So it seems
It is my turn
To blow a gasket
To come unhinged
To become frustrated.
Frustrated with you
As you try to distract
As you try to defend
As you try to avoid
The growth to come.
You must grow
You must replace
Within
That which you released
To God.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Twin Worlds
I was listening to the radio on Saturday as I was going to pick up my daughter from work, and this odd song came on and I thought it might be by Sting, whose voice I find intriguing - but the words were not quite like him..... A little internet sniffing and I find this group called Gotye, the song:Just A body I Used To Know. Seems the daughters were all familiar with it and Middle Daughter even owns the album.
The song strikes a personal resonance with me because, it is my life at this time, I am trapped in twin worlds. One, the world of the past which is fading away, today is transitioning to tomorrow, yeah and there is plenty of pain to go around. Trapped between two worlds; the one my past which I have somehow outlived; the other reawakened dreams.....
I am coming to accept that it is only a miracle I lived into this year. That decision, no not even a choice, I made at the end of November to help a friend's daughter - lead to my end of life decision in January that I would do what it took to be her father. And suddenly my kidneys were restored, suddenly my liver was working, Kris appears to have survived. And yet though I live, my family died. No there were no medications or treatments and still are none. Was this the only reason I now live? For my family would it not have been better I die, than that I live and I am to be treated as a leper by them? But, my daughter found healing and love; rejection, rumor and hate. Her joy robbed from her. May Satan answer for every ugly look she has had to endure!
I long for the simpler past, for love to be restored, but that may now be lost forever. I long for the future I see. I do not understand that future it is about as confusing to me as the present has become. What has God set in motion? Or is it evil which has bewitched my past? The war within my mind and heart, each torn their separate ways, within themselves, rages and threatens to take my sanity with it.
But, a quirky video, a painful song, and a guy's voice that is too incredible to believe Having now listened to all of his songs - this is certainly the best he has done. As for Kimbra, decidedly the best she has done. Choice of video is a little weird and you would never have gotten me to do it!
The song strikes a personal resonance with me because, it is my life at this time, I am trapped in twin worlds. One, the world of the past which is fading away, today is transitioning to tomorrow, yeah and there is plenty of pain to go around. Trapped between two worlds; the one my past which I have somehow outlived; the other reawakened dreams.....
I am coming to accept that it is only a miracle I lived into this year. That decision, no not even a choice, I made at the end of November to help a friend's daughter - lead to my end of life decision in January that I would do what it took to be her father. And suddenly my kidneys were restored, suddenly my liver was working, Kris appears to have survived. And yet though I live, my family died. No there were no medications or treatments and still are none. Was this the only reason I now live? For my family would it not have been better I die, than that I live and I am to be treated as a leper by them? But, my daughter found healing and love; rejection, rumor and hate. Her joy robbed from her. May Satan answer for every ugly look she has had to endure!
I long for the simpler past, for love to be restored, but that may now be lost forever. I long for the future I see. I do not understand that future it is about as confusing to me as the present has become. What has God set in motion? Or is it evil which has bewitched my past? The war within my mind and heart, each torn their separate ways, within themselves, rages and threatens to take my sanity with it.
But, a quirky video, a painful song, and a guy's voice that is too incredible to believe Having now listened to all of his songs - this is certainly the best he has done. As for Kimbra, decidedly the best she has done. Choice of video is a little weird and you would never have gotten me to do it!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Under Pressure
So, just a warning, Kris is going to blow. Like a pressure cooker running out of water, I can see the explosion coming. The problem? I am not so sure that it is not in God's determinative will this explosion happen......
Yeah, I find myself trapped, two members warring within myself. On the one hand my natural love and devotion for my family - compromised by the hatred and rejection they have shoveled my way for six months now. The other is my obedience to God - rewarded by the love of a very sweet young lady, whom is also being damaged by my family. The natural man would love the one and throw away the other. I have been trying to hold on to both, to turn my family to see that my daughter is not a threat but one of the only positive aspects of this sick family!
They do not get it. I talked with two of the daughters this afternoon. They were uncomfortable. They recognize that they are part of the problem but they strongly feel that no one else should be brought into the family. No amount of "proof" that this is of God, rates much more than a - "Well it is nice she is getting her act together now, when is she leaving...." She is family, she is not going anywhere! My German heels are one with the Earth.
