Psalm 27

Sunday began as a bit of a bummer for me.

I had been excited to see Gaelic Girl, with her host of Texans but she was the same as she has been for over two years now, not real reasonable in private, cordial otherwise.  sigh.....

My mother was throwing a mini-family reunion, half of my kids decided not to come for one reason or another.

I was stressed, I was exhausted, I was there ~ susceptible to the words of the whisperer, I knew it was coming, I was just trying to hold onto reality.

The sermon was interesting, but I was uncomfortable for my Niece, the pastor's choice of words cutting me, for her.  I was praying she would not hear or perhaps ignore.  I did not want his words wounding her, she needs healing not wounds.

And as I sat there I prayed.  I did not even know how to pray.  I did not even know what to pray about.  Yeah, Kris was on his lips.

And I picked up the pew Bible and it fell to Psalm 27:

Psalm 27

¹ The Lord delivers and vindicates me!
I fear no one!
The Lord protects my life!
I am afraid of no one!

² When evil men attack me
to devour my flesh,
when my adversaries and enemies attack me,
they stumble and fall.

³ Even when an army is deployed against me,
I do not fear.
Even when war is imminent,
I remain confident.

⁴ I have asked the Lord for one thing—
this is what I desire!
I want to live in the Lord’s house all the days of my life,
so I can gaze at the splendor of the Lord
and contemplate in his temple.

⁵ He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger;
he will hide me in his home;
he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit.

⁶ Now I will triumph
over my enemies who surround me!
I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy!
I will sing praises to the Lord!

⁷ Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out!
Have mercy on me and answer me!

⁸ My heart tells me to pray to you,
and I do pray to you, O Lord.

⁹ Do not reject me!
Do not push your servant away in anger!
You are my deliverer!
Do not forsake or abandon me,
O God who vindicates me!

¹⁰ Even if my father and mother abandoned me,
the Lord would take me in.

¹¹ Teach me how you want me to live;
lead me along a level path because of those who wait to ambush me!

¹² Do not turn me over to my enemies,
for false witnesses who want to destroy me testify against me.

¹³ Where would I be if I did not believe I would experience
the Lord’s favor in the land of the living?

¹⁴ Rely on the Lord!
Be strong and confident!
Rely on the Lord!

Yeah, that sort of sums up this year nicely for me.  Serve God - have everyone betray you, lie to you and about you, seek your end, and I hold on because I am obedient - fearing God far more than man.  So, yes, it did speak to me in my pain of this year.

When I went to bed last night, I thought on Yesfir and how far she still has to go.  The daily struggle to just get her to where she needed to be - and how it all fell apart.   I considered the almost immediate presence of my Niece (5 days) after Yesfir attacked and I thought on how God truly has blessed me through her.  She literally has been a lifesaver.  I thought on how much I desire my family to be healed of this year.  And yet I know otherwise, I still see the visions of this year as clearly as I do this screen.  I hope, I pray, I know the converse is reality in God's reality, ultimately.  But, that in no way discourages me from praying for the opposite to happen!  And I continue to work, with a church in which abuse of me is more of the norm than the standard, thanks to Yesfir and her friends' being used by Satan.  It is not their fault, they do not understand the real God at all.  

And I thought on vindication.  God showing me innocent of the lying tongues.  There is really only one way for that to happen and it will take a major miracle in the short term.  Not that it really matters, they have done their damage, I can only continue to be whom I was before and still am......  

And, in four years it will matter not much at all.