Stand Against: Liars

Nothing drives me crazy faster than to cross paths with a liar.  Tell me a lie and expect to NEVER have any credibility with me ever again.  Yeah, I have a small circle of truth telling friends and sometimes that can be awfully inconvenient but far preferred than to be lied to!

You can not trust a liar.  When are they telling the truth?  If a lie, then on what scale was the lie?  Something you can work around, having figured out what the truth was or something that will cause major problems you will have to deal with?

Father was a world class liar.  Want to know what was wrong with our relationship?  Re-read the first paragraph.

My earliest memory of my father was of him telling a lie to an FBI type whom was trying to figure out father's paperwork and what could be found out.  Father had gotten a call on the phone and I saw him go to the bedroom, then return with some paperwork, which he then destroyed.  Later that day, he was being questioned as to where that paperwork was and father claimed it had been lost in a move.  Yeah, even during the Cold War there was still enough information available to show problems with father's tales.  But, then again, he did possess the knowledge he claimed.  So, he had to be a Russian spy, right?  We all thought it but no one said it.

Once I was an adult, I came to understand that father had been a liar for so long, he no longer knew the truth either!  Or if he did, he must have had a split personality, each with their own versions of truth.

As I was dealing with his latest wife, and now widow earlier this month, it was so hard to tell her what she wanted to know because like me - she expected him to have been truthful with her.  Even down to the names of his girlfriends, he never told her the truth.  I felt really sorry for her.

For me, it is far easier to just tell the truth, never having to worry about whom I told what.

Weakest Link

I know I have shared the concept of the weakest link before, it is one of those most improbable yet seems to really hold true theories in my life.

When I am doing something God wants me to do, from the weirdest of sources distractions - if not outright attacks - appear from seemingly nowhere.  So, I developed the idea that by identifying those around me, I can diminish the impact of these "distractions" when they occur.  Forearmed is forewarned after all!

Following my last posting, during the afternoon, it dawned on me - I had been sucker punched by evil and did not even realize it for a complete week!  What a Rube I can be at times!

Yeah, my "nephew", whom I always trusted, somehow had been overcome and his explosion a week ago was meant to defect me from the answer I was attempting to gain into how to best address one of " my girls" situation.  And it worked, it worked far too easily.  I was so distracted by his explosion and anger towards me, I could not continue on the quest I had begun.  I am still stunned.

However, understanding this, I was able to once again address the original issue.  But, then I was whacked for 5 days by illness such as I really do not wish to have repeated in my life.  And, yet, in God's mercy I am recovering to continue work on the quest.

So, next week, I need to be able to present a comprehensive answer to the young woman's situation - and - now that I recognize not the only importance of the situation but also of the work against that situation....

Well, nothing drives my little German heels deeper into the ground than to be opposed.

Stand Against: Narcissism

For many years I have marvelled at what exactly is wrong with modern culture.  For my long time readers you know I have speculated on vainity, ego, super ego and Californians as being the basic cause for this problem.  However, it was not until I read through all of my father's writings that it was driven home by an 18 wheeler, followed by a dozer.

I have subconsiously thought this, though it never was apparent to me as part of a normal thought process: father was affected by narcissism big time!

No, he was not looking in to mirrors and wondering at how beautiful he was.  But, he is entire outlook on life revolved around him.  Yeah, everyone is somewhat like this, after all it is our only perspective.

I am talking about narcissism so strong that EVERYTHING is viewed exclusively from the perspective of how does this action affect me?  And, only me.

In almost 1,000 pages of writings, I scored 1 line, my sister 3, his friends half a line.  Most bizarre thing I have every read!

And as I considered western culture I could understand better in light of what I now understood about my father.

When you can only understand life though how everything revolves around you, you have some major problems to get around.....

Stand Against: Easy Credit

My sister and I spend the past several weeks attempting to make heads or tails out of father's financial situation.  Very rapidly it became apparent he had been headed for disaster.

