Looking Back

I was roaming around my computer this morning – half thinking about what will I teach this fall in Sunday school and the other 1% of my braining wondering what to post this morning as I wait for my flight.

I stumbled upon this mis-filed posting from December 31, 2006.  And I realized how appropriate it is.  I hope you keep a spiritual journal of some kind.  It is so uplifting to look back and remember how faithful our God is – it this case personally to me.

As background, 2006 was probably the worse year of my life.  My oldest daughter got really angry and had stormed out of the house because I objected with her dating a 25 year man at 17.  My middle daughter attempted 3 suicides and then ran away from home with a very troubled young man no one had ever heard of before.  So you will better understand the posting.  Look at the end to see other comments……

*****

A Question of Faith

I will admit this past month was a real low point for me in over three years.  Between work, family and church politics – life has not been easy.  And, as I approached the holiday season my faith was severely shaken by the antics of my children.  Yes, I understand they have wills and choices to make, but somehow I had become complacent they would be protected even from themselves.  Best laid wishes of a father.

Last night, as I lay sleepless yet again, I thought on this.  I was reminded of the many miracles I have witnessed in my walk as a Christian.  How during some of my darkest hours – for instance - behind the Iron Curtain, God was there protecting me, leading me and showing His might against those whom would oppose His Word and its spread.

In essence, which is harder for God: to keep me out of the clutches of the GDU or to wrest my children from the poison of culture?  To three times remove me from KGB holding or protect my daughter no matter the means?  To heal me of cancer or to give me what I need day to day to make it through?

Obviously, nothing is any harder for God than the next; the question is how hard we make it for God to work around us.  I may want to slam the lid down on troubled daughter – but in my spirit I know this will only lead to further rebellion.  She needs to be lovingly drawn back to Him, not alienated into the arms of culture.  This is going to be hard!

So here is to 2007, Kris letting go, Kris once again on crutches to walk by faith, Kris thankful for those whom God has provided, Kris … yah, getting his act together.

*****

2007 was the year which saw oldest daughter drawn back into the family!  It also saw her marriage to the guy and delivery of my first grandchild – though is learning the pain of being unequally yoked.  Middle daughter was able to stabilize her life through a combination of medication and counseling – a little still on the edge of reality at times.  Son managed to run amok with several other youth and learned that sometimes you have to pay a very heavy price when you violate your witness with the world.  Youngest daughter suddenly blossomed and matured.  As for the guy I had never heard of before – he accepted salvation in April, I baptized him in June and he spent a solid year in study with me, growing into one outstanding young Christian man.

Looking back, God has been very active in our lives.  Healing, comforting, drawing back, bringing to salvation and teaching lessons.  Although 2006 and 2007 were ever so painful – thank you Lord for seeing my little family through it, in ways I could have never imagine and especially for KJ’s salvation…

Behind The Scene

Tommy Nelson, if you have never heard of him – then you can join me in the clueless crowd.  But, he is a successful American pastor whom pushed himself too hard until he reached the point of breaking down.

So, I am driving down the road listening to the radio on Tuesday and Focus on the Family comes on.  Well, at least better than the talking heads speaking of what they know not on the other stations – so I did not turn it off.  Yeah, I have a bit of a problem with the concept of Christian and psychologist being used in the same breath.  And luck for me I did listen.

Tommy Nelson starts talking about his journey through a breakdown.  Whatever.  But suddenly he starts talking about me and what I went through in 2006 through 2007, only for me this was compounded by horrible management in the first half of this year.

Could I have burned myself out?  I remembering commenting to someone that I felt like I had burned out but having never experienced this, it is hard to act when you really do not know.  So you treat the symptom not the cause.

I thought hard on this all day long and decided to do what I could.  Instead of my regular 11 or 12:00 bedtime, I turned in at 9:00 and slept like a baby for 10 hours – without meds!  A first in two years.

Instead of worrying about what I would eat when, I ate when I wanted to.  Ok, snacked might be better wording.  By the second day I felt I had eaten healthier, better and my body was less painful.

I still have a long ways to go if I give credit to the information Pastor Nelson gave, but it was freeing to finally have an idea as to what has brought me to where I am today.

The first broadcast was probably the best, the second sort of support what I had heard in the first one and the third part is questions and answers from an audience of college age kids.

