You know, when you wake up in the morning you pretty much have no idea where life is going to take you, what opportunities God will provide, or what path through the day you will travel. But, if you are willing and able, you could be led almost anywhere - even where you least expect to be found ...
Last week was simply awful.
I had a friend hurting and there seemed to be nothing I could do right in reaching out to them - throughout the whole of the week! It ended with my being unfriended on Thursday. I was devastated and posted my open position on Friday for a new best friend. Perhaps it was a bit tongue in cheek, I was hurting and in a cruel joke on me - it was humorous to think anyone could ever consider being my friend. This was the last active friend in my life. It was only with the greatest of prayer I agreed to meet with my recently lost best friend on Saturday morning. I had prayed bunches before hand, I thought I knew what to say, but Saturday was not much better than Thursday had been ...
Well, it did not go as planned and I ended up driving home in tears for my friend. I could not understand, everything was upside down and backwards. Nothing got through. I had no clue what they were going to do, what God was going to do with them, I was without a clue - this was so far from what I am familiar with. And friendless, I went home in a state of shock.
Many hours later I got a call from them and they were hysterical. I had received such a call like that once, in 1975, from two of my high schoolers. Confused, at the end of themselves, unable to even articulate a complete sentence. I thought they were drunk, it was graduation night and 2:00 AM. Their bodies were found the next morning. And I was utterly devastated and completely clueless. But, that phone call has remained in my active memory through all of these years.
And here again, the exact same words, the exact same confusion, the exact same desperation being confessed. Getting an address, after numerous tries, I flew to my old friend! No, not because I had anything to offer or gain, they had already rejected everything me - but because they were a part of my life and even if not still a friend, their life is far too important to be trifled with!
No, I was not their first choice to call.
No, I was not even their second choice.
They ran out of anyone they could think of they needed to call.
No, I am not the perfect one for such a task.
Just the only one to rush to their side.
And I prayed the entire way there that God could kill all traces of the old me and let only the new creation communicate whatever was needed. I know the old me to be too cold, when friendship, honesty and sincerity were going to be needed. No memory of the recent past could exist between us.
It took many hours to stabilize my friend emotionally, then mentally and finally spiritually. From desiring death to showing them there is hope, there is a reason to live, their life was not over - only Satan's hold over them was and the need to always remain so.
No, no more details than that are needed. Enough to just share that God used me in a big way on Saturday and helping to rebuild my friend ever since - step by tiny step. They are doing well, full of questions, full of fears, full of tears, but handling each day and letting me know instantly a prayer concern or question. God is so awesome when you can see Him in action! I am humbled.
And so, you would think Kris would now be a hero - at least amongst those whom knew what was going on, on Saturday. Nope. My children whom I had praying through this, were interestingly disinterested to learn all was well. Really? The people of my church's prayer chain just asked if intervention had been successful and commented that, that one could now be scratched off the list. Really? Gaelic Girl was in full war regalia from Saturday through today. And I got dumped on Wednesday night by her. On the one hand I am evil and on the other, oh yeah, I am still evil and how come God keeps using me without permission. Really? And of course, I had to hear from GG's therapist, whom wondered at how I could seem to "know" how to help people and yet be so completely clueless concerning GG. Really?
Is human life, any human life, so without value that there can not be a celebration of joy when one is rescued? Really?
Is there some inane characteristic within the Christian body that must correlate unrelated events to prove you evil, or themselves not evil? Really?
Is there some misunderstanding that when a person its bottom that there is a long term critical need for prayer? Really?
For my friend: prayer in all aspects of life as they are slowly returned back to where they need to be, an involved church found (and in Seattle? But it has to exist!), a good Bible Study found, prayer warriors are needed to run interference for them as they grow in strength and faith. Think back to your own struggles as a new Christian - and just imagine that your birth was at the point literally of death - that is how much prayer is needed by you for them! And, Satan is not done with the attack, I have no doubts that even now he is formulating how to call them back over to his side ... it will be tempting, it must appear to be what is desired, it must appear to be an answer from God, but it will be a lie and will predate whom they are today. Yeah, lots of prayer because the fight is not over.
Thank you.
Perhaps we truly are living in the very last days when the hearts of the many, have turned cold and love - even compassion - is no longer a commodity shared between humans ...
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Friday, April 4, 2014
Monday, March 10, 2014
Missionary Wife Falls
Unfortunately, we are now going to be discussing a friend, a very dear friend, someone so close it was originally thought 20 years ago that she was my wife! So we put distance between us physically so that assumptions would go away but not mentally. We have remained in close contact up until a few months ago.
Through the years, her husband became a very good friend as well of mine. He used to own one of the Munich hotspot techno bars! He was a mess back then - PTSD from what went on the Balkans, too much death. He was at the site where my cousin Bernard was executed in Bosnia - he told me things which have not even appeared in the Hague trials about what happened. So yeah, blood brothers.
You might remember my mentioning many years ago about a wife, whom decided against her husband's wishes to go on the mission field and leave him with the kids. He was a bit outraged, she really did not care less and told me from Chile that she may well not return.
Return she did, in time to have two more children, brought about by a couple's weekend for marriage counseling away. Okay, I thought it was funny - and true according to him. She was devasted and wanted to abort them ... and I thought, what has happened to my friend?
So, you know Kris, I confronted her. It seems in Chile she had become romantically involved. It wasn't serious, she left him behind, but it was physical. We prayed together about this and I encouraged her to never return to Chile and only go on mission trips with her husband after this.
All was well for a number of years, but well, last August I got a note from her that she was leaving the church - too much gossip and evil things were being said about her husband. So, I encouraged the both of them to find another church. There are plenty of offerings in my little town.
And, silence. Occasionally, I would get a recipe from her but never any real communication. The husband was growing increasing upset and at one point was arrested for for hollering at the oldest son. It was bogus, but it made him wake up and start to evaluate what was going on around him. Why was he reacting this way? It was too weird.
Then Thursday, he and I talked on the phone for many hours. It seems she has been having an affair dating back to August with the same man, it is now out in the open and the husband has been pushed out to make room for this new guy.
I only learned this when I called him, because she had sent me nude pictures of herself. The first ones were inappropriate, by evening time, they had become quite - uhm, heartbreaking. My dear Elspeth had broken. (yes, her real name!)
I as floored!
But, I meditated on this over the weekend. Warning signs were there:
And she crumbled because she had walked away from her faith, the church and her friends.
God gave us friends to help support us, a church to help guide us and a faith built on rock.
Equally, God gave us a task to represent Him and when we fail and fall into sin, He will strip away our blessings. It is painful to know, to witness, to comfort the casualties ...
I do not know what to do or say. I can only offer distant statements of shock and sorrow for my vet friend. She is not really talking still to me, so nothing I can do there. And perhaps it is best I go away from her life ...
Prayer, lots of prayer.
Through the years, her husband became a very good friend as well of mine. He used to own one of the Munich hotspot techno bars! He was a mess back then - PTSD from what went on the Balkans, too much death. He was at the site where my cousin Bernard was executed in Bosnia - he told me things which have not even appeared in the Hague trials about what happened. So yeah, blood brothers.
You might remember my mentioning many years ago about a wife, whom decided against her husband's wishes to go on the mission field and leave him with the kids. He was a bit outraged, she really did not care less and told me from Chile that she may well not return.
Return she did, in time to have two more children, brought about by a couple's weekend for marriage counseling away. Okay, I thought it was funny - and true according to him. She was devasted and wanted to abort them ... and I thought, what has happened to my friend?
So, you know Kris, I confronted her. It seems in Chile she had become romantically involved. It wasn't serious, she left him behind, but it was physical. We prayed together about this and I encouraged her to never return to Chile and only go on mission trips with her husband after this.
All was well for a number of years, but well, last August I got a note from her that she was leaving the church - too much gossip and evil things were being said about her husband. So, I encouraged the both of them to find another church. There are plenty of offerings in my little town.
And, silence. Occasionally, I would get a recipe from her but never any real communication. The husband was growing increasing upset and at one point was arrested for for hollering at the oldest son. It was bogus, but it made him wake up and start to evaluate what was going on around him. Why was he reacting this way? It was too weird.
Then Thursday, he and I talked on the phone for many hours. It seems she has been having an affair dating back to August with the same man, it is now out in the open and the husband has been pushed out to make room for this new guy.
I only learned this when I called him, because she had sent me nude pictures of herself. The first ones were inappropriate, by evening time, they had become quite - uhm, heartbreaking. My dear Elspeth had broken. (yes, her real name!)
I as floored!
But, I meditated on this over the weekend. Warning signs were there:
- her personality change
- willingness to kill her children
- the affair in Chile husband still does not know about
- the stresses of more children
- the stress of a PTSD husband
- the stress of poverty as he lost his job
- the willingness to offer her body, for ... what?
And she crumbled because she had walked away from her faith, the church and her friends.
God gave us friends to help support us, a church to help guide us and a faith built on rock.
Equally, God gave us a task to represent Him and when we fail and fall into sin, He will strip away our blessings. It is painful to know, to witness, to comfort the casualties ...
I do not know what to do or say. I can only offer distant statements of shock and sorrow for my vet friend. She is not really talking still to me, so nothing I can do there. And perhaps it is best I go away from her life ...
Prayer, lots of prayer.
Friday, December 27, 2013
A Question on Natures
I really need to talk with my friend. I have called and called but just can not get a reply, which is a pity because with my mind, I am not likely to remember much longer what it is I need to ask.
So, I will lay it out here, perhaps one of you will answer ...
Now I have spent months roaming through my video library, culling out movies I really am not interested in any lionger: too boring, inappropriate nudity, or something is just plain "wrong" and I can not exactly define it.