As I worked on my Sunday School lesson, borrowing a piece from long ago, I had to reword large sections concerning God's will and how He works. Yeah, I have learned painfully that God is sovereign and He will use whom He will use and how He chooses to work. If He deems you are needed to do something and it is going to cost you everything, in respect to this life, guess what He is free to do? This in contrast to my old understanding that there were some situations which were sacrosanct. He would not strip you of your family in His service, He would honor your commitments, He would work within the box you place Him.....
It is stunning to see God at work. To see the miracles, often daily. To know and witness gifts in use. To suddenly understand the concepts of time, humility, service and love. To have every understanding and perception challenged and found wanting. To knowingly stare directly into your future and not fear, because God is there. To witness the closure of my past life, knowing that God has kept me alive for this time, to witness the birth of a new life and not know where any of it is going to go..... To access a faith I never knew existed.
To the God of the universe, I yield.
Long ago, I gave myself to you, to be a servant, not understanding.
But, I am learning.
There still is no cost I will not bear.
I am yours to command.....
Yeah, I find myself trapped, two members warring within myself. On the one hand my natural love and devotion for my family - compromised by the hatred and rejection they have shoveled my way for six months now. The other is my obedience to God - rewarded by the love of a very sweet young lady, whom is also being damaged by my family. The natural man would love the one and throw away the other. I have been trying to hold on to both, to turn my family to see that my daughter is not a threat but one of the only positive aspects of this sick family!
They do not get it. I talked with two of the daughters this afternoon. They were uncomfortable. They recognize that they are part of the problem but they strongly feel that no one else should be brought into the family. No amount of "proof" that this is of God, rates much more than a - "Well it is nice she is getting her act together now, when is she leaving...." She is family, she is not going anywhere! My German heels are one with the Earth.
As I worked on my Sunday School lesson, borrowing a piece from long ago, I had to reword large sections concerning God's will and how He works. Yeah, I have learned painfully that God is sovereign and He will use whom He will use and how He chooses to work. If He deems you are needed to do something and it is going to cost you everything, in respect to this life, guess what He is free to do? This in contrast to my old understanding that there were some situations which were sacrosanct. He would not strip you of your family in His service, He would honor your commitments, He would work within the box you place Him.....
It is stunning to see God at work. To see the miracles, often daily. To know and witness gifts in use. To suddenly understand the concepts of time, humility, service and love. To have every understanding and perception challenged and found wanting. To knowingly stare directly into your future and not fear, because God is there. To witness the closure of my past life, knowing that God has kept me alive for this time, to witness the birth of a new life and not know where any of it is going to go..... To access a faith I never knew existed.
To the God of the universe, I yield.
Long ago, I gave myself to you, to be a servant, not understanding.
But, I am learning.
There still is no cost I will not bear.
I am yours to command.....
Monday, May 28, 2012
3D Versus 2D
I thought it would be interesting to revisit the Avengers' movie again, only this time in 2D.
As I mentioned earlier, in the 3D version the CGI was cartoonish and rather bad. In 2D, the animation was much better because the cartoonish product was better melded with its backgrounds!
The 3D as a product was really wasted on this movie, there just was not sufficent contrast or situations which utilized the technology well. And I expected that. Probably the only film to have ever been done well in 3D was "The Flaming Sword" and that was probably the end of the early efforts in 3D. The recent spat of 3D films in no way justify the usage of the technology - but that does not stop Hollywood's efforts to make buck with a bad product. Eventually today generation will tire of losey efforts and Hollywood will yet again abandon the idea.
So what made the 2D a better picture?
Well, you are not subjected to Scarlett Johansen's lack of a butt in 3D. Yeah, 3D of a flat surface is still 2D guys!
There were few good 3D sequences as it was.
You are not distracted by the effects and can pay attention to the story.
And it is a pretty good story even without a come-on gimmick.
My vote: excellent movie in 3D, superb movie in 2D.....
As I mentioned earlier, in the 3D version the CGI was cartoonish and rather bad. In 2D, the animation was much better because the cartoonish product was better melded with its backgrounds!
The 3D as a product was really wasted on this movie, there just was not sufficent contrast or situations which utilized the technology well. And I expected that. Probably the only film to have ever been done well in 3D was "The Flaming Sword" and that was probably the end of the early efforts in 3D. The recent spat of 3D films in no way justify the usage of the technology - but that does not stop Hollywood's efforts to make buck with a bad product. Eventually today generation will tire of losey efforts and Hollywood will yet again abandon the idea.
So what made the 2D a better picture?
Well, you are not subjected to Scarlett Johansen's lack of a butt in 3D. Yeah, 3D of a flat surface is still 2D guys!
