Cotton Candy Girl

So, thought it might be fun to remember how I came about meeting Cotton Candy Girl, whom I stumbled upon on Saturday at an antique show.

I had a pretty tough class about 20 years ago.  I was told not to take it as the kids were all prison material, that was the exiting teacher's comment.  So, I was intrigued.

By the end of the first class I had won over 45 hard cases to the intrigues of knowing a God no one had ever told them about before.  Also being able to speak their language in answering their questions helped a great deal as well.

One of the young men was a punk rocker, albeit a preacher's kid in real rebellion.  He wanted to shock me, I shocked him instead - when I told him I was him, 30 years earlier. 

After a few months, he brought his girlfriend from school, also a preacher's kid.  As normal and sweet as you could ever hope to find in a teenage girl.  Then I knew my angry young man, was actually going to do alright and make it, he just needed encouragement and not judgement.

She came for four years, as did he, they were a model couple and I often used them before their marriage for talks on love/hormones/etc.  They were proof you can make it through those tough years and have a Christian witness on the other side of them.  It was one of those gratifing moments in youth work which are so very rare.  (it also did not hurt that they knew of my discernment and were terrified of me!)

Of course, after marriage she adapted his lifestyle, but not his borderline faith.  So, yeah, tattoos, piercings and cotton candy hair but with the same sweet spirit which still defines her.

I still love the two of them dearly, I think of him often and it makes me smile to think that God used me to make a difference in the lives of a very young couple.   Through his post educational struggles I have continued to encourage him and he has done well in providing for his family, but he finds it impossible to accept the gruel dished out by the local churches (and I have to agree there!).  She also is doing well but just wants a church home and is frustrated because he will not settle down in one, even for their kids' sake.

Yeah, time to be encouraging again it seems.

If I love you, you get either unabashed Kris to get in your face or the silent Kris, whom is in prayer for you.  So, if you think I have forgotten because you have not heard from me - it is far from the truth. 

:)

I Am Reminded

What a fascinating day Wednesday was.  Niece had about 2,000 questions concerning her new life  and walk in God and yeah, it was great for me to even remind myself of a few things.  So, no this is not reflective of Niece, but of my examples I used to talk her through her questions.

We all have a past without God, so given that, how did that affect where I should be with God?
Well, if you were 12 when you discovered the real God, then you will have a rich full life walking in His Spirit if you are able to.  If you were 40, well, you will still be walking in His Spirit and still doing what He wants.  Difference?  We place a value on that lost time, God does not seem to hold that against us.  By extention:

I have made a real mess of things and now He hates me.
Show me the one whom does not fail, and I will show you a liar, with apologies to Milton Berle.
We all fail, we can thank that darn human nature for those failures, they may grow rare across time but they will be there until we are perfected through death.
So, you decided to take charge of your life and live it without His input?  Welcome to humanity.  But, through constant confession and acceptance of his forgiveness, without condition, we continue to move forward in our walk with Him.  The trick is eventually being able to let go and allow Him to lead.....  It is called walking by faith and not very popular anymore.

So, I walked my walk and did not listen and now God will not use me.
Contrary to popular belief, God knew your failures long before you were born.  He knew what it would take to bring you to Him in real repentance, He knew what it would take for you to turn it ALL over to Him, He knew everything - but He allows you the freedom to really mess up and then welcome you back and gently move you forward.
I like to compare God to sort of like a GPS system.  You are told your path, you deviate and it recalculates what it will take to get you where you need to be.  Mess up again?  Recalculate again.  God, is very flexible, His goal is to assist you in getting you where He needs you.  And that may very well be over a rough road, without which you might have been of no use what so ever!

No He can not use me now!
I hear this one a great deal!  And the answer is, "Really?". 
You are a teenage expectant mother, and think your testimony will have no impact on other teenagers?  I have seen an entire church brought to its knees by a pregnant teen, whom took over the stage to confess, apologize and ask forgiveness.  Think that had an impact?  Wow!  Conversely, she could have started a ministry reaching out to other teens, helping them cope as she had to learn how to do.  Two approaches, both valid.

