Culture according to Big Bang Theory

My youngest daughter has gotten hooked on the TV show, The Big Bang Theory.  I therefore catch snippets of reruns as I am usually cooking when it is on.  The other day they are revolving around the concept of dating and sex.  The nerdy guys are clueless, the females in question not sure having sex with them is "right".  (and she has never been on a date, so this kind of stuff does worry me!)

So, one of the guys is on date number three and learns that the female expects them to have sex since this is the important date.  Really?  Is this what the California perspective has dropped to?  See you three times and then I have to decide to have sex with you or drop you?  Really?

I know from a 1970's study they found that if you spent 50 hours in total with someone, across a short period of time, you could expect to either be in bed with them or "friended".  I remember laughing at that one.  But, I observe, make measured estimates and I would guess that 50 hours was certainly true for teenagers and singles I have seen in the church through the decades.  But near as I can tell, if you truly are a nerd, it might be closer to 5,000 hours - at which point you are friended anyways so it is all a mute point.  And if you are created hopeless, well, you will never actually understand the whole perspective even if you are made aware, because it is nonsense.

So, as I thought on this, as my numb fingers worked on loosing frozen bolts (I was having to pour hot water on the nuts to help loosen them without snapping them), I realized just how hopeless natural man really is.  And oh so much suddenly made more sense.

You go to the grocery store and the magazine racks are covered with cover after cover with sex topics that are supposed to lure you into buying the magazine.  The message?  Sex is where it is at, it is what there is, good sex is the basis of your "loving" relationship, sex is how you can find  your partner, sex is how you will keep your partner (that was the list from yesterday's visit to the grocers).  Yeah, I never quite got that message before.  This is the lie being shoved down our youth's throat, this is the lie our young adults have come to believe, this is the lie that leads to broken marriages, relationships and badly damaged people whom never should have been.  It is the lie my daughter bought into, as well as her mother, it is the lie I tried to show them without success, it is lie my son and all of "his" bought into, it is the lie my two oldest daughters bought into, it is the damage that is hard to walk away from because it is experiential and therefore more true than what reality is supposed to be.

If the above paragraph describes you, I do not have an answer for you apart from walking away from that lifestyle, repenting (for real this time), and living a life glorifying to God and not your hormones.  And yeah, that is not going to be easy because you are going to be fighting a drug called sex and an evil agent whom knows exactly how to pull your strings to make you come back into the world.

So, if the nerd gathering is a reflection upon truly natural man, if the state of man is so hopeless that sex is the only thing seen as having any real value in a relationship, then it also stands to reason that natural man can not understand the pull/lure of God because it is not based on sexual tension or allure.  (Which explains oh so much about crossed wires in 2012 for me!)  And yet, there is this thing called friendship which each of the TV show's nerds have mostly attained without sexual orientation.

But, if friendship is understood, then why is friendship no longer understood within a romantic context?  A friendship, a real friendship, seems to run about three years to define and to form the commitments necessary to form long term relationships.  The time period I mentioned is from studies done through the years, it seems to have been verified by my faithless bride.  We did not have three years, more like nine months.  We met, we "knew" we were the one, we engaged, we committed religiously and she lost it before the governmental seal of approval could be applied.  So, yeah, I like the idea of three years now.  She should have been my best friend beforehand.  (Conversely, thank you God from saving me from the disaster that one would have become!  And for the record, I was doing my best to be a Godly man - apparently my best friend was not.)

And I guess that is the point of the Big Bang Theory - friendship has nothing to do with sex, sex has nothing to do with a desire for more than self satisfaction, and self satisfaction actually has nothing to with love or you - it is all about me, my desire, my satisfaction.  Yeah, the ultimate egotism ...

Historically, we can look back to the Epicurean Movement of the ancient Greek world.  Whatever the male's desire, it is good for the body, both positive and negative.  Pursue your passions with gusto because you are only going to go through life once, so grab all the life you can!

Paul did not care much for the Epicureans, the Roman empire loved them however, and with the objectification of all females - it meant all females, any female, any time, any where, were created only for your (male) use and pleasure.  That is what this pagan trend of thought leads to and will again and again and time again!

If you are male, do you honestly love and care for the females in your life?  Do you believe they were created solely for your and/or other's pleasures?  And oh by the way, you have nothing to say about some other man taking the females in your life by force for his pleasure when he deems fit ...

If you are female, how do you feel about being valued only for your ability to be part of a sex act?  We are not talking any form of love here, we are talking violence at the hands of strangers!  That is where you are headed if this trend continues.

To disagree at this point is to disagree with history, which has repeated itself many times in this regard, in various forms!

Of course, to disagree with the culture and the way it is headed is to set  yourself apart.  To make a spectacle of yourself, to draw undue attention to yourself, to invite every form of attack.

Just as discussions over the female slave trade in our culture, the concept of a female's desire for purity or commitment is not really appreciated in this male centric western culture we have created.

Face it, your body is your body, you can do as you wish with it.  But, why you would not desire the best for yourself - simply by walking away from culture and healing, then beginning to find love in earnest - defeats me.

Twenty-two And Confused

Now at lunch Monday, I fell into a conversation with this sobbing college student.  For those of you whom know me, crying female plus Kris do not mix.  Actually porcupines and your dog's face are more compatible than me when tears are involved.  But something in me was moved and I made the mistake of asking ...

Short story:

She desperately wants a boyfriend, but also knows it isn’t going to happen.  She is too busy to maintain a good relationship, insists on a solid Christian boy (like they exist!) and doesn’t want to kiss until sure he is really going to be "special" in the long run.  (psst!  how about at the altar?) !

And then this alarm clock is going off inside of her - she HAS to find him!

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah - far too much about her I would not share, TMI! and I hope I can do a mind dump and just lose it once I have written this up.  Interspersed with her above statement were perhaps three gallons of tears in there.  She was in quite a state.

Oh, did I mention that she has made it to 22 and is still a virgin?  Never had a boyfriend, never even held hands - and yes, she is more than most guys have on their list of wanna-be attributes (purely physical), has a brain and knows how to use it too, wants to do what is right by God and in tears over this exact problem!

"There are no guys!  I am going to die a ugly old virgin!"

Suddenly I was happy no creepy old guys were within earshot of that one!

So, was she willing to think, talk and work through - why a guy is so important in her life?

