God has some interesting Doors, a door we may not enter, a door when we are welcome to come through but back out of, and a door we look forward to!
Revelation 3:7-8, 11-13
The Door of Our Past:
Well thank God that one is closed, though there has been oft the time I would have reopen that door and twiddled with a few of the remnants from the past, changed just enough to remove some if not all my shame. There are no rewrites, no re-do's, no explanations, the past is what it is!
I have known friends whom have lived in the past for three decades, never able to reconcile their present with what went wrong 30 years ago. It is agony for us whom knew them because they can not be slapped back to reality and just get along in life! No, life ended for them in a split second of a bad decision and it took them unawares what the repercussions were for the decision. Yeah, they are now able to realize what their error was, as well as repent, so that is awesome. But, they still look back when they think no one is looking.....
If you can not accept what you have done in the past, then you are in for some major spiritual damage! Oh yeah!
But, luckily, the Grace of God says, the past is over. All you have now is a present (which is fleeting) and a future.
The Door of New Beginnings:
So to continue the thought I just ended with:
Old things have passed away, behold all things become new!
Assuming of course, that you are in Christ, that you are called according to His purpose and are performing that purpose! Yeah, always some fine print somewhere, eh?
The Door of Providence:
This is God's purpose for you. So many worry this one to death. "I'm a Christian, God isn't using me, I am doing nothing! ..... etc"
God chose you. He did not have to, it was planned, it was not random, you were not the result of His confusion. It was not random what made you turn to Him for salvation to occur - it what it took for you to see your need and know you have to find Him or you were going to die!
In God's providence He does have a purpose for you - a direction you are to proceed, a task you must perform, the very reason for your being. And it just might be to help someone else or lead tens of thousands to salvation. All the same to God, obedience is equal to obedience when it comes to rewards. Just something to consider, there are no numbers which will impress God, however there is obedience which will.
Probably the most important point here is that God's DETERMINATIVE Will, will not be THWARTED by your choices or your life, however, God's PERMISSIVE Will for you can really get messed up if you are in rebellion. As my acquaintance I mentioned earlier. Yeah, they and you will do what it is you all are to do, but it will not be without extreme pain and multiple opportunities to get your act together. The person above took 28 years, seven suicide attempts and massive therapy to then independently understand that they had a spiritual problem with God.... Yeah. That was painful for everyone involved!
As for Satan and the World (culture), yes, they can turn us sideways to where we need to be / what we need to be doing. But, that does not diminish God requirements on us. There are no excuses when you have been shown the truth and then walk away. Yeah, just slip back to the previous paragraph if you think you can get away with it....
Just as a side note, the major reason so many Christians I run into complain that they have no answers to their prayers, no spiritual gifts, no peace - because they walked away from what they knew.
The Door to Home:
There once was a time, in a less affluent culture where the average man and woman looked forward to Heaven. To just desire the Door, to just know that Door was there, waiting, inviting, fulfilling our hopes and our desires. But, now we have a three bedroom rambler with a white picket fence, 1.8 children, a beefcake daddy, a svelt mamasitta and an SUV in the garage. Who needs heaven now, eh?
But, of course, things can not and will not substitute for our natural desire to be in the presence of God. We are to look forward to Heaven. It is afterall, our permanent home. Yeah, no dogs, hopefully spiritual children, arguable spouses situation, no picket fences, etc.
For now, you must look beyond life as you know it and see God, and your new home in Heaven.
Where you were meant to be from eternity past.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Yup, Friday
So, I get to spend the day with my mother, seeing what it is that has gone wrong with one of her tables and then if I can fix it or not. I just really do not want to drive 50 miles each way, in a car that gets 14 mpg of gas and lord knows how many quarts of oil to get there and back! Just to be abused as I was all day long on Christmas Day. Sigh..... I just want, no I really need, some peace in my life and to be loved for being me - for a change. But, it seems that has never been in Kris' play list of what he will ever get, acceptance.
And I get to swing by the college and turn in my weekly paperwork on my grant. Might as well as see if my books are in as well I guess. Bleech! Classes approach silently, whether I need them or not.....
Hmmmmm, maybe a starbucks will invigorate me! See ya!
And I get to swing by the college and turn in my weekly paperwork on my grant. Might as well as see if my books are in as well I guess. Bleech! Classes approach silently, whether I need them or not.....
Hmmmmm, maybe a starbucks will invigorate me! See ya!
Thursday, December 27, 2012
Not Insane, Yet
I spent the first half of yesterday just sitting and reviewing 2012. It takes much thought to reread all of my posting across three blogs (no, this is only one of them) and to evaluate the year. Interspersed has been a running dialog with my Niece and trying to find out what befell one of "my boys" on Christmas day - he was in ER until quite late last night but no resolution it seems to what brought him to the hospital.
I guess, in my reread, I can sort of understand how so many believe me quite mad. In this godless culture someone whom "hears" God's voice, has vision of a future that only seems to get worse and worse, and does what is not culturally acceptable within the "polite" church - yeah, they are at least delusional if not outright mad. And yet, I am not quite insane, yet in any event. I end the year with at least my Niece still talking to me and deposited with her and Daughter much that is still to come - my vindication if nothing else which can be remembered in past tense if need be.
I struggle so desperately with language, to express what I can barely translate in my mind to English and yet no longer seem to be able to express in my native tongue. Sigh, I count myself as if a mute at times.....
And across a Christmas Day, which left Niece quite exasperated with my mother and the rest of the family, and me in hidden tears! Yeah, suddenly she now understands exactly where Kris stands with each member of his family. I am quite the moron it seems. One that cooks very well but still a moron none the less. I am lucky I do not have to wear depends I guess.
In a week, school begins a new for me, as well as the physical loss of my Niece. School will keep me busy, Niece will be missed greatly, Gaelic Girl will be returning to Texas and there will just be the awkward silence between my two kids still at home and me.....
Still have to write my review for 2012, which honestly I would do well to forget ..... except for this past month - I will always remember it warmly.
I guess, in my reread, I can sort of understand how so many believe me quite mad. In this godless culture someone whom "hears" God's voice, has vision of a future that only seems to get worse and worse, and does what is not culturally acceptable within the "polite" church - yeah, they are at least delusional if not outright mad. And yet, I am not quite insane, yet in any event. I end the year with at least my Niece still talking to me and deposited with her and Daughter much that is still to come - my vindication if nothing else which can be remembered in past tense if need be.
I struggle so desperately with language, to express what I can barely translate in my mind to English and yet no longer seem to be able to express in my native tongue. Sigh, I count myself as if a mute at times.....
And across a Christmas Day, which left Niece quite exasperated with my mother and the rest of the family, and me in hidden tears! Yeah, suddenly she now understands exactly where Kris stands with each member of his family. I am quite the moron it seems. One that cooks very well but still a moron none the less. I am lucky I do not have to wear depends I guess.
In a week, school begins a new for me, as well as the physical loss of my Niece. School will keep me busy, Niece will be missed greatly, Gaelic Girl will be returning to Texas and there will just be the awkward silence between my two kids still at home and me.....
Still have to write my review for 2012, which honestly I would do well to forget ..... except for this past month - I will always remember it warmly.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Unchained
December 23, what a horrible night!
God saw fit to unleash that which I keep caged, that which I can not control, that which brings me unending sorrow. Why unleash it if it is not to be used?
Why unleash it if only to torment me?
Why unleash it if only .....
It is 1975 again, I am reliving the hell of the betrayal of my bride. No words could change her heart, no forgiveness great enough to cover her deceit, not even a perfect love could even have withstood that hit.
Then it is 2012 and I was hit with something I could no more explain than I could out guess it. I had to cage it for it was destroying me. I have had relative peace since. But not so for one.
And not so since Sunday evening when suddenly I found myself completely enveloped by it. Perhaps God was showing me how to control it, rather than the other way around. Perhaps it purpose would be shown. Perhaps I am going to go insane.....
In all things the REAL God is with us.
Through the big, the small, and the overtly hard to understand.
There comes a blessing with every burden or sorrow.
Properly experienced even the saddest things can become a source of wisdom and strength for what lies ahead.
And when our cry breaks forth from our heart, God answers with courage, love, insight, selflessness, and faith.
God held me through this week, safe, in my pain and terror. He is my fortress, the refuge I flee to when I am overcome by what continues to try to drag me down. Protecting me, providing me with knowledge, wisdom, consideration I am unworthy of and His perfect love.
And tonight, December 25th, I sit here the victim for 52 hours of what rages within me. I understand it better now. but I can not control it. I fear it for it is still alien to me. I see it taking shape again, a form that terrifies me, for whom could understand? If God is in control, I have no way to explain this. But, through this year He has continued to show me He is in control, He will direct, I will follow, and I will be more despised than even today - in order to be whom and what He wants me to be. Perhaps it will be so. And if I am not insane, then I marvel for ..... it is step by step to seeing God's hand.
For now, He continues to force me into a repeated prayer over and over again daily, and give me hope where there is no hope. To give me knowledge, to show me a road to travel, but I do not know when , how or actually why any longer.
And the unchained beats within my breast, searching for something which yet has to arrive, which yet has to occur, which yet is to be.....
