Happy, Angry, Sad.....

Stumbling around on my my computer today and found pictures of my first three girlfriends on the internet!  Wasn't exactly looking for them but it was one of those "guess whom has been searching for you on the internet" things.  Just for laughs I clicked the button.

So, I am HAPPY to have found pictures of them, as I did not have a camera that film was available for here in America (closest thing was a 136 and no longer made when I came over), so no photos or really bad ones from friends.  ANGRY because this stirred up a great many memories for me.  And SAD because, well, I hate losing friends and each was very special in my life.

And throwing caution to the wind, as I do try and respect people's privacy:

HAPPY - This is Helen.  She was my first girlfriend and the only one through all of high school whom pretty much would even talk to me.  I thought life would have kept us together.  I guess I was wrong, we were both young and idealistic and probably stupid as well.  Lesson: long distance relationships do not work - was driven home terribly hard.  It did not help that her older sister became my father's seventh wife - though I never saw her again as it was.

Seeing this picture really has cut into my heart.  I guess unresolved wounds really do not go away.  I trusted her unconditionally and never had the chance to really get to what did happen to have sucked her into the arms of another.  I am sure it was for the best, the whole father marrying her sister thing really would have made for a real mess a decade later!

Thirty years later my father went way out of his way to try and get me to call her and see if she would have me back.  I can't think of why he did this, unless it was some form of dementia setting in.  It is possible she never wants to see or hear from me again!  But, I still covet her friendship, if that ever should happen again (pssst! I am on facebook!).

ANGRY - Second up and several years later was Deborah.  You know her as the Swedish Model in this blog.  This probably is the WORST photo I have ever seen of her!  She really did not look much like this at all and I think this must have been taken from her driver's license!  And yes, she really is Swedish and was a model, as was her mother on both counts!

We met at her church, I had popped in for Sunday services and something "happened".  I think if she had looked like this, nothing would have ever "happened"!  LOL!  I was very happy with my bachelor status, was not looking for anyone in my life.  Somehow, with neither of us even trying we captivated each other.  But, her parents hated me - I was German and had no understanding of their customs or Christian ways.  I was just barely even a Christian myself!  And having now been a father of three daughters, I guess I can better understand their reaction to me - especially if she was anything like my daughters at home!

Well, enough said about her, her story is documented elsewhere in this blog.  Lesson: females are fickle and never to be trusted with your heart.....

SAD - Which brings us to Patricia.  Poor Patricia, she had the worse of it from me.  My heart was destroyed by the two women I had trusted and there was nothing left.  Our parents were actually behind this mess up - they decided that we would be great together.  From father's stand point I was Hapsburg/Kyburg and titled, she was House of Burgundy - so, close enough for government work!  Unfortunately, I doubt Patricia really liked men, she trusted me and thought me an oddity, but no there was no love in her for me.  And as I said, my heart was dead.

We did not exactly part company on very amiable terms, for which I am eternally sorry.  I really did want to be her friend but she had these ignoble ideals about men and I just got tired of fighting with her.  It was so bad that believe it or not I never talked to another blonde woman again!  Yeah, it was in God's humor he gave me two blonde daughters to adopt and then a "pseudo-blonde" internet friend whom was to be very pivotal in changing my life.

As for Patricia, we are again friends albeit on FaceBook anyway.  I guess she has gotten beyond the problem and I look forward to seeing her again one day - without all of the "pressure".  Was there a lesson to be learned from my relationship with Pat?  Yeah, do not let parents interfere with your love life!  Sheesh!

As I think about on all of these young women, they all had the same traits in common: strong willed, self assured, very intelligent.  They had their difference too: Helen was musically gifted, Deborah was an artist and Patricia super organized (think of administrator type!).  And they all had the same problem: incredibly low self esteem.  Honest I do not know why any of them should have - they all had way too much going for them!

Well, I am past the memories now and can get on with my day.....
:^)