What is emotion, but a veil of tears behind which life is viewed through?
How can man succeed when all life is impacted by this thing called emotion?
Why should man ever been given something which only hinders all life, all desire, all success?
Driven to serve a God of standard.
Hindered by how created.
Guaranteed failure.
Then how can man stand judged?
How can man ever endure?
How can man ever have a defense?
Stripped of defense.
Condemned we stand.
Sentenced we are vanquished.
And the problem.
We are born sentenced.
Our only hope in God's mercy.
As I have been in prayer this week, I have come to understand things I only vaguely grasped before. Slowly I learn and understand. What I thought was sharp in my mind, I now understand was only dim and fuzzy. Things I wrote even in January were not sharply defined, though I thought they were. I understood long ago the beginnings and endings of much, the path less determined. But, in pain, I have watched the endings become more viable.
Yeah, I know, you have no clue what I am talking about or if you do, know you are wrong.
My mind dwells on this creation and this problem I opened with. James death last Friday only focused my mind more sharply. Death is at the end of the trail for each of us. Does not even matter how you get there, you are going to die - as almost all have through time. Save for those after God's own heart (Enoch and Elijah being the exception).
How does one do that, be after God's own heart?
The answer must lie within the depths of emotion, the essence of man - desire, love, commitment - to an un-seeable God.
It must lie within the depths of discipleship - to not only follow but actually strive to be like our Savior, to do as He did.
Can anyone make it? Well, I guess we each get to find that out on the other-side, but only if you tried in the first place ...
And so I return the concept I mentioned in passing on Saturday, that Germanic longing inexpressibly embedded within me - Sehnsucht, a place, a state, a set of mind, what is longed for and yet so unattainable. I long for my home, I long for my peace, I long for my destiny, I long for my Creator. This not an expression of ego or vanity, we each should desire this, yet we allow the world to cloud our minds.
The unattainable, will never be reachable in this lifetime. So, abandoning - so, frustrating - so, humbling!
Maybe I am waking up ...
Showing posts with label Mystery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mystery. Show all posts
Monday, February 17, 2014
Monday, December 2, 2013
Nature of Friendship
Having lost most of my friends last year and most of my acquaintances as well, because I was willing to risk all to do what God told me - and would do so again - I have contemplated the nature of friendship this year.
In years past, friend or no friend, all was meaningless to me - but God had to change me from what I knew to this unknown I slosh through. But, it had to all happen at once, my nature to be changed, my friends to desert me - the timing perfect. And yet ...
God knew and God provided - a friend, a teacher, an equal. When I sat stunned and betrayed, part of me was still trying to work through the mystery of this. Do not ask me, God's ways and timing are not my own. I still marvel and wonder where ultimately all will be found ...
He gave me what He knew I would need and it caused me pause to contemplate much about life, being a human being, about me and about God. In there is the concept of friendship in all of its manifestations.
Proverbs 17:17 - a friend hurts when your hurt.
It takes God's LOVE at all times to be able to be a friend when times are hard. Hard times show you whom your true friends really are. And I contemplated that as i saw a slow parade through my room in ER's CCU during the wait for surgery and then the recovery. Those whom were not my friends evaporated and were not to be found. And yet, I know, because I do know, though some think themselves enemies of me, they will figure it out and return to find my friendship will not have changed.
Consider Job 6:14, a friend should be there for you - even if you decide to abandon God! That is commitment and love being spelled out.
Proverbs 27:6 -A real friend will say what needs to be said, even when it hurts you. They will confront you with the truth. Everybody needs a real friend - flesh and blood - someone whom will have faith in you, even when we have lost faith in ourselves.
Proverbs 22:24 - avoid the angry man, his ways will rub off on you!
A real friend will bring out the best in you. They will encourage you, they will stand, when others fall away.
Whom you choose as friends is extremely important, pick the wrong ones and you will become like them and waste years until you wake up and realize how you have been played.
Pick the correct ones and you will be encouraged into becoming the best that you can be - and perhaps - even more!
