As I have mentioned, this is the worse year of my life and in one way the best year of my life. I have lost a huge percent of my friends through death (cancer and old age), I have lost a daughter, alienated almost all of my living friends and my family, gone through a host of injuries, two heart attacks and from my viewpoint - failed God at what should have been a simple task with an odd twist to it. And yes, I have asked where God is. He is the power of this creation and yet quietly has been happy to see me do the best I can and pay a very great price for it. He could blink, and all of it could have been so easily avoided.....
But, that was not the path he chose for me or those journeying along my path. And I have grieved, not for myself, but for the loss of friends, family and choices my children have made this year. So, where was God?
Jesus certainly understood grief. He got to see His people turn on Him and kill Him. He had plenty of opportunities to understand grief - somewhere along the line He lost his grandparents and his father. And in John 11:28-37 we have the loss of a close friend......
The problem of suffering is that we view ourselves as being Job. Life (God) has dumped on us, we are innocent, no one will sympathize, so just curse God and die - right? For better or worse, Job did have some friends whom came and sat with him. He had a wife that needed muzzled, well maybe most of his friends too! But, no one did understand. No one really knew what to say, or what they did was inappropriate to the situation.
Yeah, the last thing you really need when you are in pain are those around you whom would help by trying to minimize your pain - "well, at least ....."! Having someone explain how God works is really a bad idea - since we do not really understand the how or why's of God's work in our lives - except in retrospect. And don't you just love it when someone offers you worn out cliche's as salve for your wounds? Yeah, all of Job's friends forgot that his situation was not about them or their comfort - it was about him and his pain.
Back to John's narrative of Jesus, He was moved or troubled in verse 33 at the death of His friend. Anger, or He was mad at the situation. Our anger should be towards death, for it is an unnatural occurrence in our lives. And, the sin, which has brought death into existence in our lives.
And Jesus wept. In verse 35 He cried and in verse 36, He was seen crying. Yeah, real men do cry. We know that David cried, as did all of the prophets and disciples as well. It is okay to show emotion (unless you are me! LOL!). And to that end we need to accept and be real with our emotions at least around those we love.
So, where is God when I hurt? Waiting for me to turn to Him for comfort. Assuming of course that I was not the reason for the problem in the first place! In which case, I need to work on my failure instead of wasting time weeping over my plight......
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
"In His Name"
I was half listening to two guys discussing prayer; one frustrated that his prayers are not answered, the other more than happy to share modern Christian superstition with him.....
Consider John 14:12-14.
12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. 13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
Sometimes you have to wonder at Jesus' words. Think of this, He just said here that He would do what ever you ask in His name..... And He knows the hearts of men are desperately wicked, the regenerate usually not much better. And so we have the source of a ton of bad theology within the Western Church that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we ask will be accomplished and done just because we asked for it "in His name".....
Well, it does not take much for someone look at that and think, "uhm, I don't think that can mean what they say it means.....". And you would be right. Because there are a few fine points to think on before committing yourself to superstition or flailing yourself because obviously your faith was too weak and your prayers go unanswered.
Does that mean there is some sort of catch in here? Well, yeah! Let us start off easy: You. Are you saved? Are you sure? I know so many now, whom I am convinced are not, and yet a year ago I had no problem with taking them at their word. But, my eyes were forcibly ripped opened this year to see that all is not what it seems. We take no account of our sin but magnify the sins of those around us. So how is the old sin life these days? We gossip, we slander, we deceive, we think ourselves above others, we live openly in rebellion and dare all comers to call us on it. And that just covers my family. How is yours doing so far? No excuse making here! It is rubber on the road time. But, for the grace of God none us would ever be found worthy.....
And then there is the object or subject of the prayer: is it something God should care about? No, the election is beyond His concern - except under American Theology, no sporting events are not His concern - except under A.T. as well, no God does not give a wit about your dog sparky and its fleas, you marital status is not His problem, nor your car's need for fuel, nor that you are so happy for that steak dinner you are sitting down to. So what does God care about?