1. There is no one whom meets her requirements, but she still wants him. 

2. Waiting for God to pick out the perfect man, and realizes that is not what the Lord wants for her. 

So we had something to work with, God is not asking her to wait for marriage so she can have sex. He is calling her to stop waiting.  But, she has not been listening to that answer, it is the wrong one!

If God really is all you need to satisfy you, then what was she waiting for?  What is going to be better than Jesus?  She was waiting for a husband, thinking married life would be better than single life; she didn’t really think Jesus alone could be better than Jesus plus a great husband!

And a few verses come to mind:

1 John 4:17

In this love is brought to completion and attains perfection with us ...

Psalm 16

2)  I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
    I have no good apart from you.”

5)  The Lord is my chosen portion and my cup;
    you hold my lot. 

8)  I have set the Lord always before me;
    because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.

9)  Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
    my flesh also dwells secure.

11)  You make known to me the path of life;
    in your presence there is fullness of joy;
    at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

So, my challenge, was for her to continue to ask, “Is Jesus really enough? If you never got married, would your soul still be able rejoice in Jesus' love?”

And she was thoughtful.  She realized that indeed she could be satisfied in knowing that her real happiness was in Jesus and His provision for her.  Anything she did, in and of herself, was only going to cause problems and in the long term bring less than satisfactory results.

I walked with heaviness from lunch, for I remember those struggles in my own life and the years it took me to kill what was inside of me and to learn to wait upon the Lord and his provision - not my own.  It is a hard lesson and life without my Faithless Bride is so much better in the long run.

And then I was to slam right into almost the very same conversation again, within the hour!  This time, the conversation is not concluded I believe and I hope by sharing this, what I did say can be better understood by the second party today within the light of what I said on Monday.

Observing People

Sunday night, as I rode the light rail back to my town, there were lots of people to watch.  I like watching people, they are sometimes very interesting.

Well, not so funny was sitting with his back to me, due to the way the seats are located, and I am seeing this surgical scar down his neck and as far down his spine as the tee shirt would show.  I have no idea what was done to him, but as someone whom has had their spine opened up - OWIE!

Across from me was a young couple, just kids.  He showed happiness and pride being seated by her.  Her walls were completely down.  The she saw me and her walls came right back up, then down, up, down, up, she looked at me questioningly - I smiled.  Her walls collapsed and she snuggled her friend.  Very cute.  I remembered such a time.

Behind them, another young couple.  He was so far out of his league, he had not a clue.  I felt sorry for him.  Maybe 11th grade?  I shuddered, horrible years to remember.  Unlike the other young lady, this one had no warmth, nothing but walls and terror.  A wildcat completely on edge ready for a fight.

Behind them, two women.  One mid-forties, heavily tattooed, dressed in Seattle chic - 1950's garish Vogue.  The other a college student headed to the airport to catch a flight.  Tattooed lady turns out to be gay and was baiting the college girl.  Most of the conversation revolved around how horrible guys are and how they are untrustworthy soulless creatures whom only want one thing and then it is, "Hasta la vista, baby"!  I saw no reason to get involved in that conversation, I did that one once and there is no way of modifying perception I found out.

Then a blonde, guessing late 20's sat down next to me, with her sister and brother in-law, and struck up a conversation.  What over?  Life, the universe, how horrible guys are - and oh, by the way my name is, ----.  Well if she had known me then she would have understood my natural repulsion when facing a real blonde.  Yes, 40 years later and I still shudder and avert my eyes when ever I see one.  It was only through God's infinite humor He gave me three blond daughters!  I felt sorry for this one though, she has had a rough time as the scars on her arms showed.  I left without answering her as to my phone number.  Gees!

So Monday I am taking my daily short walk to my favorite Mexican eatery and I am thinking, what can I write about this week?  My mind played over the above and I quickly dismiss it.  But, lunch was to re-enforce this whole topic area to me, as you will see tomorrow, I was supposed to address this issue for a number of reasons.

Train Wreck

Last night I was just hurting too much, between my heart and my jaw, so I had dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant and was to be entertained by a train wreck occurring at the table next to me!

Guy was obviously mid forties, the girl in the course of the conversation said she was 25.  They knew nothing of the other, so I was wondering at just how did they even plan on this rendezvous?

He is married and looking for a new love interest in his life.  She is single and brought her 3 month old son along with her on the date.

They were friendly, guarded cordial, and I honestly had no idea how this was going for either one of them.  His conversation tactfully ignored any reference to the prominent child sitting in a high chair next to him and most of her attention was on fussing with her son.  She made many references to the child and never said anything concerning the father.  He made no references to his family at all.  It was weird.  I was just dying to find out how shallow could this conversation go!

Then somehow the train wreck occurred, each realizing this was just going to be a meal and nothing else, so he told her about his vacation plans for next week with his girl friend down in California and how he was looking forward to seeing her.  She ignored his entire paragraph and talked about planning a shopping trip and about child safety seats!

Yeah, you just have to enjoy a good train wreck!  You never know when they are going to crop up!

This is Reality?

Well, it is about a year since my last tale I shared with you about an observed train wreck, or better known as the first date from hell.....

Friday night I took Gaelic Girl to Outback steakhouse for dinner.  She is sort of talking to me, not really, but I hoped a steak might brighten her up.  She chose chicken and I knew no mood changes were to be expected, so my mind wandered to the table next to ours, a first date from hell was occurring and I almost got up to have a talk with the guy.  Yeah, he was that out of control and really needed a brick upside the head.

She was dressed in jeans, grey sweater, modest.  He had not accomplished the act of combing his hair nor getting 30% of his shirt in his pants.  He looked like a bad tv date joke.

She had a very pretty face, however he would not have known, his eyes were riveted to her chest, where she had been cursed by what will be causing massive back pain in a few years!

They ordered drinks, he had downed his pina colada and ordered another, faster than she could take a sip from hers.  Within minutes the effects were to tell.

Conversationally, they started out with which cell phone was better.  He then named one of her breasts for one brand and then the other for the other.  And each time that brand was mentioned he would make a grab for that breast!  She was a skillful dodger.

Failing this, they then moved on to playing some trivia game.  There was some question about some a tv show and he commented that only an imbecile would have known the answer to that question.  It was her favorite show apparently.  After a few more like that situation, he wrestled the device away from her and played some game by himself, while he told her about how smart he was (not!) and should be that millionaire show.