So across this past weekend, a time of reflection and thanksgiving, I am saddened that those whom I counted as friends for decades - were not. I rejoice for those whom have been so during that same time period and as I have been tried by fire, stood there with me, and suffered as well, then encouraged me to be what I could still be. Then I rejoice for the new friend, I never could have foreseen, never could have understood and can only marvel at God and wonder, "What is He still up to?"
In years past, friend or no friend, all was meaningless to me - but God had to change me from what I knew to this unknown I slosh through. But, it had to all happen at once, my nature to be changed, my friends to desert me - the timing perfect. And yet ...
God knew and God provided - a friend, a teacher, an equal. When I sat stunned and betrayed, part of me was still trying to work through the mystery of this. Do not ask me, God's ways and timing are not my own. I still marvel and wonder where ultimately all will be found ...
He gave me what He knew I would need and it caused me pause to contemplate much about life, being a human being, about me and about God. In there is the concept of friendship in all of its manifestations.
Proverbs 17:17 - a friend hurts when your hurt.
It takes God's LOVE at all times to be able to be a friend when times are hard. Hard times show you whom your true friends really are. And I contemplated that as i saw a slow parade through my room in ER's CCU during the wait for surgery and then the recovery. Those whom were not my friends evaporated and were not to be found. And yet, I know, because I do know, though some think themselves enemies of me, they will figure it out and return to find my friendship will not have changed.
Consider Job 6:14, a friend should be there for you - even if you decide to abandon God! That is commitment and love being spelled out.
Proverbs 27:6 -A real friend will say what needs to be said, even when it hurts you. They will confront you with the truth. Everybody needs a real friend - flesh and blood - someone whom will have faith in you, even when we have lost faith in ourselves.
Proverbs 22:24 - avoid the angry man, his ways will rub off on you!
A real friend will bring out the best in you. They will encourage you, they will stand, when others fall away.
Whom you choose as friends is extremely important, pick the wrong ones and you will become like them and waste years until you wake up and realize how you have been played.
Pick the correct ones and you will be encouraged into becoming the best that you can be - and perhaps - even more!
So across this past weekend, a time of reflection and thanksgiving, I am saddened that those whom I counted as friends for decades - were not. I rejoice for those whom have been so during that same time period and as I have been tried by fire, stood there with me, and suffered as well, then encouraged me to be what I could still be. Then I rejoice for the new friend, I never could have foreseen, never could have understood and can only marvel at God and wonder, "What is He still up to?"
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Future Tense
As I mentioned yesterday, I decided to take a hard look back through my mind, using an adults eye to view those memories and see if I could figure out whether I was ever normal or not. Yeah, I found the answer.
It is hard to view beyond third grade. Second grade was when I and several others were "broken" but no one believed us until the casualties numbered quite high. Probably the only thing saving me was my complete ability to just tune out from what was going on around me or to me. So, looking at first grade backwards, lots of events, no emotions concerning any of them - except for moments of immense anger and frustration at the treatment I received in my family.
The US military's interest in me began when I was in fourth grade. So, perhaps when they figured out how broken father was? Then decided to subject my sister and I to lots of testing? I know that my sister did not have any testing after 8th grade, so I am just guessing they figured out she was either normal or just an irritating teenaged girl...
When we moved to France, I thought myself quite crazy. Normal things could no longer be expressed normally and I knew things, for no reason at all.
For instance, I had a globe; I would spin it and then think about the country it would stop at. India was a problem, anytime the globe stopped there, and it did quite often, I could not say India in any language, instead the over-riding thought of "Map, Outreach Map, India" would roar through my mind. What on Earth!?!? And this continued until 1994, when I met an interesting guy whom wanted to run an orphanage in Northern India. He had a mission called, "Outreach Map". My eyebrows raised quite a bit, the answer to a thirty year old question?
Not being superstitious, but I did start a campaign to raise funds for what became Haven of Hope Orphanage. And, I have continued to support them, even in my poverty through the past three years. (Just in case you are interested in helping them as well: Outreach Map - India, POB 1801, Walnut, California, 91788-1801) And Paul Wiig, the man I had met, continued on as an acquaintance for now just shy of twenty years!
Hmmm....
