he likes?  Obviously, at some point all of them.  Even I succumbed at one point to liking a girl!  And, I was to learn the hard way how incredibly fickle they can be.  Females!  Ah!  End of story, I was extremely happy without them in my life.

However, my darn parents thinking like old time Europeans, began to search for a bride for me.  Yes, I come from a family where arranged marriages were to assure a spouse of the “proper social status”, as my mother put it so delicately (snort!).  From my mother’s side, she is proudly a descendant of Alpin (Scotland).  From my father’s side: Kyburg,   Zähringen, and Hapsburg  - all Prussian, Hungarian, German, Swiss and Austrian royal families.  Certainly my parents had not bothered up me to this point, but as I was now over 21 and I obviously needed help…..

Mother was all hot over one of three choices, either of two family friend’s daughters or a young Chinese girl she knew – my choice.  I felt three non-Christians were no choice at all.  However, in an attempt to honor my mother, I went through the process of formal introduction. 

The first meeting was an utter disaster for the parents.  I think the girl was named Bridgette, an English girl I had known for several years.  While the parents were ‘talking’ she and I took a walk in her yard.  I can still remember what followed so very well.  She stopped by a cherry tree, the soft pink flowers cascaded down over her.  She turned and said, “You know what they are up to, don’t you?” 

“Yah.” 

“And?”

This was when I saw in her eyes both the fear and the excitement of wondering what my answer was going to be.  Like me, she was trying to satisfy a parental demand, like me, this was not what she wanted and like me, she would have done what was required of her parents.  For the briefest of seconds I thought I could be happy with her.  She was a nominal ‘Christian’ and very soft on the eyes – as a red head can be – but I knew in my heart this was not whom God would have for me. 

I shook my head and said, “Honestly, I want to marry my best friend.”  She smiled, let out a huge gust of wind, grabbed me and spun me around while she laughed with glee.  We had a great rest of the day.  The parents were not too happy with us though.

Candidate number two did not fair well at all.  Yvonne, was a tall blonde from a wealthy military family.  I did not know her at all.  It was obvious she had not taken the news well on what her parents were up to and had spent much time loosing a week’s worth of food before we arrived.  I think the evening was over when she managed to dump a 15 pound ham in my lap with all the drippings.  Trying not to scream was the only thought to run through my mind as she rushed for the toilet yet again…  I headed for the hospital as I had some very nasty burns in very tender areas and the suit had to be thrown away as they had to cut it off.

The Chinese girl was actually the daughter of a woman my mother had sponsored as an immigrant from Vietnam.  This was never a consideration as I think being able to talk with a prospective spouse to be very important and honestly, she was way to young.  But, for some reason, I did something I had never done before, nor again, I laid my hands on her head and prayed over her for God’s leading and protection in her life.  Somehow, I think she understood, it was very weird.  She did go on in life to become a Christian, so that was a great answer to that odd prayer!  (As I reread this, I am reminded just how weird this was!)

Now, father and mother stopped fighting with each other long enough to do some real research and finally selected a young French girl as fitting for me.  Honestly, she was one troubled girl whom really needed Christ in her life.  But, she grew up in an atheist family, so had no need for anyone except herself.  And, the families were most adamant over this marriage!  Worse, she was one of my sister’s friends – so I caught must venom from my sister over this one!  And, I was the innocent one here.

I went out with her a few times.  She was pleasant, self assured, very intelligent and the first blonde I had ever seen I thought was good looking.  Honestly, I could have been very happy with her - but, she just was not a Christian.  And, she had no interest in being a Christian either.  It also turned out she hated men – with a passion I still do not fully understand.  Sometimes when I was with her I honestly feared she was a sociopath and for my own safety!  She could be really unstable at times!

What was I to do?  I was trapped and she was rather excited about the possibilities!  Oh did I pray for a miracle!