You will have God's undivided attention when you are praying concerning the lost, reaching a certain person for salvation, changing the course of one fallen away, problems within the church, anything and everything to do with outreach - nothing to do with entertaining ourselves. Anything to do with witnessing, or validating the witness, nothing to do with your comfort or pleasures.
Whoa! Wait a minute! God says somewhere He wants His best for us! We are to be the kings and rulers of our realms! Really? You are a better Christian because you were born rich, than the Christian in Nigeria whom may not even have a dung hut to live in and just hopes to not be eaten during the night? Welcome to toxic faith of the American Church, where wealth and might make right - it proves God is behind us after-all. But, in reality, this is called pride of life. It is a much condemn sin by the way, just if you were interested......
Okay, okay, I can expect God to answer my prayers concerning outreach, but He does answer other prayers as well. Yup, and this the entire point of this post. God will answer prayers, as He wants to, when He wants to, how He wants to. And just by tagging, "In His Name" on to your prayer is not going to move God one way or the other. But it does move you.
And, the direction you are moved, is to the side God is on, by praying "In His Name" ..... What you are really saying is that you want what He wants, for whatever the situation is.
Consider: Psalm 8:1, 103:1, 148:13; 1 Samuel 17:45
As a side note, there are even those whom believe that by praying, "In His Name", this is really God speaking. Nope, it is just you or whomever. But, by praying so, we are asking for His authority to be behind our words.
We need to be praying God's agenda in our lives, the lives of our loved ones, in the lives of those around us, our church and our nation. We need to be siding with God on all issues, in constant prayer for His values to be reflected in our lives. It will conform us to Him, it will change how we see the world and because of this, as Jesus said, we will do greater things than He.....
And, as for our two arguers whom started this thread thought? They both are now superstitious about magic words in their prayers.....
Pssssst, There are No Christian magic words .....
Consider John 14:12-14.
12 “Most assuredly, I say to you, he who believes in Me, the works that I do he will do also; and greater works than these he will do, because I go to My Father. 13 And whatever you ask in My name, that I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. 14 If you ask anything in My name, I will do it.
Sometimes you have to wonder at Jesus' words. Think of this, He just said here that He would do what ever you ask in His name..... And He knows the hearts of men are desperately wicked, the regenerate usually not much better. And so we have the source of a ton of bad theology within the Western Church that ANYTHING and EVERYTHING we ask will be accomplished and done just because we asked for it "in His name".....
Well, it does not take much for someone look at that and think, "uhm, I don't think that can mean what they say it means.....". And you would be right. Because there are a few fine points to think on before committing yourself to superstition or flailing yourself because obviously your faith was too weak and your prayers go unanswered.
Does that mean there is some sort of catch in here? Well, yeah! Let us start off easy: You. Are you saved? Are you sure? I know so many now, whom I am convinced are not, and yet a year ago I had no problem with taking them at their word. But, my eyes were forcibly ripped opened this year to see that all is not what it seems. We take no account of our sin but magnify the sins of those around us. So how is the old sin life these days? We gossip, we slander, we deceive, we think ourselves above others, we live openly in rebellion and dare all comers to call us on it. And that just covers my family. How is yours doing so far? No excuse making here! It is rubber on the road time. But, for the grace of God none us would ever be found worthy.....
And then there is the object or subject of the prayer: is it something God should care about? No, the election is beyond His concern - except under American Theology, no sporting events are not His concern - except under A.T. as well, no God does not give a wit about your dog sparky and its fleas, you marital status is not His problem, nor your car's need for fuel, nor that you are so happy for that steak dinner you are sitting down to. So what does God care about?
You will have God's undivided attention when you are praying concerning the lost, reaching a certain person for salvation, changing the course of one fallen away, problems within the church, anything and everything to do with outreach - nothing to do with entertaining ourselves. Anything to do with witnessing, or validating the witness, nothing to do with your comfort or pleasures.
Whoa! Wait a minute! God says somewhere He wants His best for us! We are to be the kings and rulers of our realms! Really? You are a better Christian because you were born rich, than the Christian in Nigeria whom may not even have a dung hut to live in and just hopes to not be eaten during the night? Welcome to toxic faith of the American Church, where wealth and might make right - it proves God is behind us after-all. But, in reality, this is called pride of life. It is a much condemn sin by the way, just if you were interested......