The other strong impressions were certain dreams. They all had images I remember but the over-riding aspect is one of emotion! Yeah, I whom had no emotion at all, felt something in dreams! And I liked dreams for that very reason. Peace, something I desired so desperately and love, something I knew nothing of what so ever. The images? Sunshine by the beach or snow flakes falling past a female face in the woods. But no way of tying these emotions and images together much less knowing what they meant.
And, there was a point, a day to be exact that came together at the beach. I knew the day, the moment, the events, I knew what I was going to feel! And I was terrified. Shortly thereafter, that bud of an emotion was destroyed and I knew I was better off without it. There is only betrayal and pain in emotion.
No the snow image has not occurred, yet. I know it so well - more emotion and peace than I have ever experienced in this past year. So, I know where I belong, I know what it feels like to trust without fear, to love without betrayal, to finally belong somewhere. And I am am not there yet ... sigh ...
So, the short answer is: no, I was never normal but in my dreams I was ...
It is hard to view beyond third grade. Second grade was when I and several others were "broken" but no one believed us until the casualties numbered quite high. Probably the only thing saving me was my complete ability to just tune out from what was going on around me or to me. So, looking at first grade backwards, lots of events, no emotions concerning any of them - except for moments of immense anger and frustration at the treatment I received in my family.
The US military's interest in me began when I was in fourth grade. So, perhaps when they figured out how broken father was? Then decided to subject my sister and I to lots of testing? I know that my sister did not have any testing after 8th grade, so I am just guessing they figured out she was either normal or just an irritating teenaged girl...
When we moved to France, I thought myself quite crazy. Normal things could no longer be expressed normally and I knew things, for no reason at all.
For instance, I had a globe; I would spin it and then think about the country it would stop at. India was a problem, anytime the globe stopped there, and it did quite often, I could not say India in any language, instead the over-riding thought of "Map, Outreach Map, India" would roar through my mind. What on Earth!?!? And this continued until 1994, when I met an interesting guy whom wanted to run an orphanage in Northern India. He had a mission called, "Outreach Map". My eyebrows raised quite a bit, the answer to a thirty year old question?
Not being superstitious, but I did start a campaign to raise funds for what became Haven of Hope Orphanage. And, I have continued to support them, even in my poverty through the past three years. (Just in case you are interested in helping them as well: Outreach Map - India, POB 1801, Walnut, California, 91788-1801) And Paul Wiig, the man I had met, continued on as an acquaintance for now just shy of twenty years!
Hmmm....
The other strong impressions were certain dreams. They all had images I remember but the over-riding aspect is one of emotion! Yeah, I whom had no emotion at all, felt something in dreams! And I liked dreams for that very reason. Peace, something I desired so desperately and love, something I knew nothing of what so ever. The images? Sunshine by the beach or snow flakes falling past a female face in the woods. But no way of tying these emotions and images together much less knowing what they meant.
And, there was a point, a day to be exact that came together at the beach. I knew the day, the moment, the events, I knew what I was going to feel! And I was terrified. Shortly thereafter, that bud of an emotion was destroyed and I knew I was better off without it. There is only betrayal and pain in emotion.
No the snow image has not occurred, yet. I know it so well - more emotion and peace than I have ever experienced in this past year. So, I know where I belong, I know what it feels like to trust without fear, to love without betrayal, to finally belong somewhere. And I am am not there yet ... sigh ...
So, the short answer is: no, I was never normal but in my dreams I was ...
Monday, October 28, 2013
Pirate Radio
I noted last week that amongst my lost posts was the movie review for Pirate Radio, the short of it: skip this work of fiction - reality was far more exciting and a whole lot less Haute Culture-ish. But, that is not what this post is about, even though it is entitled as such.
It was fall 1964, a lanky 5'6" German was removed from his life with his Danish great-uncle on a dairy to a small town on the French, Lux, Flemish borders. My father had worked his way out of weapons design to implementation, hence our relocation. For me it was death. I was 10, on the eve of my teen years, many would say I had already been there for months, if not a year. I did not speak French, I spoke Yiddish, German and English. I had nothing in common with anyone in my new village. Most were laborers for the national train network; anyone with an artist bent or dairy background was not going to fit in - and my parents could not understand my "problems".
