It Is Finished

I finished documenting all of the charges against me and my rebuttal for each, under my letters to my daughter. Yeah, I have a notebook full from the conversations in my review at church. When you are dealing with formal charges, on spiritual matters, preciseness is important, as is honesty. I even gave a freebee to daughter of what I was really guilty of. If the mud is going to be raked, I am honest enough to help with the raking. Full disclosure is just that - full.

And in that light, that is why I published them. Not to bring shame on what daughter has done, for she is hardly accountable for her actions at this time, nor on what I have been accused of, but to show through disclosure, God's ways and how I need you to pray for my daughter. With enough prayer, God will act, one way or another - to free her or to free me.....

Have a great holiday, one and all! I can hardly wait for tomorrow to post my music selection for the month!

Shame, Condemnation, Love

Yesterday's post meant a great deal to me. Until you have had to face a spiritual review, where you have to defend your walk, your faith, through the betrayal of someone you love - you may not understand fully.

Once it was over and God was seen as part of the process by all, I felt really good, this was the right thing - this was the right conclusion. That it was good that this had happened.

I am sure daughter believed she was going to destroy me in the church. No, not through her charges anyways. But, the gossip and slander she started may well. This is not a Godly church, gossip seems to run the place. However, I am innocent of what she thought would bring me down.

And as I wrote yesterday's post, it was driven home to me the distance between where I am today and the shame of my past. My friend's daughter being here has reminded me greatly of that past, the life I had lived with her father in tow and the life I live now. A vast gulf lay in-between. And more so, that if I walk in obedience to what I am commanded to do, then there will be no condemnation for me in Him.

I will be addressing each of her charges in my letters to her, because should she ever read my blogs again, she needs to know why and what she really did.

But, the conclusion was this: my daughter has obviously been taken and is under a very ungodly spirit. This is obvious to everyone and why I now have a mini-army in the church praying with me for God's over-riding conquest in freeing her - again. But, equally, it is thought that this incident was her plea for help. Something inside of her wants me dead for having freed her from her bondage, but equally, my daughter is calling out for help to free her and to know that I am still her father.

And further, what no one knows, is how she communicated to me her love, through what she did. Yeah, you can look at the hosing she is trying to give me and go, "She really hates you!" But, in reality, what she did was an expression of love - caused by Satan, for evil in my life, but ----- well ----- no, I will leave the expression of that love unsaid at this point, because she is under a foreign control at this time ..... just in case she should read this before her freedom is regained.

Oh, yeah, she will be my daughter until the day I die, even should I never hear from her again. She will be in my prayers and remain there (as God does tell me her prayer needs (and she really needs protection right now!), as with all of my other children. No not a satisfying thought. As a father I would prefer all of my children within reach and within communication. But, as with each of them, the last thing she ever heard from me was, "I love you." and may it always remain so.....

Forgiveness

Try and imagine the personal horror I was put through yesterday afternoon; my estranged daughter turned on me and in a stroke of what I am assuming was brilliance on Satan's part - went for the gold ring - to use her to terminate my ministry to youth. Who knows more about me than her? Whom would be listened to more than her? Whom could cause me the most damage than her?

Only Satan's intent went sideways because I serve a living God, not the God of this earth whom has turned my daughter against me. And his evil, her evil intent, went sideways and God was glorified.

And as I thought on this last night, this song came to mind. The Newsboys, not what exists today, are my favorite group. I knew each of them when their ministry was starting out and for their first few years. Doubt they remember me by name but so what. In 1992 they recorded this song and it is so appropriate to what just happened in my life!

So, for my daughter, Dear Shame by the Newsboys.....



We all live with our personal shames. I have a past that I am not proud of in the least. Yeah, it makes for funny stories during classes, but the tragedy of that past is the number of people I harmed physically for life. Then there was the one man whom trusted me and I betrayed that trust. No, I was not even remotely close to being a Christian; I hated God, I hated the stupid Christians, I was in agony on the inside. God won me in the end because I violated my own creed of honor - God's definition of sin was not what brought me to the cross - it was my own dishonor.