God saw fit to unleash that which I keep caged, that which I can not control, that which brings me unending sorrow. Why unleash it if it is not to be used?
Why unleash it if only to torment me?
Why unleash it if only .....
It is 1975 again, I am reliving the hell of the betrayal of my bride. No words could change her heart, no forgiveness great enough to cover her deceit, not even a perfect love could even have withstood that hit.
Then it is 2012 and I was hit with something I could no more explain than I could out guess it. I had to cage it for it was destroying me. I have had relative peace since. But not so for one.
And not so since Sunday evening when suddenly I found myself completely enveloped by it. Perhaps God was showing me how to control it, rather than the other way around. Perhaps it purpose would be shown. Perhaps I am going to go insane.....
In all things the REAL God is with us.
Through the big, the small, and the overtly hard to understand.
There comes a blessing with every burden or sorrow.
Properly experienced even the saddest things can become a source of wisdom and strength for what lies ahead.
And when our cry breaks forth from our heart, God answers with courage, love, insight, selflessness, and faith.
God held me through this week, safe, in my pain and terror. He is my fortress, the refuge I flee to when I am overcome by what continues to try to drag me down. Protecting me, providing me with knowledge, wisdom, consideration I am unworthy of and His perfect love.
And tonight, December 25th, I sit here the victim for 52 hours of what rages within me. I understand it better now. but I can not control it. I fear it for it is still alien to me. I see it taking shape again, a form that terrifies me, for whom could understand? If God is in control, I have no way to explain this. But, through this year He has continued to show me He is in control, He will direct, I will follow, and I will be more despised than even today - in order to be whom and what He wants me to be. Perhaps it will be so. And if I am not insane, then I marvel for ..... it is step by step to seeing God's hand.
For now, He continues to force me into a repeated prayer over and over again daily, and give me hope where there is no hope. To give me knowledge, to show me a road to travel, but I do not know when , how or actually why any longer.
And the unchained beats within my breast, searching for something which yet has to arrive, which yet has to occur, which yet is to be.....
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas dear friends and unknown readers.
Although I have posted this before - it has never been more appropriate a year for it.....
Although I have posted this before - it has never been more appropriate a year for it.....
Monday, December 24, 2012
Red Rage
So, for the second time since I have known Gaelic Girl, I have stood up to her. Coincidentally, it is also the second time this year. Not exactly her best year it seems - where I am concerned.
So Saturday became a nuclear explosion.
Daughter remembers painfully the first time I stood up to Gaelic Girl and the disasters which followed. So, now it is round two. Welcome to the zombie apocalypse at my house. Well, her house, but needless to say, apocalypse none the same. Yeah.
I finally was able to get the center of her problem, Daughter's gift of gossip deposited at the church, Satan's hope of destroying me within the church. Very disappointing this ever happened. But, I know my innocence of what what said. I know my innocence before the Lord. Of course, everyone else just loves it and is confused as to why I am not squirming. Because I am innocent. It is really simple.
So, for the third time, last night I stood up to GG again, this year and in her life. I will not be held accountable to the lying tongue of Satan in using my daughter. Yeah, she knew what she was doing. The REAL God will hold her accountable and the price of her reconciliation only grows with each passing month of her rebellion. It is going to hurt and I will suffer for my daughter's sake.
So I have a full day of cooking to prepare for tonight's feast and work around a 4 pm church service.
Take care dear reader and consider why I continually am now referring to the REAL God and not the western cultures god of convenience. It is worth your effort to discover as I have this year, whom God really is.
So Saturday became a nuclear explosion.
Daughter remembers painfully the first time I stood up to Gaelic Girl and the disasters which followed. So, now it is round two. Welcome to the zombie apocalypse at my house. Well, her house, but needless to say, apocalypse none the same. Yeah.
I finally was able to get the center of her problem, Daughter's gift of gossip deposited at the church, Satan's hope of destroying me within the church. Very disappointing this ever happened. But, I know my innocence of what what said. I know my innocence before the Lord. Of course, everyone else just loves it and is confused as to why I am not squirming. Because I am innocent. It is really simple.
So, for the third time, last night I stood up to GG again, this year and in her life. I will not be held accountable to the lying tongue of Satan in using my daughter. Yeah, she knew what she was doing. The REAL God will hold her accountable and the price of her reconciliation only grows with each passing month of her rebellion. It is going to hurt and I will suffer for my daughter's sake.
So I have a full day of cooking to prepare for tonight's feast and work around a 4 pm church service.
Take care dear reader and consider why I continually am now referring to the REAL God and not the western cultures god of convenience. It is worth your effort to discover as I have this year, whom God really is.
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Disrespect
Many years ago, a dear sister lived with me for many months while she prepared for surgery. I loved this woman as my own and had known her for at least a decade by that time. One day she and her youngest daughter were talking, they did not know I could hear. I wasn't purposefully listening but I could over hear if I had wanted to. And it did not matter to me, they were just yakking and suddenly she said something that stuck with me through all of these years.
The mother said, "I just do not understand how he puts up with her, she has no respect for him at all! She disrespects everything he does ....."
The rest of the conversation fails my memory because I was stunned. She was talking about Gaelic Girl, it had to be. Gaelic Girl had no respect for me? Really? Was she supposed to? Why would she? And I have thought on this across the years.
Did I care that GG has no respect for me? No, not really, I have very little for myself as it is, why should anyone else have any for me? But, yeah, I did start to notice trends once GG entered the change of life. Disrespect became the basis of her relationship with me - creating a tangled mess which exists today.
It all began right after I lost my job I had held for 14 years, put out to pasture and abandoned by my company and career long friends. It was okay with me, I have some royalties income - not much but enough to live on if I have to and not ever go to Starbucks. But, it apparently bugged her. I lost most of my real money on a bad property investment and the collapse of the housing market here in the northwest. Bum luck? And her opinion of me took a noise dive. It has since only gotten worse.
Last night, was the worse ever and she lashed out pretty good. I have not been treated so poorly since I was in high school. And what do you do with it? I thought of lashing back, but I do respect the GG I knew before she became this way. I live in hope that woman will emerge from this hormonal mess she refuses to recognize.....
And now, yes, it does bother me that I am disrespected by those I love and care for. Her attitude has been adopted by my son and his sneers are about to end his young little view of the world being about him! Of course, I realize that much is the result of her toxic overload with my daughter earlier this year, still playing out in her head. The acqusation still there, still unresolved to her satisfaction, she knows Kris is a player and that was not his daughter at all!
It sickens me to live like this. I pray daily for God's intervention in my daughter's life, her mother's life, GG's life, heck anyone and everyone's! in this soap opera that continues to play out around me, without me..... And God does show me change, but not the kind I would prefer. I hate confrontation, I run from it, I soon will have to draw the line in the sand and cause it. It makes me physically ill. It is all so avoidable, it is all so senseless, it is all being forced or allowed by God for a purpose I do not understand.....
People being forced to make a decision, based upon pure lies and feeding on hate. People I have known and loved for decades, climbing over each other to disrespect Kris. Be it church, family or friends, it is like some Hitchcock horror film, where you know it is a set up, but a set up for what? And then the guy's head comes off. Cool, saw that one coming! Not!
So, I do what I do. I do what God tells me to do, always have. I have just never bore a penalty before for my faithfulness. It appears that is changing in a painful manner.
The mother said, "I just do not understand how he puts up with her, she has no respect for him at all! She disrespects everything he does ....."
The rest of the conversation fails my memory because I was stunned. She was talking about Gaelic Girl, it had to be. Gaelic Girl had no respect for me? Really? Was she supposed to? Why would she? And I have thought on this across the years.
Did I care that GG has no respect for me? No, not really, I have very little for myself as it is, why should anyone else have any for me? But, yeah, I did start to notice trends once GG entered the change of life. Disrespect became the basis of her relationship with me - creating a tangled mess which exists today.
It all began right after I lost my job I had held for 14 years, put out to pasture and abandoned by my company and career long friends. It was okay with me, I have some royalties income - not much but enough to live on if I have to and not ever go to Starbucks. But, it apparently bugged her. I lost most of my real money on a bad property investment and the collapse of the housing market here in the northwest. Bum luck? And her opinion of me took a noise dive. It has since only gotten worse.
Last night, was the worse ever and she lashed out pretty good. I have not been treated so poorly since I was in high school. And what do you do with it? I thought of lashing back, but I do respect the GG I knew before she became this way. I live in hope that woman will emerge from this hormonal mess she refuses to recognize.....
And now, yes, it does bother me that I am disrespected by those I love and care for. Her attitude has been adopted by my son and his sneers are about to end his young little view of the world being about him! Of course, I realize that much is the result of her toxic overload with my daughter earlier this year, still playing out in her head. The acqusation still there, still unresolved to her satisfaction, she knows Kris is a player and that was not his daughter at all!
It sickens me to live like this. I pray daily for God's intervention in my daughter's life, her mother's life, GG's life, heck anyone and everyone's! in this soap opera that continues to play out around me, without me..... And God does show me change, but not the kind I would prefer. I hate confrontation, I run from it, I soon will have to draw the line in the sand and cause it. It makes me physically ill. It is all so avoidable, it is all so senseless, it is all being forced or allowed by God for a purpose I do not understand.....