My first job was to crawl into the third floor rafters of our 1700's home and string 1.5 miles of copper wire (liberated from the the local NATO base trash) then attach this to my radio. It kept me from my family, it hid me, it gave me safety in the darkness of the roof. No fights up there, but once back out, everyone was in my face, no one understood.
But on my shortwave radio, there were those whom did, the disc jockeys of 199, on the medium wave band. Faceless, but they understood teenagers, they understood music, they understood who and where I was. They became my family, since I had been forcibly removed my mine to even be here. They gave comfort, they gave advice, they were transparent adults - talking about life, love and the universe. It made sense. It was all I had.
Radio Caroline was a fishing trawler anchored off the Manx coast. Outfitted with a127' antenna array, it primarily broadcast to southern England but by spill over, those of us with a good radio and antenna matrix, could get it as well. I listened to them loyally from start up through the wave-length wars with the British Government, numerous winter storms, their relocation to off the Dutch coast and initial shutdown by Dutch bankers for non-payment for their equipment. Unfortunately, their restart would come after I was now relocated to utter death as a human in the swamps of South Carolina in 1969. But my shortwave continued to keep me occupied. And, Caroline was never the same.
As I watched the film last week, I saw that the movie had nothing to offer me - I had lived that history, I knew it by heart. I had loved Radio Caroline, I knew their ship names, the DJ's, their history, every one of the jingles - including those they did not include in the movie. Things which I can never lose as long as my brain still functions. So, the film goes away, the memories stay...
And as I remembered those years, I continued even further back in my mind and considered my nature. Was I ever normal? Had I been broken by something but once was normal? Was I healing now or was this truly a gift of God? Could I remember, now as an adult, and review my early years? And the answer surprised me.
My first job was to crawl into the third floor rafters of our 1700's home and string 1.5 miles of copper wire (liberated from the the local NATO base trash) then attach this to my radio. It kept me from my family, it hid me, it gave me safety in the darkness of the roof. No fights up there, but once back out, everyone was in my face, no one understood.
Radio Caroline was a fishing trawler anchored off the Manx coast. Outfitted with a127' antenna array, it primarily broadcast to southern England but by spill over, those of us with a good radio and antenna matrix, could get it as well. I listened to them loyally from start up through the wave-length wars with the British Government, numerous winter storms, their relocation to off the Dutch coast and initial shutdown by Dutch bankers for non-payment for their equipment. Unfortunately, their restart would come after I was now relocated to utter death as a human in the swamps of South Carolina in 1969. But my shortwave continued to keep me occupied. And, Caroline was never the same.
As I watched the film last week, I saw that the movie had nothing to offer me - I had lived that history, I knew it by heart. I had loved Radio Caroline, I knew their ship names, the DJ's, their history, every one of the jingles - including those they did not include in the movie. Things which I can never lose as long as my brain still functions. So, the film goes away, the memories stay...
And as I remembered those years, I continued even further back in my mind and considered my nature. Was I ever normal? Had I been broken by something but once was normal? Was I healing now or was this truly a gift of God? Could I remember, now as an adult, and review my early years? And the answer surprised me.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Emotional Survey
Pretty much all you have read for the past six days was written last Monday, I had been foretold to expect change and so I did all of my little tasks and waited.
No one of us could have guessed that Edvard would be taken home that very afternoon, a week later I still sit here stunned. It is a mute point to use platitudes such as he is in a better place - yes, he is. But.....
So, Monday - Aunt Elly has a major stroke
an hour later Ed drops dead.
I actually have no emotional response to either incident.
Tuesday - a woman drop dead right in front of me on my walk, she was gone before she hit the ground.
again, no emotional response.
Wednesday - I posted my good bye to Gaelic Girl, and mourned the death within me.
Thursday - my friend was having problems.
Friday - Edvard's funeral, a hard time for the little family remaining.
Saturday - Swedish Rocket Scientist called me first thing to give me a piece of his mind concerning GG's departure.
I know he is suffering his brother's loss and lashing out at those closest. His words still stung.
