Why Athletes Can't Have Real Jobs

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model:  "I wan' all them kids to do what I do, to look up to me.  I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

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New Orleans Saint Running Back George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season:  I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever come first."

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And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say:  "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said:  "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

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Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men.  He lets us wear earrings."

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Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996:  "Nobody in football should be called a genius.  A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

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Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:  "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."  (that is beautiful)

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Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach:  "You guys line up alphabetically by height."  And, "You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle."

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Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King:  "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter?  He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

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Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker:  "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes."

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Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota:  "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

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Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice:  "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt."

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Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:  "I told him, 'Son, what is it with you?  Is it ignorance or apathy?' He said, 'Coach, I don't know and I don't care.'"

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Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D:  "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time on one subject."

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Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded:  "Because she is too dadgum ugly to kiss good-bye."