What teenage boy does not have at least one girl he likes? Obviously, at some point all of them. Even I succumbed at one point to liking a girl! And, I was to learn the hard way how incredibly fickle they can be. Females! Ah! End of story, I was extremely happy without them in my life.
However, my darn parents thinking like old time Europeans, began to search for a bride for me. Yes, I come from a family where arranged marriages were to assure a spouse of the “proper social status”, as my mother put it so delicately (snort!). From my mother’s side, she is proudly a descendant of Alpin (Scotland). From my father’s side: Kyburg, Zähringen, and Hapsburg - all Prussian, Hungarian, German, Swiss and Austrian royal families. Certainly my parents had not bothered up me to this point, but as I was now over 21 and I obviously needed help…..
Mother was all hot over one of three choices, either of two family friend’s daughters or a young Chinese girl she knew – my choice. I felt three non-Christians were no choice at all. However, in an attempt to honor my mother, I went through the process of formal introduction.
The first meeting was an utter disaster for the parents. I think the girl was named Bridgette, an English girl I had known for several years. While the parents were ‘talking’ she and I took a walk in her yard. I can still remember what followed so very well. She stopped by a cherry tree, the soft pink flowers cascaded down over her. She turned and said, “You know what they are up to, don’t you?”
“Yah.”
“And?”
This was when I saw in her eyes both the fear and the excitement of wondering what my answer was going to be. Like me, she was trying to satisfy a parental demand, like me, this was not what she wanted and like me, she would have done what was required of her parents. For the briefest of seconds I thought I could be happy with her. She was a nominal ‘Christian’ and very soft on the eyes – as a red head can be – but I knew in my heart this was not whom God would have for me.
I shook my head and said, “Honestly, I want to marry my best friend.” She smiled, let out a huge gust of wind, grabbed me and spun me around while she laughed with glee. We had a great rest of the day. The parents were not too happy with us though.
Candidate number two did not fair well at all. Yvonne, was a tall blonde from a wealthy military family. I did not know her at all. It was obvious she had not taken the news well on what her parents were up to and had spent much time loosing a week’s worth of food before we arrived. I think the evening was over when she managed to dump a 15 pound ham in my lap with all the drippings. Trying not to scream was the only thought to run through my mind as she rushed for the toilet yet again… I headed for the hospital as I had some very nasty burns in very tender areas and the suit had to be thrown away as they had to cut it off.
The Chinese girl was actually the daughter of a woman my mother had sponsored as an immigrant from Vietnam. This was never a consideration as I think being able to talk with a prospective spouse to be very important and honestly, she was way to young. But, for some reason, I did something I had never done before, nor again, I laid my hands on her head and prayed over her for God’s leading and protection in her life. Somehow, I think she understood, it was very weird. She did go on in life to become a Christian, so that was a great answer to that odd prayer! (As I reread this, I am reminded just how weird this was!)
Now, father and mother stopped fighting with each other long enough to do some real research and finally selected a young French girl as fitting for me. Honestly, she was one troubled girl whom really needed Christ in her life. But, she grew up in an atheist family, so had no need for anyone except herself. And, the families were most adamant over this marriage! Worse, she was one of my sister’s friends – so I caught must venom from my sister over this one! And, I was the innocent one here.
I went out with her a few times. She was pleasant, self assured, very intelligent and the first blonde I had ever seen I thought was good looking. Honestly, I could have been very happy with her - but, she just was not a Christian. And, she had no interest in being a Christian either. It also turned out she hated men – with a passion I still do not fully understand. Sometimes when I was with her I honestly feared she was a sociopath and for my own safety! She could be really unstable at times!
What was I to do? I was trapped and she was rather excited about the possibilities! Oh did I pray for a miracle!
God’s answer was not what anyone could have expected. We went to a movie one night, The Thirteen Chairs, and she got into a big fight with one of the other patrons of the theater – a guy of course. Later, we then had a fight over the fact I had not intervened – plus I thought she was in the wrong on this one. So, she would not talk to me when I called over the next several days. Now at the time, I was teaching shooting with a friend and to make a long story short – I ended up getting shot in the back. So, I am now out of the picture for about 6 weeks – of course, this is over the Christmas holiday.
I went to see her following my recovery but now she would not talk to me because I had not called her for six weeks! Argh! Females! And suddenly I realized I was free. Thank you Jesus!
Ok, these are not exactly choice examples for arranged marriages, but they are true! In God’s view the process of having your father choose your spouse worked very well through human history into the 20th century and the dawning of the Hollywood age, but only under two conditions. First, your father was a believer (not a pretend one!) and secondly, his choice was being made in your best interest – not his own.
So, it is safe to say that today we have no Biblical example of choosing a spouse, inside of our culture.
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