So, remembering that I a newby here with an emotional nature now:
It is that third category which I have grown uneasy with: some of the TV I see my adult children watching, some of the TV grandkids are allowed to watch by their parents,some of my movies now... There is a reoccurring theme I am finding across TV and some of my movies of an undercurrent of ... not sure how to word this ... objectivism of either sensuality or sexual natures. Nothing blatant, something more subtle.
It could be because my nature is so new that I am overly sensitive, it could be my thought is correct.
Is there no standard of innocence or purity any longer? Has our culture so eroded that everything is translated through filters of sexual content or salaciousness?
And the answer to that question really is bothering me. Under my old nature I was beyond blind to even the existence of such. I knew through my friend Chrissy that such a thing could exist - within the realm of abnormal psychology - she was a self admitted sex addict, had been the majority of her life. Her friendship with me made her wake up and realize that she really needed professional help. Unfortunately, she had already contracted HPV, becoming one of the first to die of this in the early 1980's. We were stunned, we loved her for the sister she was. And even her sisters were speechless. A disease no one had ever heard of, killed Chrissy, while she was in therapy for her addiction, thankfully after she had accepted Salvation for real. But, Chrissy's problem lay within the realm of abnormal psychology ... right?
Now with this new nature, I am revisiting that thought. Was Chrissy more normal than abnormal? Or has culture and society move so far towards the side of sin that there is no concept of actual purity or innocence any longer? Are we nothing but meat to be hunted down by those whose conscious are scarred?
And if the latter is true, then how is Kris to be viewed by those closest to him?
In my previously, completely blind nature ... was I ever actually understood or just considered either the densest male whomever existed or the most libertine of any male whomever existed? Neither would be true since I never had the basis from which I could have believed anything other than what Chrissy went through was anything other than abnormal. Mind you any attempt to place Kris as guilty of such sin would be majorly in error, Kris' problems lay elsewhere.
Yet, movies and TV seem to have an undercurrent of expecting something like Chrissy to be normal ...
So, the question:
If purity and innocence can still exist, does the existence of the sexual nature then destroy the innocence which did exist? Is one at the cost of the other?
And if the answer is a flat yes, I believe Kris is going to give up on humanity ...
So, I will lay it out here, perhaps one of you will answer ...
Now I have spent months roaming through my video library, culling out movies I really am not interested in any lionger: too boring, inappropriate nudity, or something is just plain "wrong" and I can not exactly define it.
So, remembering that I a newby here with an emotional nature now:
It is that third category which I have grown uneasy with: some of the TV I see my adult children watching, some of the TV grandkids are allowed to watch by their parents,some of my movies now... There is a reoccurring theme I am finding across TV and some of my movies of an undercurrent of ... not sure how to word this ... objectivism of either sensuality or sexual natures. Nothing blatant, something more subtle.
It could be because my nature is so new that I am overly sensitive, it could be my thought is correct.
Is there no standard of innocence or purity any longer? Has our culture so eroded that everything is translated through filters of sexual content or salaciousness?
And the answer to that question really is bothering me. Under my old nature I was beyond blind to even the existence of such. I knew through my friend Chrissy that such a thing could exist - within the realm of abnormal psychology - she was a self admitted sex addict, had been the majority of her life. Her friendship with me made her wake up and realize that she really needed professional help. Unfortunately, she had already contracted HPV, becoming one of the first to die of this in the early 1980's. We were stunned, we loved her for the sister she was. And even her sisters were speechless. A disease no one had ever heard of, killed Chrissy, while she was in therapy for her addiction, thankfully after she had accepted Salvation for real. But, Chrissy's problem lay within the realm of abnormal psychology ... right?
Now with this new nature, I am revisiting that thought. Was Chrissy more normal than abnormal? Or has culture and society move so far towards the side of sin that there is no concept of actual purity or innocence any longer? Are we nothing but meat to be hunted down by those whose conscious are scarred?
And if the latter is true, then how is Kris to be viewed by those closest to him?
In my previously, completely blind nature ... was I ever actually understood or just considered either the densest male whomever existed or the most libertine of any male whomever existed? Neither would be true since I never had the basis from which I could have believed anything other than what Chrissy went through was anything other than abnormal. Mind you any attempt to place Kris as guilty of such sin would be majorly in error, Kris' problems lay elsewhere.
Yet, movies and TV seem to have an undercurrent of expecting something like Chrissy to be normal ...
So, the question:
If purity and innocence can still exist, does the existence of the sexual nature then destroy the innocence which did exist? Is one at the cost of the other?
And if the answer is a flat yes, I believe Kris is going to give up on humanity ...
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Future Tense
As I mentioned yesterday, I decided to take a hard look back through my mind, using an adults eye to view those memories and see if I could figure out whether I was ever normal or not. Yeah, I found the answer.
It is hard to view beyond third grade. Second grade was when I and several others were "broken" but no one believed us until the casualties numbered quite high. Probably the only thing saving me was my complete ability to just tune out from what was going on around me or to me. So, looking at first grade backwards, lots of events, no emotions concerning any of them - except for moments of immense anger and frustration at the treatment I received in my family.
The US military's interest in me began when I was in fourth grade. So, perhaps when they figured out how broken father was? Then decided to subject my sister and I to lots of testing? I know that my sister did not have any testing after 8th grade, so I am just guessing they figured out she was either normal or just an irritating teenaged girl...
When we moved to France, I thought myself quite crazy. Normal things could no longer be expressed normally and I knew things, for no reason at all.
For instance, I had a globe; I would spin it and then think about the country it would stop at. India was a problem, anytime the globe stopped there, and it did quite often, I could not say India in any language, instead the over-riding thought of "Map, Outreach Map, India" would roar through my mind. What on Earth!?!? And this continued until 1994, when I met an interesting guy whom wanted to run an orphanage in Northern India. He had a mission called, "Outreach Map". My eyebrows raised quite a bit, the answer to a thirty year old question?
Not being superstitious, but I did start a campaign to raise funds for what became Haven of Hope Orphanage. And, I have continued to support them, even in my poverty through the past three years. (Just in case you are interested in helping them as well: Outreach Map - India, POB 1801, Walnut, California, 91788-1801) And Paul Wiig, the man I had met, continued on as an acquaintance for now just shy of twenty years!
Hmmm....
The other strong impressions were certain dreams. They all had images I remember but the over-riding aspect is one of emotion! Yeah, I whom had no emotion at all, felt something in dreams! And I liked dreams for that very reason. Peace, something I desired so desperately and love, something I knew nothing of what so ever. The images? Sunshine by the beach or snow flakes falling past a female face in the woods. But no way of tying these emotions and images together much less knowing what they meant.
And, there was a point, a day to be exact that came together at the beach. I knew the day, the moment, the events, I knew what I was going to feel! And I was terrified. Shortly thereafter, that bud of an emotion was destroyed and I knew I was better off without it. There is only betrayal and pain in emotion.
No the snow image has not occurred, yet. I know it so well - more emotion and peace than I have ever experienced in this past year. So, I know where I belong, I know what it feels like to trust without fear, to love without betrayal, to finally belong somewhere. And I am am not there yet ... sigh ...
So, the short answer is: no, I was never normal but in my dreams I was ...
It is hard to view beyond third grade. Second grade was when I and several others were "broken" but no one believed us until the casualties numbered quite high. Probably the only thing saving me was my complete ability to just tune out from what was going on around me or to me. So, looking at first grade backwards, lots of events, no emotions concerning any of them - except for moments of immense anger and frustration at the treatment I received in my family.
The US military's interest in me began when I was in fourth grade. So, perhaps when they figured out how broken father was? Then decided to subject my sister and I to lots of testing? I know that my sister did not have any testing after 8th grade, so I am just guessing they figured out she was either normal or just an irritating teenaged girl...
When we moved to France, I thought myself quite crazy. Normal things could no longer be expressed normally and I knew things, for no reason at all.
For instance, I had a globe; I would spin it and then think about the country it would stop at. India was a problem, anytime the globe stopped there, and it did quite often, I could not say India in any language, instead the over-riding thought of "Map, Outreach Map, India" would roar through my mind. What on Earth!?!? And this continued until 1994, when I met an interesting guy whom wanted to run an orphanage in Northern India. He had a mission called, "Outreach Map". My eyebrows raised quite a bit, the answer to a thirty year old question?
Not being superstitious, but I did start a campaign to raise funds for what became Haven of Hope Orphanage. And, I have continued to support them, even in my poverty through the past three years. (Just in case you are interested in helping them as well: Outreach Map - India, POB 1801, Walnut, California, 91788-1801) And Paul Wiig, the man I had met, continued on as an acquaintance for now just shy of twenty years!
Hmmm....
The other strong impressions were certain dreams. They all had images I remember but the over-riding aspect is one of emotion! Yeah, I whom had no emotion at all, felt something in dreams! And I liked dreams for that very reason. Peace, something I desired so desperately and love, something I knew nothing of what so ever. The images? Sunshine by the beach or snow flakes falling past a female face in the woods. But no way of tying these emotions and images together much less knowing what they meant.
And, there was a point, a day to be exact that came together at the beach. I knew the day, the moment, the events, I knew what I was going to feel! And I was terrified. Shortly thereafter, that bud of an emotion was destroyed and I knew I was better off without it. There is only betrayal and pain in emotion.
No the snow image has not occurred, yet. I know it so well - more emotion and peace than I have ever experienced in this past year. So, I know where I belong, I know what it feels like to trust without fear, to love without betrayal, to finally belong somewhere. And I am am not there yet ... sigh ...
So, the short answer is: no, I was never normal but in my dreams I was ...
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
Twenty-two And Confused
Now at lunch Monday, I fell into a conversation with this sobbing college student. For those of you whom know me, crying female plus Kris do not mix. Actually porcupines and your dog's face are more compatible than me when tears are involved. But something in me was moved and I made the mistake of asking ...