People being forced to make a decision, based upon pure lies and feeding on hate. People I have known and loved for decades, climbing over each other to disrespect Kris. Be it church, family or friends, it is like some Hitchcock horror film, where you know it is a set up, but a set up for what? And then the guy's head comes off. Cool, saw that one coming! Not!
So, I do what I do. I do what God tells me to do, always have. I have just never bore a penalty before for my faithfulness. It appears that is changing in a painful manner.
Friday, December 21, 2012
Baking Day
Its the scheduled end of the world! Time to celebrate!
Every year I set one day aside to bake with whom ever my close high schoolers are that year. Planning on having a nephew and niece, as I did last year, another whom seems to like baking based on his facebook page and perhaps his brother - which would be cool as he has been off at college and much missed!
But first I have a few things I have to find for Monday night's dinner for the whole family, items for lunch tomorrow, etc. Most important is my weekly filing for my grant - money desperately needed this year!
Of course, I need to use Niece's car so I have to be up at 4 am to take her to her bus up to UW, such a sucky deal for her! But I am grateful she will let me use her car! Her generosity, care and concern has been much unlike the majority of this year..... I seem to remember a time when I had many in my life whom actually cared and as they have been lost, due to Kris being politically incorrect, God has raised up those whom are far more genuine in their care and concern than those I lost. Kris feels very blessed this Christmas season, as this year winds down.
Should God have a spoily for me it would be to resolve the 5,000 pound elephant (issue) in my life. But, that is beyond my control or input. I was sorry to see that FB has implemented a message blocker now. I guess she will have to read my Christmas note to her on the Letters blog. You never know, God just might work on that one..... The 3,000 pound elephant still needs to be put under control but you know, that one is also beyond my control. If the 5k is healed, then the 3k will either become a mute point or heal as well.....
But, resolved or unresolved, I know that this season will be with those whom actually do care and love me, a few whom don't care, but then I have no concern - loved or hated, I can take encouragement from the positive and thank God for them.
So, now to print out recipes for all the youth coming over tomorrow and dream dreams of chocolate ..... ;^)
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Without Walls
Niece commented that I have a common theme in my conversations with her - the over whelming desire to live without walls, to be authentic, to be me. In front of her, in front of my family, eventually in front of the world.
The only problem is: I see myself as being less the human when I am myself, because there are no emotions. None.
Though Niece believes me more human, because I am willing to be vulnerable. Sans emotion of course.
It took me to age 12 figure out that no one liked me as I was, in fact I mostly got beaten. This was daily by the other children at school and the teachers were not much better. But, I had observed many a Marx and Three Stooges movie and knew that what draws laughter - draws friendship. And thus Kris, the clown was born, he could make everyone laugh, he was the life of the party, yet he was completely dead on the inside and dying a bit more with each joke.
My only girl friend in high school knew the real me. It fascinated her no end at how I could switch literally in mid-word from me to the clown if someone came near. Not that I care if strangers saw the real me, it is the learned pain of strangers beating the @$%*&^ out of me as a child because I was not normal. "Ah, a clown, he can live....", as they pass by. It was probably why I stayed with my girl friend for so long, she was safe and she did "love" me, at least until I went to college.
I never dropped my guard again until I met Gaelic Girl many years later. Up until her my girl friends all had the similar complaint, Kris is not serious enough! But, I already knew if I showed myself, whom I really was, it would only be over sooner. As for GG, well, once she learned about the clown, she loved the clown and Kris quietly died once again.
When God told me to make Italian Missionary Girl my real daughter, I only had one condition - no more walls! At first, for a few moments a week, I could be me. Then for a few hours a day for almost two months, I could be me. She did not need entertained, she could see something no one else had ever seen. I wholly trusted her. I even shared the most personal thing there is about me, the music I like. In the end, she forgot everything, and turned truth into a curse at my church.
And God literally delivered Niece at my door within days. And I sat and contemplated this ..... What is God up to? Is Kris supposed to try again? Or does he just rip his own heart out and die permanently? Unlike Daughter, Niece is perhaps the most empathetic person I have ever even heard of. And I stayed polite but as distant as polite allowed, please no more sharpened stake carrying females! But, then God told me I had to talk with her - I had to minister to her, I had to show the REAL Him to her, I had to make myself vulnerable, I had to be transparent. So, I took a risk and showed her the most horrible thing in God's creation - me. I expected the stake through the heart, I knew it was over, just kill me now God!
Like daughter she did not run. Like daughter she had a burden to release herself of. Like daughter she was able to. And Kris holds his breath now. Everything fell apart last time at this point!
I see myself wanting to become the clown to protect what little of me is left. But, God says no. Oh Lord, if you only knew how much I need to! But, I have to trust. I have to have faith. I have to place that tiny part of me under the point of her ..... well that is the question! Does she have a stake? I am thinking God thinks otherwise else He would not offer me up for execution, maybe. What if this is like some big test: set Kris up in the exact same situation again and really polish him off this time. The July 16th heart attack, I could survive but there have been 156 since! How weak am I physically now? I would prefer death to knowingly being betrayed again.
And drama aside, Niece wonders the same. She dropped her guard, because she needed to , to a strange old German. Appalling and yet her spirit gave her no choice. And in her fear, does Kris carry a stake meant for her? Am I to polish her off - just as I have feared for me? I guess I found that slightly funny. Two wounded people God has brought together, each needing healed, each possessing what the other needs to do so. For her, I hope to be the best friend she has ever had. For me, I pray - because with the absence of desire, the is nothing I want or need. God has to see to that. I hope she stays around, there are so few friends left these days.
In me, God continues to talk: to reveal things I need to know now and for tomorrow. To explain yesterday in terms I can understand, to show me what I might have understood had I been normal. To tell me how to pray daily. And the ever constant discernment, telling me what I do not want to know, am powerless to change, yet can protect myself via. Then God shows me my daughter's face quite often, so I can "see" what is behind the mask she wears every-time I see her. The pain her mother has brought upon her, she need never have suffered. The damage this leads to.
And I look into my Niece's eyes, her walls now gone at least with me, and I see all that I must not tell her. Sometimes it is so very hard. She is so judgmental of herself, but I try to gently deflect her self loathing to understanding she is a new creation, she is loved, she never has to be that other person ever again. I never ever want to see my daughter's pain reflected in Niece's eyes. I never ever want to see her walls up again.....
And God willing I will be granted the opportunity to heal my daughter of her choices again. It is important for me to know she can face her world, much less herself, without her walls up as well. But that lay within God's hands and her willingness to listen to Him.
The only problem is: I see myself as being less the human when I am myself, because there are no emotions. None.
Though Niece believes me more human, because I am willing to be vulnerable. Sans emotion of course.
It took me to age 12 figure out that no one liked me as I was, in fact I mostly got beaten. This was daily by the other children at school and the teachers were not much better. But, I had observed many a Marx and Three Stooges movie and knew that what draws laughter - draws friendship. And thus Kris, the clown was born, he could make everyone laugh, he was the life of the party, yet he was completely dead on the inside and dying a bit more with each joke.
My only girl friend in high school knew the real me. It fascinated her no end at how I could switch literally in mid-word from me to the clown if someone came near. Not that I care if strangers saw the real me, it is the learned pain of strangers beating the @$%*&^ out of me as a child because I was not normal. "Ah, a clown, he can live....", as they pass by. It was probably why I stayed with my girl friend for so long, she was safe and she did "love" me, at least until I went to college.
I never dropped my guard again until I met Gaelic Girl many years later. Up until her my girl friends all had the similar complaint, Kris is not serious enough! But, I already knew if I showed myself, whom I really was, it would only be over sooner. As for GG, well, once she learned about the clown, she loved the clown and Kris quietly died once again.
When God told me to make Italian Missionary Girl my real daughter, I only had one condition - no more walls! At first, for a few moments a week, I could be me. Then for a few hours a day for almost two months, I could be me. She did not need entertained, she could see something no one else had ever seen. I wholly trusted her. I even shared the most personal thing there is about me, the music I like. In the end, she forgot everything, and turned truth into a curse at my church.
And God literally delivered Niece at my door within days. And I sat and contemplated this ..... What is God up to? Is Kris supposed to try again? Or does he just rip his own heart out and die permanently? Unlike Daughter, Niece is perhaps the most empathetic person I have ever even heard of. And I stayed polite but as distant as polite allowed, please no more sharpened stake carrying females! But, then God told me I had to talk with her - I had to minister to her, I had to show the REAL Him to her, I had to make myself vulnerable, I had to be transparent. So, I took a risk and showed her the most horrible thing in God's creation - me. I expected the stake through the heart, I knew it was over, just kill me now God!
Like daughter she did not run. Like daughter she had a burden to release herself of. Like daughter she was able to. And Kris holds his breath now. Everything fell apart last time at this point!
I see myself wanting to become the clown to protect what little of me is left. But, God says no. Oh Lord, if you only knew how much I need to! But, I have to trust. I have to have faith. I have to place that tiny part of me under the point of her ..... well that is the question! Does she have a stake? I am thinking God thinks otherwise else He would not offer me up for execution, maybe. What if this is like some big test: set Kris up in the exact same situation again and really polish him off this time. The July 16th heart attack, I could survive but there have been 156 since! How weak am I physically now? I would prefer death to knowingly being betrayed again.
