Smart Ass

Okay, I have always been the first to admit that I am a smart ass.  Usually this feature raises its ugly head at exactly the wrong moment and always before the wrong audience.

Take for instance when Gaelic Girl returned from her latest outing.  Uncharacteristically, she decided to tell me about going to an outlet mall because one of the women in the group wanted to buy some bamboo underwear ...

Me: Bamboo?

GG:  Yeah.

Me:  Real bamboo?

GG: Well it is not like it is made out of unprocessed wood.

Me:  Well, God help her if she goes to the zoo and the panda bears all escape ....

I was howling with laughter all alone over that one ...
I still think that was hilarious!

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I had to call Comcast for a device replacement activation.  And into automatic computer voice hell I descended, where the term "No" means to do what ever the machine darn well wants to do!

So, I am shouting "NO, NO, NO, NO!", into the phone and computer is doing whatever it wants and Gaelic Girl explodes because I am being abusive to a computer!

Really?
Abusive to a computer?
Abusive is when I broke a fist on an IBM 360 master console because the POC design engineer from IBM was not there for me to pummel!  And Hutterite, or not, he was going to die in that moment ...

Four hours later GG calls to ask if I am finished being abusive to the Comcast computer.
I told her that Comcast needed a real automation system and she needed to get a life.

I had a contract back in the 1980's with the US Navy creating a voice activated system which did work, so yeah it is possible and inexcusable that with advances in technology, a system this bad was created!

I am still smiling from the look on that pissed off face as well ...

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As you may know, if you are a regular reader, I have a shattered foot and an ankle broken in two places.  Problem is, it is the result of a degenerative bone disease caused by my klutziness and a problem with blood sugar levels.

Yeah, boring as spit.

So, I told the last person if they wanted the long story or the short story.  The selected short, so I told them about how I tripped on some stairs while rescuing a box full of kittens in a smoke filled house.  They got to laughing so hard that I have to think up another story.

I never could lie very well!

Of course if you have a better story please share!