Emotional Survey

Pretty much all you have read for the past six days was written last Monday, I had been foretold to expect change and so I did all of my little tasks and waited.

No one of us could have guessed that Edvard would be taken home that very afternoon, a week later I still sit here stunned.  It is a mute point to use platitudes such as he is in a better place - yes, he is.  But.....

So, Monday - Aunt Elly has a major stroke
     an hour later Ed drops dead.
     I actually have no emotional response to either incident.

Tuesday - a woman drop dead right in front of me on my walk, she was gone before she hit the ground.
     again, no emotional response.

Wednesday - I posted my good bye to Gaelic Girl, and mourned the death within me.

Thursday - my friend was having problems.

Friday - Edvard's funeral, a hard time for the little family remaining.

Saturday - Swedish Rocket Scientist called me first thing to give me a piece of his mind concerning GG's departure.
     I know he is suffering his brother's loss and lashing out at those closest.  His words still stung.
     I also know of his multi-decade attraction to her.  (darn discernment!)

Sunday - God gave me an idea of how to help my friend, you will get to see it tomorrow on this same Bat Channel.

Monday - my first nightmare ever.
      I set aside some time to help my friend and commit to do so long term.

Across seven days, I have encountered these emotions for the first time:

• Anger
• Compassion
• Fear
• Joy
• Loss
• Need
• Pain
• Remorse
• Resentment

There are others but this is a good enough list for you to see that Kris is undergoing a huge change across this past week!  Why, you may well ask.  Because, my very nature has been removed!  Yes, I can no longer call upon whom I was for 58 years to protect me!   The Sociopath literally disappeared, I can find it nowhere within me in order to use it for protection or to squelch this new emotional me!  The miracle appears now to be complete.

I was a genetic sociopath, given a emotion last May, which it took me three weeks to lock away.  It re-appeared in December, this time as a mature calming influence and I have operated with both natures since then, up until Wednesday, when emotional me had to be in control as GG left my life.  Bullet to the brain I tell you.  And if my very nature has been changed, then does that mean my genetics have as well?  We will know in two weeks, when a test i had done at the hospital today shows yeah or nay on that one.  I stand ready to be amazed....

So, change continues to be in the air and honestly I have no clue where anything ends up anymore.  Oh yeah, God is still talking to me and telling me what to do, and I obey, but I am now satisfied to not need explanations from Him any-longer.  And so, I wondered, does this new nature still have the gifts, God has given me?  In the past it was thought this was to protect me.  So?  And yes, they are still there, quietly guiding, quietly supporting, through a work of much delicacy I am performing.  Will they now continue to guide and protect?  I am interested to see and to know.

To my long term readers, welcome to my new world, where nothing is as it seems ..... and faith is the only stepping stone forward.  I really wish I could see 1, 2 and 3 years ahead, it would make all so much easier for me to know how to turn, how to lead, how to follow, what to do with absolute authority.

Welcome to humanity Kris, you seem to have arrived.....

Yeah, anxiety mixed with just a touch of fear.