God’s answer was not what anyone could have expected.  We went to a movie one night, The Thirteen Chairs, and she got into a big fight with one of the other patrons of the theater – a guy of course.  Later, we then had a fight over the fact I had not intervened – plus I thought she was in the wrong on this one.  So, she would not talk to me when I called over the next several days.  Now at the time, I was teaching shooting with a friend and to make a long story short – I ended up getting shot in the back.  So, I am now out of the picture for about 6 weeks – of course, this is over the Christmas holiday.

I went to see her following my recovery but now she would not talk to me because I had not called her for six weeks!  Argh!  Females!  And suddenly I realized I was free.   Thank you Jesus!

Ok, these are not exactly choice examples for arranged marriages, but they are true!  In God’s view the process of having your father choose your spouse worked very well through human history into the 20^th century and the dawning of the Hollywood age, but only under two conditions.  First, your father was a believer (not a pretend one!) and secondly, his choice was being made in your best interest – not his own.

So, it is safe to say that today we have no Biblical example of choosing a spouse, inside of our culture.

Dating

European Group Dating

Now, I grew up in an atheist household, in a society of an era where the concept of dating did not exist.  Groups of youth would go everywhere and do everything together.  We could go around Switzerland skiing, to the Riviera for field trips, over to Luxembourg for lunch, mushroom collecting in the forests, whatever.  Guys and gals might be paired, might not, it was of no importance to anyone.  Certainly, you would never have found a single guy with a single girl anywhere together, unless they were already engaged or married!  The point was you were getting to know members of the opposite sex and how they behaved in a group – the only reasonable way to actually get to know someone.  Very safe, very sane.

Oh, and I might add, if you offered to kiss someone, it was an offer of engagement!  With apologies to the US DOD – “Loose Lips, Tie Cords, Not Easily Broken”, especially in small villages.

American Dating

I had four years of schooling in America, where no one followed the European model and kids primarily paired up for the purposes of uhm, er, exploration/exploitation.  I also found most American teenage girls I met to be certifiably insane and definitely not safe to be around. 

I did have an American girlfriend for a short period though.  But as non-Christians, we truly had no idea what love was nor proper behavior.  Not exactly the basis for a long term relationship!  However, we never went on a single date.  We were doomed from the start though and eventually split up due to the pressure just being too great from our families when my father started dating her older sister!

Observations on Dating

I believe dating is strictly for the finding of your spouse, not for going out and having fun.  Having fun is done in groups, not one on one!  One on one is how ‘accidents’ happen, but if you had run around as a group for some period of time you already have standards in place with the one you actually decide to date.  Also, in group settings you can learn what someone is really like.  When bowling, how does he behave around the other guys, when losing, when winning, with other women?  Big character show stoppers there.  I had a friend whom had a model for a best friend.  Her final test before dating any guy was to go out as a group with the model on the last group outing.  Very few guys passed the test…….  The model got lots of offers though!

I would guess that before the age of 19, dating is a really bad idea.  Until the early 20’s, it is questionable as well.  Women go through a maturing right around 22-25, where they seem to suddenly become very comfortable with whom they are and far more selective.  Unfortunately, guys are not so picky and will go out with anything that blinks their eyes at them.

A Pursuit?

What is important for you is to pray for the emotional and moral safety of whomever God has for you.  I do not believe in random chance.  You and him are too important for a detail like marriage and a joint ministry to be left to hormones to figure out.  Yes, they will be a Christian, we know this from Paul’s writings.  So, that eliminates about 80% of the guys you will ever meet or about 20% of the females.  Remember there are no coincidences, so maybe that guy who was nice enough to change a flat, or help you at the market, might just be someone you should know more about – even if you think they are ‘gag-meat’.

Ok, hormones get in the way.  It happens.  I have known dozens whom did not choose a Christian spouse.  It costs them emotionally when their spouses dos not share their faith and worship with them.  Fights erupt over tithing, or whether children can go to church, etc, etc, etc.   So be very careful with your heart and keep your eyes on God.  He can take care of the rest.  Make sense?