I also know of his multi-decade attraction to her. (darn discernment!)
Sunday - God gave me an idea of how to help my friend, you will get to see it tomorrow on this same Bat Channel.
Monday - my first nightmare ever.
I set aside some time to help my friend and commit to do so long term.
Across seven days, I have encountered these emotions for the first time:
I was a genetic sociopath, given a emotion last May, which it took me three weeks to lock away. It re-appeared in December, this time as a mature calming influence and I have operated with both natures since then, up until Wednesday, when emotional me had to be in control as GG left my life. Bullet to the brain I tell you. And if my very nature has been changed, then does that mean my genetics have as well? We will know in two weeks, when a test i had done at the hospital today shows yeah or nay on that one. I stand ready to be amazed....
So, change continues to be in the air and honestly I have no clue where anything ends up anymore. Oh yeah, God is still talking to me and telling me what to do, and I obey, but I am now satisfied to not need explanations from Him any-longer. And so, I wondered, does this new nature still have the gifts, God has given me? In the past it was thought this was to protect me. So? And yes, they are still there, quietly guiding, quietly supporting, through a work of much delicacy I am performing. Will they now continue to guide and protect? I am interested to see and to know.
To my long term readers, welcome to my new world, where nothing is as it seems ..... and faith is the only stepping stone forward. I really wish I could see 1, 2 and 3 years ahead, it would make all so much easier for me to know how to turn, how to lead, how to follow, what to do with absolute authority.
Welcome to humanity Kris, you seem to have arrived.....
Yeah, anxiety mixed with just a touch of fear.
No one of us could have guessed that Edvard would be taken home that very afternoon, a week later I still sit here stunned. It is a mute point to use platitudes such as he is in a better place - yes, he is. But.....
So, Monday - Aunt Elly has a major stroke
an hour later Ed drops dead.
I actually have no emotional response to either incident.
Tuesday - a woman drop dead right in front of me on my walk, she was gone before she hit the ground.
again, no emotional response.
Wednesday - I posted my good bye to Gaelic Girl, and mourned the death within me.
Thursday - my friend was having problems.
Friday - Edvard's funeral, a hard time for the little family remaining.
Saturday - Swedish Rocket Scientist called me first thing to give me a piece of his mind concerning GG's departure.
I know he is suffering his brother's loss and lashing out at those closest. His words still stung.
I also know of his multi-decade attraction to her. (darn discernment!)
Sunday - God gave me an idea of how to help my friend, you will get to see it tomorrow on this same Bat Channel.
Monday - my first nightmare ever.
I set aside some time to help my friend and commit to do so long term.
Across seven days, I have encountered these emotions for the first time:
- Anger
- Compassion
- Fear
- Joy
- Loss
- Need
- Pain
- Remorse
- Resentment
I was a genetic sociopath, given a emotion last May, which it took me three weeks to lock away. It re-appeared in December, this time as a mature calming influence and I have operated with both natures since then, up until Wednesday, when emotional me had to be in control as GG left my life. Bullet to the brain I tell you. And if my very nature has been changed, then does that mean my genetics have as well? We will know in two weeks, when a test i had done at the hospital today shows yeah or nay on that one. I stand ready to be amazed....
So, change continues to be in the air and honestly I have no clue where anything ends up anymore. Oh yeah, God is still talking to me and telling me what to do, and I obey, but I am now satisfied to not need explanations from Him any-longer. And so, I wondered, does this new nature still have the gifts, God has given me? In the past it was thought this was to protect me. So? And yes, they are still there, quietly guiding, quietly supporting, through a work of much delicacy I am performing. Will they now continue to guide and protect? I am interested to see and to know.
To my long term readers, welcome to my new world, where nothing is as it seems ..... and faith is the only stepping stone forward. I really wish I could see 1, 2 and 3 years ahead, it would make all so much easier for me to know how to turn, how to lead, how to follow, what to do with absolute authority.
Welcome to humanity Kris, you seem to have arrived.....
Yeah, anxiety mixed with just a touch of fear.
Monday, August 13, 2012
What The Heck?