And God put that past behind me; I could now stand before Him and KNOW my shame was covered by His blood. Those I betrayed, I could never witness to - the betrayal that personal. Those I harmed physically, there was no way to restore what I had taken from them. Yeah, self defense is always a good excuse, and maybe they deserved what they got, but in God's economy - they needed His blood as badly as I did. My shame.....

You too can know forgiveness, you too can know the end to your shame, you too are loved dear daughter.

Satan Continues the Attack

So, it seems Satan is not done with me yet and continues his attack against me! Yeah, as if this is not already the worst year of my life, no he has now used my estranged daughter to attack from within my church.

The day after she had ducked having to talk with me four times, since our paths kept crossing, and the day before she left with her mother to return home - she filed formal charges against me with one of the pastors. Yeah. I only just heard about this, this morning and so get to meet with the pastor this afternoon to discuss whether or not I should continue to teach any of the Sunday Schools. Yeah.

Thirty-eight years ago I began teaching high schoolers, teaching is decidedly one of my gifts and because of estranged daughter - well yeah.....

So, already the worse year of my life, my estranged daughter whom I still love as such - and am not being freed of by God - has gone for the gold ring it seems. Her gossip and slander campaign began at the beginning of this month, resulting in a host of unfriendings and blockings on FaceBook by women in the church, people avoiding me at services, ETC!

Yeah, I know it is not personal, I know that it is really Satan using my daughter against me. He was able to turn that fresh Christian baby to do his bidding. You probably have no idea the sorrow this brings me. How can I free her when her mother is empowering her in this rebellion? My only weapon left is prayer and lots of it!

She desperately needs your intercessory prayers..... Yeah, she is my daughter.

So, meeting over. Net result is that daughter is in need of a tremendous amount of prayer. And I have more praying now than before for her.

That is how my God works.....

Emergency Prayer Request

One of the family friends, Tanya, I have mentioned before as she is one of my artist friends and sends me occasionally interesting tidbits for this blog. However, she is now in tremendous need of prayer!\

Her father died last week,quite suddenly, and so she traveled back to her village in the Caucasus Mountains for the funeral. She then returned to Rostov-na-Donu for her flight back home. At the airport, she was arrested as an illegal immigrant and refused exit from Russia.

Now, she is an American citizen and traveling under her American passport. She is being told that she has to apply for Russian citizenship before an exit visa will be allowed and to complicate matters, her American passport has been seized.

So she is sort of up a creek right now as she has no money, no papers, her family here has no access to any of her property, all of her citizenship materials are here, as are her finances. And, there is no American consulate staff in the south of Russia. So she is stuck. Of course, the longer this takes, more problems will arise for her such as loss of her job here and loss of her home.

We are praying for a miracle here in her life in order to get her home! Please join me in what might be quite a prayer battle to get her freed!

Why Bipolar Article?

When I stumbled upon the article on Bipolar Relationships, I thought it might be of value to my family.

All women in my family have inherited the gene, passed down from great-grandmother. They also get to either take medication or suffer the consequences of poor relationships with others. Everyone medicates except for my mother for whom, "nothing is wrong with". Yeah, strong willed and utterly blind that it is not everyone else whom has a problem.

My last daughter, and her mother, suffer from this as well. I also know that their knowledge is completely based upon their experience with the problem, rather than knowledge about the problem.

So, for all of those women in my life - this was for you, so you can understand how and why "normal" people react to you. Especially for my daughter, as this article I think explains what may have happened between us.....

Bipolar Relationships

By John McManamy

The amygdala is that part of the brain’s limbic system which activates fight-or-flight. The amygdala fires up in response to stress or perceived stress. When that happens, the thinking parts of the brain - the cortical areas - go off-line. This is a perfectly normal response to potential danger when we need to act quickly - essentially react - with no time to think.