Dinner came and was eaten without comment.  He then told her that he would be driving them to the theather and she told him that was alright, she would drive herself.

And at this point I had to laugh because it was very plain, he would be waiting in line for her for a very long time at the theater.....

Don't you just love train wrecks?

And you really have to wonder how he has managed not to show up on the Jerry Springer Show, yet.

A Shooting Hits Too Close To Home

If you are a long time reader you know that the travails of my teenage son have driven me to distraction over the past 18 months.  Pretty much he has been in fail mode for the whole of this time and I am at the point where nothing would surprise me any more - I thought.....

So, Friday night he and his friends all decided to go out on a group date.  What?!?!?!? My son is going to do something right for a change?  Yes, indeed, it seems he is starting to think about past failures and actually changing behavior to what that "grumpy old man" told him was the way to do things.

But, the night did not go too well.  Since I already have heard this on the international news services, in all likelihood, you have heard about this already, as well.  You also probably saw his last ex-girlfriend being interviewed!  ( I miss her she is a sweet kid....)

So, son comes home from having watched, The Tower Heist, with his coed group of friends and is pretty chipper.  He roams off to play video games - I retire to my continued codeine haze for the past two weeks.

A little past two in the morning, he is on the phone with one of the "hotties" of the group when she is killed by a hail of bullets.

Seems she went over to a local parking area, down by the water, nice area actually.  But, still what was she doing there at 2am?  Yeah.  In any event. two gangs got into a shouting match and one group decides to teach the other a lesson and pump some rounds into the cars in the parking lot.  No one apparently knew the girl was in the car - she took four rounds.  Loud mouth from the unarmed group caught one round when he dove behind the car.  Shooters take off, unarmed group calls the paramedics and the police, then they find the girl.

I am hoping son sees this as a wake up call - that trash talking others can have dire consequences.  At least I hope he learns a lesson from this.....  And like so many kids around here, she really could have used a relationship with Jesus.  Sigh.

As for the kids around here, they are all in a bit of shock.  Many knew her, heavens, even I had run into her several times in the past few months.  I was really surprised when I saw her picture on the news yesterday - I did not know her name, she was just a nice, normal kid.

Simply amazing.

Happy, Angry, Sad.....

Stumbling around on my my computer today and found pictures of my first three girlfriends on the internet!  Wasn't exactly looking for them but it was one of those "guess whom has been searching for you on the internet" things.  Just for laughs I clicked the button.

So, I am HAPPY to have found pictures of them, as I did not have a camera that film was available for here in America (closest thing was a 136 and no longer made when I came over), so no photos or really bad ones from friends.  ANGRY because this stirred up a great many memories for me.  And SAD because, well, I hate losing friends and each was very special in my life.

And throwing caution to the wind, as I do try and respect people's privacy:

HAPPY - This is Helen.  She was my first girlfriend and the only one through all of high school whom pretty much would even talk to me.  I thought life would have kept us together.  I guess I was wrong, we were both young and idealistic and probably stupid as well.  Lesson: long distance relationships do not work - was driven home terribly hard.  It did not help that her older sister became my father's seventh wife - though I never saw her again as it was.

Seeing this picture really has cut into my heart.  I guess unresolved wounds really do not go away.  I trusted her unconditionally and never had the chance to really get to what did happen to have sucked her into the arms of another.  I am sure it was for the best, the whole father marrying her sister thing really would have made for a real mess a decade later!

Thirty years later my father went way out of his way to try and get me to call her and see if she would have me back.  I can't think of why he did this, unless it was some form of dementia setting in.  It is possible she never wants to see or hear from me again!  But, I still covet her friendship, if that ever should happen again (pssst! I am on facebook!).

ANGRY - Second up and several years later was Deborah.  You know her as the Swedish Model in this blog.  This probably is the WORST photo I have ever seen of her!  She really did not look much like this at all and I think this must have been taken from her driver's license!  And yes, she really is Swedish and was a model, as was her mother on both counts!

We met at her church, I had popped in for Sunday services and something "happened".  I think if she had looked like this, nothing would have ever "happened"!  LOL!  I was very happy with my bachelor status, was not looking for anyone in my life.  Somehow, with neither of us even trying we captivated each other.  But, her parents hated me - I was German and had no understanding of their customs or Christian ways.  I was just barely even a Christian myself!  And having now been a father of three daughters, I guess I can better understand their reaction to me - especially if she was anything like my daughters at home!

Well, enough said about her, her story is documented elsewhere in this blog.  Lesson: females are fickle and never to be trusted with your heart.....

SAD - Which brings us to Patricia.  Poor Patricia, she had the worse of it from me.  My heart was destroyed by the two women I had trusted and there was nothing left.  Our parents were actually behind this mess up - they decided that we would be great together.  From father's stand point I was Hapsburg/Kyburg and titled, she was House of Burgundy - so, close enough for government work!  Unfortunately, I doubt Patricia really liked men, she trusted me and thought me an oddity, but no there was no love in her for me.  And as I said, my heart was dead.

We did not exactly part company on very amiable terms, for which I am eternally sorry.  I really did want to be her friend but she had these ignoble ideals about men and I just got tired of fighting with her.  It was so bad that believe it or not I never talked to another blonde woman again!  Yeah, it was in God's humor he gave me two blonde daughters to adopt and then a "pseudo-blonde" internet friend whom was to be very pivotal in changing my life.

As for Patricia, we are again friends albeit on FaceBook anyway.  I guess she has gotten beyond the problem and I look forward to seeing her again one day - without all of the "pressure".  Was there a lesson to be learned from my relationship with Pat?  Yeah, do not let parents interfere with your love life!  Sheesh!

As I think about on all of these young women, they all had the same traits in common: strong willed, self assured, very intelligent.  They had their difference too: Helen was musically gifted, Deborah was an artist and Patricia super organized (think of administrator type!).  And they all had the same problem: incredibly low self esteem.  Honest I do not know why any of them should have - they all had way too much going for them!

Well, I am past the memories now and can get on with my day.....
:^)

First Dates

I know I  have mentioned in the past first dates I have observed, especially the train wrecks I can observe in progress!

So, I am at an Italian restaurant and absentmindedly was at first listening to the conversations around me.