I had recently blogged that I question all things supernatural. And that brought an immediate response from Blog-landia: "How can you even question things of the Lord! The Holy Spirit and His angels minister to us, it is dangerous to question them and not just obey."
Well, valid question and the answer comes from a lifetime of dealing in spiritual warfare to reclaim "my kids" from the messes they get themselves naively in. What follows is a perfect example of just my reason for testing all things!
I am writing this on Sunday afternoon, about 3:30, as I am not exactly sure what to make of something. I will set the publication date for late on Monday as I am not exactly sure ..... well I already said that didn't I? But, I will have a chance to edit this further once I know more - it will make a good post either way.
So, I am sitting here working on my computer, doing last minute homework on a research paper due tomorrow and I noticed that I started to nod off. And voices woke me up, multiple voices as if in a conversation. I looked around but no one else is in the house and no radios or tv were on. What the heck? Maybe a car going by?
So, I settled back down and again it happened. Just a brief blast of conversation like someone turning the dial on their radio (dated myself, eh?). I am fully awake this time, in fact in prayer about what just happened! But, I can not make out the words. And yes I am getting freaked out. Am I turning into my grandmother? Am I ready to start wrapping tin foil around my head so that those in the flying saucers can no longer talk to me? Twilight Zone theme music, please.....
Then it happened a third time, faster than a flash, a being appears next to me, puts it face right in front of mine and says, "They are coming home!", expressed as such a great joy. No, I am not asleep, I was typing on my computer, slowly wondering if I had a metal dental filling going bad! That can cause radio reception I remember.
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What the heck was that?!?!?!?!? Did it say "they" or "we", or what the heck? What the heck does this mean?
So, whom is coming home? No idea. What is the time frame? No idea. Am I going to drop dead? (super cool if true!)
As for saying goodbyes, well those I love always get an "I love you" as the last thing I ever say to them. So, that base is covered. People I do not know personally, like Kelly, Cathy, Robin, Rissa, Jim - you all saw me through a very dark time in my life and I look forward to seeing each of you on the other side..... Of course that is true whether this weirdness was for me or not! Five minute or Five Years from now! Of course, Kelly could be a better friend and accept my friend request on FB - from a year ago!, just a hint.....
If posting stops on Wednesday, I usually write most of my posts on Sunday and am on Wednesday currently, well then you know it was me or I will let you know what it was! Oh, Lord, if only it is my daughter returning! Such joy this would be!
Well, valid question and the answer comes from a lifetime of dealing in spiritual warfare to reclaim "my kids" from the messes they get themselves naively in. What follows is a perfect example of just my reason for testing all things!
#####
I am writing this on Sunday afternoon, about 3:30, as I am not exactly sure what to make of something. I will set the publication date for late on Monday as I am not exactly sure ..... well I already said that didn't I? But, I will have a chance to edit this further once I know more - it will make a good post either way.
So, I am sitting here working on my computer, doing last minute homework on a research paper due tomorrow and I noticed that I started to nod off. And voices woke me up, multiple voices as if in a conversation. I looked around but no one else is in the house and no radios or tv were on. What the heck? Maybe a car going by?
So, I settled back down and again it happened. Just a brief blast of conversation like someone turning the dial on their radio (dated myself, eh?). I am fully awake this time, in fact in prayer about what just happened! But, I can not make out the words. And yes I am getting freaked out. Am I turning into my grandmother? Am I ready to start wrapping tin foil around my head so that those in the flying saucers can no longer talk to me? Twilight Zone theme music, please.....
Then it happened a third time, faster than a flash, a being appears next to me, puts it face right in front of mine and says, "They are coming home!", expressed as such a great joy. No, I am not asleep, I was typing on my computer, slowly wondering if I had a metal dental filling going bad! That can cause radio reception I remember.
AAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
What the heck was that?!?!?!?!? Did it say "they" or "we", or what the heck? What the heck does this mean?
So, whom is coming home? No idea. What is the time frame? No idea. Am I going to drop dead? (super cool if true!)