Short story:
She desperately wants a boyfriend, but also knows it isn’t going to happen. She is too busy to maintain a good relationship, insists on a solid Christian boy (like they exist!) and doesn’t want to kiss until sure he is really going to be "special" in the long run. (psst! how about at the altar?) !
And then this alarm clock is going off inside of her - she HAS to find him!
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - far too much about her I would not share, TMI! and I hope I can do a mind dump and just lose it once I have written this up. Interspersed with her above statement were perhaps three gallons of tears in there. She was in quite a state.
Oh, did I mention that she has made it to 22 and is still a virgin? Never had a boyfriend, never even held hands - and yes, she is more than most guys have on their list of wanna-be attributes (purely physical), has a brain and knows how to use it too, wants to do what is right by God and in tears over this exact problem!
"There are no guys! I am going to die a ugly old virgin!"
Suddenly I was happy no creepy old guys were within earshot of that one!
So, was she willing to think, talk and work through - why a guy is so important in her life?
Short story:
She desperately wants a boyfriend, but also knows it isn’t going to happen. She is too busy to maintain a good relationship, insists on a solid Christian boy (like they exist!) and doesn’t want to kiss until sure he is really going to be "special" in the long run. (psst! how about at the altar?) !
And then this alarm clock is going off inside of her - she HAS to find him!
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - far too much about her I would not share, TMI! and I hope I can do a mind dump and just lose it once I have written this up. Interspersed with her above statement were perhaps three gallons of tears in there. She was in quite a state.
Oh, did I mention that she has made it to 22 and is still a virgin? Never had a boyfriend, never even held hands - and yes, she is more than most guys have on their list of wanna-be attributes (purely physical), has a brain and knows how to use it too, wants to do what is right by God and in tears over this exact problem!
"There are no guys! I am going to die a ugly old virgin!"
Suddenly I was happy no creepy old guys were within earshot of that one!
So, was she willing to think, talk and work through - why a guy is so important in her life?
1. There is no one whom meets her requirements,
but she still wants him.
2. Waiting for God to pick
out the perfect man, and realizes that is not what the Lord wants for her.
So we had something to work with, God is not asking her to wait for marriage so she can have sex. He is calling her to stop
waiting. But, she has not been listening to that answer, it is the wrong one!
If God really is
all you need to satisfy you, then what was she waiting for? What is going to
be better than Jesus? She was waiting for a husband, thinking
married life would be better than single life; she didn’t really think
Jesus alone could be better than Jesus plus a great husband!
And a few verses come to mind:
1 John 4:17
In this love is brought to completion and attains perfection with us ...
Psalm 16
2) I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
I have no good apart from you.”
5) The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
you hold my lot.
8) I have set the Lord always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
9) Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
my flesh also dwells secure.
11) You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
So, my challenge, was for her to continue to ask, “Is Jesus really enough? If you never got married, would your soul still be able rejoice in Jesus'
love?”
And she was thoughtful. She realized that indeed she could be satisfied in knowing that her real happiness was in Jesus and His provision for her. Anything she did, in and of herself, was only going to cause problems and in the long term bring less than satisfactory results.
I walked with heaviness from lunch, for I remember those struggles in my own life and the years it took me to kill what was inside of me and to learn to wait upon the Lord and his provision - not my own. It is a hard lesson and life without my Faithless Bride is so much better in the long run.
And then I was to slam right into almost the very same conversation again, within the hour! This time, the conversation is not concluded I believe and I hope by sharing this, what I did say can be better understood by the second party today within the light of what I said on Monday.
Tuesday, August 27, 2013
Observing People
Sunday night, as I rode the light rail back to my town, there were lots of people to watch. I like watching people, they are sometimes very interesting.
Well, not so funny was sitting with his back to me, due to the way the seats are located, and I am seeing this surgical scar down his neck and as far down his spine as the tee shirt would show. I have no idea what was done to him, but as someone whom has had their spine opened up - OWIE!
Across from me was a young couple, just kids. He showed happiness and pride being seated by her. Her walls were completely down. The she saw me and her walls came right back up, then down, up, down, up, she looked at me questioningly - I smiled. Her walls collapsed and she snuggled her friend. Very cute. I remembered such a time.
Behind them, another young couple. He was so far out of his league, he had not a clue. I felt sorry for him. Maybe 11th grade? I shuddered, horrible years to remember. Unlike the other young lady, this one had no warmth, nothing but walls and terror. A wildcat completely on edge ready for a fight.
Behind them, two women. One mid-forties, heavily tattooed, dressed in Seattle chic - 1950's garish Vogue. The other a college student headed to the airport to catch a flight. Tattooed lady turns out to be gay and was baiting the college girl. Most of the conversation revolved around how horrible guys are and how they are untrustworthy soulless creatures whom only want one thing and then it is, "Hasta la vista, baby"! I saw no reason to get involved in that conversation, I did that one once and there is no way of modifying perception I found out.
Then a blonde, guessing late 20's sat down next to me, with her sister and brother in-law, and struck up a conversation. What over? Life, the universe, how horrible guys are - and oh, by the way my name is, ----. Well if she had known me then she would have understood my natural repulsion when facing a real blonde. Yes, 40 years later and I still shudder and avert my eyes when ever I see one. It was only through God's infinite humor He gave me three blond daughters! I felt sorry for this one though, she has had a rough time as the scars on her arms showed. I left without answering her as to my phone number. Gees!
So Monday I am taking my daily short walk to my favorite Mexican eatery and I am thinking, what can I write about this week? My mind played over the above and I quickly dismiss it. But, lunch was to re-enforce this whole topic area to me, as you will see tomorrow, I was supposed to address this issue for a number of reasons.
Well, not so funny was sitting with his back to me, due to the way the seats are located, and I am seeing this surgical scar down his neck and as far down his spine as the tee shirt would show. I have no idea what was done to him, but as someone whom has had their spine opened up - OWIE!
Across from me was a young couple, just kids. He showed happiness and pride being seated by her. Her walls were completely down. The she saw me and her walls came right back up, then down, up, down, up, she looked at me questioningly - I smiled. Her walls collapsed and she snuggled her friend. Very cute. I remembered such a time.
Behind them, another young couple. He was so far out of his league, he had not a clue. I felt sorry for him. Maybe 11th grade? I shuddered, horrible years to remember. Unlike the other young lady, this one had no warmth, nothing but walls and terror. A wildcat completely on edge ready for a fight.
Behind them, two women. One mid-forties, heavily tattooed, dressed in Seattle chic - 1950's garish Vogue. The other a college student headed to the airport to catch a flight. Tattooed lady turns out to be gay and was baiting the college girl. Most of the conversation revolved around how horrible guys are and how they are untrustworthy soulless creatures whom only want one thing and then it is, "Hasta la vista, baby"! I saw no reason to get involved in that conversation, I did that one once and there is no way of modifying perception I found out.
Then a blonde, guessing late 20's sat down next to me, with her sister and brother in-law, and struck up a conversation. What over? Life, the universe, how horrible guys are - and oh, by the way my name is, ----. Well if she had known me then she would have understood my natural repulsion when facing a real blonde. Yes, 40 years later and I still shudder and avert my eyes when ever I see one. It was only through God's infinite humor He gave me three blond daughters! I felt sorry for this one though, she has had a rough time as the scars on her arms showed. I left without answering her as to my phone number. Gees!
So Monday I am taking my daily short walk to my favorite Mexican eatery and I am thinking, what can I write about this week? My mind played over the above and I quickly dismiss it. But, lunch was to re-enforce this whole topic area to me, as you will see tomorrow, I was supposed to address this issue for a number of reasons.
Thursday, June 6, 2013
Thirst
John 7:37-39, Rev 22:17
"Come and drink" I have always thought this an odd expression for learning about God and Jesus. A word picture of drinking, something we do everyday, especially when we are thirsty.
We were made with a huge thirst for God, unfortunately we often seek other sources for the water we really need and find ourselves having to constantly battle that spiritual thirst because nothing will fill the void like Jesus.
We thirst for peace, so we need to know Jesus.
We thirst for purpose, God is the supplier.
We thirst for pleasure, God is the only true source.
"Come and drink", Jesus really is enough to satisfy. He does not say to come, drink and then leave because you have had enough - it is to continually drink of his living water.
Once we have began the process of drinking we are not then store up like a camel or reservoir His waters, but to then let that water flow from you as a river to all in your life.
We are to pour out His peace, His purpose, His pleasure.
We are the conduit of His Love to show the world!
Pray God will place a real thirst for Hi you the hearts of everyone you encounter.
Then show them Jesus' unconditional Love.
"Come and drink" I have always thought this an odd expression for learning about God and Jesus. A word picture of drinking, something we do everyday, especially when we are thirsty.
We were made with a huge thirst for God, unfortunately we often seek other sources for the water we really need and find ourselves having to constantly battle that spiritual thirst because nothing will fill the void like Jesus.
We thirst for peace, so we need to know Jesus.
We thirst for purpose, God is the supplier.
We thirst for pleasure, God is the only true source.
"Come and drink", Jesus really is enough to satisfy. He does not say to come, drink and then leave because you have had enough - it is to continually drink of his living water.
Once we have began the process of drinking we are not then store up like a camel or reservoir His waters, but to then let that water flow from you as a river to all in your life.
We are to pour out His peace, His purpose, His pleasure.
We are the conduit of His Love to show the world!
Pray God will place a real thirst for Hi you the hearts of everyone you encounter.
Then show them Jesus' unconditional Love.
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
Passing On Forgiveness
So you have a heart attack, your heart is completely unstable, your body has been invaded by dozens of needles, you are stressed to the max - and then you get visitors.