Okay, okay, I can expect God to answer my prayers concerning outreach, but He does answer other prayers as well. Yup, and this the entire point of this post. God will answer prayers, as He wants to, when He wants to, how He wants to. And just by tagging, "In His Name" on to your prayer is not going to move God one way or the other. But it does move you.
And, the direction you are moved, is to the side God is on, by praying "In His Name" ..... What you are really saying is that you want what He wants, for whatever the situation is.
Consider: Psalm 8:1, 103:1, 148:13; 1 Samuel 17:45
As a side note, there are even those whom believe that by praying, "In His Name", this is really God speaking. Nope, it is just you or whomever. But, by praying so, we are asking for His authority to be behind our words.
We need to be praying God's agenda in our lives, the lives of our loved ones, in the lives of those around us, our church and our nation. We need to be siding with God on all issues, in constant prayer for His values to be reflected in our lives. It will conform us to Him, it will change how we see the world and because of this, as Jesus said, we will do greater things than He.....
And, as for our two arguers whom started this thread thought? They both are now superstitious about magic words in their prayers.....
Pssssst, There are No Christian magic words .....
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
God versus Political Correctness
"I am the Way, the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me....." With these words, Jesus set himself apart from man and clearly announced that He was the way to God, not the tradition of Judaism Israel had practiced for two millenia. Not only was Jesus not politically correct in His day, He remains so to this day! Absolutes are never tolerated.....
If Jesus is the only way to God, then all other spiritual paths/roads do not lead to Heaven!
People in our culture like to harken back to the good old days. Movies like Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life, have huge following - looking back at a time where there must have been more purity and innocence in our culture than we have today. But, try as one might, those days are not going to come back to a culture hell bent on ..... well, that is the point! We are running away from God so fast that it is hard to just keep up! If you want to witness within this culture.....
We are no longer a homogenous society, I am not exactly sure America ever was. Religious pluralism is rampant even within our churches and amongst our friends. So many want God on their terms and not His. Or worse, the misled, then mislead the babes of the faith to make them what they think a Christian should be. So many in the Church believe that all roads within the Church lead to God, when in fact they lead to destruction. And what I find so fascinating, is when these believers slam face first into someone whom actually does represent the historic Jesus and Christianity - and guess whom are the intolerant one? Yeah, the Christians wanting it all their own way and not terribly concerned whom they trample to get it.....
Religion is based upon works.
Christianity is based upon God's grace and your faith.
You really can not pick and choose your belief set, it is one or the other. And, religion is spiritual suicide.
"I am the path, the only way to God" Jesus really could not have made it anymore clear.
If you have no truth - you are not knowing the freedom salvation brings.
If you have no life - you have no living.
The "Way", the original term for Christianity, brings us to God - not our own ways, not things of this Earth.
When you communicate the Gospel, do so with compassion, speak the truth of Jesus in love.
But, you need to listen as well as speak! Give the answers sought. Do this with genuineness and respect for whom you are speaking. Do this in love.
Yes, absolutes are not politically correct, but that does not make them wrong. Concrete is concrete, you can call it a feather but it is going to hurt if dropped on you! Being concrete about the truth is not cruel, it is being kind, it is the only form of love we actually have when it comes to the absolutes of this life. To modify or tone down Jesus' message is to inflict tremendous cruelty upon the world. So, set forth! Be politically incorrect! Be narrow-minded! It is what a world of lost people need to hear and ultimately what it wants to hear.
Of course, it is all also what it does not want to hear because with knowledge comes responsibility.....
If Jesus is the only way to God, then all other spiritual paths/roads do not lead to Heaven!
People in our culture like to harken back to the good old days. Movies like Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life, have huge following - looking back at a time where there must have been more purity and innocence in our culture than we have today. But, try as one might, those days are not going to come back to a culture hell bent on ..... well, that is the point! We are running away from God so fast that it is hard to just keep up! If you want to witness within this culture.....