And drama aside, Niece wonders the same. She dropped her guard, because she needed to , to a strange old German. Appalling and yet her spirit gave her no choice. And in her fear, does Kris carry a stake meant for her? Am I to polish her off - just as I have feared for me? I guess I found that slightly funny. Two wounded people God has brought together, each needing healed, each possessing what the other needs to do so. For her, I hope to be the best friend she has ever had. For me, I pray - because with the absence of desire, the is nothing I want or need. God has to see to that. I hope she stays around, there are so few friends left these days.
In me, God continues to talk: to reveal things I need to know now and for tomorrow. To explain yesterday in terms I can understand, to show me what I might have understood had I been normal. To tell me how to pray daily. And the ever constant discernment, telling me what I do not want to know, am powerless to change, yet can protect myself via. Then God shows me my daughter's face quite often, so I can "see" what is behind the mask she wears every-time I see her. The pain her mother has brought upon her, she need never have suffered. The damage this leads to.
And I look into my Niece's eyes, her walls now gone at least with me, and I see all that I must not tell her. Sometimes it is so very hard. She is so judgmental of herself, but I try to gently deflect her self loathing to understanding she is a new creation, she is loved, she never has to be that other person ever again. I never ever want to see my daughter's pain reflected in Niece's eyes. I never ever want to see her walls up again.....
And God willing I will be granted the opportunity to heal my daughter of her choices again. It is important for me to know she can face her world, much less herself, without her walls up as well. But that lay within God's hands and her willingness to listen to Him.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Abnormal Day
Outside of going to the post office, to deliver packages for mailing, I really did nothing yesterday - except think. Thinking while racking leaves, thinking while driving, thinking while standing in line at the post office, thinking while making meals, thinking while lounging in the tub. Yeah, it was a thoughtful day. And it all began with a series of dreams just before I woke up .....
The dreams were immaterial to the thinking part of the day, they were merely the start of much I have to consider and deal with, for which resolution of any of them, without God, is impractical. Some issues were considered, adaptations considered, changes which are possible at this time, such as - where are those whom I am responsible for before God? And is there anything I can really do anyway at this or any another time .....? And of all of them, I must be sure ego, vanity and pride are non-existent for the first of the issues requires 100% God, 0% Kris. (sorry not going to share, it is fully God's problem, so not public fodder.)
The easiest one, is actually the hardest - what will I teach in January in the Sunday class? I would like to do James, but then I have found that the very concept and nature of God is not very well understood in this culture, in this theological climate, nor in my church. Do I do James and work in other material as needed to support of what people should already understand? Or do I do a build up across say 10 weeks, then go deep into James so there will be understanding within the light it was written in, but has not been so since the days when God became a fluffy teddy bear within this culture?
Yeah, that one is the easiest of the lot.
For deeper, more sinister nigglings:
My mind roamed to Bosnia..... the B word in my life ...... I have humorously told of this in the past but you have no idea the personal pain Bosnia brought me - the loss of my Swiss cousin, executed for helping wounded Muslim women and children at a refugee camp. Yeah, there were six others, all Swiss NATO medics, and they all lost their lives as well that day. They were all that stood between the Serbs, and some 1,100 wounded and refugees - when the glorious NATO camp guards fled. Those died for their stand. But, their deaths made this war personal, this was family - and there are darn too few of us Plattner's as it is! Bernard was the only other male heir in the family. If he had out lived me or had a son, my title would have gone to him. And now? The last of the Von Thun's dies with me I fear. (Yeah, there are other Plattner von Thun's but not from my family line!)
And I meditated upon the concept of murder:
The dreams were immaterial to the thinking part of the day, they were merely the start of much I have to consider and deal with, for which resolution of any of them, without God, is impractical. Some issues were considered, adaptations considered, changes which are possible at this time, such as - where are those whom I am responsible for before God? And is there anything I can really do anyway at this or any another time .....? And of all of them, I must be sure ego, vanity and pride are non-existent for the first of the issues requires 100% God, 0% Kris. (sorry not going to share, it is fully God's problem, so not public fodder.)
The easiest one, is actually the hardest - what will I teach in January in the Sunday class? I would like to do James, but then I have found that the very concept and nature of God is not very well understood in this culture, in this theological climate, nor in my church. Do I do James and work in other material as needed to support of what people should already understand? Or do I do a build up across say 10 weeks, then go deep into James so there will be understanding within the light it was written in, but has not been so since the days when God became a fluffy teddy bear within this culture?
Yeah, that one is the easiest of the lot.
For deeper, more sinister nigglings:
My mind roamed to Bosnia..... the B word in my life ...... I have humorously told of this in the past but you have no idea the personal pain Bosnia brought me - the loss of my Swiss cousin, executed for helping wounded Muslim women and children at a refugee camp. Yeah, there were six others, all Swiss NATO medics, and they all lost their lives as well that day. They were all that stood between the Serbs, and some 1,100 wounded and refugees - when the glorious NATO camp guards fled. Those died for their stand. But, their deaths made this war personal, this was family - and there are darn too few of us Plattner's as it is! Bernard was the only other male heir in the family. If he had out lived me or had a son, my title would have gone to him. And now? The last of the Von Thun's dies with me I fear. (Yeah, there are other Plattner von Thun's but not from my family line!)
And I meditated upon the concept of murder:
Those whom believe in ending the lives of the
weak and ill (Hitler, Mladić, Stalin), or the educated (Castro, Mao, Pol Pot,
Stalin) or those whom dissent against authority (Castro, Franco, Hitler, Mao,
Stalin), or in execution of prisoners of war (Bush, Eisenhower, Franco, Mladić,
Stalin) as being correct. Violators of one of God's big statements from Mt. Sinai.....
The Serbian butcher Radic Mladić. Was I no better than he? Yeah, I reacted strongly to what he had personally commanded done with my cousin ..... in the next 90 days, after I was notified, the Serbian army lost every sniper they had, every counter sniper they had, every instructor they had. No, it did not bring back my cousin but I could sleep at night knowing those murdering scum were not going to be executing NATO medics any longer, and Mladić's army was now fodder for those opposed to genocide. I still have absolutely no sense of guilt associated with that act. And yes, I do ask God to make me understand the guilt, if I am. And as Mladić continually goes through the appeal process in Germany, I sit and wonder at what kind of shot would it take to hit him behind bars? He invalidated his right to life long ago and only lives due to the lack of justice to be found in Europe any longer. (Hey Radic, ask me how I really feel! You can run but not from God.)
So a bailiwick of subjects covered, none with resolution, just prayer items dangling in the wind.
Interspersed in there are visits from the two oldest daughters, youngest grand-daughter, a little time with a Gaelic Girl hunting Irishmen in the throneroom, and Niece. Very active, very thoughtful day, yet I very much need real prayer time.....
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Psalm 27
Sunday began as a bit of a bummer for me.
I had been excited to see Gaelic Girl, with her host of Texans but she was the same as she has been for over two years now, not real reasonable in private, cordial otherwise. sigh.....
My mother was throwing a mini-family reunion, half of my kids decided not to come for one reason or another.
I was stressed, I was exhausted, I was there ~ susceptible to the words of the whisperer, I knew it was coming, I was just trying to hold onto reality.
The sermon was interesting, but I was uncomfortable for my Niece, the pastor's choice of words cutting me, for her. I was praying she would not hear or perhaps ignore. I did not want his words wounding her, she needs healing not wounds.
And as I sat there I prayed. I did not even know how to pray. I did not even know what to pray about. Yeah, Kris was on his lips.
And I picked up the pew Bible and it fell to Psalm 27:
2 When evil men attack me
to devour my flesh,
when my adversaries and enemies attack me,
they stumble and fall.
3 Even when an army is deployed against me,
I do not fear.
Even when war is imminent,
I remain confident.
4 I have asked the Lord for one thing—
this is what I desire!
I want to live in the Lord’s house all the days of my life,
so I can gaze at the splendor of the Lord
and contemplate in his temple.
5 He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger;
he will hide me in his home;
he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit.
6 Now I will triumph
over my enemies who surround me!
I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy!
I will sing praises to the Lord!
7 Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out!
Have mercy on me and answer me!
8 My heart tells me to pray to you,
and I do pray to you, O Lord.
9 Do not reject me!
Do not push your servant away in anger!
You are my deliverer!
Do not forsake or abandon me,
O God who vindicates me!
10 Even if my father and mother abandoned me,
the Lord would take me in.
11 Teach me how you want me to live;
lead me along a level path because of those who wait to ambush me!
12 Do not turn me over to my enemies,
for false witnesses who want to destroy me testify against me.
13 Where would I be if I did not believe I would experience
the Lord’s favor in the land of the living?
14 Rely on the Lord!
Be strong and confident!
Rely on the Lord!
I had been excited to see Gaelic Girl, with her host of Texans but she was the same as she has been for over two years now, not real reasonable in private, cordial otherwise. sigh.....
My mother was throwing a mini-family reunion, half of my kids decided not to come for one reason or another.
I was stressed, I was exhausted, I was there ~ susceptible to the words of the whisperer, I knew it was coming, I was just trying to hold onto reality.