Dutchman and I were talking. I strapped to a table for now 40 hours at this point, he stressed over something he did not want to say but apparently felt compelled to. It was about my father in law. I mentioned his death last August. Just let dead horses lay, really! And though I would not post this, I think I will because perhaps someone out there needs to understand forgiveness as well.
For those whom do not know, I had a civil marriage, which was to have been followed by a religious ceremony several months later. Yeah, two kids knowing they should tie the knot but wanting to do it right and wait for the real ceremony to take place. So, civil was in August, religious was to be on Valentines Day the following year. Only father in law found out, as he worked for the government, and exploded while I was in Mexico on a month long trip. I came back in mid-September to address a problem in his church (at the youth's request) and swung by my best friend Don's apartment, used his hidden key to get in to drop my bags, and instead found my would be bride and him heavily engaged.
I quietly left.
Back home I found I had a letter from her dated a week after I had left for Mexico, telling me that her father had annulled the marriage so she saw no reason not to explore my list of friends she liked..... Yeah, sure glad I found out before I got that letter! Of course, her and I had a $220 phone call that afternoon! I lost a great many friends that fall. Even Dutchman, the only one to apologize, fell to her seductive powers. And as for me, my relationship with Udie had been completely above board. Silly me, it seems! But, I was not that kind of person in any event and I never would have thought it of any of my friends!
And here Dutchman, paced in my room, in ICU, as he worked his way through telling something he had never said before, from a conversation with my father in law many years earlier, part of the apology he never passed along. Now at the time of my disaster with that family, their youngest daughter was head over heels for a guy named Kurt. It really did not take discernment to know what a POC the guy was, but the family had known him most of his life, really loved him and his family - and I was the intruder. Yeah, I was smart enough to never saying anything in front of them concerning this creature from the underworld. But, said demon, understood extremely well that I knew whom and what he really was. And years later, my in-laws were to discover exactly how miserable a creep he was as well.
And Dutchman was conflicted. Make no mistake he loves his wife but he remembers too well his relationship with my wife. It almost killed him to tell me of how the father in law had told him of his own distress at how wrong he and his wife had been about me and Kurt. They had trusted Kurt, they did not trust me. They saw no future in computers but Kurt wanted to be a dentist, so they could understand that he had his feet on the ground. Yet, Kurt went on to poison their daughter, after two children, and live "the life" afterwards. Yeah, he abandoned the children, my in-laws got to raise them. Because there was no "proof", no charges were ever filed, but in their town, everyone knows he tried to kill his wife. She continues to live as a vegetable, at least I think she is still alive. And then in contrast, there was the German, whom did okay with his career in computers, adopted for four older Russian orphans, continued working with youth for forty years now, etc. Though they could never accept the idea of "that woman" being in my life, aka Gaelic Girl.
My father in law was proud of me! But he was conflicted and therefore concerned over his own Christianity. If he had been so wrong about me, and then Kurt, what else was he wrong about? Should he have institutionalized his wife, as he had considered early on in their marriage? (It is a long, horrible story, but she murdered her brother in law, though could not be charged because there never was "proof" she had done it. Though, she had confessed to me, many years later how she actually had!) And Dutchman had never told me any of this. Had he of, I would have flown to be with my father in law, to tell him it was all alright, to pray with him, to let him know I have always loved him!
And so Dutchman, embarrassed and hurting, continued to pace as he spilled his guts over Udie and the words of my father in law. I think it hurt him to know that it was me and not him, the family finally understood their daughter was to have been with. He was still hurting from her abandonment of him as she continued on her quest to "know" all of my friends. Sigh. He was wanting to know he was forgiven by me, because obviously, he can not forgive himself - even forty years later ...
Though my heart rate is now something like 180 and the alarms are sounding from the nurse's station, I almost had to laugh. I forgave him even while he was still with my wife four decades earlier! She was dead to me, the woman I had loved was obviously dead and did not exist any longer, I learned that during my very expensive long distance phone call! Sure, there is a body with the name of Udie attached to it, but it is not the woman I knew. And that is what really hurt, no one saw the woman I knew, no actually loved that woman I loved, no one understood her real death, she was just meat in a culture addicted to meat. Her modelling career fell apart, her life withered and died, and one day in 1983 God told me she finally understood this all and to call for an ambulance in her town, she was committing suicide. No, she still thinks it a miracle a paramedic kicked in her door, because no one possibly could have known. She does not understand the power of the Holy Spirit.
And so my almost life long friend, came to his peace in this matter, at the cost of a few thousand heart beats of mine. He came by last night to visit again, to comment that perhaps GG really does like me, though it would be a hard sell to prove. But, I was still exhausted and he did not stay long. So I am hoping he is at peace on this issue. He is my best friend these days, one of the few remaining from the old days. I hope he has truly come to forgive himself.
So, this post is not so much about what happened to me but the need for those involved to forgive themselves. A lesson Dutchman is just now learning, a lesson my father in law never understood, a lesson his entire family would do well to learn, actually one most humans should as well.
What was it I wrote to my daughter last fall, following her betrayal of me?
"The quality of forgiveness, is the quantity by which you have been forgiven ..."
For some it is learning to forgive those whom harm you, for my daughter learning to forgive God for her life, for others learning to forgive themselves.
Forgiveness is needed in this world, Pass It On ...
Dutchman and I were talking. I strapped to a table for now 40 hours at this point, he stressed over something he did not want to say but apparently felt compelled to. It was about my father in law. I mentioned his death last August. Just let dead horses lay, really! And though I would not post this, I think I will because perhaps someone out there needs to understand forgiveness as well.
For those whom do not know, I had a civil marriage, which was to have been followed by a religious ceremony several months later. Yeah, two kids knowing they should tie the knot but wanting to do it right and wait for the real ceremony to take place. So, civil was in August, religious was to be on Valentines Day the following year. Only father in law found out, as he worked for the government, and exploded while I was in Mexico on a month long trip. I came back in mid-September to address a problem in his church (at the youth's request) and swung by my best friend Don's apartment, used his hidden key to get in to drop my bags, and instead found my would be bride and him heavily engaged.
I quietly left.
Back home I found I had a letter from her dated a week after I had left for Mexico, telling me that her father had annulled the marriage so she saw no reason not to explore my list of friends she liked..... Yeah, sure glad I found out before I got that letter! Of course, her and I had a $220 phone call that afternoon! I lost a great many friends that fall. Even Dutchman, the only one to apologize, fell to her seductive powers. And as for me, my relationship with Udie had been completely above board. Silly me, it seems! But, I was not that kind of person in any event and I never would have thought it of any of my friends!
And here Dutchman, paced in my room, in ICU, as he worked his way through telling something he had never said before, from a conversation with my father in law many years earlier, part of the apology he never passed along. Now at the time of my disaster with that family, their youngest daughter was head over heels for a guy named Kurt. It really did not take discernment to know what a POC the guy was, but the family had known him most of his life, really loved him and his family - and I was the intruder. Yeah, I was smart enough to never saying anything in front of them concerning this creature from the underworld. But, said demon, understood extremely well that I knew whom and what he really was. And years later, my in-laws were to discover exactly how miserable a creep he was as well.
And Dutchman was conflicted. Make no mistake he loves his wife but he remembers too well his relationship with my wife. It almost killed him to tell me of how the father in law had told him of his own distress at how wrong he and his wife had been about me and Kurt. They had trusted Kurt, they did not trust me. They saw no future in computers but Kurt wanted to be a dentist, so they could understand that he had his feet on the ground. Yet, Kurt went on to poison their daughter, after two children, and live "the life" afterwards. Yeah, he abandoned the children, my in-laws got to raise them. Because there was no "proof", no charges were ever filed, but in their town, everyone knows he tried to kill his wife. She continues to live as a vegetable, at least I think she is still alive. And then in contrast, there was the German, whom did okay with his career in computers, adopted for four older Russian orphans, continued working with youth for forty years now, etc. Though they could never accept the idea of "that woman" being in my life, aka Gaelic Girl.
My father in law was proud of me! But he was conflicted and therefore concerned over his own Christianity. If he had been so wrong about me, and then Kurt, what else was he wrong about? Should he have institutionalized his wife, as he had considered early on in their marriage? (It is a long, horrible story, but she murdered her brother in law, though could not be charged because there never was "proof" she had done it. Though, she had confessed to me, many years later how she actually had!) And Dutchman had never told me any of this. Had he of, I would have flown to be with my father in law, to tell him it was all alright, to pray with him, to let him know I have always loved him!
And so Dutchman, embarrassed and hurting, continued to pace as he spilled his guts over Udie and the words of my father in law. I think it hurt him to know that it was me and not him, the family finally understood their daughter was to have been with. He was still hurting from her abandonment of him as she continued on her quest to "know" all of my friends. Sigh. He was wanting to know he was forgiven by me, because obviously, he can not forgive himself - even forty years later ...
Though my heart rate is now something like 180 and the alarms are sounding from the nurse's station, I almost had to laugh. I forgave him even while he was still with my wife four decades earlier! She was dead to me, the woman I had loved was obviously dead and did not exist any longer, I learned that during my very expensive long distance phone call! Sure, there is a body with the name of Udie attached to it, but it is not the woman I knew. And that is what really hurt, no one saw the woman I knew, no actually loved that woman I loved, no one understood her real death, she was just meat in a culture addicted to meat. Her modelling career fell apart, her life withered and died, and one day in 1983 God told me she finally understood this all and to call for an ambulance in her town, she was committing suicide. No, she still thinks it a miracle a paramedic kicked in her door, because no one possibly could have known. She does not understand the power of the Holy Spirit.
