The Nature of Acceptance

Do you like music? I think a great many people do. I am not one of them.

Oh yeah, when I was young I loved to sing, even won a few awards in my high school days for solo and barber shop quartet performances. My high school girl friend was extremely talented - vocally and musically. Music seemed to fill my life. What happened? The awards.

Seems that people start treating you differently when you start winning awards. I found myself being "forced" into musicals being done in the Denver area. Musicals I did not want to do, messages I did not believe in, plastic people I had no respect for. And I was still the dead person on the inside back then - just trying to hold things together until I could leave for Alaska, where I hoped people could just leave me alone.

So, I graduated from high school, with all intents of heading for Alaska but only made it as far as Washington State. And no one knew me. I could be anyone. I could just be me - the dead on the inside kid. No one would ever want something from me again. Yeah, my uncle would insist that I go to church on Sunday morning where I could quietly sing in the back of the church, amongst the make a joyful noise crowd.....

(Rabbit Trail Alert: Did I ever mention that is how I met Swedish Rocket Scientist? Yeah, he uhm, really could not sing. And I could mimic his problem real easily. No one wanted to hear either of us sing. It was refreshing - isolated to the rear of the church and left alone. But, there was one problem, God was working on the insides of both us on that rear row and one Sunday we both - separately - made the same decision to change our lives permanently.)

Through the years since I have continued to not sing. Why? Because I have seen how the world responds - you are special, you suddenly have value, no once cares about the dying guy on the inside. And that has always been a problem with me.

If you hated me yesterday, then why should I care that you now value me? Be that due to a talent, like singing; or because I can out shoot your grandmother; or because I am titled (when in Europe); or have or don't have money; or the worse one ever - because I became a father by adopting four Russian orphans!

You have no idea how appalled I was when people suddenly wanted to "know" me because I was now socially acceptable, because I had an instant family (potty trained and all!). I was in that church for 14 years with NO one ever even wanting to even go Dutch out for lunch even, much less wish a good morning. But then I was childless and unacceptable apparently.....  i had over SIXTY invites for lunch after church that first Sunday back.  I changed churches the next Sunday.

I realize that acceptance, in our plastic society, is a problem.  It is not unique to find people whom have never been wished anything by anyone in our churches.  So, as lice migrate from one dead body to another, in search of life and warmth - we can see the migration of bodies from one church to the next.  And yet, can you imagine Paul or Peter's reaction to entering one of our churches and observing the clics and the lonely ones in a crowd and the hurting crowd on the back row just wanting to be left alone and yet so in need?  Time to dig out the whips I would imagine.....

Yeah, something I have been thinking on for a very long time.  Something that has to change.  Something I have little personal time for on Sunday mornings.  And yet, we are a family, a communal body of believers, with a vested interest in one another.  But, that sure is not what is demonstrated.

Everyone wants and needs to be valued and if not accepted - then at least validated that they exist.  Even the dead ones in the rear, though they would never realize this.

Unfortunately, no one is going to validate you, no one is going to accept you, no one is going to want to know you.  So that means you have to be the first.  Yeah, I know, why do I always have to be the first?!?!?  Because no one else will take that first step, until you do.  But even at that, I have been at two churches in my life where I made a point of inviting someone every week over for dinner or out to lunch - no one ever accepted - nor did they reciprocate the invitation.  Imagine churches where the message is - We Do Not Want To Know You.  Hey I can take a hint, especially with a 100% failure rate.

And here, at this church?  Yeah, it is interesting.  Some people do respond.  Ones I would never have guessed at.  Is it a God thing?  Do not know.  But, a few do join me for a lunch or dinner occasionally.  Interestingly, it is younger families, people I have nothing in common with, various cultures, various situations.  I think I am being seen as a pseudo-grandfather/father/uncle.  Or is it that I have become the Av Beth Din amongst the "out crowd" (nope you have to figure that one out yourself!)?  Were that even subconsciously true, then it would be a God thing, hmmmmm.....


Try to engage someone you do not know next Sunday morning in a short conversation.  It might mean the world to them and you might discover a new friend.....