We are no longer a homogenous society, I am not exactly sure America ever was. Religious pluralism is rampant even within our churches and amongst our friends. So many want God on their terms and not His. Or worse, the misled, then mislead the babes of the faith to make them what they think a Christian should be. So many in the Church believe that all roads within the Church lead to God, when in fact they lead to destruction. And what I find so fascinating, is when these believers slam face first into someone whom actually does represent the historic Jesus and Christianity - and guess whom are the intolerant one? Yeah, the Christians wanting it all their own way and not terribly concerned whom they trample to get it.....
Religion is based upon works.
Christianity is based upon God's grace and your faith.
You really can not pick and choose your belief set, it is one or the other. And, religion is spiritual suicide.
"I am the path, the only way to God" Jesus really could not have made it anymore clear.
If you have no truth - you are not knowing the freedom salvation brings.
If you have no life - you have no living.
The "Way", the original term for Christianity, brings us to God - not our own ways, not things of this Earth.
When you communicate the Gospel, do so with compassion, speak the truth of Jesus in love.
But, you need to listen as well as speak! Give the answers sought. Do this with genuineness and respect for whom you are speaking. Do this in love.
Yes, absolutes are not politically correct, but that does not make them wrong. Concrete is concrete, you can call it a feather but it is going to hurt if dropped on you! Being concrete about the truth is not cruel, it is being kind, it is the only form of love we actually have when it comes to the absolutes of this life. To modify or tone down Jesus' message is to inflict tremendous cruelty upon the world. So, set forth! Be politically incorrect! Be narrow-minded! It is what a world of lost people need to hear and ultimately what it wants to hear.
Of course, it is all also what it does not want to hear because with knowledge comes responsibility.....
Monday, November 5, 2012
What Seperates You From God?
There are so many titles I have thought about for this post. How to know you are not a Christian. Why isn't everyone a Christian. Why are some Christians so "troubled". etc
Yeah, this is a little study I have put off doing for quite some time because it is a talk I wanted to have with one of my sisters, to help her understand how her excuses, only show that she is not what she thinks she is. Which kills me on the inside. She is tremendously strong - in man's wisdom and blinder than a bat in God's, and it took me decades to come to the understanding of this. Yeah, I may be terribly jaded but I can very naive at times with people I trust.
So, how did she get the way she is? She grew up in a Christian home, so she had the ability to observe. Or was it just family tradition? Had her family generations been "Christian" for so long that it had become family tradition to think and act a certain way? Certainly, as with any family, there were those bad examples in her life to make her see that all was not as she saw in her family structure. I have wondered at what point did she reach disbelief in her life? Did she even realize that she was making a choice to go her own way and not God's way? I know she has talked with me through the years about screw ups she had, which drove her away from God and she would stumble back. Or did she? At what point did her heart grow hard against the Holy Spirit so that it no longer could be heard in her life? Certainly, she reverted to a form of superstition to substitute for the loss of the HS in her life, using others whom either claimed to be "in touch" or she decided were more so than her. And then there is that little problem of the "knowledge", which often has left my mind swimming at how she has come to some of the conclusions she has. And in the end, I saw the problem defined for me through her various distractions which substitute for real fellowship in her life, making her and others feel good - but in no way bringing her or others closer to the real Jesus. As I said it has been a multi-decade puzzle.
Are you unimpressed with God? Think of Jesus' ministry. How many saw and/or knew of His miracles and did not care? Within our post-Christian culture, we are so used to the Bible and its message, that the culture's apathy is obviously rejection of the "standard". But, what I have come to understand is that within this culture is the problem of exposure to Jesus' message without having every made a decision. "So what ....." becomes the response to even the "Christmas" story.
So, this rejection I just mentioned, does that mean that God has failed? Rejection of Jesus was predicted by Isaiah! So, it is not failure, it is fulfilled prophesy every time man turns his back and heart on God.
So, are your habits hardening your heart? Have you allowed someone else, through man's logic, to steal your chance of salvation? The opportunity for response is not always going to be there as we harden our hearts or death intervenes or we just reach the point where we can no longer hear. It is and always has been a battle between our will and God's will. (And here I am reminded of sitting beside my father as he died. I had prayed for 35 years for his salvation, witnessed to him numerous times - and yet, here I sat next to a man I never really knew as he died in a coma - no chance to have that "talk" one last time.....)