And so my almost life long friend, came to his peace in this matter, at the cost of a few thousand heart beats of mine. He came by last night to visit again, to comment that perhaps GG really does like me, though it would be a hard sell to prove. But, I was still exhausted and he did not stay long. So I am hoping he is at peace on this issue. He is my best friend these days, one of the few remaining from the old days. I hope he has truly come to forgive himself.
So, this post is not so much about what happened to me but the need for those involved to forgive themselves. A lesson Dutchman is just now learning, a lesson my father in law never understood, a lesson his entire family would do well to learn, actually one most humans should as well.
What was it I wrote to my daughter last fall, following her betrayal of me?
"The quality of forgiveness, is the quantity by which you have been forgiven ..."
For some it is learning to forgive those whom harm you, for my daughter learning to forgive God for her life, for others learning to forgive themselves.
Forgiveness is needed in this world, Pass It On ...
Friday, March 22, 2013
Restoring Christianity
It is not too late for Christianity to be reintroduced to America and through a change in our culture by extension to the rest of the world.
It starts with you, it starts with your family, it starts with your
neighbors, you town, your state. For those of you whom know me, you
know that I am about as un-evangelical as you can get, however ..... it
seems that I, we, you, all of us ..... have come upon a time to act.
Not as a banging drum of "Repent You Are Going To Hell" - there probably are those whom need to do that, but as loving
witnesses to all of those around us. And we have to avoid all doing the same
thing.
Some need to be addressing the abortion issue; offer adoption, finances for adoption, find couples, finds girls willing to adopt out and not kill their babies. You might have to offer them a home to live in even while they are pregnant. If you can afford, to even pay for their birthing process!
Some need to take on the sex trade. When even in my neighborhood, a home not six from my own, turned out to be a place where Thai girls where brought to for prostitution to rich oriental businessmen visiting my city, there is a major problem here! As I am learning, that problem just might be in every known corner of this country! Girls are routinely shipped around the world as part of the slave trade - this must be stopped! No, I am clueless but I recognize the problem. I expect Argentina to be a hot spot in the very near future (as the Olympics are now headed that way). It will take governmental, local governmental changes, neighborhoods made aware of the problem and a system of exposing and prosecuting those involved with REAL prison time. And then there is the need to reach out to those women (that would be the job for a females here to perform without male input.....)
The social stigma of a woman wanting a family must end within our ranks. Conversely, the Church stigma of a woman working outside the home must end as well. We must learn to accept one another and support one another! This is not rocket science here!
Dating, within our ranks, must become public or group situations. As parents, you are worse than a fool to allow your child to play adult situational games without the tools needed to support that environment. And sorry but if that golden boy/girl is not a Christian, you really have no business being with them at all.
Pastors faced with sin within the eldership, have to strategically trim the sin from the body. If the head is corrupted, the body will follow. (hmmm, whom said that one?) And conversely, when sin is found in the Pastor, it is time to replace them. Sorry, you toast your Christian witness and there really is no recovery back to a pastorate or to eldership. That is why you are supposed to be oh so careful in the first place!
How do you want to deal with the "gay" agenda? It is mighty hard to slam a barn door closed once it has opened but the Christian attack will continue as the government places more and more pressure to conform on churches whom refuse to marry them, etc. this will require direct political pressure to be applied, single issue (non-redneck) candidates supported, etc. We really do not need to be seen as haters but those whom would take us over should understand that there is a fight if they wish to do so.
How are we to get non Christian teachers out of our seminaries? Good luck, that one should have been done in the 1960's! How are we to hold Christian publishers accountable? Companies whom are the largest are amongst the worse with the garbage they publish. I often wonder if there is a book not published! I hate the thought of a screening board, but honestly, is that unreasonable given the media today? And we must stop the government approved assault upon our children, without appearing as raving lunatics.
And as I read this, I am struck by how reactionary it sounds. How hard core this week reads as and yet, it is only by comparison to the ground the church has lost across the past fifty years it becomes so.
As Christians we have every reason to stand solid in our faith. We can prove our Bible, the critics are without ammunition and yet their liberalism would have you think otherwise. It is why I went into apologetics in the first place, not be another Ravi Zacharias, we only need one. But, to find out for myself what was exactly truth about my religion - was it all faith, or was there more to it than that.
Well, I hope this has all given you something to think about....
Some need to be addressing the abortion issue; offer adoption, finances for adoption, find couples, finds girls willing to adopt out and not kill their babies. You might have to offer them a home to live in even while they are pregnant. If you can afford, to even pay for their birthing process!
Some need to take on the sex trade. When even in my neighborhood, a home not six from my own, turned out to be a place where Thai girls where brought to for prostitution to rich oriental businessmen visiting my city, there is a major problem here! As I am learning, that problem just might be in every known corner of this country! Girls are routinely shipped around the world as part of the slave trade - this must be stopped! No, I am clueless but I recognize the problem. I expect Argentina to be a hot spot in the very near future (as the Olympics are now headed that way). It will take governmental, local governmental changes, neighborhoods made aware of the problem and a system of exposing and prosecuting those involved with REAL prison time. And then there is the need to reach out to those women (that would be the job for a females here to perform without male input.....)
The social stigma of a woman wanting a family must end within our ranks. Conversely, the Church stigma of a woman working outside the home must end as well. We must learn to accept one another and support one another! This is not rocket science here!
Dating, within our ranks, must become public or group situations. As parents, you are worse than a fool to allow your child to play adult situational games without the tools needed to support that environment. And sorry but if that golden boy/girl is not a Christian, you really have no business being with them at all.
Pastors faced with sin within the eldership, have to strategically trim the sin from the body. If the head is corrupted, the body will follow. (hmmm, whom said that one?) And conversely, when sin is found in the Pastor, it is time to replace them. Sorry, you toast your Christian witness and there really is no recovery back to a pastorate or to eldership. That is why you are supposed to be oh so careful in the first place!
How do you want to deal with the "gay" agenda? It is mighty hard to slam a barn door closed once it has opened but the Christian attack will continue as the government places more and more pressure to conform on churches whom refuse to marry them, etc. this will require direct political pressure to be applied, single issue (non-redneck) candidates supported, etc. We really do not need to be seen as haters but those whom would take us over should understand that there is a fight if they wish to do so.
How are we to get non Christian teachers out of our seminaries? Good luck, that one should have been done in the 1960's! How are we to hold Christian publishers accountable? Companies whom are the largest are amongst the worse with the garbage they publish. I often wonder if there is a book not published! I hate the thought of a screening board, but honestly, is that unreasonable given the media today? And we must stop the government approved assault upon our children, without appearing as raving lunatics.
And as I read this, I am struck by how reactionary it sounds. How hard core this week reads as and yet, it is only by comparison to the ground the church has lost across the past fifty years it becomes so.
As Christians we have every reason to stand solid in our faith. We can prove our Bible, the critics are without ammunition and yet their liberalism would have you think otherwise. It is why I went into apologetics in the first place, not be another Ravi Zacharias, we only need one. But, to find out for myself what was exactly truth about my religion - was it all faith, or was there more to it than that.
Well, I hope this has all given you something to think about....
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Happy Birthday Daughter
Happy Birthday
So much I would say on this special day......
The only gift you allow me to give you is my continued prayers, dear Yesfir.
And so they continue.
Love,
papa
So much I would say on this special day......
The only gift you allow me to give you is my continued prayers, dear Yesfir.
And so they continue.
Love,
papa
Friday, March 15, 2013
Bashing John Lennon
Dead people make such easy targets, they can't reply, not that he would have.....
So my oldest daughter was showing me Pinterest and I was playing along. When she was done, I roamed around a little and quickly came to the same conclusion that, just like video gaming, there are much better ways to fill one's idle hours. I honestly do not see what anyone gets from it.
It is nothing more than either Wordpress or Tumblr in a "cleaner" format, however, as I was to discover it does carry its share of porn as well. Sheeesh!
And I kept running into all of these pictures of John Lennon, sometime with Yoko Ono, with some form of: Love Is All You Need.
Odd, the one whom had never felt love, had to go with the idea of commitment, dedication, honor, sacrifice. My old pastor always assured me that those were good definitions of love.
But, to the natural man, love is bottom of your stomach giddy feeling, sex, something you use to get sex, just words.
And honestly, I am not so sure that definition is not what has replaced the concept of Love within Christiandom thanks to Hollywood!
Go check out the words to All You Need Is Love and then replace the word Love with:
Yeah we know that Lennon never understood the second set of definitions, but how shallow, to have never understood what he made a fortune with.
So my oldest daughter was showing me Pinterest and I was playing along. When she was done, I roamed around a little and quickly came to the same conclusion that, just like video gaming, there are much better ways to fill one's idle hours. I honestly do not see what anyone gets from it.
It is nothing more than either Wordpress or Tumblr in a "cleaner" format, however, as I was to discover it does carry its share of porn as well. Sheeesh!
And I kept running into all of these pictures of John Lennon, sometime with Yoko Ono, with some form of: Love Is All You Need.
Odd, the one whom had never felt love, had to go with the idea of commitment, dedication, honor, sacrifice. My old pastor always assured me that those were good definitions of love.
But, to the natural man, love is bottom of your stomach giddy feeling, sex, something you use to get sex, just words.
And honestly, I am not so sure that definition is not what has replaced the concept of Love within Christiandom thanks to Hollywood!
Go check out the words to All You Need Is Love and then replace the word Love with:
- Bottom of the stomach giddy feeling
- Sex
- Something you use to get sex
- Just words
- Commitment
- Dedication
- Honor
- Sacrifice
Yeah we know that Lennon never understood the second set of definitions, but how shallow, to have never understood what he made a fortune with.
Friday, February 1, 2013
Normal, One Day?