At interesting Table 1, was a conversation about Europe and travels there.  Sort of interesting.  But, then I grew up there and been there, done that!   But, still it is interesting to hear other's opinions......

Table 2, was the most fascinating.  Obviously, they met online and were completely incompatible!  I have to admit it was better than watching a TV soap - since after all it is real life!

Back to T1, a discussion over German mentality versus French.  I think their information was based on Rick Steve's - uhm, ideas.

Over at T2, train wreck almost instantly - she is now talking about her father's pickup truck.  Think color, options, 4x4, upholstery, etc.

T1 has now decided they like the French better since Germans are stand-offish!  But, they stumble on the question of Spain versus Italy.  Of course, Italian waitress comes over to help them understand that the Italians are the most friendly of all Europeans nations.

T2 the guy is desperately trying to get past the whole size of the gas tank discussion, can he succeed and get her on to four wheel adventures?

T1, couple now agrees that they need to visit Italy.

T2, guy shifts gears to a book she has written!  Oh yeah that is why her face is familiar, I didn't realize she was local.  Guy continues to gush.

T1, it turns out that they have decided to visit Italy separately and are discussing dates so that they can avoid one another.  I didn't have the heart to tell them it is a big country and easy to miss people in!

Back to T2, girl has again taken over the conversation and shut down the guy.  But, he is completely obvious to her rejection.

Train wrecks just a blast to watch and not be a casualty from.....

MIA

So son has gone missing in action.  He has been completely successful at avoiding me so far this week.  I have not seen him at all!  I know he comes and goes, but he is being mighty evasive or perhaps sneaky because the shoe is going to drop on this one.   Eventually we will be crossing swords as I am getting the boxes for him to store or move out with this morning at Costco.  With or without his presence - he IS leaving my home and taking his deceits and lies with him.  Very sad but then being held accountable is always mighty tough - especially in a youth culture consumed with lies and deceit.  And this is the Church kids.  Just amazing.
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Of his girlfriends, for whom he has so totally hosed up his life over, one leaves in a week for California.  Her parents bought her a one way ticket and an invite not to return.  She is planning on going into some form of Marine Biology - but no matter her choices, she really needs to understand her need for God.  And I know she knows it is the right way to go but just can not TRUST.  Hopefully, in California she will be able to cross paths with someone whom can get her past the seed planting stage.

Other girl friend, might be current or old, seems to change daily from what I see on FaceBook - also really needs God in her life.  Thankfully, she has been communicating with me openly and honestly this week.  But, can I make an impact?  No idea.  And in Kris' perfect world it will be a mature Christian woman out there whom will become a part of her life and help her to understand that living by your own rules really only leads to pain and frustrations.....
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Italian Missionary Girl is leaving South Carolina and heading ------ to parts unknown.  She never was able to get the funding she needed for her second year of language school, so not real sure what she will be up to next.  I think everyone can understand in this economy the difficulty churches are having with their funding - but there is a bit of responsibility which goes with saying you will fund missionaries and then not doing so.

Just so you understand, one of her sponsors cut her from their budget in order to send a retiring music leader on a month long trip around the world, but then to further explain, she has 4 elementary aged kids - so it is just not her - it is the entire family!  Nice gift, but being done at the expense of someone whom is currently working at God's calling seems a little dangerous.
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Last year's runaway bride, finally married the guy she met on the internet and left her new husband for.  She has found life to be a bit harsher than expected.  Yeah, God really does frown on abandoning your spouse and running away to live with another.  Duh!  She knows all of this, because we even discussed this in her Sunday school class (my own runaway bride! and her demise) and yet somehow can not only justify this past year in her mind but complains that God is not doing enough to help her find a job in her new location and everything is going wrong!  To say that her parents and siblings are now in shambles of this would be an understatement.  This is the first divorce ever in their family!  If nothing else, her ex-husband has become a steady church goer I understand (and now dating one of her cousins!).  But will he find Christ though of this mess?
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Artist Girl as you remember headed back to Arizona to be with her new found friends and to get away from her now seemingly odd acting parents.  And like the above tale, is finding that life is not quite so in control as she thought it would be.  Just a guess, but what about her leaving or life in Arizona has not been truly told?  Just wondering, because when God is NOT meeting someone's needs - I have to think they are in the wrong place completely.....
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Dutchman has been having some real hardships with his company, a whole lot of non-payers have all but killed his cash flow.  This week he even interviewed with a company in Indiana about a position with them - but it seems not to have a match for either of them.  Also I can not even get him to talk about his $110m place he contracted for when we were down there several years ago.  So, I am guessing something went wrong with ????  Since it was a cash deal, paid by performance, I would have thought it safe unless the drug lords or state got involved somehow.  Whatever the problem, Ouch!

His son has been out of trouble with the law now for almost a year and still continues to work towards paying off all of the fines and lawyer's fees.  He still has one stupidity hanging over his head, which may well prove his undoing - only time will tell and some future court date.  I sure wish my son would learn from this kid's mistakes!  Cause son is making all of the same ones.....
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My last god-daughter, now 15, was released from prison and sent to juvenile detention at the end of last year.  After three months the detention center turned her over to her mother as the girl was not only too violent but also was destroying the morals of those around her!  Of course she took off, just as she had done when she was 11, at the start of this whole mess.  It took a while but I finally found her via the internet, living with a 45 year old guy and writing poetry about how horrible life is.  Now what to do?  There is already one guy serving 26 years because of her.  Please heap piles of prayer on this wayward youth!  Maybe I need an early trip home to visit a soon to be ex-frog.......  Grrrrr!
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So you can understand how filled my life has been this week!  Lots of prayer items, lots of meetings and lots more prayer!  So many seem to be so mislead by this culture and the poison if offers up so freely to destroy those too blind to understand consequences.....

But, then I have a God whom is active and does met out judgements both here and later on.  I really expect to hear of more youthful problems and that church getting whacked in the near future for their disobedience.

Because I actively do see GOD working quite visibly but unrecognized in all of these situations!  And I have to look to myself and wonder:  Where am I standing and how well am I doing?  Cause, I really would like to avoid being whacked by God ..... or is this two years of unemployment part of Kris' whacking.....?  And, what are his future plans for me?

Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah!

