Well, we have beaten to death the concept of non-Christian dating and marriage! But,
lest you have lost heart I want to share the stories of four
contemporary couples whom did make it – from idealistic to less so….
For most idealistic – I choose Caleb. He
was interested in a girl in his high school and went to her father,
asking him to allow him to date her and followed ALL of the rules. Even
when they went off to the same college, he would still call the girl’s
father and ask if it was ok to take her out, as well as, a return call
to let him know all was well. Wow! As a parent, I want this guy for my daughter! In fact, I had sort of hoped….. :^(
Many years later they were to marry and what a testimony they have brought into the Christian community! Yes, you can live by rules and not hormones. Yes, you can work with parents and still have fun. Wow! They are currently honeymooning in Mexico I am told.
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Now I will pick on Josiah. You have no idea how much I like this young man, he has that indescribable quality that says, “I am going somewhere!”. A born leader, an observant follower, with a bit of a rebel streak in him. He liked our Sunday school class enough; he started bringing his girlfriend, whom then started coming regularly. I was surprised years later to find out her father was a pastor and it really was a big deal for her to be attending our class.
But, back to them. One
day, we were having a group discussion about dating and I was voicing
my concerns over the youth of today – from what I observed in our own
church. Out of nowhere, she says, “Actually, Josiah and I have never even held hands much less kissed. We want our first kiss to be at the altar.” Whoa! The
other young women all looked at her like she was crazy, but we used her
to have a talk with the high school girls later on about dating. What a testimony!
Like my first example, they too married, in what had to be one of the
most humorous of ceremonies ever – and a reception involving a
trampoline. I thought I was going to be sick I was laughing so hard! Of course, us old ones usually are forgotten by the young ones – until something comes up they can’t handle. So, they must be doing well.
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One of the most expressive young women I have ever met was Cindy. She was short, with flaming red hair and an outspoken witness for Christ. She also was extremely outspoken about Bud being her husband. Bud was a few years older, an elder and unfortunately for Cindy – had no interest in her at all. Bud
dated everybody, was engaged at least three times and Cindy was
constantly in a state of trauma over how stupid “her man” was! Yah, I heard all about it, often. I may even have hearing loss from a few of those sessions!
I can remember one campout in particular we had on the Washington coast. Bud, standing in the background, was leading a Bible study; several of us were gathered around a fire several hundred feet away. Cindy sat with her back to him, not by design, so if you looked at her, you were also looking at Bud. Bud had just announced, yet again, another engagement, this time to Sheila – blonde and devastating. Cindy was outraged.
We were praying with her and attempting to offer comfort, when she
turned her face towards heaven and in a rage screamed, “I am really
angry with you God!”, all the while shaking one of her little fists at
the sky. Were it not so unexpected, it might have been humorous! She then collapsed into tears for the rest of the night. Bud never had clue.
Ok, process check here. Bud obviously was either mistaking his hormones or infatuation for God’s leading concerning the spouse he was seeking. He
was a great man of the Word and we just could not understand how
someone so obviously in touch with God, could be so blind as to how he
was blocking God’s leading in this one area of his life. But, then he liked blondes, not redheads. He liked modeling material, not normal.
Yah, like all of the others, Sheila literally left him at the altar and he was destroyed. Guess who was still there waiting to pick up the pieces? Yah, Cindy. They
did get married sometime later, he had to learn a few things about
love, Cindy already knew, and as far as I know have lived happily ever
after. (Actually, I would have made Bud suffer a little here for the years of torment……)
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And now for Tracy , I had a real love-hate relationship with this guy. On the one hand, he was my boss and I was sort of in training under his watchful eye at church. I loved my job and he was very supportive. On the other, he was a macho egotist whom I don’t think really liked his wife at all. I would be forced to just bite my tongue (I have the scars to prove it!). Were I older, I probably would have smacked him upside the head or at least spoken my mind – but I was afraid of losing my job. Our relationship was not very friendly once I really knew him.
Over the three years I knew him and his wife, I was to learn that almost no aspect of his life was reasonable. But, his wife stood behind him when a normal person would have cut and run long ago. She loved him, he obviously had been infatuated with her when they married and was now looking for a way out. I would read and reread my Bible nightly trying to understand him and be just unable to reconcile the Word with his life. I was a new Christian and it simply made no sense to me! Could a Christian not be a Christian?
And this is why, even though married I picked him as an example. This Christian young lady had obviously married a “Christian”. He knew the language and could even pretend for short periods of time to be one. But, he wasn’t. I
doubt she was actually fooled in her heart, but she had allowed her
self to marry outside of her faith, and she knew she made excuses for
him, in order for him to be acceptable to her first. And she really reaped the whirlwind, let me tell you!
And then, I was to witness God moving in his life, the most frightful thing there is to see.
Tracy ’s business – a personal pride and joy for him and actually a
fairly safe money generator, unexpectedly went into bankruptcy. It surprised him about as much as anyone in the Church. This caused the financial ruin of many of his family and friends across the next several months. Of course, those in the church immediately stepped in to begin condemning him and his lifestyle. As for his wife? She stuck by him through what had to literally be the most miserable experience possible for anyone. Utter
humiliation, treated with nothing but contempt and everyone telling her
to save herself and get a separation at the minimum! (Yah, God was not exactly the “god” of that church…..)
Then one day, about a year later, his eyes were opened and he suddenly
could see everything clearly - that he was a miserable human being, much
less a “christian” and he owed his wife more than he could ever repay
in this lifetime. He repented big time, and with
his wife - this time at his side, set forth upon an entirely new life
together dedicated to sharing their lives and worshipping God. Let
me tell you I will never forget them standing up before the church one
Sunday evening as they gave a testimony about all of the above.
Gees, it still chokes me up!
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Not all mismatches end so well. There are way too many Tracy ’s out there preying upon Christian young women. Most of these disasters will end in divorce. Most involve a young head strong girl marrying a “christian” or non-Christian man, whom may not even be a good pretender. Usually
this is done against the advice of everyone whom really loves that
girl, though she will not listen because the “world” is against her love
for this guy. But, that really does not help her
with the future choices she will now have to face and never would have
been so – if she had listened to the council of her elders, family and
friends.
Best bet – stay safe – stay sane – still within your faith!!!!!!!!
(“Tracy” and “Cindy”, you know whom you really are, if you read this, drop a note…….!)
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