Depression: Encouragement for the Journey, Part 1

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=8/18/2008

Depression: Encouragement for the Journey, Part 2

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=8/19/2008

Depression: Encouragement for the Journey, Part 3

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Focus_on_the_Family/archives.asp?bcd=8/20/2008

Robin’s award to me was quite an emotional boost – timed exactly when I needed it – wonder how that came about…… PTL.

And about 11:00 at night I got a call from the lady whom runs my church’s education programs and asked if I would please come back and take over the teenage youth program – in September.  So does that mean that someone actually read my post of frustration with my Church or God intervened?  No matter the reason, it looks like in two weeks I will be back to my teaching of youth again. 

And all of this has brought such joy in my life……!!!!!!!!

As for the song, well I like the music and although Robert Smith was a bit of a scum puppy, he was singing about and featured his wife Mary Poole as the angel.  The ending line being, “she drowned deep inside of me”.  And I realized that this was true of Udi, she drowned a great many years ago – only the dream remains.  Dreams of course are not reality and certainly she is not and never will be again a part of my reality (leastwise I pray NOT!).  And this brings much peace as well, differing in that it is not the distance which is bring the peace but the mental realization/acceptance finally.  Long time getting there or healing or whatever.

Players – Part 3

Father is a bit of an enigma to me.  For most of my life he has found me incompatible with his world view and so has been gone.  However, three years ago he decided to come back into my life.  First to convince me that I need to marry my girlfriend from high school (his wife at that time’s sister!) – argh!  Then to be a grandfather to my children.  They are a little shaky on what to do with him as well!  One of the finest minds of the previous century, doctorate in mathematics at 16, I grew up in his intellectual shadow.  Many things I could say but am hindered by certain laws of my adoptive country (USA).  Really needs to find his peace with his Creator!

Mother, I say little about because like my father she wrote me off.  Like father, she is welcome back, once she grows up.  Eaten up with bitterness, really needs God!

Mean Cruel Step Mother, is actually stepmother number 5 (of 8!).  I love her greatly and wish she lived with me.  One of my greatest patrons in my attempts to be an artist.  Perhaps out of pity or motherly love?  Also needs Grace!

Grandmother was the matriarch of the family.  Three years ago she slipped and split her hip.  She went from the battleship which would outlive all of us to a failing cripple so fast I am still have not adjusted to this!  I love her dearly and was the only one in the family whom was even close to “like me”.

As an afterthought, KJP - me.  A tri-national: German, American and Swiss – each of them having their own take on the family name (thank you WWII!).  Depending upon whom they decided my father is.  Still living under Cold War rules due to father’s role in history, so stuck with the name problem.  A Christian, a teacher of youth in my church, educated in computer science and apologetics.

I attribute all that I am to the Danish uncle I lived with as a child, possessing very much a 19^th century farmers view on life.  I became a Christian at 18 – literally being ejected by my family for doing so.  I still struggle over whom I was, fearing I may one day be that person again.  My less than one day marriage clearly showed I can and do make really bad mistakes – or God was extra merciful.  Depends upon how you look at it.  Not many friends left whom even remember her these days…

Yeah, nothing about me or my life seems to be straight forward or easy!  But this bizarreness has been a useful tool when presenting material to youth in Sunday school classes – I have lots of tales…

Players – Part 2

Middle daughter was found on the ice in northern Siberia many years ago in November.  Once she could trust me and told me her story – I contacted my Russian lawyer, whom contacted the police, whom contacted the army in that region, whom found enough to confirm her life’s story and the remains of her mother about 100 yards from where she had been found - a victim of a polar bear attack.  Sharp, athletic, musically gifted, a dreamer – but very much unable to overcome her past.  Her being alive today is the result of thousands of hours of prayer, by a host of Christian brothers and sisters she will never know.  Her worse time is fall - so if she is not on your list, and you are a praying person, put her on your list for the next 5 months!

Youngest daughter is from the Chechnya border region of Russia.  A TB victim, she was seven when I got her and weighed all of 35 pounds!  She was not expected to live but  with $30 in medicine, good food and sleep – she is still with us, the TB defeated and studying to be a baker.  Also the terror of the local roads…

Son, is the orphan of a Finnish family living in the heart of Russia proper.  Cute as a bug, and knows it!  Could be very smart but dedicated to only being average.  He gets really unhappy when he finds out that he accidentally passed a test, he prefers to fail them or pass within points of doing so!  A really soft heart for kids, overcome by male machismo, 16…  (ARGH!)

