Time To Think

One of the positive benefits of traveling is being able to have time to think.  One of the negative aspects of travel is having time to think, mostly because I tend to become morose and introspective at such times.  Always better to be busy and not considering one's life and all of the what-ifs of paths either traveled - or not.

Being really bored, I have been seeking employment - which has not been forthcoming.  With a bomb proof resume, decades of experience, and NO one will even interview me in the Seattle area!  And I thought a great deal on this.

Anytime life no longer makes sense, God is involved in there somewhere.  But, to what end?  No clue. Yes, I am clueless in Seattle!  LOL, as my daughter says.


Saturday, it dawned on me I just might be depressed over the goings on of the past year.  Yeah, I guess I could see that one reasonably well.  Loss of my father and youngest uncle, the near death of my mother and having to care for her, wedding of daughter number two - followed by a new grand-daughter, learning that your body is shutting down all the while trying to hold things together and find meaningful employment.  Add in a brother-in-law battling stage 4 cancer, the struggles of some of "my" kids - like my 14 year old god-daughter in prison.  Sigh, the list goes on and on it seems!  Sometimes.

See, I just should never be allowed to be alone and unoccupied!  Pity party for one, now seating.....

But, I do see God quietly working in the background.  My married daughters, though struggling, are both getting their acts slowly together.  Youngest daughter is blessed with great grades in school and in her vocation.  Even son, for as much as I want to smack him upside the head, is slowly making tiny signs of growing up.  None of us are starving and bills are being paid.  God-children and "my" kids will succeed or fail as their performance warrants.  PTL!

Life, it is an interesting affair.....

The Difference between Men and Women

Let's say that a guy named Roger, is attracted to a woman named Elaine.

He asks her out to a movie, she accepts and they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

Then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud:

"Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?"

There is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.  She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that.  Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward .... I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: So that means it was ... let's see ... February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means ... lemme check the odometer .... Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed--even before I sensed it--that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a friggin' garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600!

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90 day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumbags.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems truly to care about me, a person who is in pain because of my self-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a damn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their....

"Roger," Elaine says aloud.

"What?" says Roger, startled.

"Please don't torture yourself like this," she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. "Maybe I should never have .... Oh, God, I feel so...."  (She breaks down, sobbing.)

"What?" says Roger.

"I'm such a fool," Elaine sobs. "I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse."

"There's no horse?" says Roger.

"You think I'm a fool, don't you?" Elaine says.

"No!" says Roger, glad finally to know the correct answer.

"It's just that .... It's that I ... I need some time," Elaine says.  (There is a 15second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"O.K." he says.

(Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.)  "Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?" she says.

"What way?" says Roger.

"That way about time," says Elaine.

"Oh," says Roger. "Of Course."

(Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.)

"Thank you, Roger," she says.

"Thank you," says Roger.

Then he takes her home. She lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn.

Whereas, when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it.

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say:

"Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?"

Musical Saturday Morning

In one of my old blogs I incurred the wrath of many readers over this video and I still have not figured out why!  Personally, I think it is cute nonsense - Yello and Oh Yeah.....

Get Real With God

Thinking around John 6:25-34,

We say, "Jesus, feed us!" - Jesus tells us to change our diet! v25-27

We say, "Jesus, tell us what works!" - Jesus says, "I work, you must believe!" v28-29

We say, "Jesus, give us more!" - Jesus says, "I am all there is....." v30-34

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Rules are always so much easier for our legalistic minds to wrap themselves around!  If I can just DO 'X', then I am guaranteed salvation and blessings.  But, when 'X' is an unseeable, unprovable target - well that guarantee just got a little harder to capture!

And when you compare organized 'religions' to Christianity that is what you find - a whole lot of Do's and Don'ts!  Heavens!  No wonder so many flee from 'christianity' when they get hit with a ton of what you can and can not do!  And, yes, in my book religions like the Southern Baptists are excellent examples of what Christianity is not.  That does not mean that you can not be a Christian and a Southern Baptist (for example) - it just means you are going to have a harder time being a GOOD Southern Baptist and a Christian at the same time.....

Almost Historical

Its 4:00 in the morning and if you are like most people, you were probably asleep.  I however had been invited to witness what was to be a historical moment - with a select group of engineers.

Well, almost historical.  Unfortunately, a computer snafu terminated the event at 7:30 in the morning.  So, after three hours of watching people go crazy......  They called off the entire event.  Now that was about a $12m blue screen of death disaster!

So we quietly left, I to my hotel for three hours of more sleep the rest to return home before me.  Now I wait, bored, poked and prodded, with a TSA stamp of approval.  Guess I am just not either a young Arab or a little girl worthy of more attention.

I am just waiting to see if another computer snafu will further complicate my life......

Not Particularly Funny

Of course, in a culture awash with the lack of perspective on the value of human life, something like this is inevitable.....

http://news.yahoo.com/s/yblog_upshot/20110503/bs_yblog_upshot/bin-laden-news-finds-pundits-forsaking-usual-comfort-zones

Since I seem to be surrounded by this type of response to bin Laden's death, I wonder how do you respond to the above link......?

As A.....

As a Hutterite it is so very hard to bite my tongue amongst the rejoicing of those around me.  A man, heavens! several died for what they believed in - albeit - without Jesus as their savior.  So, their souls joins the multitude, including my father, whom faced life by their own rules.  Honestly, it saddens me to know this.

Yet, they set their face against  the true God and mankind.  Whether you are a Jihadist, just plain God-less or a National Socialist (as was my father) you will be called to account for your actions.  When you pledge your loyalty to a God-less man or an ideal which sets you in judgement over those not like you, you will be held accountable.

Yes, a special man died.  Special because he took responsibility for the killing of tens of thousands over the past two decades.  He was proud of his shedding of innocent blood.

And, by man was his blood shed.