The sermon was interesting, but I was uncomfortable for my Niece, the pastor's choice of words cutting me, for her. I was praying she would not hear or perhaps ignore. I did not want his words wounding her, she needs healing not wounds.
And as I sat there I prayed. I did not even know how to pray. I did not even know what to pray about. Yeah, Kris was on his lips.
And I picked up the pew Bible and it fell to Psalm 27:
Psalm 27
1 The Lord delivers and vindicates me!
I fear no one!
The Lord protects my life!
I am afraid of no one!
I fear no one!
The Lord protects my life!
I am afraid of no one!
2 When evil men attack me
to devour my flesh,
when my adversaries and enemies attack me,
they stumble and fall.
3 Even when an army is deployed against me,
I do not fear.
Even when war is imminent,
I remain confident.
4 I have asked the Lord for one thing—
this is what I desire!
I want to live in the Lord’s house all the days of my life,
so I can gaze at the splendor of the Lord
and contemplate in his temple.
5 He will surely give me shelter in the day of danger;
he will hide me in his home;
he will place me on an inaccessible rocky summit.
6 Now I will triumph
over my enemies who surround me!
I will offer sacrifices in his dwelling place and shout for joy!
I will sing praises to the Lord!
7 Hear me, O Lord, when I cry out!
Have mercy on me and answer me!
8 My heart tells me to pray to you,
and I do pray to you, O Lord.
9 Do not reject me!
Do not push your servant away in anger!
You are my deliverer!
Do not forsake or abandon me,
O God who vindicates me!
10 Even if my father and mother abandoned me,
the Lord would take me in.
11 Teach me how you want me to live;
lead me along a level path because of those who wait to ambush me!
12 Do not turn me over to my enemies,
for false witnesses who want to destroy me testify against me.
13 Where would I be if I did not believe I would experience
the Lord’s favor in the land of the living?
14 Rely on the Lord!
Be strong and confident!
Rely on the Lord!
Yeah, that sort of sums up this year nicely for me. Serve God - have everyone betray you, lie to you and about you, seek your end, and I hold on because I am obedient - fearing God far more than man. So, yes, it did speak to me in my pain of this year.
When I went to bed last night, I thought on Yesfir and how far she still has to go. The daily struggle to just get her to where she needed to be - and how it all fell apart. I considered the almost immediate presence of my Niece (5 days) after Yesfir attacked and I thought on how God truly has blessed me through her. She literally has been a lifesaver. I thought on how much I desire my family to be healed of this year. And yet I know otherwise, I still see the visions of this year as clearly as I do this screen. I hope, I pray, I know the converse is reality in God's reality, ultimately. But, that in no way discourages me from praying for the opposite to happen! And I continue to work, with a church in which abuse of me is more of the norm than the standard, thanks to Yesfir and her friends' being used by Satan. It is not their fault, they do not understand the real God at all.
And I thought on vindication. God showing me innocent of the lying tongues. There is really only one way for that to happen and it will take a major miracle in the short term. Not that it really matters, they have done their damage, I can only continue to be whom I was before and still am......
And, in four years it will matter not much at all.
Monday, December 17, 2012
Maximus - Minimus
I was telling Niece about this and since she thought it funny, okay, I will go ahead and post something. So, I am at the space party with a boatload of Texans and .....
Now I was sitting, munching on snack foods and facing a hallway about 100 yards long. About 50 yards from me is a convex reflective window surface. The angle is such that I can watch people walking both ways down the hall - starting off small and growing much bigger as they approach the apogee of the curved glass.
So, it got really humorous as a lady in a white one piece knit dress was coming down the hall and then stopped right at the apogee and turned to talk to whomever was in the hall running at 90 degrees. So as she swung from right to left, stepped constantly forward and backward - I was to find myself totally amused by her butt growing or shrinking proportionally to the angle of the glass curve. OMG! It was so hysterical! Outside of a bunch of little kids playing next to me, no one was at the correct angle to see what I was. And this went on for almost 15 minutes. Hysterical!
Apparently, a shade of Prussian Blue is the "in" color, as there were numerous young women dressed in this. So many that I at first thought they were with the catering company, then maybe sisters, but no ...... it seems. So one is wearing a slimline (aka pen line to you young folks) mini dress. As it was, it barely made it past her gluteus maximus, cough, cough. I wanted so badly to have a talk with her: "If you would take a tape measure and run it from the top of your gluteus maximus, over the top and down to the hem of your dress, then subtract from this figure - between one third and one half, this would give you the amount of the gluteus maximus exposed as you are going up and down the stairs constantly...." Yeah, well at least she was wearing underwear beneath her fishnets, so is that then modesty?
On the minimus side of things we had a really clueless Texan. She of course was wearing black cowboy boots, a pair of lederhosen and a drindl shirt. So, very much of Austrian, German, Swiss, northern Italian heritage, via Texas of course. But, she lacked the gluteus maximus to fill out the leather shorts and her legs so thin they rattled within the openings for the legs! Of course, she had to be running up and down the stairs as well. Unlike the blue pencil line, she did not share in that woman's brief concept of modesty.....
And then there were the heels to be observed at the party. One Asian young lady was wearing a six inch pair of spikes! And she was short even in them next to the guy she was with, whom might have been 5'10"! I am guessing without heels she was about 18" shorter than him! And somehow she could walk and keep up with him.....
But, there were lots of spikes there, four inches being about the average and no one came crashing down that I was to see. Amazing. I only wore spikes once for a Halloween party and I thought I was going to die. It was rather funny as there were these triplets at the party whom were about 6'1" and they came in 3" heels, which would have put then on eye level with me - but I was in 3" as well so still towered over them. We had a great laugh over that one!
So having shared this bit of humor, I will now go mail Christmas packages.......
HO-HO-HO!
Now I was sitting, munching on snack foods and facing a hallway about 100 yards long. About 50 yards from me is a convex reflective window surface. The angle is such that I can watch people walking both ways down the hall - starting off small and growing much bigger as they approach the apogee of the curved glass.
So, it got really humorous as a lady in a white one piece knit dress was coming down the hall and then stopped right at the apogee and turned to talk to whomever was in the hall running at 90 degrees. So as she swung from right to left, stepped constantly forward and backward - I was to find myself totally amused by her butt growing or shrinking proportionally to the angle of the glass curve. OMG! It was so hysterical! Outside of a bunch of little kids playing next to me, no one was at the correct angle to see what I was. And this went on for almost 15 minutes. Hysterical!
Apparently, a shade of Prussian Blue is the "in" color, as there were numerous young women dressed in this. So many that I at first thought they were with the catering company, then maybe sisters, but no ...... it seems. So one is wearing a slimline (aka pen line to you young folks) mini dress. As it was, it barely made it past her gluteus maximus, cough, cough. I wanted so badly to have a talk with her: "If you would take a tape measure and run it from the top of your gluteus maximus, over the top and down to the hem of your dress, then subtract from this figure - between one third and one half, this would give you the amount of the gluteus maximus exposed as you are going up and down the stairs constantly...." Yeah, well at least she was wearing underwear beneath her fishnets, so is that then modesty?
On the minimus side of things we had a really clueless Texan. She of course was wearing black cowboy boots, a pair of lederhosen and a drindl shirt. So, very much of Austrian, German, Swiss, northern Italian heritage, via Texas of course. But, she lacked the gluteus maximus to fill out the leather shorts and her legs so thin they rattled within the openings for the legs! Of course, she had to be running up and down the stairs as well. Unlike the blue pencil line, she did not share in that woman's brief concept of modesty.....
And then there were the heels to be observed at the party. One Asian young lady was wearing a six inch pair of spikes! And she was short even in them next to the guy she was with, whom might have been 5'10"! I am guessing without heels she was about 18" shorter than him! And somehow she could walk and keep up with him.....
But, there were lots of spikes there, four inches being about the average and no one came crashing down that I was to see. Amazing. I only wore spikes once for a Halloween party and I thought I was going to die. It was rather funny as there were these triplets at the party whom were about 6'1" and they came in 3" heels, which would have put then on eye level with me - but I was in 3" as well so still towered over them. We had a great laugh over that one!
So having shared this bit of humor, I will now go mail Christmas packages.......
HO-HO-HO!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Tut
Oh wow! So went to see the Tut exhibit in Seattle, last two days.....
The display was quite small, as a percentage of what of is held by the Cairo Museum. Probably the only reason I can think of to even go to Cairo for more than a plane stop - and then go somewhere else. Not my favorite place.
The Eqyptian collection at the British Museum is quite outstanding. But, there is this tiny museum in Glasgow, Scotland which rates Kris' - this is the finest..... Why, because it is not a funerary collection, it is a large collect of items used by real people 5,000 years ago as part of their daily lives!
Back to the travellng Tut collection.
There was much carved statuary, vases and boxes. One of the vases was obviously a zenith of ancient world carving. Simply stupendous. It is obviously a toss up now with a goddess carving from 3,500 bc, which is the best?!?!?!?
Wooden beds, chairs, boxes. Glass statuary and pendants. Gold and carved carnelian bed necklaces. A gold funerary mask with lapis insets. Rings, earrings (call that one gages!). And, of course, a polyester resin replica of Tuts mummy.