Udi, the ex, enough said.  Even Brittany Spears could not beat her for world’s shortest marriage!  (Less than one day…)

Nephew, lives in America and goes to college in Colorado.  He just became engaged and to his credit has done everything “right” – right down to keeping his future father in law completely in the loop, through dating and on to permission to ask for her hand.  I am very impressed by this young man!  You are awesome dude!  Guess I will have to now create an American Niece category!  She by the way is a most impressive young Christian woman. 

Artist Girl, lives in Arizona now, getting ready to attend college shortly.  Most of my early blogs in series 1 and 2, were addressed to her in answer to numerous questions.  Although a solid rule of mine has been to never meet anyone in Blog-land, I broke this to spend a day with her and her mother.  I expect to feature her again one of these days as she her life is a bit of turmoil.

Wow, lots of people to pray for!!!!!  More to follow!

Players – Part 1

For readers whom have joined since Blog series 3, (ok, Robin is my only new reader I know of!) here is the list of characters in my life and appearing regularly in the Blog:

Dutchman is actually Irish but married a Dutch girl, whose father is a minister in the Dutch Reformed Church.  He is now so immersed into the Dutch life - he would wear wooden shoes if he could (I seem to remember his size is 58! 15’s in America!).  We met the summer before he started at the University of Washington.  He thought I was hitting on his girl friend, it was actually the other way around, and once he understood this – we became friends for life.  He dropped ex-girl friend and I had some bruising to get over first. Extremely sharp, loves mental challenges, married, and two boys.

Swedish rocket scientist, is just that.  However, he was a junior at the University of Washington in nuclear physics when we met.  We both were at the same church, at the same time, when we made the commitment to change our lives and follow Jesus.  He, Dutchman and I have been brothers for 35 years!  He has a brilliant mind and accomplishments are never talked about – yeah all military.  He is now terminal with cancer. He prefers internet computer games involving him taking over the world…

Timothy is a close brother in the Lord.  Through working with me for a decade in the youth ministry at our church, through his divorce and the year that has followed.  He has been smacked around rather badly.  Currently on an extended trip around America photographing all of the national parks.  Wonderful photographer – however we are still awaiting Oldest Daughter’s wedding photos!  Just a subtle hint …..

Gaelic Girl, is another Irishman, however advertises herself as being Scottish.  Certainly, she can trace her ancestry directly to the first Lord of the Isles, but then again he was French!  As are the majority of her ancestors, they just all lived in Ireland or Scotland.  She had been a scientist with a company which just started its death throws and laid off their scientists as a first step.  Keep her in your prayers!  Probably in the top 5 smartest people I have ever known, understands things I never will!  Although she does know about this Blog, even erasing it once, she never reads it.  Ultimate form of criticism?

Oldest daughter is from the eastern Black Sea region of Russia.  She was 10 when she became my daughter.  She is now 20, married to a Frenchman whom thinks he is Italian, and has a pretty cute daughter.  (Aren’t all grandchildren?)  She and I did not see eye to eye on much during her teenage years but we are continuing to work on repairing our relationship.  She needs prayer (as do we all, I think she just needs a little more!)

Psalm 1

Psalm 1	Comments
1) Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful.	Don’t flirt with the world.  Observing the ways of the world system is fine, but admiring the world’s ways will lead to behaving as the world behaves, and then you will belong to the world and become indistinguishable from the world…
2) But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.	Ask yourself some questions!  Is how you live your life “correct” in God’s eyes?  Or do you have to justify yourself?
3) And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.	Have you considered that trees have really good root systems?  The tree is feed by what is provided by that system, allowing them to produce fruit in their lives, sustaining them through drought and adverse conditions.  Feed on what is of God
4) The ungodly are not so: but are like the chaff which the wind driveth away.	Some versions use the term “wicked” here, it is someone not living in obedience to the instructions or will of God.  Lacking the root system of the trees…
5) Therefore the ungodly shall not stand in the judgment, nor sinners in the congregation of the righteous.	You can only choose from two options: life or death, Jesus or separation from God.  That is all you have to go with – like it or not.  Conscious choice or not (not being separation in the end!).
6) For the LORD knoweth the way of the righteous: but the way of the ungodly shall perish.	You are making a life choice here, not like ordering lunch!  The way you chose to live your life is important not only to you, but also to your brethren and the world – which does watch you quietly from the sideline…

It is important to remember:

A “blessed” life is possible, but it does require you to not lead your life as the world does!