I have always considered this song by the Thompson Twins to be just about the worse they ever did, well next to I'm A Policeman.  Utter rubbish.  And yet, the song Lies popped right into my head this morning.....

Well, you have to understand that last week was teen drama central at my house.  There were visits from all of the girls son has been in and out of relationships with during the past year.  Yeah, toying with them it appears (my son a player?).  And the one amazing thing was that not only were their tales all lies, so were my son's!  Now try to figure that one out!  No one telling the truth? And yet, everyone so upset they had to come and waste my dozens of hours of my time!

Yeah, I know that the gift of discernment is all but dead, but these kids know me and my nose for ferreting out the truth.  And yet .....

So, today before even most people on the East Coast were up, son had already told me his last lie.  He doesn't know it but tomorrow he is off work and he is going to be either enlisting in the military or moving out.  Don't care which any more (and that really says something given my pacifistic belief set!).  I am sure he will over react and may even injure or do worse to me.  But, it is over.

The main point is that he has told me his last lie.  With me you either tell the truth or you go somewhere else and afflict someone else with your morals.

Wanted: Christian Girl

Sons latest relationship disintegrated into a two hour screaming match on the phone tonight.  I unplugged the phone at ten.  Of course, I am the evil one.

When Kris must step into Papa Bear mode, it is not pretty.

I just can not understand his problem with limiting the hunt to Christian girls only!  Oh yah, I forgot, there aren't any according to him.......

Maybe I need to post on Craigslist.

Not From Our Perspective

Last night was one of those few teachable moments I have ever had with my son.  Of course, it was over girl problems - but by extension we were also addressing the problem of allowing God to work in our lives.

Which brings to mind, John 5:19-20.  Why?

Because we often ask the wrong questions or view our lives from the wrong vantage point.  If we say, "What is God's will for my life?" or "What do You want me to do?", we are asking the wrong questions.  If you ask the wrong questions you will either not find an answer or come up with the wrong answers all on you lonesome.

The question we should be pursuing is, "What is God's will?", period!

God is always there, He is always at work, but we have to be able to know what His work is and then what part we should be playing in this work.

Yeah, I know this goes against the conventional wisdom of the American theological experience, but God's work is His and not ours.  If you are giving him a list of three girls you like and you want to know which of them is the "one" - you never will get the answer you are looking for!  You will however get plenty of wrong answers from your hormones.

As I told my son, if you want to find the girl of your dreams -   STOP LOOKING!  Get involved in what God tells you, you should be doing, for a start by knowing your Bible.  You would be amazed how you will stumble across the "right" person, when you are not looking for them but by becoming involved in God's work.

We can join in God's work because we are loved by Him.
We can join in God's work because it is based on the truth of His Word.
We can join in God's work because it is revealed by His will.
We can join in God's work because it is enabled by His power.

 But, first we must focus our attention on God, to see what He is up to and then see where we belong/should be doing.....

Papa Knows Best

It never ceases to amaze me at how my son will completely disregard all fatherly advice and willing fall flat on his face at times!  At those times it is so hard to say, "I told you so....."

Yes, his great romance is finally at a conclusion and I for one am breathing a huge sigh of relief!  She was a nice enough girl but she was not a Christian and son had no business dating her.  In the end, she just could not take him and even his borderline Christian faith (such as it is at times!).  I do feel sorry for him, but you know the Bible says Christians are not to be unequally yoked - no matter how he wants to interpret that one.

So, this gives me hope that just maybe he will be doing some growing up and next time hunt amongst the Christian girls he knows.  I know of one particularly that he ought to really be taking a strong interest in - but then again we apparently look for something different in the opposite sex.  (Yeah, I know she is not "hot", heaven forbid she actually has a brain!)

So, I will continue to pray for his continued growth in how to treat people, a hedge about his desires (heh, heh, heh) and for God's hand to be heavily on his life and leading of him.

At those teenage years so much fun from the parental perspective?

Bundling

Sunday, after church, a bunch of us went out to lunch and had an interesting conversation - where one of the men commented he had been to Switzerland once and really did not like the hotels.  Of course, I had to ask why, and he commented that there were boards down the center of the beds!

 Ah, you were in one of the Roman Catholic areas, I commented.  So, I explained what I knew of "modesty boards", which apparently was the wrong expression on my part - as I was unaware of the term "bundling board".

From there, the conversation became quite laughable and I will not attempt to repeat what had most of the restaurant in tears.  Let us just say that my trying to figure out how modesty equals bundling just did not go well, for me ....

It's said that the precedent for bundling came from the biblical story of Ruth and Boaz, in which Ruth, a young widow, and Boaz, a wealthy landowner, spend a night together on a threshing room floor and go on to become husband and wife.  Of course, they must have had greater self control than we have today, so now we need a bundling board in order to assure a girls honor.  The assumption being that there will be sleepovers!

Bundling, or bed courting, as it was also known as, was introduced to the American colonies by the early flood of European immigrants.  Doubtless, the cold, damp nights of their northern homelands contributed to its popularity.  Bundling under the covers might even have pandered to a certain Scottish thriftiness concerning winter heating bills, as an eighteenth-century ditty goes:

"Since in a bed a man and maid,
May bundle and be chaste,
It does no good to burn out wood,
It is just needless waste."

(Yeah well, I guess my sitting in the room with them, with my shotgun trained on said young man, might be considered a waste too!)

One bishop at the time is documented as having congratulated the devil for promoting bundling because it was "the smartest thing he's done since he put the snake in the garden."  For today's parents, the idea of bundling takes some adjustment.  Mom and Dad may be okay with sleepovers, but bundling adds a dimension this father would not approve of at all!

So in closing, may I share an expression from my youth, "May your board have a knot....."  Yeah, no one at Sunday's lunch got that one either but it was a knee slapper back home.

Well between the intricacies of early American dating rituals and humor, it seems that Swiss boy is not totally Americanized yet.  :^)

Remarriage

It has amazed me the sheer numbers of remarried Christian couples I have encountered. It is horrible to realize that statistically over 50% of Christian marriages will end in divorce, it is worse to realize how little concern is expressed when the Christian then remarries. But, this is what I wish to explore this time around.

When your spouse dies, Paul encourages you remarry, particularly if you are young. You don’t have to, but Paul saw no problems with your doing so.