As for saying goodbyes, well those I love always get an "I love you" as the last thing I ever say to them. So, that base is covered. People I do not know personally, like Kelly, Cathy, Robin, Rissa, Jim - you all saw me through a very dark time in my life and I look forward to seeing each of you on the other side..... Of course that is true whether this weirdness was for me or not! Five minute or Five Years from now! Of course, Kelly could be a better friend and accept my friend request on FB - from a year ago!, just a hint.....
If posting stops on Wednesday, I usually write most of my posts on Sunday and am on Wednesday currently, well then you know it was me or I will let you know what it was! Oh, Lord, if only it is my daughter returning! Such joy this would be!
*****
Well, I did not die, yet anyway. Daughter did not return home or even bother to look up her broken father. So, I am clueless as to what happened on Sunday.
So, I think you can see the point of trying all things of a supernatural nature. One of the reasons American Christianity if rift with superstition in the lack of testing all spirits.
Obviously, this was demonic, if nothing happens quite soon. And me and God will again be addressing exactly whom is in control of this house and this family - Satan wins far too many battles against my family. He just obstructs my life through injuries. But, in time, I will win this war - my Bible tells me so.....
So, I think you can see the point of trying all things of a supernatural nature. One of the reasons American Christianity if rift with superstition in the lack of testing all spirits.
Obviously, this was demonic, if nothing happens quite soon. And me and God will again be addressing exactly whom is in control of this house and this family - Satan wins far too many battles against my family. He just obstructs my life through injuries. But, in time, I will win this war - my Bible tells me so.....
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Ex Cathedra
If you were in my personal life, you would be perplexed at how do I "know" things. You eventually would conclude that Kris has discernment. Then one day you would want Kris to play prophet and ask him what God's will is for a situation. It has happened once for everyone in my life. Why not twice? Because they want a yes or no answer and instead get a revelation of a problem in their own life, that is the real root of the real question. There has been one person whom has asked twice and I am pretty sure she will never ask a third time.....
But it was just not her question, it was mine as well. I needed to know what is going on. I needed to know what was really behind the situation. I needed to understand how in God's determinative or permissive will, the situation could be true. Because the decision affects me, as well as, my understand of what God has been doing in my own life.....
In less than a fraction of a second I "knew" she was either lying to herself or was misleading herself. I was either erring on the side of compassion or my own will. Yeah, everyone was wrong. And so given a night of no sleep, I had plenty of time to pray and think on this......
The answer? Impetuous. I had to even look up how to spell it much less see what it really meant this morning! She is impetuous. The situation she finds herself in has nothing to do with the situation, anyone's desire, etc. It has to do with her learning to stand on what she knows - without fleeing. Fleeing is easy. God needs her to learn how to stand in place. The impulsive part of her character has to be broken. She has to learn what walking by faith means and that is not possible for an impetuous person. I guess that answers a great many questions I have had.
She understands that her future is determinative, in other words, God is planning on using her for a specific purpose. But she wants to make the present God's permissive will because, hey, that is so much easier and honestly, a whole lot lovelier than standing in place, given the situation.
So, if she does what she wants and does not address what she knows she should, well God will call her back to where she is supposed to be. Or, worse yet, God can let her go her way and she will learn her lesson the hard way.
And therein lay the problem for any of us: man's common sense or desire, has nothing to do with what God wants for us. Our desires will always lead to our own destruction. Because His ways are not our ways. His wisdom is not ours. His outcome is never what we really seek or can understand.
And you have to understand that the above answer for her is actually to my own detriment, but I will not explain the why. It is enough that I understand the true cost of her standing in place and what that impact will have on me (as if my life was not complicated enough!).
As for the title of this posting? It is an ill thought out doctrine of the Roman Catholic church from the 14th Century. The thought that any man can speak for God is appalling to me. God can tell us, but we can understand imperfectly, we communicate imperfectly, the hearer then understands less perfectly. Beginning with the one God tells something to, the errors may then begin....
So, I know you will not have liked this answer. It violates common sense, it is not what anyone wants, and yet the choice is still yours to do with as you please. And you need to remember what love, honesty and transparency really are....
But it was just not her question, it was mine as well. I needed to know what is going on. I needed to know what was really behind the situation. I needed to understand how in God's determinative or permissive will, the situation could be true. Because the decision affects me, as well as, my understand of what God has been doing in my own life.....