A person is “blessed” by what they abandon or turn away from.

A person is “blessed” by what they delight in.

What you delight in will be the direction in which you will go!

Ah-Boo!

Oldest daughter has developed some very odd characteristics having a daughter now.  One of them is that she is always saying, “Ah-Boo!” in her daughter’s face.  And grand-daughter delights in this.

But, where on Earth has “Ah-Boo!” come from?

I have tried at least seven different ways in asking this of OD, however she is never able to come up with an answer as to where she learned this from.  She does not even know if this is a Russian idiom or not!

Now, you may remember that not only was OD pregnant but so were two of her sister-in-laws, all delivering within two weeks of each other, my grand-daughter being the first to arrive.

So, I ran into one of OD’s sister-in-laws two weeks ago and did the required inspect the baby routine.  Of course, hers looks less human than OD’s, but you would never say such a thing!  Much less offer a banana…  (I bad!)

And, what was she doing?  Yeah, bent over her baby saying “Ah-Boo!” in her little son’s face!  Guess where she learned that one from.

Yeah, OD does seem to be a trendsetter where ever she goes…..

Christian Camp

One of my god-daughters is also from Russia and her adoptive mother is a single lady whom is quite overcome with having an older adoptive daughter.  I try to offer help as I can, but I have to admit this young lady is quite a handful!  And, her mother just will not do some of the suggestions which could help – like get her involved in scouting or a solid Christian youth group.

However, I was surprised this past weekend to learn via eMail that this god-daughter had indeed gone to Christian camp and was really unhappy with it.  Naturally, I am seeing visions of the problem being a Christian atmosphere versus the world of freedom she currently enjoys.

But nooooooo, what was bothering this GD was the other girls at the camp.  Ok, I came up blank.  Teenage girls are mostly psychos; maybe they were mean to her?  Nope, guess again.

It turns out that the after hours dorm time was spent with the girls and counselors ALL involved in cutting!

Yeah!  One sick bunch of young females in desperate need of real mental health assistance!

And thankfully GD did not join in because she knew, from middle daughter’s example, just how sick this activity really was!

If you have a teenage girl or work with them, please address this issue with them and do not be embarrassed to take an ultraviolet light to their arms and legs looking for scars.  Catching this as early as possible could save both you and them from the trauma MD and I went through two years ago….. and continue to deal with…..

In Whose Image?

Baldur Von Schirach, was the Reich Youth Leader prior to World War II.  A relative of Himmler, he was selected to organize this massive effort of indoctrinating German youth with the concept of the Reich and supremacy of the German State.

At the massive Nuremburg Rally he said:

“My Fuhrer,

My Comrades,

Again we experience the love that makes us proud and happy.

By your order, my Fuhrer, here stands a youth,

A youth that knows no class or caste distinctions.

The young generation of our nation is fashioned in your image.”

As you stare at the sea of youthful faces, think on what this man was saying.  These children were raised to the ideals of Adolf Hitler.  These children were to almost all be dead within eight years.  These children had no idea they had no choice but to serve and die for the State - because this was what they had been Programmed for!

Being German, this may affect me more than it might affect you.  These hundreds of thousands of young men – are all gone.  As a German male in the 1950’s and 1960’s, you were spoiled rotten by everyone (except the police!) because we were the future of Germany!  And the absence of youth, even adults between 20 and 50 was visibly apparent.

So I have been thinking on this, this past week…

Who would not want their children to know love?  Children whom can treat ALL as equal, regardless of their own background or race or even creed?  Children fashioned by the examples of our own spiritual heritage…

As a father of four, how have my children been programmed?  I know I have struggled to point them in the right direction, but the world has a strong and more immediate draw.  They have evidenced to my satisfaction they all want to be on the right path, but the ways of the world constantly are side tracking them.

At the face of it, our youth reflect all of our values, but often are like ping-pong balls – letting their lives go completely out of control, returning eventually to what they know is right, settling down, getting comfortable and then off on their next bounce! 

What are we to do?  Prayer, lots of prayer…

Benched

It would surprise those whom know me for the sports hater I am - that I played tennis, soccer, baseball, football, basketball and volleyball!  Still, I can not stand to watch anyone play!  No fun in that…

When I played two years of varsity tennis, the coach hated me so much he never even told me when the team photographs were taken!  Instead he sent me for towels!  Years later, I got a clue when he was retired for dementia.  I just accepted as fact - little German boy was just not wanted.  Instead, it was not personal.