Father never met a credit card he did not like, nor an interest rate either.  He would get a card to make payments against his other cards, then get a new one to make payments against that card!  Ok, math and me were never friends, but father had a doctorate in mathematics!  How dumb can you get?  Even artist boy understands the concepts here of how this can only lead to disaster when you are on a fixed income!

But, it gets worse.  Father also purchased a truck and a trailer as he wanted to drive back up to Alaska.  (For my readers whom have been with me since blog number 1, you might remember I drove him down to Minneapolis from Alaska in January 2003 to have surgery).  Fifty thousand dollars he indebted himself for, on top of nine credit cards!

At just minimum payment amounts, it would have taken father 23 years to pay off all of the debt on the day he died.  And as it was, his payments were $554 more per month than his income.

Yeah, credit can be fun when you believe you are entitled to everything now.  But tomorrow comes knocking far too soon.

I brought all of my kids together for dinner last night, including one virtual daughter I could get a hold of.  I offered to pay for each of them, including myself, to go through a financial seminar - such as Rainey's.  I can only hope they will accept the offer and live a life of financial responsibility.

And I pray each of you will as well consider attending one.....

Stand Against: Tobacco

Father smoked for most of his life; Pall Mall were his cigarette of choice and Amphora tobacco for his pipe.  I hated his smoking and even as a child I did everything I could to end his noxious emissions.  I took to shredding the bottom of my tennis shoes for years and mixing it with his tobacco in hopes he would stop with the pipe.  To no avail.

Father's death was from pneumonia caused by one lung being closed by a tumor, trapping liquid inside.  But, ER figured he would have been dead within a week from the lung cancer no matter what.

Given odds, father should have lived until he was  almost 100, the age of his father when he died.  But, he barely make it into his 80's.  Could tobacco be credited with reducing his life by 20 years?  No one can really say and I do hold that God is in charge of when you are going to die anyway.  Could be lung cancer or a speeding car with you in the crosswalk, when your time is up - it is up.

So, if I am willing to allow that his death was unavoidable, his health was not.

Heart Attacks minor - 11
Heart Attacks major - 2
Stroke minor - 8
Stroke major - 3
Loss of Teeth - all but 4
Cancer Operations - 2

Yeah, smoking is so cool as to cause all of the above in a family with NO history of any of this.

Something to think about as you light up.....

Yeah, yeah, I know, you are the exception.

In Memory

He saw the rise of National Socialism and the fall of the Reich.  He worked on the first atomic bomb and luckily never saw its completion.  He witnessed the evolution of rocketry, from hobby to weapon.  The birth of the jet age fascinated him no end.

He survived the bombing of Dresden and told the politically incorrect truth, that is not a part of our "history".  He saw the mass murder of the scientific laborers by the tens of thousands.  He survived the Russian onslaught against his chosen homeland, at one point, only by playing dead.

He knew starvation as he fled with four others on his team from the Russians and American forces to surrender to the British.  He knew what it was to be a prisoner of war and to be prison labor.  He learned the hard truth of what freedom really meant and at what cost.

Although, as a mathematician he only understood facts and data, and I an artist, we agreed on virtually nothing across our lifetimes, except food.  So different from me, that by second grade I was sure I was adopted!

As I stood at Fort Logan this week and looked upon that tiny plot of ground, I could not help but think of both the good and bad he had represented.  The beginning and end to so much of history.  And all of the what ifs......

But, he was my father.

Worst of News

I was able to spend several hours with father, but no one was home.  He never came out of his coma and died during a change on his air hose - literally a two second ordeal.  But, by then most of his organs had already failed and the doctors had no hope of reviving him.  At least those whom loved him were at his side, my sister making it in an hour before hand.

To my heartbreak is that, barring a miracle of God, father never was willing to give his life to Jesus.  I hope that in his comatose state that magnificent brain of his was working through the delima and made the right choice.

I am ok.  This was a man whom, though my father, I had no relationship with since his disinheriting me in 1973 for becoming a Christian.  I had hoped in May to visit with him and try again to share the gospel - as I had in 2003.

How, so very sad, when a human life is lost.  And then more so for eternity.....