Watching You

Friday I had a meeting with the pastor to review where Yesfir is, I am trying to do the right thing and if I can't use my pastor then why be at this church?!?!?.  In some regards it was very funny and in others a little frustrating. But, this is not about daughter for a change, it is about part of the conversation.

Now, as we talked he asked me about my emotional security in this relationship - his unstated concern - how close is Kris to going sideways?  In order to answer that question, I had to confide my little problem of being a "perfect" sociopath.  "Perfect" refers to the complete absence of what everyone else knows as emotion.  Sort of like being dead on the inside, at least compared to those I know whom are - very emotive in my life.  So, the pastor was a little taken back by this.  Lets face it, a functional sociopath is not exactly a common occurrence.  And so, just like the psychologist I had to be interviewed by back in December (you can find the story there), he wanted to know how it is that I can be functional.....

Yeah, something daughter tried to wrap herself around as well.  I can pretend very well, but you would have to know me to understand the mental ability it takes to do this!  How does someone with no emotion function?  Well, God gave me a double dose of Discernment very early on in my Christian walk.  Daughter thinks this has to do with the ability to protect myself - otherwise I would be perhaps not so functional!

So, pastor is thoughtful and comments at what can I know from Discernment?  So, I listed off some standard stuff that did not impress him, so I continued with: I can tell you what separates you from God....

He jumped a little and with quite a shocked looked at me and said, "Really?".  So I confirmed this and added that I only comment to a person on what I know if God leads me into the importance of commenting on this because He wants to reach out to them.  Yeah, through the years there have been more than a few surprised people!  It even led to a Rabbi coming to salvation - but first we had to battle through the Old Testament for three days and nights straight - before he could understand that he really had not gone crazy.....  Thank you Paul for the Hebrew perspective!

The pastor quietly turned away from me at the table and for the rest of lunch would not look me in the face. 

People tend to think of Discernment as some form of fortune-telling, or magic trick that some Christians can use to help direct the activities of other Christians.  Little thought is given to the concept that this gift is communication from the Holy Spirit, whom is watching you, and whom does tell those whom He will about you - when it fits His purpose.  So, should you meet me, know that secrets are sort of worthless around me.  And if you know someone close to you with Discernment, then know that may well be true for them as well, about you.....

Yeah, one of those reasons to live your entire life in transparent honesty and love with one another, as well as, yourself.