There were few good 3D sequences as it was.
You are not distracted by the effects and can pay attention to the story.
And it is a pretty good story even without a come-on gimmick.
My vote: excellent movie in 3D, superb movie in 2D.....
Friday, May 25, 2012
Confusion
I have to admit to incredible frustration. I am surrounded by hatreds, jealousies, and works of pure evil. I do not understand. I am frustrated by this. It is confusion to my mind. My friends, whose wisdom I have sought for decades, have vanished. My family, whom are themselves all adopted - with many of daughter's same problems, and should understand, are now part of the problem. The local Christian body, where I should be able to turn for support, is gossip central - and so can not be used. This situation is confusion to those on the outside.
So, I was walking and praying as I went. "God how could this have befallen me? What have I done to have 'earned' such behaviors towards me? I have been following Your will, as I understand it. But, even that has been hampered by the fact that I have no safeties in place - there are none I can turn to, my accountability is remote, I could easy pull a fast one and no one would even notice. Of course, that is not whom I am. I have tried to be Godly, but have only met with resistance on every front (almost)." Were it not for daughter's mother, my pastor and his wife, I would truly be standing alone!
So, as I am walking along, such were my thoughts above. "God, you are not the author of confusion and yet, confusion is reigning nicely all around me!" Can confusion is be of God? I am having to even question my own knowledge of God and that of what I have been taught across a lifetime.....
1 Corinthians 14:33, which is where that quote and concept comes from, revolves around the usage of the Spiritual Gifts, that which is to be our testimony to the truth of what we present to others. No, confusion may not be found there.
Then we have James 4:13-18. Yeah, that seems to fit well with what I am experiencing! The "world' and its 'ways of doing things' leads to confusion. This is not the ways of the righteous. But am I righteous? Yeah, a whole lot of soul searching is going on.
Confusion swirls around me, it complicates all I do. The world, its understandings, being lived in the lives of those I love. There is an agenda being played out and it is not to support anything which has involved daughter - it is quite the converse - to blockade all attempts at healing her.
As I continue to read in James:
So it was refreshing to know that I have not led her sideways. Of course, there are things I can do better - and I can at least try to do better! But, over all, from her perspective, Kris gets a passing grade.
But outside of the bizarreness of Kris knowing her heart, thanks to God, God is the only one to know our heart and real desires. How is Kris really doing, that is Kris on the inside, the real Kris?
I am not confused. I continue to see the path I must take daughter down. Unfortunately, I no longer see the path where those whom stand in the away of daughter's path to healing, are a continuing part of my life. It is not a question of choosing sides or selecting one over the other, it is simply a problem of - if you are going to work against what God has called me to do, then you are part of the problem - not the solution. Sigh. But, I have not written them off yet - I will make one more appeal for their support - or to at least stop fighting her healing! Much prayer needed there.
And the confusion I have seen? Anger, bitterness, envy, strife, worldly wisdom masquerading as godly, all very devilish in nature. All what James tells me in this passage ..... And where there is envy, James also tells us, there is confusion. Yup, hit that nail right on the head!
No Kris is human, he fouls up with regularity, he does have a sin nature to battle, but conversely, what I have been facing is what is causing the confusion - the world, being lived out in the lives of those whom should be supporting and not attempting to destroy every good work.
But then, how does a worldly Christian, support was is really of God?
So, I was walking and praying as I went. "God how could this have befallen me? What have I done to have 'earned' such behaviors towards me? I have been following Your will, as I understand it. But, even that has been hampered by the fact that I have no safeties in place - there are none I can turn to, my accountability is remote, I could easy pull a fast one and no one would even notice. Of course, that is not whom I am. I have tried to be Godly, but have only met with resistance on every front (almost)." Were it not for daughter's mother, my pastor and his wife, I would truly be standing alone!
So, as I am walking along, such were my thoughts above. "God, you are not the author of confusion and yet, confusion is reigning nicely all around me!" Can confusion is be of God? I am having to even question my own knowledge of God and that of what I have been taught across a lifetime.....
1 Corinthians 14:33, which is where that quote and concept comes from, revolves around the usage of the Spiritual Gifts, that which is to be our testimony to the truth of what we present to others. No, confusion may not be found there.
Then we have James 4:13-18. Yeah, that seems to fit well with what I am experiencing! The "world' and its 'ways of doing things' leads to confusion. This is not the ways of the righteous. But am I righteous? Yeah, a whole lot of soul searching is going on.
