Still In Shock

Not a good morning world, sorry, I am still in shock from Monday's discoveries.  I value friendship highly, will put up with tremendous abuse to maintain it and to lose a friend - almost unthinkable.  In fact, outside of last year, I have managed to only lose two friends, not through death, in the whole of my life!  Each of those was horrific on me.

Last year though, through the best efforts of my estranged new daughter, I managed to lose every one at my church and many in the community.  Guess they never really knew me or they would have known not to buy into lies and gossip of hers.  The loss of the friends does not hurt as much as a daughter purposefully planting seeds of deceit because her mother convinced her I was evil.  That is the real pain in that one.

I also made public a letter to her.  It has sat on blogger for a month without her seeing it.  And because of what happened Monday I wanted my new friend to get up to speed with the blackness which fills my life - so I took off the block to the world and sent her a link to it.  My friend had some very sharp comments, which I highly prize, because it was good to have an independent review of the situation.  (If you are interested: Kris did the best with what he had and was burned for it.  Plus they added the comment that I am just as likely to be killed by some future boyfriend of Yesfir's, based on her deceit, as I am by Gaelic Girl - both angry drama queens.  Something I never considered, since I am innocent of evil here.  sigh.....)  I know there are female abuse shelters, I wonder if I qualify for a male one ........ ?

So, it seems what I would prefer would take years to occur, may now only take a few weeks - when Kris will get to face a brave new world on his lonesome.  Since the kids all hated Yesfir, I see no real reason for them to side with me on this one, so will probably have to get my VW running mighty quick in order to have a roof over my head come fall.

My blown out knee has cost me my educational grant I had been living off of for two years, so now must find some form of employment after surgery and rehab is over.  Sigh.  Too fast, but it maybe God's time table at play and not mine that has to be considered.

In the end, I have to maintain my sanity, while endeavoring to wear very many hats - in the lives of many others.

On the other hand, prayer changes things.  Who knows how things will look by fall.  ??????

(interestingly, it maybe that Yesfir has changed her machine or id, since that letter, once made public  was visited almost instantly by an id I did not recognize.  yeah, i could hunt it down to know for sure but i told her i would not stalk her and i am a man of my word ..... which she managed to forget it seems.  And should she be reading this, Yesfir your return is still a continuing prayer item with about 20 now involved daily in the community.  Hope you don't mind sharing my VW.....eventually.)