This post is hard to write, as it strikes far too close to home, and I do fear it being read by those whom were involved - as you will understand later…...
The pastor had just finished the opening prayer, when a lady I knew all too well stood up and asked if she could speak. This was not uncommon, we often had testimonies, praises and prayer requests pop up this way. We were a laid back church. Now, I had known this woman for many years, she was a Swedish model back in the 1940’s through the early 1960’s, her daughter was also a model in the 1970’s, and she was one of the few people whom ever had been in a position to actually hurt me, and she had - as no one else has ever been able to since.….
She began to tell her tale of woe, through clinched teeth at first:
“My sister married someone I did not approve of. He was a fisherman and he had no place in our family. So, I began to express my disdain for him every chance I had with my mother, my sister and the rest of the family.”
Silence.
“After 20 years, my sister finally agreed with me I was right, he is a loser and undeserving of her love. So she left him a note, telling him that she was headed for Hawaii and had filed for a divorce.”
Sobs.
“When she got to her hotel, she had a message from him telling her to forget about filing for a divorce he was going to kill himself instead.”
A long silence followed. She sure had our attention!
“My hatred and prejudice killed a man yesterday; I don’t think I am going to be able to live with this knowledge. I lost my little sister today; she probably will not ever speak to me again because she now understands how I have used her to ruin her life.”
Another long silence and she is now looking towards me.
“There are others in this audience I have equally harmed through my hatred. I want to let you know how sorry I really am for what I have done to your life.”
And she broke down into a river of tears. Her husband was so much in shock he could not even react. For me, I felt honestly sorry for her to have learned this lesson at such a cost. But the worst of it was not over, yet.
Suddenly, many around me started pushing me towards her! What did everyone on the planet know how she had convinced her daughter to annul our civil marriage, days before our religious wedding, and of the three years it took me to even trust a female again enough to ask one out?
I had wanted this woman as my mother-in-law, she was one of the first Christian women I had ever met and I was in many ways in awe of her. Oh sure we had our differences, I had written them off as she was protecting her daughter and it was not personal. But, when she killed my marriage, I learned it was personal. Even though I had a great job, made good money, etc., that would never be enough for her - because it would have still been me her daughter married.
I went to her, unwillingly, more shoved than walking. But once in front of her, God’s Spirit overcame me and I could forgive her, and I told her so through my own tears.
I learned in that moment, I still loved her and how bad it still hurt to have lost her as a Christian mother in my life.
******************************
Decades later our paths were to cross again. This time I had my four newly acquired kids from the Russia’s with me. We stood and talked. She told me about her daughter (most of it I already knew as I try to know how to best pray for her - through common friends). She told me how sorry she was for what she had done to me and how obviously God had blessed me and not her daughter. It was a very long, confusing and frightening conversation - to have someone bare their soul to you at such a level of transparency.
I felt very sorry for her. Her guilt continues to haunt her heart and her pain remains an open sore.
I too still share in that pain, as I am sure everyone she had impacted has as well.
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