Since last May, I have gone from no emotion ever, to God seeing fit to give me one - a miracle no one could ever have envisioned to have occurred. It took me three weeks to master it and lock it up tight. But, God can be very, very persistent - especially when there might have been a reason for it in the first place.
There were momentary escapes by said emotion until the end of December, when as misfortune would have it, God saw fit to block my ability to cage or ignore it any longer - I was going to have to learn to deal with it. It was set free, only now there was a noted change - no longer raw, no longer overcoming, it had mellowed, matured, it was warm, and personally very frightening.
I find now that I am like a computer with twin operating systems. One is the old me - inhuman in my detachment. The other this mellow, feeling creature. And I have the ability to over ride it, if need be. To switch on, to switch off at will but never to abandon for long it seems .....
I sit at one month of pseudo-normalcy. I can understand now where once Gaelic Girl was in her emotions, I never could have known, thirty-five years too late it seems. It has shown me the real problem with my self-estranged sister in the Lord. I never could have understood. It took my Niece to help me to know, to understand and then see / understand / experience compassion. A few extremely horrible days in there. Emotion sucks. Yet, were it not for it, I would never have learned that there was someone whom trusted me far more than I could know. Emotion ..... a quandary.
And I wonder, will I one day be normal? Is that blooming emotion going to one day fully control me? Will I finally be human one day? And to what purpose? Will this be a blessing or a curse? Am I going to end up a liberal? Will it be something that is required for me to be able to do some task in the future? How can having an emotion make whatever lay ahead easier? I trust cold - calculating Kris, it is the emotional one I see as being less effective and far more dangerous to me personally.....
Lots of questions, no answers, maybe ten years from now in hindsight I will know the whys and wherefores of this. But not today.
To my Niece and dear friend, thank you - for your patient willingness to help me see, to learn, to understand. You are awesome. You did not have to, but you chose to, very much I am blessed.
And this in the midst of continuing to see all eroded away from me. In my mind's eye I see a Kris, left with nothing that anyone would call precious, my very name a curse to those whom once knew me, but even if alone - healed through a miracle, blessed by God and an unknown future calling me away to paint far away places and ..... ?
There were momentary escapes by said emotion until the end of December, when as misfortune would have it, God saw fit to block my ability to cage or ignore it any longer - I was going to have to learn to deal with it. It was set free, only now there was a noted change - no longer raw, no longer overcoming, it had mellowed, matured, it was warm, and personally very frightening.
I find now that I am like a computer with twin operating systems. One is the old me - inhuman in my detachment. The other this mellow, feeling creature. And I have the ability to over ride it, if need be. To switch on, to switch off at will but never to abandon for long it seems .....
I sit at one month of pseudo-normalcy. I can understand now where once Gaelic Girl was in her emotions, I never could have known, thirty-five years too late it seems. It has shown me the real problem with my self-estranged sister in the Lord. I never could have understood. It took my Niece to help me to know, to understand and then see / understand / experience compassion. A few extremely horrible days in there. Emotion sucks. Yet, were it not for it, I would never have learned that there was someone whom trusted me far more than I could know. Emotion ..... a quandary.
And I wonder, will I one day be normal? Is that blooming emotion going to one day fully control me? Will I finally be human one day? And to what purpose? Will this be a blessing or a curse? Am I going to end up a liberal? Will it be something that is required for me to be able to do some task in the future? How can having an emotion make whatever lay ahead easier? I trust cold - calculating Kris, it is the emotional one I see as being less effective and far more dangerous to me personally.....
Lots of questions, no answers, maybe ten years from now in hindsight I will know the whys and wherefores of this. But not today.
To my Niece and dear friend, thank you - for your patient willingness to help me see, to learn, to understand. You are awesome. You did not have to, but you chose to, very much I am blessed.
And this in the midst of continuing to see all eroded away from me. In my mind's eye I see a Kris, left with nothing that anyone would call precious, my very name a curse to those whom once knew me, but even if alone - healed through a miracle, blessed by God and an unknown future calling me away to paint far away places and ..... ?
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
@ 58 + 1 Day
This has been such a delightful week!
Sunday, the miracle of two answered prayers, which gives me hope that by standing firm - something is going to happen! Not necessarily on those subjects, but perhaps by way of witness to others or even myself.
Monday, I got a load off of my chest and still waiting to see what will come of that. I know the pastor got his "You Suck!" message, but no reply. There has been no comment from anyone! Interesting. I told brother Timothy that if he hears that I have gone insane, I hadn't - I am just being wiser and ridding my life of the baggage that has dragged me down across the past year!
Since it was my birthday, youngest daughter took me to lunch at a little Irish pub here in town. It was extremely funny because she is blond, was classical blond at lunch, and honestly had the pub roaring with her antics! It is like there would be no normal action, thought or words for her at lunch. I was crying I was laughing so hard!
The family, minus son, all gathered for dinner, plus Niece and the three grandchildren. Crazy times, once the kids were fed and some sugar in them! And they were off like spinning tops.....
The day was saddened as I was to hear that Swedish Rocket Scientist, Retired, 's aunt had a stroke in the morning. She is almost 100 and SRS,R is the next oldest in his family. Yeah, he is freaked about that one, so he cancelled his trip to Antarctica, leaving on Friday to go and join his aunt as she begins recovery. I told him that was the honorable choice and the one that really matters. If you would like to pray for Ellelyn's salvation, now would be a good time!
And today, Niece took me out to lunch and told me I needed to have a Birthday Week!, maybe even a birthday Month! Wow, I like how she thinks! And considering that I had no birthday last year, it makes it sound all the better!
So much more I would like to say, but that has been said to those whom it applies to. :)
My spirit is content, mentally I am happy, physically I may have re-broken my left foot, emotionally I am floating on gossamer wings......
Sunday, the miracle of two answered prayers, which gives me hope that by standing firm - something is going to happen! Not necessarily on those subjects, but perhaps by way of witness to others or even myself.
Monday, I got a load off of my chest and still waiting to see what will come of that. I know the pastor got his "You Suck!" message, but no reply. There has been no comment from anyone! Interesting. I told brother Timothy that if he hears that I have gone insane, I hadn't - I am just being wiser and ridding my life of the baggage that has dragged me down across the past year!
Since it was my birthday, youngest daughter took me to lunch at a little Irish pub here in town. It was extremely funny because she is blond, was classical blond at lunch, and honestly had the pub roaring with her antics! It is like there would be no normal action, thought or words for her at lunch. I was crying I was laughing so hard!
The family, minus son, all gathered for dinner, plus Niece and the three grandchildren. Crazy times, once the kids were fed and some sugar in them! And they were off like spinning tops.....
The day was saddened as I was to hear that Swedish Rocket Scientist, Retired, 's aunt had a stroke in the morning. She is almost 100 and SRS,R is the next oldest in his family. Yeah, he is freaked about that one, so he cancelled his trip to Antarctica, leaving on Friday to go and join his aunt as she begins recovery. I told him that was the honorable choice and the one that really matters. If you would like to pray for Ellelyn's salvation, now would be a good time!
And today, Niece took me out to lunch and told me I needed to have a Birthday Week!, maybe even a birthday Month! Wow, I like how she thinks! And considering that I had no birthday last year, it makes it sound all the better!
So much more I would like to say, but that has been said to those whom it applies to. :)
My spirit is content, mentally I am happy, physically I may have re-broken my left foot, emotionally I am floating on gossamer wings......
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
God Teaching Me
So, I guess here is where I need to refer you back to the posting of the 26th, because this comes as a follow up.....
Make no mistake, from the 23rd through the 27th, I have been in agony. That lone emotion tearing and shredding my soul. That lone emotion driving me to my knees in pain and prayer - I was desperate to kill it. I was desperate enough to run, not from the face of God, but from those whom would be damaged by it. Yeah, I know the damage coming in any event, but let it be God's leading and not my own insanity.
Then on the 28th things changed and God held me as though in a cocoon of protection against what He had created inside of me.....
So what happened on Saturday you ask??
I helped my Niece move up to Everett and out on to her own.
And what happened?
Somehow God flipped a switch in my heart and suddenly all was tamed. I could understand that feeling, I could see its purpose when applied to someone with no emotion. And He told me why.
I had to go through those three insane weeks in May, because it was a test not only for me but for Daughter, would we stand or would we run? I stood, fighting for my life, because I trusted God. Daughter ran, not because of the emotion but because she could not understand and could not trust. I can't blame her but I do curse her brokenness that intervened in her healing. Maybe her mother too, but I will wait until she decides to keep all of her promises to me to decide.....
And today, I sit here. A little stressed because I do not know between breathes whether or not it will suddenly explode on me or not. But, it has not. Worried, because I expect my Daughter to show up one of these days and she will still not trust and I will have to start over with her. Troubled, because God did explain in great detail the why and I understand but can not possibly foresee what He tells me.
And now, since so many from my Church read this, I must quiet close, never revealing to you what God did tell me ~ about a future Kris and how God intends to use him, and yes, the single emotion is decidedly needed.....
:)
Make no mistake, from the 23rd through the 27th, I have been in agony. That lone emotion tearing and shredding my soul. That lone emotion driving me to my knees in pain and prayer - I was desperate to kill it. I was desperate enough to run, not from the face of God, but from those whom would be damaged by it. Yeah, I know the damage coming in any event, but let it be God's leading and not my own insanity.
Then on the 28th things changed and God held me as though in a cocoon of protection against what He had created inside of me.....
So what happened on Saturday you ask??
I helped my Niece move up to Everett and out on to her own.
And what happened?
Somehow God flipped a switch in my heart and suddenly all was tamed. I could understand that feeling, I could see its purpose when applied to someone with no emotion. And He told me why.
