The Worst Poser Ever

I went to the local gun show over the weekend to see about selling off some more of my Euro collectables.  I never could have foreseen whom would be in my table island group - a piece of pseudo military trash.  I really hate posers - they take away from those whom actually do risk their lives - wanting their sympathy and the praise due them.

He is obnoxious, he is loud, he tells the same graphically rude tales over and over and over and over ... without end.  He claims to be a Gulf War vet, tosses around Gulf War trivia without end - unfortunately one of my extremely good friends was there for two tours.  So, I know the tales from a tank commander's perspective and as a member of the General Staff.  I know his friends, I know their tales - and - this man's tales are salacious, unlike any vet I have ever known out of an institution.  Interesting.

Knife Maker, once a youth and now a man, I have known well for the last few years and his upcoming bride for the past year.  Both were there with me.  They wanted to silence him permanently.  Dutchman was there - he had to leave because he wanted to crush the guy's windpipe, quietly, quickly, efficiently.  Dutchman was idled years ago in a sword fight - right hand and right knee, he can not grip nor run any longer.  And as I sat and watched, his right thumb was straining, fighting to cock with his hand into a very dangerous gesture.  I chased him out to go shopping - burgers, ammo, whatever I needed, anything to separate him from the poser.

So, just as I did with my father, I started analyzing the stories, the comments and cross checking him with what I know from those on the ground.  And it got interesting.

Yeah, he probably was military during the Gulf War, only problem he was more than likely in Okinawa.  He was on an aircraft carrier.  He was at best a Seaman, a pinon.  Powerless, faceless, valueless.  And he wanted recognition.  He learned the stories and the salacious facts that thrilled him - stuff that no one there would have said to the innocent and then laughed.

Towards the end of the show, he was talking with some women, "You know what fire control is under combat conditions?" and laughed his idiot laugh.

In a voice only he would hear I said, "Yeah, two shots placed as close as possible, as rapidly as possible."

His laugh froze and I called upon all of my resources to draw upon that hidden real personality and he looked into the deadest eyes I am sure he has never seen.  Without exaggerating, he almost peed his pants and he ran for the bathroom!  Knife Maker's fiancee looked at me and started to say something and then checked herself and whispered, "Thank you."