“There are no cute – hot – interesting - smart Christians out there!”
Hmmm, really? Somewhere, God promises you a cute – hot – interesting - smart Christian spouse? I
seem to remember Paul telling us to remain single, so as to be free to
serve God – and to only marry if we are incapable of controlling our
desires. So, it appears that you are not promised a spouse, much less a Christian one.
Of course, if you are to marry, you are to marry another Christian. In order to do that, in this day and age, you will probably be doing your search via dating (a subject for another time!).
What I am interested in discussing this time around is “Missionary” Dating. Yeah,
you know, there is only gag-meat out there in Christian singles land so
you will need to go out and find yourself a spouse by converting them
to Christianity. A noble gesture, no doubt in your mind.
Of course, were you actually to allow God to work in your life – you
might just find there is already a pretty good candidate near by – you
are just too blinded by your own lack of faith to see them. So,
rather than live your life and wait upon the Lord – you go forth into
the big world to discover, conquer, convert and wed that special someone
of your own choosing. And, when it doesn’t work out – well it is God’s fault after all for not having brought that special someone along, right?
I have known a great many Christian singles and usually, I bang my head on a wall and scream when they get into marriage mode. Many have gone the Missionary Dating route. In two cases, the victim did convert and they lived happily ever after. In
the vast majority of the marriages – if it even went that far – they
only pretended to convert so they could marry their pursuer. And
across time, the victim discovered that a Christian was actually not
what they had in mind at all – and they were gone – leaving one damaged
Christian in their dust.
Why did I say, ‘if it even went that far’? Well, because more times than not, they never did get married – they ended up playing house. My Bible calls that something else, but not the topic of discussion this time around. Main point is: rarely will you ever raise someone to your level – you will almost always fall down to theirs. Yes, there are exceptions – you are probably not one of them. Talk to me 5 years from now, if you want to argue!
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Yes, I do believe God does bring couples together for more than ‘controlling our desires’. Especially,
when He has a ministry in mind and the couple’s combination of gifts,
talents, and knowledge will be needed for success. Also, Paul tells us some ministries require you to be married in the first place (another topic as well!).
I also know God does set aside some of us from marriage to be free to
serve Him as required – and I have great admiration for them and their
faith!
I do believe that if you desire a spouse, God probably does have someone out there for you. Difficulty
is, that someone may not be quite what you are looking for or expecting
– so you may well reject them without ever realizing this. Also, they may well not wait around for you to get your act together. Or worse, your choices in life may well leave you in a state which will make you undesirable to them…… This
process is pretty horrible to view as a spectator – especially when
everyone is the exception and everyone ‘knows’ what is best for them.
Tell you what, if you have a history of chasing blondes, don’t try and
tell me God’s choice for you is the final blonde you settle on. God is not that shallow, but you are.
Don’t try and tell anyone that ‘God’ has reveal your spouse to you and
that special someone needs to marry you in the next 30 days because
their visa is expiring. Sorry, God is never in a rush, but you are.
Unless something is really wrong with your relationship with God, I
firmly believe He is capable of talking to you and letting you know when
you have met the ‘right’ one. There is no need
for others to reveal this to you, much less via ‘prophetic utterance’ or
‘vision’ or whatever other such nonsense you have surrounded your faith
with! Sorry, there is no pope of marriage, I am aware of. (My apologies to any Catholics offended by this reference, not my intent or point! But, what else do call these self styled authorities on match-ups?)
Dating a non Christian? Then it is time to give them the heave-oh and get Biblical! Go to where Christian singles are: Bible study, Church, various Christian events. Do
not even think of dating someone you are not 100% certain is a solid
Christian first, 1% of uncertainty – too bad, so sad, bye-bye. Of course, maybe the 1% problem can be managed or overcome, so maybe it is not ‘bye-bye’ but ‘only if fully chaperoned’. Yah, even if you are 50, you are still not too old for a third party to see that you retain your testimony!
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