Also, it is entirely possible that God may not have a spouse for you.  Sure you could go out and grab one – at least for a while.  But, you would be miserable.  Some of my friends have gotten married as late as 40, before their spouse was ready for them (or visa-versa!).  Some are now in their 50’s and have never found anyone they would have even asked on a date.  The only important issue is not that you go looking, but that you prepare yourself in your walk with God and let Him handle the details.

In My Life

Ok, nice theories but can you walk the talk?  I will talk about me personally, in another posting.  But, I want to stick with the dating question:

First off, I have no children.  But, my life has been filled with children, I am the guy the police call, or the church elders call, even the Japanese embassy once!  Anytime a kid is getting themselves in too deep in the area, I get a call.  I now have had 4 foster daughters and 3 god-daughters.  I have 8 god-sons and 1 foster son!  I also have some 13 kids through the years whom were so special; they became a member of my life permanently.  So, ‘my kids’ currently are between 2 years old and 31 – all of the young ones are the god-children, thank heavens!  I take my duties as father or god-father extremely seriously.  I take the need for a youth to have a solid male role model equally as serious.

When a child of ‘mine’ has shown maturity and responsibility, whether they live with me or not at that time, I tell them when they can go on a group ‘date’ with a bunch of friends to a movie or school dance.  Something as simple as just hanging out around town, is controlled.  And they know there will be no pairing up and no activities outside of the group setting.  Yes, I have been known to be quite the town pain on this issue!  But, the kids respect boundaries, heavens even their friends most of the time do!  But, then this also means I have gained the respect of those youth as well.  Most of these youth I began working with when they were between 11 and 15.

Eventually, ‘dating’ will rear its ugly head, so at 17 or maybe even 18 (probably 30 for one of them!) they can go out but again there are rules:

1)  Other person must be a Christian – unfortunately one of the girls will believe anyone is a Christian so she can go out, but I have that darn gift of discernment!  Yes, she gets mighty unhappy with me because I do know exactly where people and situations are coming from….  (But, she is willful if nothing else.) 

2)  There is a precise itinerary of time and places.  Yes, I am evil and I do check up on where you are to be when.  Trust must be earned!

3)  No teenage guy will ever drive one of my girls without first demonstrating they fully understand she is my most precious possession and they had better have a strong fear of God (and me!) in them before they ever get behind the wheel with one of my girls!

4)  If I smell a rat, no date.  Real simple.

Do I get success with this approach?  Well it depends upon the kid.  Some will buck and kick for all they are worth, find out I am completely right and become my best witness to the next generation of kids.  Some are going to do what they want to, no matter what.  And, I try to be flexible enough to pick up the pieces when they are usually thrown out by their parents.  However, for substance abuse – you go to the hospital long before you come to me.

Unfortunately, I have had some losses.  My oldest god-daughter was lost to drugs and the fashion industry, I still hear from her but it breaks my heart.  My oldest daughter tried to go the same route; it is hard to get straight answers from anyone – which usually means a real problem has developed.  My first foster daughter disappeared into the Goth death culture and it is a real spiritual battle to reclaim her.  The first two special kids committed suicide.

Like any adult involved in the lives of youth – you can not make their choices for them, you can only show them what is right and wrong, then celebrate or weep with them when they have made their choices.  And when something as destructive as America’s dating culture becomes the new standard – you must have a Godly and workable response for it…..

Dating - Worldly Approach

Thursday, December 30, 2004 - Page updated at 12:00 A.M.

Hey, Cinderella: Resolve to be true to yourself after midnight

By Donna Amoranto

Seattle Times staff

If the shoe fits, wear it! If the guy's there, date him? Some sayings don't translate, at least not in the high-stakes world of dating. Deborah Hendrickson, 29, of Renton laments, "Why can't I just find a normal guy to hang out with?" Fair question.

If you log on to most dating sites, you'll see hundreds of profiles — but make very few connections. Walk into a club, you'll see men scoping you from afar. They check you out, they ask you to dance, they may even take you home, but will they take you to dinner? Will they stick around long enough to find out your favorite Smurf? In this world of wired connections, not many folks are making lasting connections.