Most of my high schools’ teams loved me because I could run like there was no tomorrow.  A handy talent in soccer, baseball, football and basketball.  But, as the reigning king of klutz, I had my “issues”…  I often over ran the receivers in soccer, and in football this happened instead of tackling him.  Landing on my butt was just an accepted end of any play in any sport!

In basketball and volleyball, I had an advantage over everyone in the school district – I was 6’3”, the next tallest might have made it to 5’11” – in any district!  Eventually, I was banned from doing layups due to this height advantage, then I could only shoot fouls and finally playing at the net was banned because no one could get past me in volley ball.  Even when I tried out for the 1972 Summer Olympics in volleyball – I was passed over because I was just “too big” at the net.  Yeah, 6’3”, 7’6” reach and all of 110 pounds wet…

So, Kris spent a great deal of time on the bench.  I loved to play but mostly I had to sit out because of “special” rules to make things fair for others.  Yeah.

But life is not like that!  Those special abilities or advantages are what allowed me to succeed where others could not even have a chance for success!  And yet those of lesser talent are often the ones to sideline achievers to the bench – so that everyone appears more or at least equally talented.

What am I thinking of?  Ministry.  I am frustrated because I feel like I am continually on the bench in my church.  I was a strong player for a decade for them, had a winning youth program – and yet the control has been given to someone without the ability to coach or play.  And Kris is benched because younger, more enthusiastic players are on the scene.  So, from numbers in the 40’s our church often has only 8 or less in the youth programs today – and three of those are mine!

Being on the bench is good too.  It gives one time to reflect on what they have done, observe other players, and learn from other’s mistakes.  But you still want to holler, “Coach, coach, send me in, send me in, while there is still time on the clock!”  But, of course the coach is deaf to all but his own voice…

I really wish that the church could be run with its eyes on the clock, using its peoples’ gifts where they are of the most advantage towards the spiritual growth of the membership and the community.  Instead of continuing in blindness, making the same mistakes over and over, never learning.  But, the problem here is that my church COMPLETELY ignores that there are spiritual gifts – and yet this is what God has given for the success of His church!

For instance, imagine not bothering to worry about whether or not someone has the gift of administration – they look good, talk good and have passion.  So, they are brought on and royally make a mess of things – just as their predecessors had done…  Of course this rarely happens because the running of the church is taken seriously by most and those with proven business sense are often called up to perform this important duty.

But, when was the last time you heard of someone with discernment being viewed as anything other than a trouble maker?  Let’s face it - if they are constantly at odds with the church leadership because of their own spiritual blindness – no one wants to even listen much less have them involved!

And so many of the gifts are so politically incorrect!  Tongues are quaint, abused by the Pentecostal types, maybe they have applicability on the mission field but certainly not in the church – just too uncomfortable!  Interpretation of course must only have to do with tongues so it can be ignored as well.  Of course healing can not be, God just does not work that way anymore.  That is what doctors are for, right?

And yet we need teachers with wisdom and knowledge from the Holy Spirit, but the church still belittles gifts it sees no use for.  Naturally prayer and gifts are acknowledged.  Everyone needs to do more of both, preferably for the church of course!

Now how do we get people off the bench……….

Youthful Answers

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TEACHER:  Maria, go to the map and find North  America .

MARIA:        Here it is.

TEACHER:  Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS:        Maria.

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TEACHER:   John, why are you doing your multiplication on the floor?

JOHN:          You told me to do it without using tables.

__________________________________________

TEACHER :  Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN:        K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER:   No, that's wrong

GLENN:        Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________

TEACHER:   Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD:      H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER:   What are you talking about?

DONALD:     Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________

TEACHER:   Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we

                    didn't have ten years ago.

WINNIE:       Me!

__________________________________________

TEACHER:  Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN:          Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________

TEACHER:  Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE:         I is..

TEACHER:   No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'

MILLIE:         All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'

_________________________________

TEACHER:   George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.  Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?

LOUIS:          Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________

TEACHER:  Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON:        No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

______________________________

TEACHER:  Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your

                    brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE :      No, sir.  It's the same dog.

___________________________________

TEACHER:  Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD:    A teacher

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