When your spouse has left you – either through abandonment or divorce, Paul tells us to remain single in hopes of reconciling with one another.

However, in Paul’s day, it was not unusual for the husband to abandon his first wife and marry a younger woman. Notice that I did not say divorce! Yeah, if the man were to have divorced his wife, he would have to return the dowry – which he may not have wanted to do or been able to afford to do. So he would just “lose” her and go his merry way finding the next Misses.

What did Paul say to do then? You still needed your divorce paperwork, the return of your dowry and if your spouse had remarried, you were free to remarry since they have broken the covenant.

You are also not to remarry an ex-spouse if they have married someone since leaving you!

But, I look and I see a great many Christians whom are marrying divorced Christians, whose spouses are still single. Heavens, I know of Christian couples whom divorced so they could marry or at least "date" others! So, it is obvious the Church no longer understands the point of marriage is to stay committed to one and only one spouse! The lack of discretion in performing these ceremonies, exhibited by the Church, only strengthens the concept that marriage really is not as important to us as it should be!

Marriage has to be a sacred joining since God uses the image of Christ and the Church as being like a groom and bride. Unless someone wants to argue Christ is not committed to the Church or maybe only until He gets tired of our unfaithfulness! I would be hesitant to argue marriage is subject to the whims of man or culture.

If you have divorced, the only one you should be seeking in marriage is your ex-spouse. And, yes, you may well have to “pay” heavily both emotionally and mentally for what you have done. Grow up, get into prayer, get your life into order, buy some flowers and start begging for forgiveness. That goes both ways here - matter your gender.

If you have remarried un-Biblically, what are you to do? Well, you don’t run out and get a divorce that is for sure! Paul tells us we are to remained married to them, so they maybe blessed by God, through His blessing of you. You probably will get to do a little evangelism in your household. (Good luck! Talk about a hard sell.....)

God tells us He will bless the joining of two people. He will bless your marriage, but you may just not have the fullness of the blessing you might have had otherwise nor as active a witness. You also have the complications of living with the outcome of your previous marriage – children, financial obligations, the ex-spouse’s need for council, your memories, your loss of trust, anger issues, etc. An awful lot can get in the way of your happiness in a remarriage!

Divorce and remarriage is not an easy process and a bit dicey if you want to remain a Biblical Christian. Don’t compromise your testimony. Marry with the greatest of caution. Do not play the world's games - stay out of divorce court - even if you are miserable. Remain faithful to your first spouse until there is no hope of reconciliation due to their remarriage or death. Then the choice is yours – remain faithful to the vow you took or remarry, as it is in the Lord’s will - not yours or anyone else’s!

There is Hope – Tales Of Four Couples

Well, we have beaten to death the concept of non-Christian dating and marriage!  But, lest you have lost heart I want to share the stories of four contemporary couples whom did make it – from idealistic to less so….

For most idealistic – I choose Caleb.  He was interested in a girl in his high school and went to her father, asking him to allow him to date her and followed ALL of the rules.  Even when they went off to the same college, he would still call the girl’s father and ask if it was ok to take her out, as well as, a return call to let him know all was well.  Wow!  As a parent, I want this guy for my daughter!  In fact, I had sort of hoped….. :^(

Many years later they were to marry and what a testimony they have brought into the Christian community!  Yes, you can live by rules and not hormones.  Yes, you can work with parents and still have fun.  Wow!  

Next, I will pick on Josiah.  You have no idea how much I like this young man, he has that indescribable quality that says, “I am going somewhere!”.  A born leader, an observant follower, with a bit of a rebel streak in him.  He liked my Sunday School class enough - he started bringing his girlfriend, whom then started coming regularly.  I was surprised years later to find out her father was a pastor and it really was a big deal for her to be attending my class.

But, back to them.  One day, we were having a group discussion about dating and I was voicing my concerns over the youth of today – from what I observed in our church.  Out of nowhere, she says, “Actually, Josiah and I have never even held hands much less kissed.  We want our first kiss to be at the altar.”  

Whoa!  The other young women all looked at her like she was crazy, but we used her to have a talk with the high school girls later on about dating.  What a testimony she shared!

Like my first example, they too married, in what had to be one of the most humorous of ceremonies ever – and a reception involving a trampoline.  I thought I was going to be sick I was laughing so hard!  Of course, us old ones usually are forgotten by the young ones – until something comes up they can’t handle.  So, they must be doing well.

One of the most expressive young women I have ever met was Cindy.  She was short, with flaming red hair and an outspoken witness for Christ.  She also was extremely outspoken about Bud being her husband.  Bud was a few years older, an elder and unfortunately for Cindy – had no interest in her at all.  Bud dated everybody, was engaged at least three times and Cindy was constantly in a state of trauma over how stupid “her man” was!  Yah, I heard all about it, often.  I may even have permanent hearing loss from a few of those sessions!

I can remember one campout in particular we had on the Washington coast.  Bud, standing in the background, was leading a Bible study; several of us were gathered around a fire several hundred feet away.  Cindy sat with her back to him, not by design, so if you looked at her, you were also looking at Bud.  Bud had just announced, yet again, another engagement, this time to Sheila – blonde and devastating.  Cindy was outraged.

We were praying with her and attempting to offer comfort, when she turned her face towards heaven and in a rage screamed, “I am really angry with you God!”, all the while shaking one of her little fists at the sky.  Were it not so unexpected, it might have been humorous!  She then collapsed into tears for the rest of the night.  Bud never had clue.

Ok, process check here.  Bud obviously was either mistaking his hormones or infatuation for God’s leading concerning the spouse he was seeking.  He was a great man of the Word and we just could not understand how someone so obviously in touch with God, could be so blind as to how he was blocking God’s leading in this one area of his life.  But, then he liked blondes, not redheads.  He liked modeling material, not normal.

Yeah, like all of the others, Sheila literally left him at the altar and he was destroyed.  Guess who was still there waiting to pick up the pieces?  Yeah, Cindy.  They did get married sometime later, he had to learn a few things about love, Cindy already knew, and as far as I know have lived happily ever after.  (Actually, I would have made Bud suffer a little here for the years of torment though..…)

And now for Tracy , I had a real love-hate relationship with this guy.  On the one hand, he was my boss and I was sort of in training under his watchful eye at church.  I loved my job and he was very supportive.  On the other, he was a macho egotist whom I don’t think really liked his wife at all.  I would be forced to just bite my tongue (I have the scars to prove it!).  Were I older, I probably would have smacked him upside the head or at least spoken my mind – but I was afraid of losing my job.  Our relationship was not very friendly once I really knew him.