I had to go through those three insane weeks in May, because it was a test not only for me but for Daughter, would we stand or would we run? I stood, fighting for my life, because I trusted God. Daughter ran, not because of the emotion but because she could not understand and could not trust. I can't blame her but I do curse her brokenness that intervened in her healing. Maybe her mother too, but I will wait until she decides to keep all of her promises to me to decide.....
And today, I sit here. A little stressed because I do not know between breathes whether or not it will suddenly explode on me or not. But, it has not. Worried, because I expect my Daughter to show up one of these days and she will still not trust and I will have to start over with her. Troubled, because God did explain in great detail the why and I understand but can not possibly foresee what He tells me.
And now, since so many from my Church read this, I must quiet close, never revealing to you what God did tell me ~ about a future Kris and how God intends to use him, and yes, the single emotion is decidedly needed.....
:)
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
Back to Love
Back to what I started weeks ago but God kept sidetracking me to other posts! It all started with the Newsboys, Love Come True, destined to become the second most viewed post on this Blog, tying with, What is Love also of this year. So I always intended to write this one but just never had the time. Interestingly, in spite of these two holding my number two spot for most popular, I have never received a single email or comment on either! Yeah, odd one would think.....
So, if you have consider these two posts and thought on them, you probably have some view as to what I come from on the topic of love. Unfortunately for us, we live in an English speaking culture with a poorly developed sense of Love and an over developed sense of love. The Greeks make all so much easier with their five forms of love versus a language which lumps all concepts of love under just one word.
So, looking at and thinking on John 13:34.....
"love" is purely human and conceptually can only be understood as self centered. The minute actual self sacrifice enters the concept, we have Love, not "love".
Love is a command. Love was to be the basis of the Christian life.
Love is not an option, if you are a Christian, it is expected of you by God.
Love is not human, is of God. Consider the Love required to forgive 70x7!
Love is not easy; it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It takes time. It requires you to invest in one another. You are required to place yourself at risk for another.
Love is not accidental, is has to be intentional.
We are told to Love; it is our action in obedience to His command.....
Real Love is not easy, it is painful, it is costly, but it is the only witness we have towards a world bent on its own eternal destruction.
So, if you have consider these two posts and thought on them, you probably have some view as to what I come from on the topic of love. Unfortunately for us, we live in an English speaking culture with a poorly developed sense of Love and an over developed sense of love. The Greeks make all so much easier with their five forms of love versus a language which lumps all concepts of love under just one word.
So, looking at and thinking on John 13:34.....
"love" is purely human and conceptually can only be understood as self centered. The minute actual self sacrifice enters the concept, we have Love, not "love".
Love is a command. Love was to be the basis of the Christian life.
Love is not an option, if you are a Christian, it is expected of you by God.
Love is not human, is of God. Consider the Love required to forgive 70x7!
Love is not easy; it is the hardest thing you will ever do. It takes time. It requires you to invest in one another. You are required to place yourself at risk for another.
Love is not accidental, is has to be intentional.
We are told to Love; it is our action in obedience to His command.....
Real Love is not easy, it is painful, it is costly, but it is the only witness we have towards a world bent on its own eternal destruction.
Wednesday, October 17, 2012
On Building Bridges
Thoughts swirling around John 3:35. Of course the context is that we are all family as part of the Christian body of believers - but more importantly, "they" are watching.....
What is love? Well, that was answered previously, not with thought of this post however. Click on the link if you did not get a chance to read that series.
You are on Trial. Whether you like the idea or not, you are on constant trial by the world as they examine you to see if you are for real or not. They are inspecting you for your love, but wanting your acceptance of their sin and ways. Of course, the two are incompatible - so what is a Christian to do? (Compromise and you will be dragged down to their level!)
Does Jesus actually make a difference in your life?
How do you respond to difficult people?
How do you respond to difficult situations?
What are you doing to make a difference in the world?
You will be judged by the world based upon all of these items open to inspection by just the mere fact that you are drawing a breath and claim to be different than the world!
Why should you care? Because you represent Jesus and His love for the Church; you represent God and His love for mankind; you represent your local assembly - to be a sanctuary from the world and its ways!
By your, not someone else's, love - all whom are inspecting you will know the truth of Jesus' sacrifice. That means the new man/woman, inside of you, demonstrates a change from what the world knows and may have known you as.
Your bigotry is gone.
You are no longer legalistic.
You are no longer demanding.
You are no longer unloving.
You are no longer judgmental.
Instead, you get to be:
Accepting
Open
Supporting
Loving
Gracious
Yeah, a bit of a change. But, if you are caught up in the world and its ways - no matter how good your reasoning - you need to discover Jesus and His ways, He is only a momentary prayer away. Repent, it is to your benefit.
What is love? Well, that was answered previously, not with thought of this post however. Click on the link if you did not get a chance to read that series.
You are on Trial. Whether you like the idea or not, you are on constant trial by the world as they examine you to see if you are for real or not. They are inspecting you for your love, but wanting your acceptance of their sin and ways. Of course, the two are incompatible - so what is a Christian to do? (Compromise and you will be dragged down to their level!)
Does Jesus actually make a difference in your life?
How do you respond to difficult people?
How do you respond to difficult situations?
What are you doing to make a difference in the world?
You will be judged by the world based upon all of these items open to inspection by just the mere fact that you are drawing a breath and claim to be different than the world!
Why should you care? Because you represent Jesus and His love for the Church; you represent God and His love for mankind; you represent your local assembly - to be a sanctuary from the world and its ways!
By your, not someone else's, love - all whom are inspecting you will know the truth of Jesus' sacrifice. That means the new man/woman, inside of you, demonstrates a change from what the world knows and may have known you as.
Your bigotry is gone.
You are no longer legalistic.
You are no longer demanding.
You are no longer unloving.
You are no longer judgmental.
Instead, you get to be:
Accepting
Open
Supporting
Loving
Gracious
Yeah, a bit of a change. But, if you are caught up in the world and its ways - no matter how good your reasoning - you need to discover Jesus and His ways, He is only a momentary prayer away. Repent, it is to your benefit.
Thursday, October 11, 2012
What - Is - Love?
In the middle of Monday's song I posted, Peter Furler ad lib'ed the question, "What Is Love?", and the song continues as published, almost - James ad lib'ed part of a verse as well, leaving one to wonder at whom he was thinking about as he recorded the voice track..... Little things always interest me. And given how this week has gone so far, Furler's question has hung heavily on my heart and mind.
I would have so liked to have not been able to answer it. In fact, prior to May I never could have, but in three blinding weeks - God left me staggered, having seen and known love - an emotion so alien and foreign to me, I still have no defense against it. It sits as a gaping wound, which God uses daily to rally me to prayer for the lone target that emotion was constructed for. You have no idea how I fought and raged against it, finally being forced to yield to God's will, not my own......
John 14:15-24
God created Love, without Him we can not even know True Love.
True Love was created to be shared with all, throughout our lives.
True Love is to pulsate through our life. We can not manipulate it, or God, or others with it.
Only with True Love will you be able to "...keep my commandments...".
The Holy Spirit comes to empower you in Love, to assist you in doing as you have been instructed.
If we do as He commands, we can have no fear of failure.
His Love flowing through us shows His relationship with us.
True Love is His intensity through us, in concert with obedience.
In order to live His commands, we must live His Love.
Unlike the non-regenerate world, we are not to be living by our own rules and calling Him King.
We are to live by His rules, with Him as our King, in submission to Him and what Authority He has placed over us.
What Is Love? Living God's Will in our life, for others, to the detriment of our own.....
John 15:12-13
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
(NIV)
Never lose sight of this goal Jesus issued to all of us, lest we forget and become lost - as so many in our day have become.....
Postscript: Given the horror of Sunday night and Monday's discussions, I find myself at quite a loss. And so what did I learn from three days of prayer and study? That true love is of God, not of my baser nature. That what God gave me was and is needed by Him and my daughter. That ultimately, His Love through me will win - because it remains the only beacon of true love in her life. But, I might be mighty worn out before this happens. And she will probably be far more damaged. And until that day, I have very much to do.....
I would have so liked to have not been able to answer it. In fact, prior to May I never could have, but in three blinding weeks - God left me staggered, having seen and known love - an emotion so alien and foreign to me, I still have no defense against it. It sits as a gaping wound, which God uses daily to rally me to prayer for the lone target that emotion was constructed for. You have no idea how I fought and raged against it, finally being forced to yield to God's will, not my own......
John 14:15-24
God created Love, without Him we can not even know True Love.
True Love was created to be shared with all, throughout our lives.
True Love is to pulsate through our life. We can not manipulate it, or God, or others with it.
Only with True Love will you be able to "...keep my commandments...".
The Holy Spirit comes to empower you in Love, to assist you in doing as you have been instructed.
If we do as He commands, we can have no fear of failure.
His Love flowing through us shows His relationship with us.
True Love is His intensity through us, in concert with obedience.
In order to live His commands, we must live His Love.
Unlike the non-regenerate world, we are not to be living by our own rules and calling Him King.
We are to live by His rules, with Him as our King, in submission to Him and what Authority He has placed over us.
What Is Love? Living God's Will in our life, for others, to the detriment of our own.....
John 15:12-13
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
13 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.
(NIV)
Never lose sight of this goal Jesus issued to all of us, lest we forget and become lost - as so many in our day have become.....
Postscript: Given the horror of Sunday night and Monday's discussions, I find myself at quite a loss. And so what did I learn from three days of prayer and study? That true love is of God, not of my baser nature. That what God gave me was and is needed by Him and my daughter. That ultimately, His Love through me will win - because it remains the only beacon of true love in her life. But, I might be mighty worn out before this happens. And she will probably be far more damaged. And until that day, I have very much to do.....