He died at age 19, of unknown causes. He had fathered two dead daughters. He parents were Pharoh Aktenaten and Akenaten's sister. Like his father, he believed in the concept of one God.....
Nothing is actually known of him, he was erased from Egyptian history upon his death. He was considered a traitor to the plethora of gods, Egypt had worshiped.....
No, it was not a large display, but it was well worth the price through.
Of course a middle eastern meal was called for and I enjoy my ouzo very much.....
The display was quite small, as a percentage of what of is held by the Cairo Museum. Probably the only reason I can think of to even go to Cairo for more than a plane stop - and then go somewhere else. Not my favorite place.
The Eqyptian collection at the British Museum is quite outstanding. But, there is this tiny museum in Glasgow, Scotland which rates Kris' - this is the finest..... Why, because it is not a funerary collection, it is a large collect of items used by real people 5,000 years ago as part of their daily lives!
Back to the travellng Tut collection.
There was much carved statuary, vases and boxes. One of the vases was obviously a zenith of ancient world carving. Simply stupendous. It is obviously a toss up now with a goddess carving from 3,500 bc, which is the best?!?!?!?
He died at age 19, of unknown causes. He had fathered two dead daughters. He parents were Pharoh Aktenaten and Akenaten's sister. Like his father, he believed in the concept of one God.....
Nothing is actually known of him, he was erased from Egyptian history upon his death. He was considered a traitor to the plethora of gods, Egypt had worshiped.....
No, it was not a large display, but it was well worth the price through.
Of course a middle eastern meal was called for and I enjoy my ouzo very much.....
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Slow Day
One of those days in which I want to post something deep and meaningful, but completely lack the spark to do so.
I am so drained from finals this week at college. Yeah, I did pass all of my classes it seems, though it was by the hair of my chinny-chin-cihin! As I discovered, you can indeed completely blow a final and still get a B in the class if you had maintained an A average on all of the quizes and homework assignments. Amazing! I would not pass me in math, but then maybe the teacher is being kind since I did try and it is the last of the math classes for me.....
I think I will work on a list of what must be completed over the next several weeks, before school begins again in January.
First off, I need a Christmas tree, every good German needs a Christmas tree. Now where to put everything so that there is a place to put a tree ..... ? Hmmmmm.
Just as a side note, yesterday's post must have hit a nerve out there in Blog-land. It has scored more hits in one day than even my most popular across all time. Wow! Maybe there is a hint in there that I ought to do some in depth work along that line of thought in the future.
Wow! I am amazed. I wrote it largely for me, as a reminder - a stake in the ground of a point of understanding, and by extension for a very dear friend, whom although knowing this just need to see it in writing.....
I am so drained from finals this week at college. Yeah, I did pass all of my classes it seems, though it was by the hair of my chinny-chin-cihin! As I discovered, you can indeed completely blow a final and still get a B in the class if you had maintained an A average on all of the quizes and homework assignments. Amazing! I would not pass me in math, but then maybe the teacher is being kind since I did try and it is the last of the math classes for me.....
I think I will work on a list of what must be completed over the next several weeks, before school begins again in January.
First off, I need a Christmas tree, every good German needs a Christmas tree. Now where to put everything so that there is a place to put a tree ..... ? Hmmmmm.
Just as a side note, yesterday's post must have hit a nerve out there in Blog-land. It has scored more hits in one day than even my most popular across all time. Wow! Maybe there is a hint in there that I ought to do some in depth work along that line of thought in the future.
Wow! I am amazed. I wrote it largely for me, as a reminder - a stake in the ground of a point of understanding, and by extension for a very dear friend, whom although knowing this just need to see it in writing.....
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
God's Will, Your Path, Your Sin
I keep coming across this issue this year, it seems a great many people are vexed concerning these three subjects.
God's Will
I rather firmly believe the short quip from the Four Spiritual Laws, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.".
Really, based on experience alone, it seems almost the opposite at times! Yeah, Kris sometimes needs smacked by a God sized bat to understand what God wants him to do! I have the lumps to prove it.
But, as I have studied and mulled over the concept of God's will these past 13 months, yeah - God does have a plan for what we are to accomplish in this life. We can do it willingly or we can do it at the end of a God sized bat. (On December 31st my post about this year will have some interesting comments concerning this....)
I have discussed before the differences between God's Determinative Will and His Permissive Will. Suffice it to say that there are those things you will do because He demands it (via baseball bat, if nothing else) and those things which He allows but are immaterial to what you are going to do.
Your Path
So for you to accomplish what you must, you have a series of exercises you must meet in order to be prepared for what He really wants you to do. By trusting God, relying upon His directing your path, you will get there - for what ever purposes He had in mind. Important point here is that you are doing something God wants you to do - not what you necessarily want to do!
So, what is on your path? Well, maybe it involves marriage, a family, a car, a house, a dog, a million dollars - everything you have always wanted (usually thanks to Hollywood teaching you humanism). And it might all be permissive, God does not really care, He wants from you what you are to accomplish for Him. So, scratch the marriage, the family, the car, the house, the dog, the million dollars and you would still be on the path you were to be on - with His ultimate goal still in view!
We have to learn to see life from God's perspective, not from our situation in life. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing of lasting value is possible for us.
Your Sin
And as I have been forced to watch, for a second time in my life - a loved one choosing to break their path. Yes, you can rebel against God Himself, to the extent that He retracts His interaction in your life - ends your path - ends His expectations of you. Sure you have the ability to repent, but your life will never be what it could have been from that point on - and repentance is far more than just a prayer when we are talking this level of sin! You get to swallow a sour pill called pride and repent to everyone impacted by your rebellion. REBELLION is one of the big four sins that God has great concern over and does judge harshly, because you are taking a stand against Him. You can add MURDER, SEXUAL IMPURITY and WITCHCRAFT to round out that list, all of which are stands against yourself and fellow man (and ultimately God). There are no take backs on these sins. Only under American Theology can you accomplish this and expect the fluffy teddy bear god in heaven to interact with you as usual. Sorry, but that is not Christianity, it is HUMANISM and PAGANISM.
Yes, God can and will forgive you of almost anything, however there are consequences for all sin, not just the big four. So, you did not blaspheme the Holy Spirit, cool you can be forgiven and will be forgiven when you confess your failure to God. But, that does not lessen the consequences for you. You may have to be executed by man for murder, you may carry and suffer the effects of any STD for the rest of your life, you may lead a very frustrating and unproductive religious life (due to the cost of rebellion and witchcraft), you may have to crawl before those you have harmed for their forgiveness. Yeah, but at least you can be forgiven - which is EVERYTHING! Your eternal standing is far more important than comforts in this life! But, that does not reset everything.....
Conclusion
Under American Theology, god's will, your path and sin are all sort of like playing Lets Make A Deal. Remember that TV show? You can pick from curtain number 1, 2 or 3, but oh by the way, you can have what is in the box instead. Oh the pain, the torture, which to pick!?!?!? Choose wrong and you go home empty handed, pick that right one and you get the house, the car, the dog, the marriage, the family and the million dollars! But, that is not how the REAL God works.
The REAL God has a purpose for you in mind from when He first created you. That purpose is perfect, honors Him and you by extension (at least in His eyes). He knows if you are going to be His or not. He knows what the goal is for you. He knows the best path for taking you there. He knows He might have to make some corrections along the way - because like everyone, you are going to fail, unless you are Jesus, but then He has already been and gone, so we know you are going to fail if you have a belly button.
In reality your path through God's Will is actually more like a GPS system. You have a starting point, He knows your destination, now how do you get there? You sin, you break the perfect path, God goes into recalculating mode. Destination remains the same but now you will need to adjust your tasks (path) to get you there because now you are no longer on the original path. You sin more, you path needs to be adjusted again, again, again, again, ad nauseum (whoops talking about me again!). Even if you violate God's four biggies - He will continue to adjust that path for as long as it takes to get you where He needs you to be! And yes, He can and will still use you if you repent! And that is the important point here - He DOES NOT give up on you, He DOES NOT forgive you and then continue to punish you. When He forgives it is perfect forgiveness: complete, final, without further penalty. But, just remember that bitter pill; you will still have to pay for what you did do, to set right your self before your fellow man and God.
But, the car, the house, the picket fence, the dog, the family, the spouse, the million dollars, where are they?!?!?!? They may well have never been a part of His plan for your life and/or path. Perhaps God might have allowed it, and we have no right to second guess God here, He may still allow us our desires, but we do not know, nor do we have the right to demand! It is His perfect Will we must seek, not our own desires, or we will end up right back at paganism.
When you can approach the real God with a broken heart and a broken spirit (use the word contrite instead of broken, if it is more meaningful to you), God will hear your voice and act - but not before. It is unfortunate that most of us only can do this when we are in sin and feeling guilty. God wants your broken spirit all of the time before Him, not the prideful creation we offer Him. And if you slip into false piety, guess what - He is not going to be listening again!
When you can empty yourself of all expectations, other than to serve God - at His leisure, He can and will use you.
When you have accomplished His Will for your life, no He isn't going to kill you! (though that can be a blessing!), He will use you and all of your life experiences as a witness, as a tool, in others lives so that they to may accomplish their tasks in life. And when I think of a those whom care for the elderly saints, yeah, now there is a blessing .....