I want the "forget it all" pill.
Sorry, if it existed, I would taken that one!  We have our memories, we have our past, we are stuck with them.  But, the point is not be ruled by those memories or that past.  With time, they can grow dim, perhaps even forgot, but it is amazing how little it takes to flash them once again before our mind's eye.  Return of the condemnation, return of the self loathing, return of the need for Him.  So, I am not going to be defined by the horrible and incredibly violent person I was before I became a Christian.  Equally, I will never forget what I have done to others - I want to remember their faces and their pain - not to let it define me but to always remind myself what I am capable of apart from God.  Equally, I want to remember the freedom in the eyes of each person I have led to the Lord.....

So, I am reminded.
We all fail.
We all have the ability to agree with God concerning that failure.
We all have the ability to turn from our past and walk a new direction.
We all have the ability to be anything our God desires of us: Free, Bond or Slave - His choice.
We all have the ability to bring either shame or glory to His name.
We all have the ability to serve one another in love, apathy or hate.
We all have the ability to walk His path, with His assistance.
We all have the ability to become nothing for His sake.
We all have the ability to wear the crown of the Martyr or the Conqueror.
We will all stand before Him one day, show Him what we did with what we got.....

My mentors, a lifetime ago: Bill Bright, (i forgot your first name) Innes, Jess Moody, Francis Schaeffer, Dale Swanson - all invested heavily in the worse scum of the earth (me).  What they showed me was not a philosophical God bound up in books, but a living breathing God - whom is there, whom is all powerful, whom is very, very real.

And it has taken the beating I have endured across the past 18 months for me to say, "ENOUGH!", and take a stand once again for the real God, not the one of this age.  Yeah, not real popular with my family now, not real popular with my church, etc.  But, I was not called to be popular - I was called to be a witness for Him.  Sure, I have fouled up with regularity, but I am not going to let those failures define, it is over.  I have a walk to walk, a path to be on, and I feel God's hand pushing ever so gently in directions that I fear but I recognize it - I just have no idea how to respond currently. 

Other than on my good knee.....

The Gospel in 4 Verses

If you would like a solid, short passage on the Gospel of Jesus:  John 17:1-5

2.  Jesus has all authority.

3. Jesus gives eternal life.

4.  Jesus took our place in death (this would be in payment for the Abrahamic Covenant.....).

5.  Jesus is God.

Yup, gotta love that John, really knows how to keep it short and sweet!

:)

Hansel and Gretel

Here is a money saving tip for you: do not go to see this film!

I had hoped for something campy, you know really horrible, a Kris must own movie!  What I got was horrible alright but it is not an owner film in the least!

So, Niece and I went for the viewing - but she had to keep burying her face in my armpit, yeah it was that disgusting at times.  I offered to leave for her sake several times but she wanted to stick it out.  Really, it would have been fine with me to walk on that one.  Finally I had to decide she just like Old Spice deodorant.....

Gore is all this film has to offer and if you are into entrals hanging off the shrubbery, it is probably the film for you.

A big NO to this one.....

Blast From The Past

I was working an antique show again this weekend, long hard hours but it helps keep beans on the table.....

So, I am in this building about 4 acres in size and there are some 5,000 shoppers plus several hundred booths set up - so a miserable pain to traverse.  My booth is of course in the rear of the building and the snack bar in the front, so I get to wade through the crowd to get a lemonade and then again back.  But, having battled the crowd to the snack bar, I skirt the edge of the show along the side hoping to make a faster return to my booth.  It was not to be.

I was about half way back when my mind told me there was something odd - a face in the wrong place, someone I knew from the past, from another place and time, so i scanned the crowd around me to see what my mind had already.  And there she was, one of "my girls" from twenty years ago.....

Holy Moley!  She was not hard to miss - cotton candy colored hair with a blue touch, piercings, tatoos, pushing a baby stroller and her bright blue eyes met mine and she was in my arms faster than I could remember her name!  Yeah, she was always in my top five.  Not because she was troubled, or physically attractive to me, but because she possessed an honest desire to know and serve God.