Confusion swirls around me, it complicates all I do. The world, its understandings, being lived in the lives of those I love. There is an agenda being played out and it is not to support anything which has involved daughter - it is quite the converse - to blockade all attempts at healing her.
As I continue to read in James:
- Is there love in my heart?
- Is that love what is controlling my work with daughter?
- Is that love in support of her healing or for her?
- Have I erred in some way?
- What really are my motives?
So it was refreshing to know that I have not led her sideways. Of course, there are things I can do better - and I can at least try to do better! But, over all, from her perspective, Kris gets a passing grade.
But outside of the bizarreness of Kris knowing her heart, thanks to God, God is the only one to know our heart and real desires. How is Kris really doing, that is Kris on the inside, the real Kris?
I am not confused. I continue to see the path I must take daughter down. Unfortunately, I no longer see the path where those whom stand in the away of daughter's path to healing, are a continuing part of my life. It is not a question of choosing sides or selecting one over the other, it is simply a problem of - if you are going to work against what God has called me to do, then you are part of the problem - not the solution. Sigh. But, I have not written them off yet - I will make one more appeal for their support - or to at least stop fighting her healing! Much prayer needed there.
And the confusion I have seen? Anger, bitterness, envy, strife, worldly wisdom masquerading as godly, all very devilish in nature. All what James tells me in this passage ..... And where there is envy, James also tells us, there is confusion. Yup, hit that nail right on the head!
No Kris is human, he fouls up with regularity, he does have a sin nature to battle, but conversely, what I have been facing is what is causing the confusion - the world, being lived out in the lives of those whom should be supporting and not attempting to destroy every good work.
But then, how does a worldly Christian, support was is really of God?
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Head Games
The human mind is a wonderful product of God's design but it is also horrible in its ability to mislead us.
Father spent almost two decades torn between beliefs. One was that he was James Bond and the other that he was a retired cop from Anchorage, Alaska. The first drove my sister and I up the walls, but in his death, I find amongst his papers sufficient evidence that father was something more than just a mathematician for the government "big boom" programs. That, plus three Bronze Stars, without explanation, and the photo I found of him in Sophia, Hungary in 1956 - yeah, father did do some spying it seems. As for the Anchorage retired cop, I have no idea where that came from. Part of father's estate is four mystery novels he wrote about his "experiences" as a cop and the "ones whom got away". Yeah. He was fully convinced of this. All sorts of stories. Just bizarre.
Of course, he also believed he was Don Juan and given his eight brides, it would seem there might have been something in that as well..... LOL.
But, the point here is the ability our minds have to fully convince us of something which either is not fully true or may never have had a basis in truth, but our mind carries it far, too far. Way beyond even common sense. On the extreme edge we have almost everyone whom has either tried or succeeded at suicide. Those I have known whom did this, had all convinced themselves there was no way around the problems they faced. And honestly, if they had of talked to someone, whom understood their plight, I feel confident that they would have chosen life - even in the face of open hostility. Yes, you would be surprised at what you can survive!
I am however thinking in terms of the normal human, whose mind is allowed to run rampant upon some subject and convince themselves that untruth is truth. For father, he was James Bond. Others that they are the victim of their physical appearance: too fat, too ugly, too old, too unlovable, the converse is equally true: too skinny, too beautiful, too whatever, to justify their choices and actions. For instance, I might define myself as: too tall, too overweight, too middle aged, too stupid or too smart, too traveled, etc. I have found all of these to have been stumbling blocks at one time or another. And of course, we can let our broken natures define us as well. Although appalling, lifelong friend - the Ice Princess, whom you might remember from her wedding I posted about years ago - allowed the fact that she had been raped as a teenager to fully and completely define her. That would equate to self abuse, other's abuse being tolerated - and sought! - and many, many, other problems she mentally suffered from - her body bearing the punishment. All of them, the lies of the evil one playing in her mind and why I have been thinking on this subject.
Swedish Rocket Scientist, now retired, convinced himself that Sister Bekka was the one - she wasn't and never was, but that sure did not stop an obsession that has lasted for decades; driving him and everyone around him up the wall. She finally had to leave the country to find peace in her life! Having spent hundreds of hours with him, trying to get him to see reality and get on with his life, I and all of the others whom tried, had to admit defeat. He is still "stuck" on her and she is still not interested. Yeah, our minds can be powerful tools against ourselves. And God had a lifetime of plans for Sister Bekka that did not include SRS. Yeah, he was quite angry with God and really does not like to discuss this even four decades later!