So, if you can understand this post, I am very happy indeed. Because you do not know of the heartache it took for me to discover the REAL God and finally understand the God whom is there, the God whom does love, God whom does forgive, the God whom does have your best interests at heart, the God whom does listen to a broken spirit.....
God's Will
I rather firmly believe the short quip from the Four Spiritual Laws, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.".
Really, based on experience alone, it seems almost the opposite at times! Yeah, Kris sometimes needs smacked by a God sized bat to understand what God wants him to do! I have the lumps to prove it.
But, as I have studied and mulled over the concept of God's will these past 13 months, yeah - God does have a plan for what we are to accomplish in this life. We can do it willingly or we can do it at the end of a God sized bat. (On December 31st my post about this year will have some interesting comments concerning this....)
I have discussed before the differences between God's Determinative Will and His Permissive Will. Suffice it to say that there are those things you will do because He demands it (via baseball bat, if nothing else) and those things which He allows but are immaterial to what you are going to do.
Your Path
So for you to accomplish what you must, you have a series of exercises you must meet in order to be prepared for what He really wants you to do. By trusting God, relying upon His directing your path, you will get there - for what ever purposes He had in mind. Important point here is that you are doing something God wants you to do - not what you necessarily want to do!
So, what is on your path? Well, maybe it involves marriage, a family, a car, a house, a dog, a million dollars - everything you have always wanted (usually thanks to Hollywood teaching you humanism). And it might all be permissive, God does not really care, He wants from you what you are to accomplish for Him. So, scratch the marriage, the family, the car, the house, the dog, the million dollars and you would still be on the path you were to be on - with His ultimate goal still in view!
We have to learn to see life from God's perspective, not from our situation in life. Nothing is impossible for Him, nothing of lasting value is possible for us.
Your Sin
And as I have been forced to watch, for a second time in my life - a loved one choosing to break their path. Yes, you can rebel against God Himself, to the extent that He retracts His interaction in your life - ends your path - ends His expectations of you. Sure you have the ability to repent, but your life will never be what it could have been from that point on - and repentance is far more than just a prayer when we are talking this level of sin! You get to swallow a sour pill called pride and repent to everyone impacted by your rebellion. REBELLION is one of the big four sins that God has great concern over and does judge harshly, because you are taking a stand against Him. You can add MURDER, SEXUAL IMPURITY and WITCHCRAFT to round out that list, all of which are stands against yourself and fellow man (and ultimately God). There are no take backs on these sins. Only under American Theology can you accomplish this and expect the fluffy teddy bear god in heaven to interact with you as usual. Sorry, but that is not Christianity, it is HUMANISM and PAGANISM.
Yes, God can and will forgive you of almost anything, however there are consequences for all sin, not just the big four. So, you did not blaspheme the Holy Spirit, cool you can be forgiven and will be forgiven when you confess your failure to God. But, that does not lessen the consequences for you. You may have to be executed by man for murder, you may carry and suffer the effects of any STD for the rest of your life, you may lead a very frustrating and unproductive religious life (due to the cost of rebellion and witchcraft), you may have to crawl before those you have harmed for their forgiveness. Yeah, but at least you can be forgiven - which is EVERYTHING! Your eternal standing is far more important than comforts in this life! But, that does not reset everything.....
Conclusion
Under American Theology, god's will, your path and sin are all sort of like playing Lets Make A Deal. Remember that TV show? You can pick from curtain number 1, 2 or 3, but oh by the way, you can have what is in the box instead. Oh the pain, the torture, which to pick!?!?!? Choose wrong and you go home empty handed, pick that right one and you get the house, the car, the dog, the marriage, the family and the million dollars! But, that is not how the REAL God works.
The REAL God has a purpose for you in mind from when He first created you. That purpose is perfect, honors Him and you by extension (at least in His eyes). He knows if you are going to be His or not. He knows what the goal is for you. He knows the best path for taking you there. He knows He might have to make some corrections along the way - because like everyone, you are going to fail, unless you are Jesus, but then He has already been and gone, so we know you are going to fail if you have a belly button.
In reality your path through God's Will is actually more like a GPS system. You have a starting point, He knows your destination, now how do you get there? You sin, you break the perfect path, God goes into recalculating mode. Destination remains the same but now you will need to adjust your tasks (path) to get you there because now you are no longer on the original path. You sin more, you path needs to be adjusted again, again, again, again, ad nauseum (whoops talking about me again!). Even if you violate God's four biggies - He will continue to adjust that path for as long as it takes to get you where He needs you to be! And yes, He can and will still use you if you repent! And that is the important point here - He DOES NOT give up on you, He DOES NOT forgive you and then continue to punish you. When He forgives it is perfect forgiveness: complete, final, without further penalty. But, just remember that bitter pill; you will still have to pay for what you did do, to set right your self before your fellow man and God.
But, the car, the house, the picket fence, the dog, the family, the spouse, the million dollars, where are they?!?!?!? They may well have never been a part of His plan for your life and/or path. Perhaps God might have allowed it, and we have no right to second guess God here, He may still allow us our desires, but we do not know, nor do we have the right to demand! It is His perfect Will we must seek, not our own desires, or we will end up right back at paganism.
When you can approach the real God with a broken heart and a broken spirit (use the word contrite instead of broken, if it is more meaningful to you), God will hear your voice and act - but not before. It is unfortunate that most of us only can do this when we are in sin and feeling guilty. God wants your broken spirit all of the time before Him, not the prideful creation we offer Him. And if you slip into false piety, guess what - He is not going to be listening again!
When you can empty yourself of all expectations, other than to serve God - at His leisure, He can and will use you.
When you have accomplished His Will for your life, no He isn't going to kill you! (though that can be a blessing!), He will use you and all of your life experiences as a witness, as a tool, in others lives so that they to may accomplish their tasks in life. And when I think of a those whom care for the elderly saints, yeah, now there is a blessing .....
So, if you can understand this post, I am very happy indeed. Because you do not know of the heartache it took for me to discover the REAL God and finally understand the God whom is there, the God whom does love, God whom does forgive, the God whom does have your best interests at heart, the God whom does listen to a broken spirit.....
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Stressed
So this is finals week for the quarter. gag......
I passed my forensics class, which was sort of a hoot. I did everything wrong and got 90% of the answers anyway, the teacher was stunned - no one had ever been that stupid before that he was aware of.
In my UNIX class one of my team mates sabotaged my machine after I had gone home on Friday. I was mighty angry at him and if I ever have him in a class ever again, I may well get a protection order against him - so he can go to jail the next time he touches my computer in class! Did I fail? No idea, but the teacher was not exactly happy with we or him. I still have to do the written test, but I think I will hold off until tomorrow to do that one.
Today is all about calculus, curse of my existance. I was put into college when I was 11, in Germany, and I loved it. I was just average compared to the other students. However, I died in calculus when I was 16. So flunked out of college.
About that time my father chose to move us to America and I was put into 9th grade since my English was so bad. I was bored all of the way though high school, it only repeated every lesson I had had through 6th grade in Europe. And then in 12th grade they introduced higher math and I died once again in calculus.....
So, will Kris finally pass math at the ripe old age of 57? Cross your fingers, hold on to your hats! Because we are going to try again tonight.......
Prayers are useful too!
I passed my forensics class, which was sort of a hoot. I did everything wrong and got 90% of the answers anyway, the teacher was stunned - no one had ever been that stupid before that he was aware of.
In my UNIX class one of my team mates sabotaged my machine after I had gone home on Friday. I was mighty angry at him and if I ever have him in a class ever again, I may well get a protection order against him - so he can go to jail the next time he touches my computer in class! Did I fail? No idea, but the teacher was not exactly happy with we or him. I still have to do the written test, but I think I will hold off until tomorrow to do that one.
Today is all about calculus, curse of my existance. I was put into college when I was 11, in Germany, and I loved it. I was just average compared to the other students. However, I died in calculus when I was 16. So flunked out of college.
About that time my father chose to move us to America and I was put into 9th grade since my English was so bad. I was bored all of the way though high school, it only repeated every lesson I had had through 6th grade in Europe. And then in 12th grade they introduced higher math and I died once again in calculus.....
So, will Kris finally pass math at the ripe old age of 57? Cross your fingers, hold on to your hats! Because we are going to try again tonight.......
Prayers are useful too!
Monday, December 10, 2012
Finals Week
I am up to my lips preparing for finals in my three classes.
Will post again once I get past this!
Will post again once I get past this!
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Musical Saturday Morning
Good morning fellow readers!
Sorry about not getting one up in time for the first Saturday of the month, but life intervenes sometimes. So, we will live with the second Saturday this month.
It must have been 1987 and I heard this song on the radio. Not it was not a hit for the group but it was one that I liked off of what was to become their biggest album. Interestingly, I was to go on and spend a great deal of time in Ireland through the end of the 1980's and this group, U2 was not even close to being the best of what was on Irish radio. Many a talented band whom never got American air time.
Sorry but there is no embedded address for this one, so you have to click the link.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQxl9EI9YBg
Sorry about not getting one up in time for the first Saturday of the month, but life intervenes sometimes. So, we will live with the second Saturday this month.