What's the problem? Well, it turns out there's more than one.

The dating world of 30 years ago is vastly different than today's emotional and social quagmire. The social traditions of yesterday seem old-fashioned, if not poor form. Being too feminine or too masculine is frowned upon. But where's the new rule book? It's hard to know how to make connections, who you're supposed to be, how you're supposed to act.

Marriage also appears to be an endangered species. People are waiting longer to get married, and still, more than half of all marriages are doomed. And if you're one of those who didn't get your happily-ever-after the first time, it's hard to start over.

Then there's sex; TV and movies remind us constantly that sex sells. In fact, sex has become something to be had, not something to be shared with the one you love. But it seems as though sexual freedom has come at the expense of mature relationships. If the sex is there, does anything else matter? What about conflict resolution, learning how to love someone, watching him or her grow, going the distance?

And let's don't forget the worship we do at the altar of unattainable beauty. Our society gives special attention to those who fit into the Victoria's Secret mold. Some people who are perfectly suitable as a life partner are harder to spot when we are blinded by Hollywood lights. Sadly, we no longer think it's important to take the time to see them for who they really are.

So, as we start a new year, how do we regroup and resolve to change our own situations? Here are some tips — mini-resolutions, if you will — that I, for one, will be following this year:

1. Learn the art of contentment

If you're not a happily single person, you can't be a happily coupled person. Learn to deal with the fact that you're single. Embrace it — savor it. Learn to enjoy your own company.

2. Be real; anyone you're with should want you as you are

Be honest with yourself as well as others. Can you really bench that much weight? Do you really make that much money? Is it too much to drop the act and just be yourself? Enough with the embellishments. Trust me, the payoff will be worth it.

3. Know yourself

Be fearless and ask yourself: Who are you, really? What are your shortcomings and strengths? What are your true priorities, both for your own life and in a potential partner?

4. Find the answer to the question: Am I worth it?

Stop jumping from relationship to relationship. Stop torturing yourself to stay with a person who you know deep down is bad for you. Don't be a doormat. Find your worth somewhere else.

5. Get past first impressions

Come on, how shallow is that? Face it, you need more information. Go on at least two dates before you dismiss someone.

6. Examine your motives

Why do you want to be connected? If you're trying to get over someone else, for instance, that puts a pretty big burden on anyone new entering the picture. Try to get at least some of your relationship needs met by those you might be taking for granted — family, friends, even your faith.

7. Dispel your expectations

Don't compare your next date with Jude Law or the girl on the cover of this month's Maxim. I hate to break it to you, but those people aren't real. The rest of us mortals live in the real world where people aren't airbrushed and bloopers can't be confined to a "gag reel."

8. Boil the water, but don't watch or, God forbid, overanalyze the pot

Use the Internet if you must, but get out there. Meet people face to face. Be active in your dating life without forcing or analyzing things that aren't in your control.

9. Take your time

What's your hurry? My grandma told me to "collect, collect, and then select." Finding and choosing a mate takes time — or at least it should. If the odds of finding a relationship that lasts are against you, you might as well take your time finding the person you want to beat them with.

10. Get a life

Don't spend all your time looking. There's more to life than the chase. Be available and plugged in to your family. Be the best friend you can be. Get a job. Get a hobby. Find a good church. Be part of your community. Make sure the whole world loves you — it makes you irresistible.

Is He The One?

Pragmatism is a disease within our Christian Bodies and has become the basis now for Christian thought and direction - replacing God completely!  Even the average Christian can no longer answer the question, "How will I know God's will for xyz situation?"!  And this is because we have allowed Christian belief, based on experience, to replace study, prayer and fasting.  

The answer plainly evident in Scripture is:

• When every door is closed,
• When "everyone" is against you,
• When you are so exhausted there is no hope left,
• There is where you will find God's answers!