So for the next 90 minutes we talked about life, the universe, her marriage and why on earth was she here!  Seems husband got a job at MicroSquish, they lives about 60 miles away, she was bored and very much in need of prayer.  With God there are no coincidences, He brought us together because we both need prayer in all aspects of life.  He is so cool that way.  It was an awesome reunion.

Later I saw her mother and talked with her for a while as well, she is over visiting and seeing the grandchildren.  Seems her life is greatly in need of prayer as well.  Lovely woman, she did well with her daughter.....

But, that just a taste of the beauty of this day and I will share more through the week as we go along.
:)

Musical Saturday Morning

Yes, it is that time again, the first Saturday of the month and I have to admit this offering is not from the 1980's at all but it is very appropriate to my life at this moment in time.

To literally stumble across a new friend a month ago, found where least expected, and to learn that you are strangely able to relate in a way not foreseen .....  That you each possesses what the other needs, so very, very, very strange.  If you think of Anne of Green Gables, the Canadian version of course, I well remember Anne making reference to having found her "kindred spirit".  How I choked at that one, at the time!

And yet, it would seem Kris has indeed found a kindred spirit and one willing to help me on a journey that I never could have imagined.  (see yesterday's post for the explanation).

So to that kindred spirit, I dedicate this song:
http://youtu.be/4yx9s31eoKQ

Okay, okay, it is from 1999 and those whom do not really know me: like most of this audience and my estranged Daughter, will completely take a wrong interpretation of what this song says in context of me and my friend.  However, if you can understand yesterday's post, you will realize I am not speaking of romance, I am speaking of Kris learning about humanity, through the most humbling of means.  Would that my friend allow their-self to be identified because I would give them a Golden Gummi for what they have gone through over the past month!

Normal, One Day?

Since last May, I have gone from no emotion ever, to God seeing fit to give me one - a miracle no one could ever have envisioned to have occurred.  It took me three weeks to master it and lock it up tight.  But, God can be very, very persistent - especially when there might have been a reason for it in the first place.

There were momentary escapes by said emotion until the end of December, when as misfortune would have it, God saw fit to block my ability to cage or ignore it any longer - I was going to have to learn to deal with it.  It was set free, only now there was a noted change - no longer raw, no longer overcoming, it had mellowed, matured, it was warm, and personally very frightening.

I find now that I am like a computer with twin operating systems.  One is the old me - inhuman in my detachment.  The other this mellow, feeling creature.  And I have the ability to over ride it, if need be.  To switch on, to switch off at will but never to abandon for long it seems .....

I sit at one month of pseudo-normalcy.  I can understand now where once Gaelic Girl was in her emotions, I never could have known, thirty-five years too late it seems.  It has shown me the real problem with my self-estranged sister in the Lord.  I never could have understood.  It took my Niece to help me to know, to understand and then see / understand / experience compassion.  A few extremely horrible days in there.  Emotion sucks.  Yet, were it not for it, I would never have learned that there was someone whom trusted me far more than I could know.  Emotion ..... a quandary.

And I wonder, will I one day be normal?  Is that blooming emotion going to one day fully control me?  Will I finally be human one day?  And to what purpose?  Will this be a blessing or a curse?  Am I going to end up a liberal?  Will it be something that is required for me to be able to do some task in the future?  How can having an emotion make whatever lay ahead easier?  I trust cold - calculating Kris, it is the emotional one I see as being less effective and far more dangerous to me personally.....

Lots of questions, no answers, maybe ten years from now in hindsight I will know the whys and wherefores of this.  But not today.

To my Niece and dear friend, thank you - for your patient willingness to help me see, to learn, to understand.  You are awesome.  You did not have to, but you chose to, very much I am blessed.

And this in the midst of continuing to see all eroded away from me.  In my mind's eye I see a Kris, left with nothing that anyone would call precious, my very name a curse to those whom once knew me, but even if alone - healed through a miracle, blessed by God and an unknown future calling me away to paint far away places and ..... ?