In less than a fraction of a second I "knew" she was either lying to herself or was misleading herself. I was either erring on the side of compassion or my own will. Yeah, everyone was wrong. And so given a night of no sleep, I had plenty of time to pray and think on this......
The answer? Impetuous. I had to even look up how to spell it much less see what it really meant this morning! She is impetuous. The situation she finds herself in has nothing to do with the situation, anyone's desire, etc. It has to do with her learning to stand on what she knows - without fleeing. Fleeing is easy. God needs her to learn how to stand in place. The impulsive part of her character has to be broken. She has to learn what walking by faith means and that is not possible for an impetuous person. I guess that answers a great many questions I have had.
She understands that her future is determinative, in other words, God is planning on using her for a specific purpose. But she wants to make the present God's permissive will because, hey, that is so much easier and honestly, a whole lot lovelier than standing in place, given the situation.
So, if she does what she wants and does not address what she knows she should, well God will call her back to where she is supposed to be. Or, worse yet, God can let her go her way and she will learn her lesson the hard way.
And therein lay the problem for any of us: man's common sense or desire, has nothing to do with what God wants for us. Our desires will always lead to our own destruction. Because His ways are not our ways. His wisdom is not ours. His outcome is never what we really seek or can understand.
And you have to understand that the above answer for her is actually to my own detriment, but I will not explain the why. It is enough that I understand the true cost of her standing in place and what that impact will have on me (as if my life was not complicated enough!).
As for the title of this posting? It is an ill thought out doctrine of the Roman Catholic church from the 14th Century. The thought that any man can speak for God is appalling to me. God can tell us, but we can understand imperfectly, we communicate imperfectly, the hearer then understands less perfectly. Beginning with the one God tells something to, the errors may then begin....
So, I know you will not have liked this answer. It violates common sense, it is not what anyone wants, and yet the choice is still yours to do with as you please. And you need to remember what love, honesty and transparency really are....
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Hungarian Mystery
Consider this photo for a moment:
The year is 1956 and Hungary is up to their second unsuccessful revolt. This photo is of one of the torchlight protests held in Zurich by students for Hungarians. Eventually about 50.000 would be adopted by Switzerland, many more by other European countries. Super cool, I never knew this piece of history before.
However, this is a MYSTERY photograph. Why? Well, can you see the man in the lower center section of this photo in a light colored overcoat? He is looking directly into the camera.
This is my father! In reality, he was stationed in Iceland in 1956, damaged his eyes in an explosion in February and had to wear glasses for the rest of his life. I have done a very careful blow up of this photo, only to find that it is indeed my father in American Military glasses! The photo's time frame only adds to the authentication. So no mistaking the American military type in the crowd!
So, what was father doing in Zurich, in 1956?
As an interesting side note to history, this is also when several Soviet nuclear types defected through Hungary to the west.
1 + 1 = ?????
Perhaps now I am beginning to understand how father got his three Bronze Stars. And maybe those rants of being a spy really where not so far from the truth, instead of dementia.....
The year is 1956 and Hungary is up to their second unsuccessful revolt. This photo is of one of the torchlight protests held in Zurich by students for Hungarians. Eventually about 50.000 would be adopted by Switzerland, many more by other European countries. Super cool, I never knew this piece of history before.
However, this is a MYSTERY photograph. Why? Well, can you see the man in the lower center section of this photo in a light colored overcoat? He is looking directly into the camera.
This is my father! In reality, he was stationed in Iceland in 1956, damaged his eyes in an explosion in February and had to wear glasses for the rest of his life. I have done a very careful blow up of this photo, only to find that it is indeed my father in American Military glasses! The photo's time frame only adds to the authentication. So no mistaking the American military type in the crowd!
So, what was father doing in Zurich, in 1956?
As an interesting side note to history, this is also when several Soviet nuclear types defected through Hungary to the west.
1 + 1 = ?????
Perhaps now I am beginning to understand how father got his three Bronze Stars. And maybe those rants of being a spy really where not so far from the truth, instead of dementia.....
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