Monday, October 8, 2012
Love Come True
Just in case you have ever wondered, "What is love?". Well, it is very nicely answered here, though I doubt most would understand the answer..... Give it a listen and see if you can spot the definition of love:
Ooh, 18 and I'm outta here
She had reached her independence day
Never saw her mother's private tears
Or the times her daddy prayed to
God to see her through
Love comes true
Love comes true
Love comes true
Love comes true
21 and I'm so confused
Getting up her nerve to call collect
I do not need help from anyone
But there's a few little words
I did neglect to say to you
Love comes true (No turning back the clock)
Love comes true (Just waiting for a knock)
Love comes true (Lord, if she only knew)
Love comes true
(What - Is - Love?)
Love comes with patience
Love lost is found
32, married, and kids for her own,
She's come around
She needs them (both) to help her through
Love comes true (Love is sending out a light)
Love comes true (Love is gonna make it right)
Love comes true (Love is finally getting through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Ooh, 18 and I'm outta here
She had reached her independence day
Never saw her mother's private tears
Or the times her daddy prayed to
God to see her through
Love comes true
Love comes true
Love comes true
Love comes true
21 and I'm so confused
Getting up her nerve to call collect
I do not need help from anyone
But there's a few little words
I did neglect to say to you
Love comes true (No turning back the clock)
Love comes true (Just waiting for a knock)
Love comes true (Lord, if she only knew)
Love comes true
(What - Is - Love?)
Love comes with patience
Love lost is found
32, married, and kids for her own,
She's come around
She needs them (both) to help her through
Love comes true (Love is sending out a light)
Love comes true (Love is gonna make it right)
Love comes true (Love is finally getting through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Love comes true (Love is sending a light)
Love comes true (Love is making it right)
Love comes true (Love is gonna get you through)
Love comes true
Thursday, August 30, 2012
Shame, Condemnation, Love
Yesterday's post meant a great deal to me. Until you have had to face a spiritual review, where you have to defend your walk, your faith, through the betrayal of someone you love - you may not understand fully.
Once it was over and God was seen as part of the process by all, I felt really good, this was the right thing - this was the right conclusion. That it was good that this had happened.
I am sure daughter believed she was going to destroy me in the church. No, not through her charges anyways. But, the gossip and slander she started may well. This is not a Godly church, gossip seems to run the place. However, I am innocent of what she thought would bring me down.
And as I wrote yesterday's post, it was driven home to me the distance between where I am today and the shame of my past. My friend's daughter being here has reminded me greatly of that past, the life I had lived with her father in tow and the life I live now. A vast gulf lay in-between. And more so, that if I walk in obedience to what I am commanded to do, then there will be no condemnation for me in Him.
I will be addressing each of her charges in my letters to her, because should she ever read my blogs again, she needs to know why and what she really did.
But, the conclusion was this: my daughter has obviously been taken and is under a very ungodly spirit. This is obvious to everyone and why I now have a mini-army in the church praying with me for God's over-riding conquest in freeing her - again. But, equally, it is thought that this incident was her plea for help. Something inside of her wants me dead for having freed her from her bondage, but equally, my daughter is calling out for help to free her and to know that I am still her father.
And further, what no one knows, is how she communicated to me her love, through what she did. Yeah, you can look at the hosing she is trying to give me and go, "She really hates you!" But, in reality, what she did was an expression of love - caused by Satan, for evil in my life, but ----- well ----- no, I will leave the expression of that love unsaid at this point, because she is under a foreign control at this time ..... just in case she should read this before her freedom is regained.
Oh, yeah, she will be my daughter until the day I die, even should I never hear from her again. She will be in my prayers and remain there (as God does tell me her prayer needs (and she really needs protection right now!), as with all of my other children. No not a satisfying thought. As a father I would prefer all of my children within reach and within communication. But, as with each of them, the last thing she ever heard from me was, "I love you." and may it always remain so.....
Once it was over and God was seen as part of the process by all, I felt really good, this was the right thing - this was the right conclusion. That it was good that this had happened.
I am sure daughter believed she was going to destroy me in the church. No, not through her charges anyways. But, the gossip and slander she started may well. This is not a Godly church, gossip seems to run the place. However, I am innocent of what she thought would bring me down.
And as I wrote yesterday's post, it was driven home to me the distance between where I am today and the shame of my past. My friend's daughter being here has reminded me greatly of that past, the life I had lived with her father in tow and the life I live now. A vast gulf lay in-between. And more so, that if I walk in obedience to what I am commanded to do, then there will be no condemnation for me in Him.
I will be addressing each of her charges in my letters to her, because should she ever read my blogs again, she needs to know why and what she really did.
But, the conclusion was this: my daughter has obviously been taken and is under a very ungodly spirit. This is obvious to everyone and why I now have a mini-army in the church praying with me for God's over-riding conquest in freeing her - again. But, equally, it is thought that this incident was her plea for help. Something inside of her wants me dead for having freed her from her bondage, but equally, my daughter is calling out for help to free her and to know that I am still her father.
And further, what no one knows, is how she communicated to me her love, through what she did. Yeah, you can look at the hosing she is trying to give me and go, "She really hates you!" But, in reality, what she did was an expression of love - caused by Satan, for evil in my life, but ----- well ----- no, I will leave the expression of that love unsaid at this point, because she is under a foreign control at this time ..... just in case she should read this before her freedom is regained.
Oh, yeah, she will be my daughter until the day I die, even should I never hear from her again. She will be in my prayers and remain there (as God does tell me her prayer needs (and she really needs protection right now!), as with all of my other children. No not a satisfying thought. As a father I would prefer all of my children within reach and within communication. But, as with each of them, the last thing she ever heard from me was, "I love you." and may it always remain so.....
Monday, August 6, 2012
Coincidence
In my world, purely through observation, I have found that there are NO coincidences in life. Everything happens for a reason. Everything is within God's control - only as long as we are. Everything will be understood, often much later.
My blood pressure is once again in the territory of stroke occurrence. Too darn hot, so too little sleep, too much pain - not like I would have gotten any sleep in any event - God had me up praying for Yesfir for four straight hours again last night. Shades of last fall and the spiritual warfare I was forced into, to reach Yesfir, as God had commanded me.
So tired, I was in Fred Meyers looking at the video, Tangled with my youngest grand-daughter, when it happened. My spirit leapt within me, for God's "gift" of telling me all things of Yesfir had woke up and I felt her spirit leap with joy at having seen me. I didn't know what to do, she was behind me and as I turned so knowingly did she, away. This reoccurred three more times. So, her spirit rejoices in seeing me - her being rejects me. Yeah, our will can over ride God's and our spirit quite easily.
I must protest God! I know there are no coincidences, she knows this as well. I know you set up opportunities for her to speak with me - but she refused and then compounded this three more times! You must have driven home the point to her heart after the fourth time. Did she even start to wonder at how she could hate me so?
Honestly Yesfir, what transgression? What sin, have I ever committed against you? What part of open, honest, truthful, transparent, and in love - did I ever violate with you. I really would like to know.....
I honestly feel sorry for you dear, your fight is not against me - it is against the spirit of this age whom has lied to you. And yes, I can stand in judgement against those whom have poisoned your spirit towards me. And I can just as easily welcome you back into my heart - because I never left you.
Be so very careful dear, you are forcing your time of decision, to occur too soon, while you are still ill prepared to face what lay on the other-side of that decision. Should you chose poorly - you will discover the real cost of living in the world. Please do not allow your pride to allow this to happen. Please do not do this until after your preparation. Remember what I told you - you do not live under a generational curse - you live in a long line of people whom God has called and they ALL have chosen poorly. There is a difference and it does not have to be this way at all.....
And you can change that future with just three words: spoken, texted, messaged, etc.
And I wait, as I have for over seven weeks now. Your father is not going anywhere - just waiting.....
My blood pressure is once again in the territory of stroke occurrence. Too darn hot, so too little sleep, too much pain - not like I would have gotten any sleep in any event - God had me up praying for Yesfir for four straight hours again last night. Shades of last fall and the spiritual warfare I was forced into, to reach Yesfir, as God had commanded me.
So tired, I was in Fred Meyers looking at the video, Tangled with my youngest grand-daughter, when it happened. My spirit leapt within me, for God's "gift" of telling me all things of Yesfir had woke up and I felt her spirit leap with joy at having seen me. I didn't know what to do, she was behind me and as I turned so knowingly did she, away. This reoccurred three more times. So, her spirit rejoices in seeing me - her being rejects me. Yeah, our will can over ride God's and our spirit quite easily.
I must protest God! I know there are no coincidences, she knows this as well. I know you set up opportunities for her to speak with me - but she refused and then compounded this three more times! You must have driven home the point to her heart after the fourth time. Did she even start to wonder at how she could hate me so?
Honestly Yesfir, what transgression? What sin, have I ever committed against you? What part of open, honest, truthful, transparent, and in love - did I ever violate with you. I really would like to know.....
I honestly feel sorry for you dear, your fight is not against me - it is against the spirit of this age whom has lied to you. And yes, I can stand in judgement against those whom have poisoned your spirit towards me. And I can just as easily welcome you back into my heart - because I never left you.
Be so very careful dear, you are forcing your time of decision, to occur too soon, while you are still ill prepared to face what lay on the other-side of that decision. Should you chose poorly - you will discover the real cost of living in the world. Please do not allow your pride to allow this to happen. Please do not do this until after your preparation. Remember what I told you - you do not live under a generational curse - you live in a long line of people whom God has called and they ALL have chosen poorly. There is a difference and it does not have to be this way at all.....
And you can change that future with just three words: spoken, texted, messaged, etc.
And I wait, as I have for over seven weeks now. Your father is not going anywhere - just waiting.....
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