Over the three years I knew him and his wife, I was to learn that almost no aspect of his life was reasonable.  But, his wife stood behind him when a normal person would have cut and run long ago.  She loved him, he obviously had been infatuated with her when they married and was now looking for a way out.  I would read and reread my Bible nightly trying to understand him and be just unable to reconcile the Word with his life.  I was a new Christian and it simply made no sense to me!  Could a Christian - not be a Christian?

And this is why, even though married I picked him as an example.  This Christian young lady had obviously married a “Christian”.  He knew the language and could even pretend for short periods of time to be one.  But, he wasn’t.  I doubt she was actually fooled in her heart, but she had allowed herself to marry outside of her faith, and she knew she made excuses for him, in order for him to be acceptable to her at first.  But she really reaped the whirlwind, let me tell you!

And then, I was to witness God moving in this man’s life, the most frightful thing there is to see.  Tracy ’s business – a personal pride and joy for him and actually a fairly safe money generator, unexpectedly went into bankruptcy.  It surprised him about as much as anyone in the Church.  This caused the financial ruin of many of his family and friends across the next several months.  Of course, those in the church immediately stepped in to begin condemning him and his lifestyle.  

As for his wife?  She stuck by him through what had to literally be the most miserable experience possible for anyone.  Utter humiliation, treated with nothing but contempt and everyone telling her to save herself and get a divorce!  (Yah, God was not exactly the “god” of that church…..)

Then one day, about a year later, his eyes were opened and he suddenly could see everything clearly - that he was a miserable human being, much less a “christian” and he owed his wife far more than he could ever repay in this lifetime.  He repented big time, and with his wife - this time at his side, set forth upon an entirely new life together dedicated to sharing their lives and worshipping God.  Let me tell you I will never forget them standing up before the church one Sunday evening as they gave a testimony about all of the above.

Gees, it still chokes me up!

Not all mismatches end so well.  There are way too many Tracy ’s out there preying upon Christian young women.  Most of these disasters will end in divorce.  Most involve a head-strong young woman marrying a “christian” or an outright non-Christian man, whom may not even be a good pretender.  Usually this is done against the advice of everyone whom really loves the girl, though she will not listen because the “world” is against her love for this guy.  But, that really does not help her with the future choices she will now have to face and never would have been so – if she had listened to the council of her elders, family and friends.

Best bet – stay safe – stay sane – stay within your faith!!!!!!!!

(“Tracy” and “Cindy”, you know whom you really are, if you read this drop me an email…….!)

Convenience or Belief?

So far we have looked at two problems within the church today:

• The hunting of non-qualified spouses
• Marriages to non-Christians, by Christians

We justify the hunting of non-Christians through various, albeit incorrect, arguments or reasoning’s.  Rarely will you ever hear it condemned.

We justify to ourselves marriages to non-Christians or “Christians” with sometimes equally poor judgment.  Sometimes, there will even be those whom would wag their tongues behind our backs, but without an “in your face” moment – after all, they are not supposed to be judgmental.  Right?

Of course not! To NOT confront your sister or brother in the Lord is to display the worse kind of contempt, not only for them, the Lord, but also yourself.  This is called “hatred”.  Not the love you are commanded to have for one another! (disagree? look it up and read the whole passage!)

And here is where the questions comes in:

• Do you have a belief in God, in all aspects of your life - or is your faith a matter of “convenience”?
• Do you believe that going into marriage with a non-Christian, or “Christian”, is ok?  Even when your Bible tells you not to?  Then you really need to get a grip on your personal theology and start following what you claim your faith is based on!

So, if marriage to a non-Christian is wrong, then why would you consider dating non-Christians?  In Hollywood , dating is for “fun”, as a Christian, sorry but that kind of “fun” is not supposed to be in your walk with the Lord.  (yeah, I know, it is just a movie, a dinner, whatever. yeah....)

Turn off the TV, open up your Bible and start trying to understand it is not about you – it is about your testimony – it is about your service to HIM.  Try to understand that you and a non-Christian have NO basis for an understanding about life.

Of course, that is the rub here – you, as a Christian, are supposed to have nothing in common with the world and how it operates.  You are supposed to be what is different - drawing others to the Lord because of that difference.  But, if you are sleeping with the devil, where's your witness and impact?  If you would like to argue this – let me know and I will add you to my prayer list and encourage you through scripture………….

Letting God Lead

Yes, I do believe God does bring couples together for more than just ‘controlling our desires’.  Especially, when He has a ministry in mind and the couple’s combination of gifts, talents, and knowledge will be needed for success.  Also, Paul tells us some ministries require you to be married in the first place (another topic for a later time!).

I also know God does set aside some of us from marriage to be free to serve Him as required – and I have the greatest admiration for them and their faith!

I do believe that if you desire a spouse, God probably does have someone out there for you.  Difficulty is, that someone may not be quite what you are looking for or expecting – so you may well reject them without ever realizing this.  Also, they may well not wait around for you to get your act together.  Or worse, your choices in life may well leave you in a state which will make you undesirable to them!  This process is pretty horrible to view as a spectator – especially when everyone is the exception and everyone ‘knows’ what is best for them.

Tell you what, if you have a history of chasing blondes, don’t try and tell me God’s choice for you is the final blonde you settle on.  God is not that shallow, but you are.

Don’t try and tell anyone that ‘God’ has revealed your spouse to you and that special someone needs to marry you in the next 30 days because their visa is expiring.  Sorry, God is never in a rush, but you are.

Unless something is really wrong with your relationship with God, I firmly believe He is fully capable of talking to you and letting you know when you have met the ‘right’ one.  There is no need for others to reveal this to you, much less via ‘prophetic utterance’ or ‘vision’ or ‘dreams’ or whatever other such nonsense you have surrounded your faith with!  Sorry, but there is no pope of marriage, I am aware of.

(My apologies to any Catholics offended by this reference, not my intent or  point!  But, what else do you call these self styled authorities on match-making?)