And what of "camouflage Christians"?
You might even be one, you know, the ones whom "believe" but will not confess to it, because they love the praise of men. We all want to be liked and loved, not rejected by those whom are important to us. But do we really need man's praise when the importance of eternal life is being considered? Consider Mark 8:38.
No, my sister does not read this blog and there is little I can do to have any input into her life. She believes she is a Christian, she drives herself crazy keeping busy with what she believes is the Christian life, and yet ..... Well, that is the problem I have come to understand, she has deluded herself. Perhaps somewhere deep inside she really is but has just buried that new creation to that point that it is now so compromised with sin that there is no life possible for it. But, the day will come again, when God will show her the error of her way. She will again feel dumb, having to apologize to everyone, etc..... But, unlike past cycles of this, I now understand and will be ready with to have this talk with her.
So, now I am saddled with another prayer item, as if my list is not already full enough!
Yeah, this is a little study I have put off doing for quite some time because it is a talk I wanted to have with one of my sisters, to help her understand how her excuses, only show that she is not what she thinks she is. Which kills me on the inside. She is tremendously strong - in man's wisdom and blinder than a bat in God's, and it took me decades to come to the understanding of this. Yeah, I may be terribly jaded but I can very naive at times with people I trust.
So, how did she get the way she is? She grew up in a Christian home, so she had the ability to observe. Or was it just family tradition? Had her family generations been "Christian" for so long that it had become family tradition to think and act a certain way? Certainly, as with any family, there were those bad examples in her life to make her see that all was not as she saw in her family structure. I have wondered at what point did she reach disbelief in her life? Did she even realize that she was making a choice to go her own way and not God's way? I know she has talked with me through the years about screw ups she had, which drove her away from God and she would stumble back. Or did she? At what point did her heart grow hard against the Holy Spirit so that it no longer could be heard in her life? Certainly, she reverted to a form of superstition to substitute for the loss of the HS in her life, using others whom either claimed to be "in touch" or she decided were more so than her. And then there is that little problem of the "knowledge", which often has left my mind swimming at how she has come to some of the conclusions she has. And in the end, I saw the problem defined for me through her various distractions which substitute for real fellowship in her life, making her and others feel good - but in no way bringing her or others closer to the real Jesus. As I said it has been a multi-decade puzzle.
Are you unimpressed with God? Think of Jesus' ministry. How many saw and/or knew of His miracles and did not care? Within our post-Christian culture, we are so used to the Bible and its message, that the culture's apathy is obviously rejection of the "standard". But, what I have come to understand is that within this culture is the problem of exposure to Jesus' message without having every made a decision. "So what ....." becomes the response to even the "Christmas" story.
So, this rejection I just mentioned, does that mean that God has failed? Rejection of Jesus was predicted by Isaiah! So, it is not failure, it is fulfilled prophesy every time man turns his back and heart on God.
So, are your habits hardening your heart? Have you allowed someone else, through man's logic, to steal your chance of salvation? The opportunity for response is not always going to be there as we harden our hearts or death intervenes or we just reach the point where we can no longer hear. It is and always has been a battle between our will and God's will. (And here I am reminded of sitting beside my father as he died. I had prayed for 35 years for his salvation, witnessed to him numerous times - and yet, here I sat next to a man I never really knew as he died in a coma - no chance to have that "talk" one last time.....)
And what of "camouflage Christians"?
You might even be one, you know, the ones whom "believe" but will not confess to it, because they love the praise of men. We all want to be liked and loved, not rejected by those whom are important to us. But do we really need man's praise when the importance of eternal life is being considered? Consider Mark 8:38.
No, my sister does not read this blog and there is little I can do to have any input into her life. She believes she is a Christian, she drives herself crazy keeping busy with what she believes is the Christian life, and yet ..... Well, that is the problem I have come to understand, she has deluded herself. Perhaps somewhere deep inside she really is but has just buried that new creation to that point that it is now so compromised with sin that there is no life possible for it. But, the day will come again, when God will show her the error of her way. She will again feel dumb, having to apologize to everyone, etc..... But, unlike past cycles of this, I now understand and will be ready with to have this talk with her.