Life is far more complicated in a bipolar brain. The amygdala may go off for no reason or may over-respond. Meanwhile, the cortical areas fail to reboot properly. The all-clear message gets lost. We freak out and lose it. Or we may become immobilized. In this state, we are totally irrational, beyond reason. There is no sense in trying to reason with us.

People with bipolar have very different ways of perceiving the world than the rest of the population. The only reason this is not considered normal is because we are not in the majority. The brain science strongly suggests that bipolars are adept at non-linear thinking, which would account for our high creativity. But our non-linear processors can also get us into trouble.

One example is that we may perceive danger well before a “normal” person perceives it. We see ourselves reacting normally to an abnormal situation. We cannot contemplate how the other party can possibly be so clueless and unfeeling. The other party, of course, sees it a lot differently. They see us as freaking out for no reason.

But then our nonlinear processors can reverse the situation. This time we see the solution to an intractable problem. We have the situation under control. Our non-linear partner is the one who is freaking out for no reason. They see us as being clueless and unfeeling.

In either situation - be it the bipolar individual acting out or the “normal” one - we need to suspend judgment. The other party is reacting to the world as he or she sees it. So are you. Same world, two entirely different views. Do not judge. Take stock, determine where each of you are coming from. Resolve to work your way to an understanding.

Part of living with bipolar involves our brains running away from us. Or it can work the other way around. Our brains shut down. Either way, we may spend the rest of our lives dealing with the consequences.

The brain science reveals that the prefrontal cortex acts as a modulator of our emotions. When we’re not thinking right, bad things happen. But there is this important twist: We also need our emotions to think. Any decision we make is based on whether it “feels right” or “feels wrong” to us. As counter-intuitive as it seems, the thinking parts of the brain can be tricked into making terrible choices.

Bipolar essentially turns up the heat: On one hand, our non-linear brains imbue us with the type of intuition that borders on psychic. On the other, we have a tendency to jump to ridiculous conclusions.

When do you go with your head? When do you go with your heart? How do you justify your decision to your partner? Our only guide is a lifetime of experience, which inevitably involves a history of wrong choices. Mistakes are inevitable, but they may also give us the wisdom to move forward. Says the Dalai Lama: “When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.”

This applies with equal force to both parties. The stress we put our partners through can be interpreted as a form of abuse. Likewise, so can the apparent indifference from our partners.
Each partner has the right to set their own boundaries, make their own rules, interpret abuse as they see fit. And ultimately each has the right to leave the relationship if their needs are not being met.

Each party also has the right to expect certain accommodations, even if they make no apparent sense to the other party. If a bipolar partner expresses the wish to leave a crowded room right now, this means right now, not five minutes from now. Conversely, the “normal” one who pulls their partner from the room right now, this very minute, has a very good reason for doing so.

Naturally, whether bipolar or “normal,” we do not wish to put our parties through unnecessary suffering. But we may find ourselves in situations where our partner can no longer put up with us. We may be “too bipolar.” They may be “too normal.”

Too often, things deteriorate beyond the point of reconciliation. The saddest - and wisest - choice we may make may involve acknowledging the inevitable.

The bipolar diagnosis should never be interpreted as a form of house arrest that cuts us off from humanity. Our illness imbues us with an insight and wisdom that tends to leave the rest of the world for dead. We think and feel deeper and wider. We light up those around us. We have empathy in abundance. It goes without saying that we are a gift to the right person.

Thus, it is not a question if whether or not we are right for our would-be partner. The real question is: Is our would-be partner right for us? Do they truly appreciate the qualities we bring to a relationship? Or does our passion and intensity and intelligence and humor baffle or even frighten them?

True, we do not want to inflict our “craziness” on an innocent bystander. But it also works the other way around - we do not necessarily want “normal” inflicted on us. Be selective. Then act. In the words of the Wise Man: “Hey, Jude, don’t be afraid. You were made to go out and get her ...”