What Every Girl Needs

One of the more interesting sites I have stumbled across in Blog-land has been Kelly’s.  She is an interesting Christian woman, with an equally interesting group of friends and family whom blog with her.  Since I do not believe in coincidence, there must be a reason behind having found her.

One series of comments she and her friends shared several weeks ago had to do with a daughter’s desire to have their father’s approval – and that is what this installment is about.  It is all Kelly’s fault after all!

I have an estranged daughter.  I adopted her when she was 10 and by the time she was 18 plus one week, she told me she no longer needed a parent and she was gone.  And I have struggled with this situation since May of this year.  Oh sure, I can easily think of things  I could have handled better or said differently in retrospect – whom can not when dealing with an oldest child in your house.

Of course there were a few hundred things she could have not done or done differently as well.  But, such is the nature of relationships and the teenage years.

When I found her down on the Chesnyian border in 1998, two things struck me – one spiritual and one physical.  First, there was no question God’s Spirit was on her and secondly, her sister was going to be dead within months (TB).  Based on her sister’s condition, the Russians allowed an emergency adoption and from the time I found her to having them home was only a matter of weeks.

Across the eight years I had her I can truthful say she is very insecure, very obsessive , very smart, very lazy and had no interest in being discipled.  Yes, the exact opposite of me in every manner.  So you can now see how conflict became a major problem across her last year with me.

It is impossible to have a normal discussion with her; except on nails, hair or the latest in purse fashions.  So, how to I address Kelly’s thoughts on a girl and her needs?  I guess I have to look for opportunities to not tell her how much her mental capacity reminds me of a stump – but to attempt to build her up through mild praise when she does something right.

So, last night she came over for her mail and to hit the refrigerator hard – I have never seen her eat so much!  When I took her home, I found out she had moved to another town and into her own apartment in a very nice area – she had been sharing an apartment in a drug haven before.  Now I had an opportunity!

But, I have to stay in character and gradually work into this new role Kelly has assigned me.  I gently commented how nice her place was, how big the kitchen was, etc.  She was beaming she was so happy when I left to drive back home!

So, Kelly and company, you were right.  It looks like our relationship in on the mend – for the moment.

Thank you.

PS:  Her sister took all of $30 worth of medicine across a year to clear up the TB and she is quite the happy young lady of the house………..