Dream

Sunday night I had one of the oddest dreams in my life!  And that says something ...

So, I got home about 9 pm from the antique show, ate a sandwich, took my dinner pills, and had to wait an hour before the bedtime pills.  I spent that time reading about the typhoon and then typed up Monday's post for the Apple.  And thankfully, it was bedtime, finally for me!  But, my heart had gone haywire again, so I just went to bed and figured if I woke up dead, honestly, it would be fine with me.

Now, I probably ought to comment that this dream, I have had in parts, numerous times, like maybe 12 times!, it was the ending which was different this time.

It opens with me having a heart attack and I am taken in to ER, however instead of stuffing me full of pills and needles, they sit me down at a machine which is supposed to analyze my thoughts and stresses.  It does this visually on a monitor.

And it always opens the same way, I am in a car driving quickly away from someone or something.  The car looks suspiciously like the bat mobile - I hate the bat mobile.
I am dressed like batman - I hate batman.
Seated next to me is a female whom resembles Nicole Kidman - I hate Kidman, except in Bewitched.

The doctors are asking what this means and I have no answer - the symbols are all the things I hate!

And the car flies off the end of a waterfall.  Well, I do love waterfalls.

Then I am at the wedding of an old friend of mine, a lady whom worked with me in youth work decades ago.  (Oddly, in reality she has been married for decades as well, so why am I at her wedding?)  She was in many ways a pseudo-daughter (really long story!), but I had no reference point from which to be such - but I was a great friend and we still are.  I start cleaning the place the wedding is going to be because no one bothered to have done so yet.  It looks nice, I am happy with it.  But, something goes terribly wrong and the wedding is now moving to another location.  So, I walk over there.

The place is a mess, there is no way to make an aisle for the bride to walk down, there are too few chairs, it is a half-way house type of mission - so I have to hustle those types out of the building, and the kicker - my daughter is there.  I almost did not recognize her and noted that she had her flute and would be playing the music.  It made me happy she had taken up her flute again, she was talented with it.

I was polite and respectful, I stayed away and gave her, her space and peace - I would let her make any moves towards reconciliation.

So, in the end, all came together for the wedding.  The bride was lovely, the crowd was jovial and my daughter never came near nor said a word - but the dream ended as I realized she was wearing the necklace I gave her for that first Christmas.  It was her first step ...

I have left out much detail for this would be a book!  But, even I recognized what much of the symbolism was - in essence: I no longer know myself and other than the girl in the car with me, no one else does either.  Which is a sad comment.  And yes, I long for reconciliation with my daughter - if it is the only reason I am still alive - then I would have it this afternoon so I could just die in peace.

But I know my time is not up yet.

( Cura mia figlia ... )