So, now I am saddled with another prayer item, as if my list is not already full enough!
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Musical Saturday Morning
Good morning dear readers! Yes!, it time for another great 1980's music video (though it may have been shot in the 1970's and then strung together to make a movie many years later...)! If you are not warped like me, you may wonder which demented universe this one came from.....
I was in Phoenix, working on a mining business I had at the time and being way too hot and tired, I headed to a local theater to cool off - and if I had to watch a movie, so be it! I was melting! What followed was a movie so funny I thought I was going to die. The BBC really out did themselves this time.
So, for the uninitiated, the Rutles - a very humerous take on the Beatles and I liked the Rutles music better.....
I was in Phoenix, working on a mining business I had at the time and being way too hot and tired, I headed to a local theater to cool off - and if I had to watch a movie, so be it! I was melting! What followed was a movie so funny I thought I was going to die. The BBC really out did themselves this time.
So, for the uninitiated, the Rutles - a very humerous take on the Beatles and I liked the Rutles music better.....
Friday, November 2, 2012
You Are The Vine
Thinking on Isaiah 5:1-2, Jeremiah 2:21, Psalm 80:8, Hosea 10:1, John 15:1-8.....
The vineyard belongs to God.
Israel is the vine.
They took pride in being God's vine. In being the chosen of mankind.
But, now things are changing. God is claiming the vine is really His and not the property of Israel. And, He will prune (dress) the vine as He desires!
By the first century AD, Israel had become rebellious - the "wild grapes".
Jesus comes on the scene and claims to be the true vine.
The disciples, by extension, you and I, are the branches.
God will prune the vine, aka the branches, a He sees fit.
By doing so He increases the yield of His vine.
God will lift the branches off of the ground, out of the mud, setting rocks under them to keep them dry so that they may bear fruit and not mold. This is the picture of His lifting us out of the mud of what surrounds us, setting us on rocks, so that we may bear fruit and not rot in the process!
God prunes to increase His yield, not to make the branch happy! Pruning is not punishment.
Hebrews 12
The vineyard belongs to God.
Israel is the vine.
They took pride in being God's vine. In being the chosen of mankind.
But, now things are changing. God is claiming the vine is really His and not the property of Israel. And, He will prune (dress) the vine as He desires!
By the first century AD, Israel had become rebellious - the "wild grapes".
Jesus comes on the scene and claims to be the true vine.
The disciples, by extension, you and I, are the branches.
God will prune the vine, aka the branches, a He sees fit.
By doing so He increases the yield of His vine.
God will lift the branches off of the ground, out of the mud, setting rocks under them to keep them dry so that they may bear fruit and not mold. This is the picture of His lifting us out of the mud of what surrounds us, setting us on rocks, so that we may bear fruit and not rot in the process!
God prunes to increase His yield, not to make the branch happy! Pruning is not punishment.
Hebrews 12
- we are disciplined for our own good
- we are to slow down and live life in Jesus
- we are to wake up and take the time to correct and recover our walks
- we are to deepen our roots through the increase of faith
- we are to look more like Jesus
Thursday, November 1, 2012
A Mess of a Halloween
No sorrow here that Halloween is over! It was quite a mess for me that is sure!
Gaelic Girl is here for an awards ceremony, thanks to the success of their last rocket. No, no money or pay increases for her but they brought the Texas and Washington teams together for chow and endearing words. Of course, that meant I got to be up at 5 am to get her to their complex - only there was a slight traffic problem!
Where two highways meet, about three miles from here, a car took a 15 mph cure too fast and flipped. Of course, it had to be a convertible - so probably a fatality at that. So, the police blocked off the ramp and divert all traffic out of the exit lane and over to the single lane heading east. Huge traffic jam because NO one wants to go east at that intersection! Then six cars in from of me decided to total each other out, so they had to be moved to the shoulder. Which was followed by four more doing the same just 75 yards further down the road. Eventually, I was able to get her to Kent.