Dating a non-Christian?  Playing house already?  Then it is time to give that ‘special’ someone the heave-oh and get Biblical with your faith!  Yes, being ‘alone’ is far superior to what you are doing to your life and faith!

In order to find qualified Christians, for dating, go to where Christian singles are: Bible Study, Church, various Christian events.  Do not even think of dating someone you are not 100% certain is a solid Christian first - 1% of uncertainty – too bad, so sad, bye-bye.  Of course, maybe that 1% problem can be managed or overcome, so maybe it is not ‘bye-bye’ but ‘only if fully chaperoned’.  Yeah, even if you are 50, you are still not too old for a third party to see that you and the other retain both your testimonies!

There are plenty of single Christians out there, but you have to be willing to pray, seek and wait for the ‘right’ one – remembering God probably will surprise you – in time, but not now.  

Waiting means you must be willing to live your life in such a way as a Godly candidate will want you in return…..

Unequally Yoked

This is a bad example, but:

Let us say your father tosses you the keys to the car, hands you a twenty and asks you to drive over to the local burger joint and pick him up a burger – mustard and pickles only.  He has given you everything you need, told you what to do, so there should be no problem – right?

You leave and come back with his request:

A chicken sub sandwich. Hey, it is healthier for him right?  Hmmm, but not quite what was asked for though by your father…..

Same idea is behind the question of Christians looking for their spouse.  If you are a Christian, Paul tells you to marry another Christian.  How come?  Well, think about the long term problems of being married to a non-Christian - your spouse will:

* Not want to go to church with you
* Will not understand giving, much less tithing
* Will not be able, nor want to, discuss the Bible with you
* Will die and go to Hell
* Will not agree to your child raising ideas
* Will not agree as to kinds of friends
* Will not agree as to kinds of activities
* Will not pray with you
* Will be in your face over your petty beliefs
* Truly will not understand the concept of faith
* Will eventually erode your faith down to their level

So, if being in a constant state of warfare is your idea of marriage, you will have exactly what you are seeking, because you married a non-Christian.  And you can expect a looming divorce in your future.  It is not a guarantee – but you should start expecting it now – before you get married, because it is coming.

Yah, I know, your marriage will be the one exception…..

*******************************

Paul is being far from unreasonable when he tells you, as a Christian, to marry a Christian.  He understood the power of shared prayer, shared study, shared faith.  He knew that for true “oneness” to occur, you had to both have the same basis of life - Christianity.

So many women I have known and know today, plus one guy, just do not understand this one simple verse from Paul.  Blame hormones (“He/She is so hot!”), a coddling society that allows its young the freedom to perform stupid acts (“Hey, they can get it right the next time around!”), or even an educational system dedicated to destroying your child’s belief through logic (apparently burger does equal chicken sandwich!).

No matter where you wish to fix blame – the problem is today’s Christian.  They don’t really see the relevance of the Bible any longer.  It has some great stories and many good ideas, but it just does not work in a world ruled by your hormonal needs which demand satisfaction – ‘now’.  After all, the Bible is 2,000 years old and was written to a different people, with less of an education than you have, in a very different setting, and it does have some translation problems after all.

Sound familiar?

Like it or not, believe it or not, want it or not – your opinion really has no validity here: the Bible is the standard by which you are going to be judged.  No, you are not going to go to Hell because you married a non-Christian – you just may think you have arrived there after a few years in that marriage though.  And it is not as if Christian marriages don’t have problems – they do, but if both hearts are sold out to God, there are at least a few recourses they can turn to in order to settle differences – building an even stronger marriage in the process – before complicating their lives with a divorce.

And, I offer this: if you want to have God’s blessing in your marriage and life, it is not going to happen the way it could have, when you marry that special somebody, whom is so hot, and will become a Christian later ("you just know it!").  No, in all of the cases I can think of, not a one of them became Christians after the marriage.  No standard was applied to them before marriage, so no standard would apply afterwards as well.  With one exception, all ended in divorce.  With two exceptions, none made it past 3 years even.

So, as I opened with - if divorce is what you want in your life, go ahead and marry that non Christian.  You will be getting exactly what you want and are asking for. Heck, in the end, you can always blame it on God anyways, right?

Except, you should have known better, because you have already been told - 2,000 years ago!  Just pick up The Book and start living your ‘faith’!  It is not as hard as you think.....

The Mission Field

Don’t worry, I have already heard it all before:

“There are no cute – hot – interesting - smart Christians out there!”

  

Hmmm, really?  Somewhere in your Bible, God promises you a cute – hot – interesting - smart Christian spouse?  I seem to remember Paul telling us to remain single, so as to be free to serve God – and to only marry if we are incapable of controlling our desires.  So, it appears that you are not even promised a spouse, much less a Christian one!

Of course, if you are to marry, you are to marry another Christian.  In order to do so, in this day and age, you will probably be doing your search via dating (a subject from another post!).

What I am interested in discussing this time is about “Missionary Dating”.  Yeah, you know, there is only gag-meat out there in Christian singles-land so you will need to go out and find yourself a spouse by converting them to Christianity.  A noble gesture, no doubt in your mind.

Of course, were you actually to allow God to work in your life – you might just find there is already a pretty good candidate near by – you are just too blinded by your own lack of faith to see them.  So, rather than live your life and wait upon the Lord – you go forth into the big world to discover, conquer, convert and wed that special someone of your own choosing.  And, when that doesn’t work out and ends in divorce – well it is God’s fault after all for not having brought that special someone along in the first place.  Right?

I have known a great many Christian singles and usually I bang my head on a wall and scream when they get into marriage mode.  Too many have gone the “Missionary Dating” route.  In two cases, the victim did convert and they lived happily ever after.  In the vast majority of the marriages – if it even went that far – they only pretended to convert so they could marry their pursuer.  Then across time, the victim discovered having a Christian was actually not what they had in mind at all – and they were gone – leaving one damaged Christian in their dust.  And guess what!  Everyone of them blamed God for their problems!

Why did I say, ‘if it even went that far’ above?  Well, because more times than not, they never did get married – they just ended up playing house instead.  My Bible calls this something else, but not the topic of discussion this time around.  

Main point is: rarely will you ever raise someone to your level – you will almost always be drawn down to theirs.  Yes, there are exceptions – I am pretty sure you are probably not one of them.  

Talk to me 5 years from now, if you want to argue the point…..