The 2010 Run Away Bride came through for a visit last week. She is still of an opinion that abandoning her husband was the right thing to do. It angers her that her family remains on his side of the divorce issue. It angers her that nothing is going right in her life. Yeah, she knows God does not approve and is getting in her way, but such is the power of our minds. We can stand against God and still expect to have our way. I told her she already knows right from wrong and although having convinced herself that her side is the correct side, that just does not make it so. It will only get worse for her until she gets off of her horse and asks God for His forgiveness and help. I dare say that when that happens, she will experience a flood from family and friends waiting for her to return.
Although both of the examples I used involve affairs of the heart, I could use others: Dutchman's intrigue with land speculation; my son's obsession with scooters and breaking the law; etc. Our minds can convince us of almost anything to justify what our opinions are or our desires - fulfilled or otherwise.
Unfortunately, I am of the opinion that this is the normal nature of things in the human experience. How do we know what is of God and what is not? Well, I always went with the idea that if I could reasonably think of it - then it was not of God. But since God has seen fit to give this sociopath an emotion, it has gotten a whole lot harder. Emotions are mighty powerful agents for misleading ourselves with! Now, I can see that you really need to know your Bible and understand how God really works before you can judge yourself as to what is God's Will and what is not. And some times it makes no human sense at all.....
As I contemplate this, I am reminded of all of the times the Bible mentions a strong delusion overcoming the hearts and minds of the masses; in particular an upcoming one wherein a charismatic man will attempt to ascend either a throne over the entire world (or just the middle east, either could be argued effectively). But, it is easy enough to find plenty of Old and New Testament examples!
Strong delusion, obsession, believing a lie - when the truth is there in plain sight. Yeah, I think we all fall for that one on occasion. Fighting God though? Bad idea, at least for the God I know.
Father spent almost two decades torn between beliefs. One was that he was James Bond and the other that he was a retired cop from Anchorage, Alaska. The first drove my sister and I up the walls, but in his death, I find amongst his papers sufficient evidence that father was something more than just a mathematician for the government "big boom" programs. That, plus three Bronze Stars, without explanation, and the photo I found of him in Sophia, Hungary in 1956 - yeah, father did do some spying it seems. As for the Anchorage retired cop, I have no idea where that came from. Part of father's estate is four mystery novels he wrote about his "experiences" as a cop and the "ones whom got away". Yeah. He was fully convinced of this. All sorts of stories. Just bizarre.
Of course, he also believed he was Don Juan and given his eight brides, it would seem there might have been something in that as well..... LOL.
But, the point here is the ability our minds have to fully convince us of something which either is not fully true or may never have had a basis in truth, but our mind carries it far, too far. Way beyond even common sense. On the extreme edge we have almost everyone whom has either tried or succeeded at suicide. Those I have known whom did this, had all convinced themselves there was no way around the problems they faced. And honestly, if they had of talked to someone, whom understood their plight, I feel confident that they would have chosen life - even in the face of open hostility. Yes, you would be surprised at what you can survive!
I am however thinking in terms of the normal human, whose mind is allowed to run rampant upon some subject and convince themselves that untruth is truth. For father, he was James Bond. Others that they are the victim of their physical appearance: too fat, too ugly, too old, too unlovable, the converse is equally true: too skinny, too beautiful, too whatever, to justify their choices and actions. For instance, I might define myself as: too tall, too overweight, too middle aged, too stupid or too smart, too traveled, etc. I have found all of these to have been stumbling blocks at one time or another. And of course, we can let our broken natures define us as well. Although appalling, lifelong friend - the Ice Princess, whom you might remember from her wedding I posted about years ago - allowed the fact that she had been raped as a teenager to fully and completely define her. That would equate to self abuse, other's abuse being tolerated - and sought! - and many, many, other problems she mentally suffered from - her body bearing the punishment. All of them, the lies of the evil one playing in her mind and why I have been thinking on this subject.
Swedish Rocket Scientist, now retired, convinced himself that Sister Bekka was the one - she wasn't and never was, but that sure did not stop an obsession that has lasted for decades; driving him and everyone around him up the wall. She finally had to leave the country to find peace in her life! Having spent hundreds of hours with him, trying to get him to see reality and get on with his life, I and all of the others whom tried, had to admit defeat. He is still "stuck" on her and she is still not interested. Yeah, our minds can be powerful tools against ourselves. And God had a lifetime of plans for Sister Bekka that did not include SRS. Yeah, he was quite angry with God and really does not like to discuss this even four decades later!