Yeah, we must be "broken" in order to hear and understand God.  I have proof, want to see the x-rays?  Hmmm, another blog topic……..

Not every situation is going to be so desperate in finding God's answers in life but you have to understand that until you are dependent upon Him for everything, he doesn't have a great deal of use for you.  And, once you have been there, you will never be the same person again.  I think maybe now you are getting the idea: for you it is not important whether "He is the one!" - the question for you to answer: "Are you the one?".

Yeah, a different perspective - nothing in our Christian walk is about "I", "me", or even "us".  So, have you created within yourself the woman whom would be the compliment to any man for that matter?  And do you know where God is going to take him?  And, it may not be you, maybe it is "xyz" or no one at all.  But the decision you make must be based upon God's direct leading.  Each of you should be regularly in the Word, alone, together, combined, just being there is what is important.  Each of you should be regularly in prayer - alone, together, combined - all of the above!  Prayer is your pipeline to God, it is what He gave us to let our minds, heart and Spirit confirm to Him that we understand our place and His.  And your walk - we each know what we are like in our hearts, we each know our own failings, and we need to stay on top of our sin natures: to keep them in control and to remain in confession so our adversary has no material to use against us - before God or the world or even "that special someone".

So, if you understand the above, you know I would not tell you, "Yeah, God told me you two are perfect for each other.  Rope 'em and hitch 'em!"  Even if I believed He did tell me so.  Why? Because you are a Christian and God will tell you Himself when the time is right and your heart is right.  Until then - you just wait and do not even think of out guessing God!  Anyone whom would tell you differently in your lives - should be ignored.

Now, what I will say is this -

You are both real young right now and getting a solid footing under you is extremely important.  The more tools you give yourselves, the broader your lives will be either together or alone in God, either in the world or working for Him.  Which is why I said both you and him need to focus on your educations.  Oh sure, you can do just fine without a college education, but it certainly will not hurt you in the long run!  I never graduated from college, I sit 24 credits from doing so, for decades because I will not take humanities (long story).  But, I gained the knowledge I needed by going and working towards my doctorate in Apologetics.  Yeah, I have all of the course work done, just no bachelor's to hang it on.  This would become a tremendously long letter were I to tell how God has used those study efforts for His purposes.  In fact had I not of gone to college, this email would not even have existed as I could not have overcome my problems with written English!

Remember, your most important job is to satisfy yourself that any perspective young man is actually a Christian - job one is fruit inspection!  I expect my nephew to pass the test, but you are the one on the hook to God to have done this yourself, since you lack a father of Christian discernment.  Then, become that successful young man's -  best friend.  That friendship is what will make marriage material out of both of you.

As an Uncle -

I have long been impressed with him.  He hasn't had the happiest of lives yet through that, he found Christ.  And, I know, it is a real faith inside of him and this impresses me.  Just the fact he asked me about you, creating this cavalcade of emails, makes me a little embarrassed, a little excited and a little hopeful for the best for him and for you as well.  He is very much to the product of prayer, by a great many people whom even he does not know.  I see God's hand on him and though some of his decisions have left me, er, very worried, I continue to see God leading him.  Whew!  What could have been horrible, turns out ok - hmm, Romans 8:28.

Do not rush him, I think he will be a great catch when the timing is there from God.  Comfort him that nothing needs to be today or tomorrow - you are not going anywhere.

As your brother in Christ -

 You have impressed me, through so few of words, as few young women have.  I will join in prayer with you over the Lord's leading in your life:  That He will lead you, so you may be prepared, for His future in your life.  And, if you need an electronic shoulder or an ear to chew, I will be here.  (The number of times I have ever made that offer are mighty small, so be flattered!)

Consider reading the Book of Ruth.  Study this book, not from the standpoint of, "Oh look a little book in the Old Testament" but from the standpoint of understanding why she did what she did - how did God prepare her - how would you have reacted under the same situations - etc.  This is a great look at why - living your life so that you are ready to be used by God - is important.