Testing My Nature

I have not said much about the war within me lately.

When twin natures raised its ugly head, I fought it for all I was worth.  And I lost some of the battles but did finally succeed in killing that new second nature.  But, it wrestled complete control away from me, just in time for Edvard's death, my old nature was gone for good it seems.

So my mind of course, is working through this, how do you change a genetic anomaly without changing the underlying base DNA?  Was my DNA modified somehow?  Well that is an easy one actually to test on me because apart from the four genes which compose the sociopath anomaly, I also carry one for passing on manic depression (bi-polar for you you younger folks).  Luckily I have never had to have suffered from that one, but as recently as 2008 I had taken six weeks off and disappeared into the hills of Colorado because I had to have steroids for my lungs.  Self confined to a hotel in the middle of nowhere, I worked my way through by not talking with or to anyone and remaining extremely isolated as the rage steroids cause those with this disorder, flowed through me.

However, it is now three weeks since the last course of steroids and I think everyone would agree I am very much the same.  The has been NO reaction what so ever!  So, it would appear that indeed, Kris' DNA is no longer what I have known.  It makes one wonder what else has happened to me on the base level.

I have tested food allergies and yup, at least jalapenos and parsnip both have their effect on me still.  bleeeech!

So, I have decided to play with movies and see how those affect me.

First movie was After Life.  Weird would be a word.  It brought no real emotional response at all.  And I have to admit I do not really know by the end if the characters really were dead or not.  You would hope so, but then again the movie was so creepy that maybe they really were buried alive.  As I said, little in the way of an emotional response.

I found Hero, to be confusing when I first saw it.  Yesterday, I was stunned by the visual beauty of the movie and the story brought me to tears.  Probably not at the points at which a normal person would have cried but then again, I know I am still not totally normal.  It was when the Emperor decides Jet Lee needs to die in order to save China.  Everyone else would have been emotional when Jet Lee's character dies moments later, however, I could understand the Emperor's struggle and had empathy for him.

So, second one was a movie I knew, what about one I did know about but not seen the movie?

The Hunting Party, a story I knew personally and had directly impacted my life.  I just was not ready for the movie to to move on to the topic Polij, where the only other male Plattner was executed.  So, lets us just say that the story was so unreal, that it had to be real, the actors did a very good job.  And they did not show the horror of Polij.  My cousin was one of seven NATO medics executed for rendering aid, but over 1,100 were executed that day there, mostly women, children and the elderly.  This was not a good movie for me to have seen, too many memories.  And so, my mind returned to the concept of murder.  I had personally empowered a small Croat army to destroy Radic's ability to wage an uncontested war.  Had I broken my vow against violence?  Deep in prayer and thought, I could not find condemnation for myself.  I found a very deep peace in stead.  Would but that one of my snipers had found Radic.....  God is waiting for you.  And, yeah, though it personally disgusts me, I honestly do hope his heart can make peace with is Creator before he receives the execution he deserves.

It has been a hard weekend.  I am not impressed with the results of the tests.  Honestly, I had hoped there was some vestige of the old me left, it would have given me comfort.  But, it seems that whatever God is working in my life, it is a new Kris the future gets to see.  And yes, that does frighten me.