It must have been 1987 and I heard this song on the radio. Not it was not a hit for the group but it was one that I liked off of what was to become their biggest album. Interestingly, I was to go on and spend a great deal of time in Ireland through the end of the 1980's and this group, U2 was not even close to being the best of what was on Irish radio. Many a talented band whom never got American air time.
Sorry but there is no embedded address for this one, so you have to click the link.....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QQxl9EI9YBg
Friday, December 7, 2012
Kulula Airlines, Part Two
Been a while since I have been in a mood to publish humor, and thankfully God has been restoring me across the past week - and even if I told you why you would not understand. But, He is, so cool! Now for some South African humor that had me rolling:
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
---o0o---
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick the one with the most potential."
---o0o---
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining.
Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
---o0o---
On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced,
"People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
---o0o---
On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
----o0o---
On landing, the stewardess said,
"Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
----o0o---
"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane."
---o0o---
"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride."
---o0o---
As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker:
"Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"
---o0o---
After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced,
"Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."
---o0o---
From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
---o0o---
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick the one with the most potential."
---o0o---
"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."
----o0o---
"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."
---o0o---
"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."
---o0o---
And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"
---o0o---
Heard on Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said,
"That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."
---o0o---
Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!"
---o0o---
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the terminal."
---o0o---
An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"
---o0o---
After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."
---o0o---
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."
---o0o---
Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."
---o0o---
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Kulula Airlines, Part One
These guys really have a sense of humor in South Africa!
Many thanks to one of my far traveling relatives (an airline mechanic) for this series.....
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
People Lost and Found
So, about time to post how my search for my past is going, since last update in 2009:
Carmen Bowen - a sister, last seen 1974 in Oklahoma
Diane Cash – last seen 1965 in Portland
Diane Cash – last seen 1965 in Portland
Ruth Cleek – last seen 1970 at Hillcrest
Pamela/Pam Derrick – last seen 1970 at Hillcrest
Debbie Feather – last seen 1974 in Aurora
Donna Feather – last seen 1974 in Aurora
Connie Gates – last seen 1970 at Hillcrest
Clarence Gunn – last seen 1970 in South Carolina
Chuck Lundy - FOUND
Diane Pender – last seen 1965 in Madras
Tom Pender – last seen 1965 in Madras
Carolyne/Carolyn/Carol Plummer – last seen 1967 in
Landstuhl
Dean Spencer – a cousin, last seen 1964 in Portland
Thomas/Tom/Tommy Warren – last seen 1965 in Portland
Stan Zeidell – last seen 1967 at Ramstein AFB
Of course some I never knew their last name or perhaps how
to spell it!
Cathy/Kathy W ? – last seen 1973 in Aurora (went to
Utah?)
Dodi Gibson/Gipson – last seen 1972 Aurora
Laura from Hillcrest High moved to North Carolina 1970
Daphne Summers/Sommers/? - Laon, France
So a few names added, several drops as may were found in 2009 and since the last post I have only found one I was looking for.
Daphne Summers/Sommers/? - Laon, France
So a few names added, several drops as may were found in 2009 and since the last post I have only found one I was looking for.
Tuesday, December 4, 2012
Another Loss
Yes, I have had yet another death in the family. A long term friend, a man I did admire and counted as family.
August Soler was old Swiss. He lived his life through his work, which was pretty much 24x7 it seemed to me. I only lured him off the farm once for a visit at my house, else it was always off to his place for national holidays, parties and of course the mandatory shooting in his fields - butted right up to cliffs as a backdrop!
He counted himself as nothing, he had lost a leg at age 11 - to a piece of farm equipment and it devastated him mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All there was for him was the family farm and he diligently worked it. His ancestors had nothing to complain at, probably cheered him on the way he fought with the bureaucrats.
And he was not a Christian. I witnessed to him, his son-in-law the same. His wife, a Catholic, more than once hauled him to mass. But, he would have none of it. He had already tasted God's judgement he believed.
And so it is with tremendous sadness I note not the passing of a friend but the loss of friend, to an eternity where I will not be.
It crushes me, as did my own father's death and for the same reasons.
Farewell Gus, you are remembered and now an example for my Sunday School class of the frailty of life.
Auf Wiederluege, August.....
August Soler was old Swiss. He lived his life through his work, which was pretty much 24x7 it seemed to me. I only lured him off the farm once for a visit at my house, else it was always off to his place for national holidays, parties and of course the mandatory shooting in his fields - butted right up to cliffs as a backdrop!
He counted himself as nothing, he had lost a leg at age 11 - to a piece of farm equipment and it devastated him mentally, emotionally and spiritually. All there was for him was the family farm and he diligently worked it. His ancestors had nothing to complain at, probably cheered him on the way he fought with the bureaucrats.
And he was not a Christian. I witnessed to him, his son-in-law the same. His wife, a Catholic, more than once hauled him to mass. But, he would have none of it. He had already tasted God's judgement he believed.
And so it is with tremendous sadness I note not the passing of a friend but the loss of friend, to an eternity where I will not be.
It crushes me, as did my own father's death and for the same reasons.
Farewell Gus, you are remembered and now an example for my Sunday School class of the frailty of life.
Auf Wiederluege, August.....
Monday, December 3, 2012
Unexpected Blessing
Back in August, I commented that I wondered if I had just been blessed or not. I suspected I had been, but because I question all things, I was not sure and yet it seemed that I had, but I could not understand. In my world, there are NO coincidences in life if you are walking your path in obedience to God. And so with the loss of my daughter in my life and the ensuing mess, only to be immediately followed by Niece joining my physical family - was just too weird timing wise, what did this mean? I thought maybe she was there to help reduce stress - but that did not happen. I thought maybe she was the one to get me to ER for the next big one - that never came. It was all so very confusing, nothing seemed to fit.
And as Friday night was to show, I was indeed blessed in a very great way by God - but as with all humans, when we are not forthcoming, then somethings are not then known and confusion follows.
So, Niece opened up Friday night and showed me what I had known all along but was confused at why she was not forthcoming, it was so obvious to me, it was so frustrating not knowing if I was wrong or not about her! And given what the year was like, I was not going to put my foot in my mouth! So, I assumed the worst - Kris was horribly misled, but I could not tell how!
And so I questioned myself for months, I was in fear that I had misled myself and if I was wrong about Niece, was I wrong about Yesfir? It tore at me to my core, but I could not see where or what I had done wrong with Yesfir, yet there must have been something, Niece was proof that I could be wrong!
And then Friday night came, truth and openness for the first time flowed. The walls came down. I was not wrong about Niece it seems, then with relief I realized that it had been all in truth this year. And peace flowed over me, the weight of my heart was released, and I slept like a rock for one of the very few times this year. Thank you God for peace.....
I do not know if a weight was lifted from Niece or not Friday night, perhaps she was now traumatized enough by being known that she was unable to sleep. I hope not, I hope it gave her peace as well. And in our brief interactions since, she has been quiet and reserved but her walls have remained down. A victory for her.
And so, with a new openness, with a new understanding, we now step forward to show her what she needs to know. A discipleship to show her the God I know, one not catering to our whims, one where we can walk victorious (as long as we do not get cocky!).
To make the weekend even more special - after one major and 156 minor heart attacks, Saturday became the very first day in which there was no heart incident what-so-ever! PTL!!!!! As was Sunday, as well. Two pain free days, healing and blessing because now I am back at what I was supposed to be doing for four months!
What an unexpected end to one of the most bizaare and horrible years of my life.....
And as Friday night was to show, I was indeed blessed in a very great way by God - but as with all humans, when we are not forthcoming, then somethings are not then known and confusion follows.
So, Niece opened up Friday night and showed me what I had known all along but was confused at why she was not forthcoming, it was so obvious to me, it was so frustrating not knowing if I was wrong or not about her! And given what the year was like, I was not going to put my foot in my mouth! So, I assumed the worst - Kris was horribly misled, but I could not tell how!
And so I questioned myself for months, I was in fear that I had misled myself and if I was wrong about Niece, was I wrong about Yesfir? It tore at me to my core, but I could not see where or what I had done wrong with Yesfir, yet there must have been something, Niece was proof that I could be wrong!
And then Friday night came, truth and openness for the first time flowed. The walls came down. I was not wrong about Niece it seems, then with relief I realized that it had been all in truth this year. And peace flowed over me, the weight of my heart was released, and I slept like a rock for one of the very few times this year. Thank you God for peace.....
I do not know if a weight was lifted from Niece or not Friday night, perhaps she was now traumatized enough by being known that she was unable to sleep. I hope not, I hope it gave her peace as well. And in our brief interactions since, she has been quiet and reserved but her walls have remained down. A victory for her.
And so, with a new openness, with a new understanding, we now step forward to show her what she needs to know. A discipleship to show her the God I know, one not catering to our whims, one where we can walk victorious (as long as we do not get cocky!).
To make the weekend even more special - after one major and 156 minor heart attacks, Saturday became the very first day in which there was no heart incident what-so-ever! PTL!!!!! As was Sunday, as well. Two pain free days, healing and blessing because now I am back at what I was supposed to be doing for four months!
What an unexpected end to one of the most bizaare and horrible years of my life.....
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