Well, not enough time to do much, so I did some grocery shopping and then headed off to school for my one hour class on Wednesdays.
Then I met up with Dutchman for lunch, whom showed up to apologize for not being more supportive. He actually has been the only one whom has been through the past year. But, his wife just hit mid-life and now he understands all of the horror I have gone through, when ever GG is around! So, we had a good discussion about the past year and all of the "stuff" that went on. He now can understand extremely well.
Back home, I started working on the dinner of snacks, since I expected lots of kids. Of course, I had to begin by smashing my bowl set (still have to clean up that mess today!). Then as I was prepping the table in the living room, I dropped the pan of bean dip on the livingroom carpet. What a mess! Then GG completely lost it and went ballistic over the dog getting into the trash, again. And of course, yet another lecture about how the house is a pig stye and I need to get my butt in gear and clean it. Of course, I am not allowed to throw son out, so somehow he whom trashes this house must stay and I have to clean up after him to keep her happy. I swear I can clean this house and he can trash it in under 15 minutes! No, it was not pretty, as usual. And me and God had yet another talk over this situation of this relationship.
No, she has been my best friend for many decades, I am not going anywhere. But it has been 11 years since she actually has been "here", which is to say a part of her family - extended or otherwise, including me. Hmmmm, thinking about this, it might actually have started in 1989, when she almost died from tick fever..... But, I guess that is not her fault though.
Later, as the family is all yakking, I am in the TV room with niece watching The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. She had never seen it and loved it.
But, even with all of the activity and all of the people here, really - all I wished that it was last year, when people still liked me and I was not the pariah of this house..... Niece will talk with me, but I am admittedly holding her at arms length - I have lost my ability to trust.
Gaelic Girl is here for an awards ceremony, thanks to the success of their last rocket. No, no money or pay increases for her but they brought the Texas and Washington teams together for chow and endearing words. Of course, that meant I got to be up at 5 am to get her to their complex - only there was a slight traffic problem!
Where two highways meet, about three miles from here, a car took a 15 mph cure too fast and flipped. Of course, it had to be a convertible - so probably a fatality at that. So, the police blocked off the ramp and divert all traffic out of the exit lane and over to the single lane heading east. Huge traffic jam because NO one wants to go east at that intersection! Then six cars in from of me decided to total each other out, so they had to be moved to the shoulder. Which was followed by four more doing the same just 75 yards further down the road. Eventually, I was able to get her to Kent.
Well, not enough time to do much, so I did some grocery shopping and then headed off to school for my one hour class on Wednesdays.
Then I met up with Dutchman for lunch, whom showed up to apologize for not being more supportive. He actually has been the only one whom has been through the past year. But, his wife just hit mid-life and now he understands all of the horror I have gone through, when ever GG is around! So, we had a good discussion about the past year and all of the "stuff" that went on. He now can understand extremely well.
Back home, I started working on the dinner of snacks, since I expected lots of kids. Of course, I had to begin by smashing my bowl set (still have to clean up that mess today!). Then as I was prepping the table in the living room, I dropped the pan of bean dip on the livingroom carpet. What a mess! Then GG completely lost it and went ballistic over the dog getting into the trash, again. And of course, yet another lecture about how the house is a pig stye and I need to get my butt in gear and clean it. Of course, I am not allowed to throw son out, so somehow he whom trashes this house must stay and I have to clean up after him to keep her happy. I swear I can clean this house and he can trash it in under 15 minutes! No, it was not pretty, as usual. And me and God had yet another talk over this situation of this relationship.
No, she has been my best friend for many decades, I am not going anywhere. But it has been 11 years since she actually has been "here", which is to say a part of her family - extended or otherwise, including me. Hmmmm, thinking about this, it might actually have started in 1989, when she almost died from tick fever..... But, I guess that is not her fault though.
Later, as the family is all yakking, I am in the TV room with niece watching The Attack of the Killer Tomatoes. She had never seen it and loved it.
But, even with all of the activity and all of the people here, really - all I wished that it was last year, when people still liked me and I was not the pariah of this house..... Niece will talk with me, but I am admittedly holding her at arms length - I have lost my ability to trust.
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