The 2010 Run Away Bride came through for a visit last week. She is still of an opinion that abandoning her husband was the right thing to do. It angers her that her family remains on his side of the divorce issue. It angers her that nothing is going right in her life. Yeah, she knows God does not approve and is getting in her way, but such is the power of our minds. We can stand against God and still expect to have our way. I told her she already knows right from wrong and although having convinced herself that her side is the correct side, that just does not make it so. It will only get worse for her until she gets off of her horse and asks God for His forgiveness and help. I dare say that when that happens, she will experience a flood from family and friends waiting for her to return.
Although both of the examples I used involve affairs of the heart, I could use others: Dutchman's intrigue with land speculation; my son's obsession with scooters and breaking the law; etc. Our minds can convince us of almost anything to justify what our opinions are or our desires - fulfilled or otherwise.
Unfortunately, I am of the opinion that this is the normal nature of things in the human experience. How do we know what is of God and what is not? Well, I always went with the idea that if I could reasonably think of it - then it was not of God. But since God has seen fit to give this sociopath an emotion, it has gotten a whole lot harder. Emotions are mighty powerful agents for misleading ourselves with! Now, I can see that you really need to know your Bible and understand how God really works before you can judge yourself as to what is God's Will and what is not. And some times it makes no human sense at all.....
As I contemplate this, I am reminded of all of the times the Bible mentions a strong delusion overcoming the hearts and minds of the masses; in particular an upcoming one wherein a charismatic man will attempt to ascend either a throne over the entire world (or just the middle east, either could be argued effectively). But, it is easy enough to find plenty of Old and New Testament examples!
Strong delusion, obsession, believing a lie - when the truth is there in plain sight. Yeah, I think we all fall for that one on occasion. Fighting God though? Bad idea, at least for the God I know.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Vision
No I am not a "charismatic", in fact I am about as non-Pentacostal a person you will run into. However, I do acknowledge that God has the authority to do whatever He wants.....
So, I was praying on Monday night with daughter. Things are so horrible that honestly, if he could rapture us both I would vote for it! But, of course, we are going through this for some distant purpose, so one must grin and bear it as they say.
And as I was praying for protection from the evil which surrounds us, I suddenly had a vision.
Now mind you, when I was first a Christian there were a few and then they seemed to have tapered off. Which is fine. I really get upset when I am suddenly not seeing what is on the road before me or on my dinner plate, etc..... But, with new daughter in my life it has begun again. Mostly it is stuff to do with her that was needed to prove God's point to her.
So, there I was in prayer, praying for protection and suddenly I was somewhere else. It was an old abandoned place. Very dusty, dirt everywhere. And unseen hands lifted a targe (special kind of shield) form the dirt and shook it off. There was some sort of embellishment on the face of it. Then it passed over me, completely covering both me and daughter. And I knew we were indeed shielded from what is going on around us.
Now, if only hearts could be changed.....
Yeah mighty rough when the situation dictates silence because even the pastor, though amazed, could barely believe what God is doing in daughter's life. So that has not translated well with friends and family. Apart from daughter's mother, the pastor and his wife - it is father and daughter versus the world..... But, I am pretty sure we survive.
So, I was praying on Monday night with daughter. Things are so horrible that honestly, if he could rapture us both I would vote for it! But, of course, we are going through this for some distant purpose, so one must grin and bear it as they say.
And as I was praying for protection from the evil which surrounds us, I suddenly had a vision.
Now mind you, when I was first a Christian there were a few and then they seemed to have tapered off. Which is fine. I really get upset when I am suddenly not seeing what is on the road before me or on my dinner plate, etc..... But, with new daughter in my life it has begun again. Mostly it is stuff to do with her that was needed to prove God's point to her.
So, there I was in prayer, praying for protection and suddenly I was somewhere else. It was an old abandoned place. Very dusty, dirt everywhere. And unseen hands lifted a targe (special kind of shield) form the dirt and shook it off. There was some sort of embellishment on the face of it. Then it passed over me, completely covering both me and daughter. And I knew we were indeed shielded from what is going on around us.
Now, if only hearts could be changed.....
Yeah mighty rough when the situation dictates silence because even the pastor, though amazed, could barely believe what God is doing in daughter's life. So that has not translated well with friends and family. Apart from daughter's mother, the pastor and his wife - it is father and daughter versus the world..... But, I am pretty sure we survive.
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