Siblings, Infatuation and Love

I will admit that I am a watcher. I watch people; I observe what they are doing and hopefully am around long enough to see what happens. In my singles days, I would go to the airport and just sit and watch people. It was fascinating! I learned a great deal from this about human nature and what leads from the best of intentions to utter disaster. That doesn’t make me all knowing, just weird, with a good idea about life and what is going on. I am the bane of my children’s attempts at rebellion – I can see it coming and usually mitigate an out for them. That doesn’t mean they still will not insist on being stupid…….

People are either attracted or repelled by one another, it happens constantly, to each of us as we meet new people or even begin to know someone whom has been around us for a while but we never noticed before.

“Love” – that emotional state my oldest teenage daughter is constantly falling into – and then just as quickly out of. This is really infatuation; it has nothing to do with love, just a vague shadow of what real love should be. But, she continues to be unable to understand her emotions are only for a moment, even when they last only for a week or maybe for three months! It is all “love” to her.

Infatuation can be confusing to the young heart, it seems real, and after all, the other person is everything they are looking for (except eligible as a spouse in my eyes!). Luckily, my daughter is not the only one with this problem in our church, I have seen this more and more frequently the last several years and unfortunately leading the two star struck lovers to the altar. I say “unfortunately” because infatuation might be good for three years at the most – and then it is over. You can almost set a clock for when the divorce or separation will occur, it is so predictable. Of course, three years is plenty of time to create a little one in - and now you both have a major complication for the rest of your lives!

For all of the confusion swirling through my daughter’s mind over “love”, infatuation is pretty easy to understand and spot. If everything must be NOW – it is infatuation. If you are “desperately concerned” for the other person, yet all you really seem to care about is yourself, your appearance or your feelings – it is infatuation. If you can’t have a normal conversation without ending up in the sack – it is infatuation. Sorry, if this defines your relationships – you never will find satisfaction nor a long lasting relationship until you can get past you and your own desires – no matter how blind you are to them.

Truth hurts. If you are old enough to think you are in love, you are old enough to handle it.

So, what infatuation is not, is what love is. It is not constrained by time, nothing has to be now, you are satisfied to wait upon the Lord and HIS leading. Your true concern is not how you feel-look-appear, it is what can you do to help the other person without any personal gain (tangible or intangible!). You will be best friends, you will know each other intimately – and that is intimate in non-sexual terms! You will be apart of each other’s lives and each other’s families. That does not mean you will be accepted by the other’s family but you should be available.

Sound idyllic or unimaginable? It shouldn’t be. But, then, maybe you have never known love from your family or friends, maybe everything has been a “using” relationship, in which case, I am sorry for you. I grew up in a very non loving environment as well and had to learn about love from my future spouse. It was hard, they were patient and I have to admit it took me about three years to figure out what love is. Of course, God played a big part in this as well.

Ok, so now we are at the SIBLING point in this blog’s title and though not as catastrophic as infatuation, it can still be a cause of problems. What am I talking about? Well, assuming you are a Christian, you have the Spirit of God in you, whether you recognize this or not. In fact, every Christian has this aspect to them – they are your brothers and sisters.

We can be drawn by the Spirit, in us, to others, due to the Spirit which is in them. The Spirit at least recognizes we are the same – there is an unspoken aspect of commonality. I hear this called “love” or “love at first sight” all of the time. But, random strange attraction really is not love. Love is the product of a relationship and commitment.

How long have you really known this person? How many hours have you spent talking to them? How do they behave around others? Etc. Yah, love at first sight doesn’t work when you start asking the hard questions. But, the infatuated will still try to bluff their way through – because you can’t possibly be right.

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So, what is the point here? The church, which should be setting the standard for what love is, has failed. Our youth, much less many of us, are completely clueless on this issue! It is a task the church must face – to teach ourselves, our children and then the world what real love is.

Defy Hollywood and its culture of death; take back the definition of what love is and end the senseless destruction of the family and mockery we make of ourselves!