Are You The One?

I received an unusually long letter from my nephew asking me how he could tell if his current girl friend was the ‘one’.  The next day, an email arrived from his girlfriend asking how she could know if he was the ‘one’.

Now this situation is not unique to modern culture.  In ancient times, during either the winter or summer solstice, young Celtic women would write the name of eligible young men they thought suitable spouses onto hazel nuts and then place them by the hearth at night.  In the morning, the nut which had split was the guy for you!  Interesting to note there are no corresponding tales for us about guys worrying about this situation.  Hmmmm, wonder what the means….  The point is: finding your spouse is a common pursuit with all of mankind.  But, should it be a part of Christian culture?

So, my nephew and his girlfriend have demonstrated for this post the classic problem in modern Christianity: our culture’s egotism and vanity displayed through wondering if another person is the ‘one’ God would have for us as a companion in life.  Think I am being a little harsh?  Just read on.

Finding your spouse seems to occupy an unreasonable amount of our mental time and wasting of our lives through searching.  So many young women and women I know put themselves through all sorts of mental trips trying to figure out whether or not a certain guy is the ‘one’ for them.  So many young women waste their time searching for that perfect specimen, at least until they get desperate enough to marry a mere mortal.  So many young women end up compromising themselves by having put themselves into situations they never should have been allowed in – and then saying, “Oh what the heck, I love this guy!”  Though guys are no different in this regard, it is the young women I deal with through my ministry which seem to obsess the most and suffer the most in this area.

As, I do not wish to address dating at this time, I will end the scenario here, but rest assured we will talk about ‘dating’ and ‘love’ another time.

I am confident you wasting your time in such pursuits never was the desire of God.  Do we have a Biblical pattern for finding your mate? 

Well:

• One village raids the other village and carries away the young women.
• Small groups of girls out walking, you are allowed to take only one.
• You go to a well and wait for someone to draw water for you.
• You marry your half sister.
• You work for the father for several years to ‘buy’ one of the daughters.
• Your father finds a suitable family and makes all arrangements.
• Your father goes to the family of the girl you want.
• When young you visit and entertain the girl of your choice.
• God tells you to marry the town prostitute.

Ok, I think you are getting the point here: there is no one approach and often the finding of your spouse defies logic.  So, what is a single person to do?

I can tell you right now, he/she you are looking for is not the ‘one’ for you.  Why?  Because you are not the ‘one’ for ‘them’.  You are way too wrapped up with yourself to be of any use to someone else.  How do I know this?  Because you are worried about them being the ‘one’ not your being the ‘one’!

Yes, you are supposed to be the ‘one’, not them!  That means you have dedicated your life to making yourself the ‘one’ whom can be the compliment to someone else – not the other way around!

Basics

• Study God’s Word, know your Bible inside and out.
• Pray for God’s leading in your life and His Will to be done.
• Pray for God’s protection of your future spouse, if He has one for you!
• If you are looking for a spouse – STOP IT!
• Attend to your health.

Advanced

• Learn to be self-sufficient in home duties (listening guys?).
• Attend to your education and prepare for a life of work.
• Consider your need for a personal theology.
• Become involved with your church and its ministries.
• Work with your church’s youth ministry or Sunday school.

Expert

• Consider short term missions during vacations or school breaks.
• Learn to be happy in what ever situation God leads you.
• Be flexible so God can lead you easily.
• Fellowship regularly with others, not just your close friends.
• Do not compromise your Biblical beliefs, ever!

If you have attained these 15 points, you will be a better person than me!  But, seriously, the point is that you must learn to allow God to lead, while doing everything within your power to compliment and add versatility to God’s leading.  If there is no spouse for you – well you will have created within yourself the awesome witness for God you should be.  If there is a spouse for you, then you will be well able to compliment almost anyone! 

And, your eyes are on God – not the opposite sex…….